Help . . . As Close As a Prayer

When Derek was Bishop there were Sundays when he would be gone from around 6:30 a.m. until 5:30 or 6 in the evening.  He was busy fulfilling his calling, and that left me to take care of responsibilities at home.  I have six children.  I worried often that somehow I would not be enough, and they would not like church, or would not gain the testimonies they need because somehow I was lacking.  I wrote in my journal about a couple of those hard Sundays when I was given the blessed reminder that there is help that is as close as a prayer.

After what I called in my journal a "fairly normal day of church and choir" I talked about trying to go over Personal Progress with my girls, and working on Faith and God with Connor (both programs from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to help children develop their faith and testimonies).  Tia was supposed to help me with dinner and we didn't have the right ingredients, and everyone, including my little boys, seemed to be around me needing something from me.  I felt overwhelmed, and inadequate.  I retreated.  I went to my room and closed and locked it, and then went in my bathroom, turned on our rather loud fan, and locked that door too, just for good measure.

I knelt on the little rug on the tile floor and cried, and prayed.  There was just me.  I knew I couldn't help everyone all by myself but I was the only parent available.  I didn't feel smart enough, or have enough energy!  How could I handle all of those eyes looking at me and needing something?  And then to my mind came a reassurance.  Heavenly Father needed Derek elsewhere but He would not leave me alone!  It was like a window opened and I knew exactly what I could do to handle the needs of my children that day.  With that knowledge came the energy to carry out the plan, and more importantly the reminder that I am not alone, and had not been abandoned.  The help I needed was just a prayer away!