Hold Fast To That Which Is Good

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

 I write most days so that I can create the day I want in advance -- or at least how I want to show up in the day whether things go like I expect or not.  I use the rules of words which are:  

1. Use 1st person  

2.  Use present tense  

3.  Claim what you want  

4.  Avoid trigger words -- words that bring negative feelings  

5.  Use power words -- words that motivate. 

 I want to share something I wrote.  I hope you will find what you need to lift any heaviness and at least bring a glimmer of light into any darkness.

"I am writing and remembering that I am Sisu.  I am sure, radiant, strong and unwavering.  I love God and people and He loves us.  He holds us in the palm of His hand.  I will trust in Him and not be afraid.  He can bring light into the darkest times and give beauty for ashes.  He is my friend and there is beauty everywhere and in everyone to remind me of Him.  I will hold fast to that which is good and rejoice in my Savior."

A Word For Me: Sisu

Photo by Nathan Jennings on Unsplash
The Lord Is My Light

 I have learned to write, every day if possible, my I am statement, which I make up and change from time to time.  For a while I had a really hard time coming up with something I was happy with.  I changed things every day, at least a little.  I finally realized that I had started feeling sorry for myself and fallen into victim mode.  Woe is me!  I needed to be a creator.  I needed to decide how to handle my challenges instead of just reacting to them.  I was still struggling with my I am statement though, until Derek suggested a Finnish word.

Derek went to Finland on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when he was 19 and he told me that the old timers in Finland would describe their ability to stand through challenges, and even thrive, as Sisu.  He explained it well, and I looked it up.  Sisu is a way of being, kind of like the Danish Hygge that is so popular.  So, I chose Sisu as a part of my statement.  The rest I chose because our world can be confusing and there are so many questions I don't know the answers to yet.  If I focus too much on those questions, and the hardships of life, I start to feel like I'm on shaky ground.  I can start to doubt God's love and to question His plan.  I want to be very deliberate in choosing what I believe and in choosing faith.

My statement is:  "I am Sisu:  Sure, Radiant, Strong, and Unwavering"

I put each of the four words in a quadrant and found a few scriptures and songs with lyrics that would help me stay on a firm foundation.

Spiritual:  Sure

I believe and am sure that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God and He loves every person beyond measure.  (John 6:68-69)

(This helps me remember who to look to for help and how much He loves me and others.  When I do this I can show up as a faithful, and loving daughter of God)

Social:  Radiant

This little light of mine.  I'm gonna let it shine.

(I want to be a light that draws people to the Savior so they can have the love and help they need)

Physical:  Strong

The Lord is my strength, song, and salvation.  He makes my feet like that of a deer and helps me soar on wings like eagles.  Isaiah 12:2, Habakkuk 3:19, Isaiah 40:31

(I am strong when I rely on the rock of my salvation.  He can help me know what to do to strengthen my body so that I can "run and not be weary, and walk and not faint".  He can lift me when I am down and help me to soar like eagles.

Intellectual:  Unwavering

"No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I'm clinging.  Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing?"  by Robert Lowry 1869

(When I am calm, I am able to be inspired and know what I can study and share that will be helpful.)

I hope you will be motivated to come up with your own inspiring I am statement.  Something that can help you feel the strength you have through Christ.

Love from,

Sher

Photo by Derek
Picture by Dan
Me being surrounded by God's love and radiating it to those around me.

Deliberately Create Your Story

Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

PEACE

This week has been quite stressful and I thought I was handling it all pretty well, and then bedtime came around again last night, and suddenly I felt a lot of stress myself.  I felt it in the pit of my stomach.  I started feeling like I'd messed up somehow to my family's detriment.

I start going into "What if" mode.  What if I were more inspired or determined?  What if I had said...?  What if I had done...? What if I had played with my kids more, or handled my own emotions better when they were little, then would they have been able to avoid some of the hard things they deal with now? I then start assigning thoughts to other people.  Derek probably thinks ....  The kids probably think....  

Inspiration came from remembering a thought I had read this week.  The truth is, when we assign thoughts to other people, we are usually projecting our own thoughts onto them.  I was the one thinking that if only I were better my family members wouldn't be having such a hard time.  (What power that assumes I have!)  I was the one assigning thoughts to those around me.   Those were my thoughts and even if those thoughts were true, I couldn't really know it.  I don't read minds!

Then I realized something else.  I can choose to believe that I have done the best I can.  It is true.  I would never intentionally harm anyone!  I can even choose to believe that their lives are, and have been, better with me in it.  I can choose to create my day not on the imagined thoughts of others, or even on my own negative thoughts, but on what I want to be and do.

After I realized those things the weight lifted.  I still didn't sleep all that much, but I felt peaceful.  I can't live to please everyone else, or to solve other people's problems.  I can't go back and change anything.  I can't make anyone think what I want them to.  I can live to create the most loving version of myself possible with the clear realization that I, and everyone else, are "perfectly human" and so we are going to mess up.  We each get to choose how we show up for ourselves and with other people.  We get to choose how we react to our challenges and the challenges of others.

Today I am choosing to focus on the good and to be thankful for how my family takes care of each other.  I have chosen to create the best day I can, and to do my best to let go of what doesn't work just how I wish it would.  I am the creator of my story, and being a creator is a powerful way to live.

Yes, And -- People Are Afraid

YES the world can be scary, AND there is beauty in it.

Today I have been thinking about how fear is ruling a lot of conversations and turning what should be discussions into shouting matches, or name calling, or worse.  I doubt people are even aware that fear is what is behind what they are saying.  I'm sure most of us humans feel like we are standing up for what is true, or right, or even safe.  The problem with that kind of standing up for "truth, right, and safety" is that it creates an even larger divide, and therefore a bigger problem.  To have a true discussion we need to go into a conversation thinking that there is a possibility we might learn something.  We also need to realize that there is power in "Yes, and..."

Do people say mean and hurtful things?  Yes, and nobody on this planet is all bad.  Do our leaders sometimes do things we don't agree with and that are bad?  Yes, and they also do things that are good sometimes!  Does our country seem to be headed towards an even bigger divide instead of unity?  Yes, and if we can see the fear behind the yelling, and really take the time to listen, there is hope.  When we understand each other we will be able to let go of fear and find ways to compromise that allow each person safety and hope for a brighter future.

If someone yells at us, or calls us names, we can get really curious about why.  I suspect that under all of their unkindness and bluster is fear.  We can say "YES, I disagree with you, AND I don't appreciate being called names, AND I want to understand why you feel so strongly about your opinion.   And then we can listen.  Really listen to understand and not to change their opinion.  If nothing else, hopefully they will feel like their opinion matters, and more importantly, they matter.

Pain, Patriots Day, and Praise

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Yesterday Charlie Kirk was killed at UVU.  Today is the anniversary of the terrorist attack on the U.S. that killed so many.  There is so much pain in the world, and yet there is good too.  I drove to the store today and saw many places that were flying, or displaying the stars and stripes -- the U.S. flag.  It reminded me of the much too short season after the terrorists attacks when it seemed like our country was united.  We had a common enemy, a common sadness and fear.  We lived in a country of freedom and were united against tyranny.

We still have a common enemy, and that is hate.  Hate brings fear, and division, and violence.  That enemy is conquered by love.  Love listens to understand, love knows that it is okay to be different and that compromises can only come if we take the time to talk to people, and listen.  Especially listen.  Let us unite behind the banner of freedom to love, help, understand, and forgive.

I have a vision statement that I write most days.  I change it occasionally and recently added "I praise God in every situation."  This statement has been a good reminder when hard things, or difficult feelings crop up.  There is always, always, something to be thankful for, which means there is always something to praise God for.  I praise Him for people who rush into danger to help.  I praise Him for all of those who reach out in love to those who are hurting.  I praise Him for the freedom to choose, which is also the freedom to learn and grow and forgive.

Today there is pain, grief, and loss.  Today there is also love, hope, and healing.  I choose to praise God for love, and for all who choose love over hate.

March and April 1981

Photo by Elizabeth R. on Unsplash
Sadly, I do not have a clear memory of what my Pepper looked like.
I believe he was blue.  He was a friendly parakeet!        

"We are for sure moving in June (to Missouri).  We hope the first week in June.  M. and L. and K. were upset but they got over it."

"I went through half my closet last Monday.  I threw out lots of junk and ended up with 1 box of stuff (Not counting my stuffed animals). [There were probably at least 3 boxes of those!]

"We went on a trip to Missouri the Friday we got off for Spring break.  It was weird, on the way up we got hit in the back of the car by some drunk guy who was crazy.  It scared me to death but he left.  Then we got lost and drove around for an extra hour.  But when we got there it was ok.  We had a fine trip back but when we got back Pepper [my bird] was not in his cage.  And I did not hear him upstairs.  I was literally panicking and crying because I knew he either got away or died and sure enough Mom and Tina found him.  I don't know for sure how he died I just know I miss him terribly and I cried real hard most of the night and the next morning.  I then kneeled to pray.  I prayed that He [God] would please bless him in heaven and me to get over him being not here.  I also prayed that He would help me stop crying ... I know that was one of the most sincere prayers I ever prayed."

...I loved him [Pepper] and I still think Heavenly Father sent him to earth to be my friend and companion during hard times and now (I think he was brought to our house in 1977) that  things look better He [Heavenly Father] took him [Pepper] away to help someone in heaven and now to end this page I'll tell him one more time.  Pepper you're a good sweet birdy!!

*Pepper was a blue  (I think) parakeet who used to walk on the floor sometimes like he was human and who landed on the cat's head once -- Yikes!  He liked to ride around on my head and was with me as presents were handed out on Christmas.  

February 1981 -- 13 Year Old Sadness

This is 1986 at my BYU dorm.  I am holding Ben, my best friend bear.
He was a gift and I loved him.

 "...I'm sad nobody hardly seems to care if I'm alive or not.  I don't see how people kicked out of their homes ever survive.  I doubt I could.  It's bad enough when you think that your little sister thinks you're just a no good teenager who likes to boss people around and not be bothered.  A little brother who probably thinks you to be all too worrysome, bothersome, careful about her stuff, an older sister who probably thinks you brag too much, you are just one big braggy show off and a big brother who, well I don't know, but if I guess he's pretty kind usually.

"Mom and Dad, they're too busy to notice I cry every night, well that's not their fault it's mine.  I do that so as not to bother them with my problems, as if they didn't have enough, I think they have too many, as for myself I don't think I brag.  If I do I don't mean to, I just do my jogging etc. to benefit my own self.  I do like to be careful with my stuff.  I don't mean to boss people around when and if I do I try my best to recognize my faults and correct them.  I've got a number of them I know.  I tend to talk before I think, I don't say morning prayers enough, I am not as good of a leader as I should be, I don't write in my journal enough.  I tend to get grouchy easy and it takes too much to make me happy.

I've heard that Mom and Tina (probably others think the same) think that I'm crazy to treat Ben [my stuffed Teddy Bear] and my stuffed animals the way I do.  I pet them and talk to them.  I listen, they listen when I'm happy they're happy, when I'm sad they're sad." [I then wrote a whole letter that, in a dream, I apparently left when I ran away, which I point out I'd never do.  The letter tried to explain that Ben was a great secret keeper, and listener and was whatever I needed him to be].

"My journal is like Ben, only I write in words to and in it.  I love you Mom, Dad, Tina, Raymond, Jenny, Brian, and I will always.  I hope you always know and understand that."

"I will close telling you Mom is the new seminary teacher.  I know she will do well".

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out
on Unsplash

 Dec. 10, 1980

"Today was pretty good but later in the day M. started cussing at me then I got mad and kept my mouth shut (but she still was mad).  I think she thinks cuss words make her terrific and make her look better, however not so with me."

Dec. 13, 1980

"Today all I did was clean house, do toothpaste caps [a business my Uncle H.D. had that allowed us to earn money], and carry wood.  And watch TV (a Christmas special) Perry Como did it in Bethlehem"

Dec. 14, 1980

"Dad talked to us we all cried.  He doesn't think he's being as good of a father as he should...but he is.

...He said we should think about the good in life not the bad - to count our blessings on paper which I'll try to do tomorrow."

"Dec 15, 1980

"Dad left - I wish he could have stayed with us - forever - ohh I hope we will be able to in heaven."

Dec. 16, 1980

"It's late so all I have time to write is a few more of my blessings I have come to appreciate Faith and Prayer are two - we have practiced this a lot lately and have come to appreciate them."

Dec 17, 1980

"...a few blessings I have come to recognize.

1.  Love in the family

2.  Sharing

3.  Giving

such things to do with Christmas"

Dec. 18, 1980

"if there is any thing I've realized tonight it is this...

No matter if I've got an F in Algebra and a B in band I've still got friends that really care who will support you no matter what happens or how dumb you seem to be and also your family helps."

Dec. 19, 1980

"...the blessing I recognized most were that of friends and family who can make a big difference in your life."

*To wrap up December, we opened our presents on Christmas Eve this year because we were going to My Grandma C.'s on Christmas.  I got an electric blanket which was "such a nice thing"  and "warm!"  This was a hard year financially for my parents and I am pretty sure our Christmas was made possible by a thoughtful check in the mail, likely from my Aunt and Uncle in Missouri.  I'm sure needing that check was hard for my parents, but I remember being grateful for the kindness and love of sweet relatives.

Saudi Arabia, and The Hair Care Lady

 December 3, 1980

This is the picture that I associate with "The Hair Care Lady"

"Dad got an offer for a job and if he takes it we will be living in Saudi Arabia for two years on the way home to America after that we might could see Germany, Switzerland etc.  We could see Jerusalem too while there.  But that's a maybe.  If we went the house would be furnished - maybe even the furniture - It would be sooo neat! But I'll find out this weekend and I've gotta keep my mouth closed.  Well there is no time for any more - everything is the same as usual.  The Hair care lady [We had an activity at Young Women's] said my hair well I had as much hair as there was of me so I needed to wear it in braids or a close hairstyle either that or cut short.

Well gotta go Bye!

GOODNIGHT

Sherie"

*I do not remember being excited about the opportunity in Saudi Arabia, but in a later entry I do say that "I hope we go so Bad!"  We did not go and I don't even mention finding out we weren't going! 

I remember feeling like the "hair care lady" was telling me that my hair was wrong.  There was too much.  I didn't do the right hair style.  I should cut it off.  I can't say I was very thankful -- more hurt -- which I'm sure was never the intention.  I did report on December 6th that I got my hair cut along with my bangs and that I liked it -- though I was waiting to hear everyone's opinion.

December 1, 1980 -- Goals. Always More Goals!

 

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

"Today was a pretty good day everyone was in a good mood even me but you couldn't tell I was so sleepy!  Algebra even went so-so which is for for that - I'm going to do a good deed everyday completing a goal now I hope I can do it.  I did a small one today.  I wrote a note to Mom.  I hope I can get my homework done - for 2nd period tomorrow.  I'm gonna write a few goals..."

1.  Read scriptures at least ten minutes a day.
2.  Write in journal once a day.
3.  Do at least one good deed a day.

4.  Be able to get up again (stop being lazy)

5.  Always say morning and evening prayers.

6.  Do better in school.

7.  Control thoughts, actions and speech.

8.  To remember goals above

Somehow I will.

Goodnight

Adios"

[I feel like a lot of my lists of goals could be summarized in "be perfect every day" which was really not possible and so the long list didn't usually last long, but I imagine they did a little bit of good for a while:-)]

November 1980

 

Nov., Dec, January section divider.

November 5, 1980

"Reagan is our new President."

"I am sick now but am glad maybe he will get something done."

Nov. ? 1980

"We did not win over all roadshow this year (to them) to us we did win and always will be winners."

Nov. 24, 1980

"zzzzziggyzzzzziggy

Such a sleepy day the sun didn't even wake up!

[Then I write with a lot of hic-ups between words because apparently I had hic-ups all day]

"Slight ATTACKING WORKS!"

"Tina's Room -- done.  Blankets hidden"

"Raymond bombarded with pillows"

"How Fun.  Still FHE left for fun--" [Family Home Evening"]

Nov. 26, 1980

"Tomorrow's Thanksgiving we're going to watch The Sound of Music. YEAHH!  Don't know where we are going." [I did report later that we did not go to Grandma's]

Nov. 30 [A "good day" with a rather dramatic sounding entry]

"Dad left otherwise it was a good day. [Dad went back to work in a different city].  It's really time for bed- and I'd really be glad to go- except I'm so scared of tomorrow.  I really just don't know.  I dread the clash of hate and anger waiting for me at the door, or peace and love whatever they feel like - either M or K or L will be in a bad mood.  Really, I think M hates me - and for good reason and maybe K - L doesn't that's part of the reason they might dislike me.

I just don't know any more.  I admit L. and I said things we shouldn't have - and I'm sorry but OHHH

Also ALGEBRA YUKK My teacher I think hates me and must - along with everyone think I'm dumb - but for good reason - maybe I am.

I must have a little brains in me - I wish I could understand everything well maybe someday - and I wish - well I do (have someone to really talk to)"

*I think it's interesting how often I throw around the word hate.  I can't imagine that anybody actually hated me, and I also don't think I was dumb, except that I called myself that a lot!  Ah the drama of a teenage girl!

A Letter From My Dad

I love this picture
of my Dad because
he is so happy.  He
loved playing with my
kids when they
were little!

As I read this letter that my Dad sent me, I was wishing that I had memorized it, and kept it in the forefront of my mind, especially as an older teenager.  I love my Dad.  He gives great hugs, and always wants to do what is right.  I always knew he loved me, but somewhere along the way, I decided I wasn't quite living up to the person he wanted me to be and he was disappointed.  He he told me all of the good things in words long ago in this letter, and I don't really think he ever stopped thinking of me in this way.  I wonder how many other times he told me, and I did not pay close enough attention!  I always have wanted to make my Dad proud, and am glad to know that he is proud of me.

Here is the letter.

"Dear Sherie

I want to write to you and tell you I love you and miss you along with telling you thanks for just being you.  You are a true delight to have as a daughter.  I appreciate all your cheerfulness, your helpfulness and your willingness.

You are a great help in helping and caring for the younger children.  You so faithfully get out of bed and set a good example for all of us.

I'm proud to see you as president of the Beehive class [The young women's class in our church for ages 12 and 13].  I know you'll do a good job with the help of the Lord you'll be able to do all the things you want to do for the girls.

I hear you are a super salesman.  Keep up the good work. [I don't really know what this was about even though he mentions it later in the letter.  I have a pretty sure knowledge that I am not a super sales person!]

It's getting close to your birthday.  Do you think you can stand to be a year older?  I'm hoping that I can work it out to come home that week but I won't know till probably next week - sometime.

I hope you can read this.  I'm laying down.  The light isn't very bright and I can't write very good at best.

In the ward here [church congregation] they allow 12 year olds to go to ward dances that they have periodically.  Do you think you'd like to go to the dances?  J. seems to like it.  They can't go to stake dances though until they're 14 years old [stakes are made up of a few congregations].  They have stake dances every 2 weeks.

Have you sold anyone on the Diet Kit? Mother says you were playing the tape to a big audience? [Again, I remember nothing about this.  What kind of diet kit would a 12 year old be selling?]

I don't know if I told you thanks for the nice letter you wrote.  I really appreciated it.  I get so lonely for all of you even though one would wonder how anyone could be lonely in a circus, but their way of living and all the noise is hard for me to take let alone just being so far from all of you.  I love you so much.

I thought I would be through with the guns I'm working on tomorrow but they found 50 more so it will keep me busy the rest of this week.  Next week I'll be Sanding and painting wood gun stocks (handles).[I don't remember Dad working on guns except in Missouri.  Maybe he was already there?  I really don't know]

Well I'd better close and see if I can get a note written to Brian and Jenny tonight also it's getting late.  I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night and I need to get more than that tonight.

Remember I love you.

Love, Dad"

English Drama

Sept. 5, 1980

"I wish I weren't so dumb.  I try so hard and pray to the Lord to help me remember what I studied.  So Why?  Why? do I make such awful grades and always hurt friends feeling when I don't mean to?  I am SO DUMB Oh PHOOEY!"

Well I try.  I even bring things home to ask for help and to have more time.  But after helping me once they won't help me again.  I get so aggravated.  I cry sometimes because I just can't do things even when I try my hardest.  English is IMPOSSIBLE."

*I do not remember this hatred of English!  And calling myself dumb is not a helpful thing to do!  That has taken a while to learn!  I sometimes still have to remind myself of that!

Sept. 8th

"Today happened snap snap snap everything went very fast....English was even pretty good today."

Sept 12

"I made a 92% on my English test (I couldn't believe it)."