Meaningful and Compassionate

Someone left this little lamb in our mailbox on Easter.
Isn't it cute!  It makes me smile when I see it and am thankful
for the anonymous person who left it.

I read a quote today that says:

"In the pursuit of happiness, we should focus on those things that are meaningful, as opposed to things that are simply pleasurable. By finding meaning, we not only create happiness or happy moments, we sustain happiness over the course of a lifetime." 

When I was trying to decide what counted as meaningful I got a little stuck.  Thanks to my class, I know that sometimes there are other words that mean the same, or similar things that might work better for me and so I looked on wordhippo.com.

Here are some words I liked:  purposeful, essential, worthwhile, useful, good, impactful, needed, valuable, and generous.

There are so many good things I can choose from everyday, and the trick is deciding what I can do with how I am feeling that day.  Sometimes I have lots of energy to do good things that are worthwhile, purposeful, valuable, etc..  Other days there are circumstances that make doing anything "useful", or "impactful" or any of those good adjectives hard.

Sometimes, maybe the most meaningful thing I can choose to do is give myself grace and compassion instead of beating myself up over what I failed to do.  Maybe it is doing something really small, because that is all I have the energy for.  And after I do that thing, focusing on what I did do, and not what I did not manage to do.

Today is maybe a little in between.  I am tired and have the same annoying headache that I've had for a few days, but I also feel just fine otherwise and there are plenty of good things I can actually manage to accomplish.  No matter what today looks like for you, I hope you will know that you are valuable no matter what you can or cannot accomplish, and that you will also know that you are loved.

Fear Is A Liar

Photo by Jaqueline Fritz on Unsplash

The blog title I chose is actually the title of a song by Zach Williams, but I chose this topic because this week in my class we are talking about overcoming fear.  I have an assignment to write five things I have learned from fear.  This is an interesting thing to think about!  Here are some of the things I came up with:

1.  Fear can stop progress.  If we have made mistakes or sinned, we can fear we are too unworthy, or are worthless, and stay stuck.  If we are afraid of trying things that are out of our comfort zone, we avoid learning new things, or trying things we might enjoy.  Instead we stay stuck where we are -- missing out on things we might love, people we might meet, and help that we are all worthy of.

2.  Choosing our direction based on what we are least afraid of can actually create shame.  For example, when I was trying to choose what to major in in college I would look at a major, and what classes were required, and if I thought some might be scary, embarrassing, or too hard, I would look at a different major.  I ended up majoring in Family Living, which is a combination of Psychology, Sociology, and Family Science and graduating with a Bachelor of Arts, but even though it wasn't really easy, I always had a hard time feeling proud of my accomplishment because I had chosen based on fear.

3.  Fear of what people might think can keep us from being our authentic selves, and make it so we try to "fit in" instead of standing out for who we are.

4.  I have also found that when I fear what someone else thinks, I am often projecting how I feel about myself in that moment, or projecting the things about me I don't have confidence in.  When I think Derek is disappointed with me it is pretty much 100% of the time because I am disappointed in me!

5.  Working our way through our fears can, and I think usually does, make us stronger.

What have you learned from fear?

The Gift of Bird Song

This is our front door
with its wreath.

Yesterday we had the window in the family room open to let in some fresh air.  At some point we heard the beautiful song of a bird (not a Western Bluebird -- they like to yell).  It was a back window open, but the sound was coming from the front.  No matter which window we looked out, we didn't see a bird.

Later, after a walk, I was pulling a few weeds and decided to go in.  As I got closer to the front door I saw a couple of birds sitting in the wreath!  They were our singers!  I had Derek come and see, and we accidentally scared them away.

This morning Derek said, "It's like watching a shadow show."  He was looking out the front door from inside and could see at least one bird hopping around.  They were singing beautifully on and off throughout the day.  

The wreath looks like it was made from a forsythia bush, but it is fake flowers.  We have a real forsythia bush not far away, but I guess they like the fake forsythia on the door better.  Who knows what will happen next, but for now I am thankful for something a little different, and the beautiful gift of bird song.

This is the door from inside this morning.

This is the closer up blurry version
with our singing bird friend.

Be Not Faithless But Believing

Brigham and one of his chickens.

Emily
When I see a child, it is especially easy for me to believe in God.

Having Faith in Jesus Christ is a choice.  Some days it may be an easy choice, and some days it can be hard.  It is especially hard if I can't see the purpose in a trial I have, or the trial a friend has, or the challenge a child has.  The good thing is, if I deliberately choose Jesus Christ in even the hardest times He is there with me.  He sends the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide me.  Sometimes He sends earthly angels, or heavenly ones.  Sometimes He gives a miracle, even if it is a different miracle than I was looking for.

Today is a good day for me.  It is beautiful outside and peaceful inside.  I have had time to write and sing and study.  Today faith in Jesus does not seem hard, but on days when it does I try to remember to "be not faithless but believing".  When I have made that choice during hard times, there has been comfort, and help, and hope, and even peace.

May you feel blessed today, and know that God loves you!

The Motion of a Hidden Fire

I was looking at pictures of fire, but since I mentioned hidden fire
I went with this sky that looks a little like it's on fire.
Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

 (The Title is a quote from Prayer is the Soul's Sincere Desire)

After trying a few different things, I have settled on beginning my days by getting up and opening the curtains in my room.  I then sit cross legged on my bed and look out at the wonder that is Mount Loafer, and whatever wildlife I can see.  I take a few moments to be quiet, and to think about all of the variety there is in this world.  Even though my view is the "same" every day -- there is usually something unique.  Some mornings it is brown, some it is white, some green, sometimes a mixture.  The deer can be grazing below, or above, and there are a variety of birds that swoop around.

After enjoying my view I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.  Naturally, my mind usually wanders, but that is okay.  Eventually I talk to my Father in Heaven.  I give him gratitude, and tell Him my plans, and ask if He has anything to add (or subtract).  Mostly, I just try to soak up the peace of knowing Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so that I can, hopefully, carry that with me throughout the day.

Some days the time I spend is shorter, some longer, some more effective than others, but it has been a blessing to take a few moments to find peace.  I try to remember to focus on gratitude a lot.  Elder Holland said that "gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."  He also pointed out that we can pray about anything, anytime.  We can pray out loud, or in our mind.  Heavenly Father ALWAYS hears.

I gave the blog the title "the motion of a hidden fire" because I liked this poetic description of prayer.  Perhaps the hidden fire is love of God, which comes out in praise to Him.  Perhaps it is faith, which we show when we pray and listen and do.  Perhaps the fire is the Holy Ghost coming to us as we focus on our Savior.  

Some days I may not feel like praying.  At times like that it is extra important that I start praying and don't stop until I do feel like praying.  I am certainly not perfect at any of this, but I hope that I can continue to take the time to find a few moments of peace, gratitude and love in the mornings.  It is a great way to start out the day!

The Rules of Words

You can tell by looking at these two pictures, taken in my office,
that I like words.  And maybe also by the fact that I write a lot:-)

This letter board was a gift from Connor and Amanda

I am taking a 12 week class with my friend Shannon and today I listened to the video introducing the Rules of Words.  I like words -- at least a lot of words.  The rules of words are rules to help us talk to ourselves more positively -- in a way that keeps us moving forward instead of staying stuck.

Rule #1:  First Person:  I can only change me and so there is no use talking about how someone else "should" change.

Rule #2:  Present Tense:  I am -- not I want to be.  There was some lesson on how the brain works and if we put what we think into future tense, after a while our brain ignores it because it isn't relevant right this minute.  (I've given my own thoughts on I am statements before.  Since I AM is what God called himself, it is best if we only put good qualities after those words, and that will help us become more like Him.)

Rule #3:  Claim what you want:  "I treat everyone with kindness."  "I treat myself with compassion."  "I am great at learning new things!"

Rule #4:  Remove Trigger words:  This was an interesting exercise where the teacher listed words (rather speedily I might add) and if the word made us have a good feeling we put it in the "power word" column.  If we had a negative feeling show up with a word, we put it in the trigger word column.  If there was no feeling or we were waffling, we didn't put it in a column.  

The instructor had a negative reaction to "balanced".  She realized that people always ask her how she balances it all -- and she feels like she doesn't, and she doesn't know how to respond.  She looked up synonyms and came up with the word "harmony" to use in the place of balance.  There are ebbs and flows, crescendos and decrescendos, various speeds, holds and rests, and that fits the way she likes to think of the way she handles life.

Another of my instructors is triggered by the word "goals" and so he uses different words to describe what might usually be described as goals.  

Some of my trigger words were:  perfect, qualified, reasonable, and successful.  I don't think I'm overly triggered by any of the words listed

Rule #5:  Add Power Words:  This exercise was really up my alley since I have a list of words that I like to think about in my book of lists.  We were supposed to pick our top five power words, and then if they stop serving us, we choose different ones.   Our top five are to be written every morning in a sentence.  Mine is, "I am resourceful, encouraging, inclusive, optimistic, and vibrant -- though I'm still waffling a tad on that last one.  I guess the question I ask myself is, "Can someone who is often low in energy be vibrant?"  I am going with yes because, well because I want to!

There Is Beauty All Around

Picture from the Anasazi Trail just Past Santa Clara, UT

Fascinating and perhaps a tad creepy!

Derek's parents told us about this hike and so Derek and I went off on a very beautiful Spring day and hiked up to the petroglyphs.  We were glad we went and it was a very enjoyable part of a very good trip!

Grandma's Mountain

Pulpit Rock
(Though maybe my cousins remember the name differently)

When I was young we often got to go to my Grandma and Grandpa's house in LaVerkin.  This was pretty much always an awesome thing to get to do.  Cousins frequently came too and we spent a lot of time playing together, and climbing up what we called Grandma's mountain.  It is interesting to go back.  Things that once seemed huge don't seem as big anymore, but it is still impressive to me that so many of us climbed around on that mountain without getting hurt very badly.  I think the worst injury that happened at my grandma's house actually happened playing red rover on the lawn!

I do remember getting bitten by ants, and I know that there were a few run-ins with cacti, but nobody fell off a cliff, or broke any bones on the mountain that I know about!  I remember stepping on a rock and hearing a rattle snake once -- and deciding there had to be another way down the mountain.  What adventures we had!  We used our imagination creating our own forts or hide-aways and we came up with names for things.  Today Derek and I climbed around a little (which turns out to be a little hard while holding a drink).  I'm pretty sure I found a rock that some of us called "Pulpit Rock".  Or maybe it was "Church rock" but I'm not sure.  It was fun to be there, and I wished for more time to climb up farther.  I do think I was in better shape as a child!

One of my favorite things is always going up high and looking down.
This wasn't really very high.  It is above where my Grandma's old house is.
The street to the left and some of the buildings below weren't there
back in the good old days!

Just a look in a little bit different direction.

This is Derek at Pulpit Rock.  He told our kids that
this is "where the righteous kids pretended to
deliver grand sermons".  I'll just go with that.

The Glucose Revolution

I am not on Instagram and that is where "The Glucose Goddess" has a lot of followers that she teaches the benefits of keeping your glucose levels as even as possible.  There are many testimonials.  I heard about her through Kayli and Shannon who both told me about her book Glucose Revolution.  This was months ago, and I told my sister Tina about it even though I hadn't read it.  She read it and was intrigued, and convinced enough to try at least some of what the author recommended and so I finally picked it up and read it.  I was surprised to find it fascinating and hopeful.  If eating things in a different order, and learning about how to avoid Glucose Spikes can help my flagging energy levels then I am all for it!

The author is Jessie Inchauspe and once a glucometer was invented she started wearing one even though she isn't diabetic.  She was a part of an experiment, but also did some experimenting on herself.  Her book is full of graphs that show what caused glucose spikes and what made it so that the same food could be eaten with less of a spike.  There are ten "hacks" that you use as often as you can.  The first one is that you eat food in a certain order.  First you eat fiber, and then protein and fats, and last are the carbs.  I've been trying it since Saturday.  I don't feel a ton more energetic, but I sure don't feel worse and at least I feel like I learned interesting things and that, in the long run, they will be helpful for my health in general.

Showing Up

The one picture I took on our
walk in Santaquin Canyon
yesterday.

I just have a quick thought.  Whenever possible it is good to show up for people when they are going through a rough time.  It is good to show up to help celebrate happy times too.  It makes a difference and lets people know they matter.  People have shown up for me a lot and it has helped me to feel loved and cared for.  I like to show up for others too and hope I will get better and better at it with practice!

Things That I Enjoy

• 

  Photo by Patrick Schrödter on Unsplash

  Babies
• Children laughing
• Children singing
• Birds
• Mountains
• Trees covered in frosty white
• Rainbows
• The ocean moving in and out with the waves
• Crocuses poking up through the snow
• Deer bounding across a field
• Tall mountains
• Waterfalls
• Storm clouds
• Blue sky and sunshine!
• Soft pillows and cozy blankets
• Fire -- in a fireplace or fire pit
• Quilts
• Abundant flowers
• Flowers that grow in unlikely places -- like the cracks in cement
• Mail (of the non bill or junk mail variety)
• Love notes
• Listening to my children laugh together
• Warm homemade bread with butter and honey
• An acoustic guitar paired with a beautiful voice
• Soft rugs
• Rustic furniture
• A view from up high
• Wooden things
• Antiques
• Singing
• Dancing
• A good book
• pictures of nature
• Swinging
• Playing Princess (my puppet)
• Visiting with friends
• Lamp light
• Family
• Creating order and beauty
• Going for a drive
• Meandering through the woods
• Building a snowman
• Candlelight
• Thrift Shopping
• Quiet moments like this one to contemplate the many gifts God has given me.

Ideas Worth Thinking About

Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash
There is beauty in seeing things from a different perspective.

I just finished listening to a book called Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver.  I really enjoyed hearing her story of the transformation of her life and the things she learned along the way.  She started her story from when she was in an abusive marriage.  Then she was a single Mom of one daughter who worked a ton and went into a lot of debt to give her and her daughter things she felt they "deserved".  Then she got married again to a good man and they continued collecting stuff and going places they couldn't afford until she got MS.  After that things slowly transformed as she worked to get rid of stress and be healthier so that she could be present and healthier for her family.

Some of the things she mentioned learning were that children need, and prefer, time with their parents more than piles and piles of stuff.  She learned that things own us as much as we own them.  Once we have them we need to store them and take care of them.  So many of us store piles of things we don't look at for years, but that we keep "just in case".  She and her husband took a class from Dave Ramsey and got out of debt.  They got rid of things they didn't love and ended up downsizing from a 2000 square foot house to a 750 sq. ft. apartment.  She quit her job and started doing something she loved and taking more time with family and friends.

Some of the things she learned would probably seem extreme to a lot of people, but she is happy with her choices and realizes that not everyone's situations are the same.  Some people are super glad not to have to work in a yard while others look forward to creating their own garden, or retreat, or play area.  Some people have larger families and more room makes sense.  Some people love hosting and staying at home, and some want to travel as much as possible.  

One of the interesting things to me was the thought that we sometimes avoid our problems through things.  We may not know how to solve our problems, or who to get help from, or where to find the energy and courage to face them and so we keep ourselves busy doing things that do not really add value to our lives.  We shop for things we already have too many of, or watch television so that we do not have to think.  We do things mindlessly to avoid things that are hard.  Sometimes this can be helpful, but if we do it all of the time, we may be keeping ourselves from moving forward.

I like to remember when I read or listen to books that the ideas in them are just that -- ideas.  I do not have to adopt them all.  On the other hand, there is research behind some of the ideas I read and reading about these ideas gives me a chance to think of something in a different way than I may have before.  Different perspectives can be life changing, or they can just give us an interesting view of how other people live.  I do recommend Soulful Simplicity.  I thought it had ideas worth thinking about!

Glimpses of Heaven

Last night after having traveled for a very long time to get home, I went to bed early.  I was exhausted.  But as I laid there I started remembering moments from my trip that I loved.  Little glimpses of heaven here on Earth.  I ended up getting up to tell Derek some of the experiences so that he could enjoy them too (though he was there for some of them).

I often feel like babies bring a little bit of heaven with them, and it is hard to beat a little boy running towards you yelling "Grandma!" and throwing himself into your arms, or laughing uproariously about the "scary face" he is making and how obviously terrified Grandpa or Daddy are because of it.  

I love watching a new Mom, who is tired and worn out, doing her best to smile and give attention to her toddler, or somehow looking joyful as she holds her new little one who has kept her awake a good share of the night.  I love watching a Dad who likes to be involved in taking care of his children, and who genuinely loves being with them.  I love when older siblings are so happy to greet a sibling and who want to help them if they are sad.

This world has so many hard things, and bad things, but if you have the chance to spend time with a good family who loves each other, then you can feel heaven is closer than you knew, and there is hope for a better world.