Trip to the Aquarium

Dan had a field trip yesterday. I drove Dan and me. We hit a bad snowstorm in Orem on the way there and I was super sleepy on the way home but the four kids in my group were great. I liked the giant crabs best and Dan liked the otters (which were pretty cute!)

An Aha! Moment

For Christmas I got a book about my t.v. friends Chip and Joanna Gaines (pictured above). While I was reading it, I had an Aha! moment.  Joanna shared an experience that helped me see a way that I could do better at getting my children to work with me.  I already was hoping to "dare greatly" and ask them to help more -- but I have had that goal many times, and failed because there was the chance they might frown at me or complain, and I wanted to avoid that more than I wanted help -- though I might have gotten a little grumpy when I was cleaning up their messes!

Joanna told a story about a time when she was exhausted from cleaning her house all morning and she was lying on the couch getting frustrated at all of the things that were already messy again.  Then she heard her four kids laughing in the next room.  Suddenly she realized that she had been focusing on the wrong thing.  She had been focusing on making her house look perfect, instead of the children down the hall.  She determined that she would not clean during the day again -- at least not alone. She would clean with her children, or she would wait and do a quick cleanup after they were in bed.

Even though my kids aren't little like hers, and are often gone during the day, this struck me as a good way to think about things.  I decided that I would not do cleaning without my children either -- unless it was my stuff.

Within a day or two I woke up to a messy house and got the kids off to school.  As I walked around I kept grumpily thinking -- "I'll need to pick up those snow suits, do the dishes, put away all of the piano books, etc."  In the midst of my grumpy thoughts I remembered that I wasn't going to clean up other peoples messes so much anymore.  I all of a sudden enjoyed walking around with a smile on my face saying "I don't have to pick that up!  That's not mine!"  and I left it for when the kids got home.

Of course, this wasn't very successful because Kayli got home, couldn't take the mess, and she cleaned everyone's stuff up for them.  We'll have to work on that.  Somehow Joanna's story has helped  me to brave the possible frowns, and to discover, that sometimes helpful smiles show up instead.

Strive Valiantly to Dare Greatly

I am good at learning about things, and coming up with good plans, but actually carrying out my plans can be so much harder!  This year I want to spend less time learning about things by reading and studying and learn more by daring to do the things I have learned and planned.  To dare greatly, I have to make sure that I live in accordance with my values (which I always try to do -- but could improve on). Here are a few of the things I thought about in relation to Daring Greatly.

Dare to spend more time with my children.

Dare to ask questions instead of making assumptions..

Dare to invite people to do things with me.

Dare to do things for others.

Dare to speak up in defense of others.

Dare to share the gospel.

Dare to share my talents.

Dare to make mistakes without being defeated.

Dare to let go of fear and trust God

Dare to find value in my efforts, no matter how small.

Dare to confront the “shoulds” that come to mind, and decide if they are important to me.

Dare to ask God how I can help, and listen for and act on the answer.

Dare to think that others will enjoy hearing from me.

Strive Valiantly to Dare Greatly, and let my failures go.

Brave -- Dan's One Word Goal

One night I was sitting on my bed looking at a website that had ideas for one word goals.  I was trying to come up with something I liked better than my idea of "do" -- which just doesn't sound motivating enough to me. Jake came in and looked with me for a while, and then Dan came.  Dan wanted to pick a goal, and he wanted me to write about it.

It didn't take him too long to choose the word BRAVE.  He said that he is okay with talking in front of big groups (he participates in pack night, shares his testimony some Sundays, and is willing to talk in Primary). He said that the problem comes when he is in small groups.  He is afraid that the people he's talking to won't like him, or his ideas, and so he tries to hide behind someone so he doesn't have to talk. We talked more about this on Sunday and he said he's had people tell him "that wasn't very good". So we talked about what he could say when someone criticizes what he says and does.

Dan seems very brave to me in a lot of ways, but I think we all need courage in situations where we feel vulnerable, and uncomfortable.  I hope my brave Dan feels like his bravery has increased by the end of the year!

Daring Greatly

Daring Greatly is a book I like by Brene' Brown.  She quotes a speech by Theodore Roosevelt that I found inspiring.  The speech is sometimes called "The Man in the Arena" and the quote is below:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; 

but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly......"  

Christmas Projects

"Gingerbread Men" (Made out of cereal boxes).  Can you find Elvis?

Trisa worked long and hard on these.  She made all of the Berenstein Bears and
 really fun abominable snowmen.

Don't miss the Abominable Gingerbread Man!
You can find Papa Bear, and Mama Bear too.

Turning a bent old tomato cage into....

A pretty tree!

Dan and his ginger bread house.
Connor and Amanda made a great one too, but theirs got taken off to be a gift.

A Happy Christmas

This year Trisa and Travis celebrated Christmas in Monticello with his family first.  From all reports, it sounded like a happy Christmas there, and we enjoyed "Second Christmas" here when they came the day after Christmas.

The rest of our family woke up Christmas morning to 9 inches of snow -- and it was still snowing.  It was very beautiful.  After present opening and food, some of us went out to shovel and enjoyed visiting with some neighbors while we all tried to dig a way out of our driveways.  We managed to get up the hill to the snowy parking lot of our church by eleven.  I enjoyed playing my flute in a two flute, one viola, one piano number.  We did one version of Silent Night before church, and one during church.

Later Derek's sister Erin and her family came for their traditional Christmas visit, which we love, before we all headed over to Derek's parent's house for Christmas dinner.  Christmas was a really nice day.  I like having Christmas on Sunday.  It gives us a chance to sit quietly and remember what Christmas is really about -- if we can stay awake.  I think Dan slept through the entire meeting!

The America themed Christmas Eve

Kayli, Dan, Jake, and Derek on Christmas Eve

Jake and Tia with Kayli in the background.  Jake and Tia had just had a leg wrestle.  I think Jake won.  He is very strong.

Tia and Jake were doing an awesome trick, but Jake dove away from Tia a little faster than my camera could take a picture.

Kayli and Connor -- the only ones waiting for the 7 a.m. race up the stairs.

Yeah, I can't remember who won.  Probably they will both claim that honor..

Dan the man.

It's my new shirt!  I like the show Fixer Upper -- and so Derek got me a shirt.
My kids laugh about the idea of me breaking stuff.
I don't think they know how big my muscles are :-)

Trisa and Travis had Dan's name for the gift exchange -- and so he got to open a present the day after Christmas!  He loves his new dog.

Travis

Trisa and Tia

We are thankful for our happy Christmas.

More Kayli Birthday Pictures!

I missed some good ones!

The fitbit that now has her marching around the house at odd times trying to meet step goals.

I thought this shirt was pretty perfect for my Kayli.

That is a little calendar.  She got a nice wall calendar too.

Ah -- I love this girl.

Isn't she just precious?  Yes.  Yes she is.

Birthday in a Christmas house with two great smiles.

This just made me laugh.  From two smiles to two interesting looks!

Happy birthday to Kayli again.  After all, we know that Uncle Jeff wishes her happy birthday every time he sees her -- so her birthday isn't limited to just one day.

The Wonder That Is Kayli

Kayli and her Papa on her 21st Birthday

Kayli blew out her candles .....

And then they came back on!

A bit over 21 years ago a beautiful dark haired girl was born into our family.  Since then she has changed hair colors, gained a lot of skills, and gone through several nick names.  Derek is really good at handing out nick names that stick, and more than one of our children has had multiple nick names, but I think Kayli has managed to collect more than anyone else.  Of course, she is the one who has also managed to call her Dad by several nick names that have had their own sticking power.

When she was a baby she was "Kicky Kayli" because she loved to kick her legs even if she didn't like to stand on them.  Then she was "Clicky Kayli" because she loved to be on the computer clicking the mouse over and over.  I probably don't remember all of her nick names, and I certainly don't know how Derek came up with them all.  There was Kayli-Bo, which I still call her sometimes, Kalikity, Kalikimaka, KalikitikitikatiAAAHHHH (think wild bird call on that one).  She is the "Butterfly Princess", and "Buttermuffin".

In return Derek is now "Papa" (which is a fine substitute for Dad), and he is "Gary".  Someone once said, "Wait!  Your Dad's name is Gary?"  No.  But that's okay.  There is a hand movement that goes with Gary that works for asking where her Dad is if she needs to be silent.  And, finally, there is "Cupcake".  So if Kayli gets home her Dad will yell "BUTTERMUFFIN!" and she'll yell back "CUPCAKE!"  It is fun to live at our house.

Kayli is great with kids and old people and pretty much anyone in between.  She laughs when she is stressed out and when she is happy so people just think she is happy all of the time.  She cares about people SO much, and is really good at asking questions, and listening, and helping people know how important they are.  She went away to college for a while, but I like having her home again because her brothers love having her here so much, and she takes care of her Mom, and is a fun shopping buddy. Besides she has her Papa to talk to, and she loves her "Cupcake".

I would not trade the wonder that is Kayli for anyone else!  I love her.  I'm glad that we got to celebrate her 21st birthday with her!  I mean, how many people can celebrate the birthday of their very own extra awesome Butterfly Princess?!

Thankful Turkeys

Every year before Thanksgiving we make at least one Thankful Turkey.  Dan reminded us this year, and wanted to make the hat.  He made the tall hat, with a semi-working buckle.  I did the turkey bonnet, and the feathers were done by everyone -- listing things we are grateful for.

Thankful Turkeys

The Annual Halloween Party

Every year Derek's Mom goes to a lot of trouble to put on a large, and somewhat lengthy Halloween Party (It has to be worth it to those who travel far to come).  I got exactly three pictures of it this year, which is more than I've gotten other years!  There were games, treats, dinner, pinatas, and ghost stories (including one told while sitting in the Haunted woods).

Kayli and Trisa

Brothers

Brandon and Trent

Tell Four People

Image from Google taken at Stuart Falls.

On the very last Saturday in October I went to a Women's Conference.  At the end of the meeting the Stake President spoke and challenged us to share what we had learned with four people.  I thought right then that I would share what I learned on my blog, and at least four people would surely read it.  Well, here it is the very end of December -- it's a good thing I took notes!  I went to 3 classes.

1.  Mothering  I liked this quote:  "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one."  The other thing that struck me during that class was this advice she was given when she was struggling with taking her 7 children to church alone: it is most important that the children know she loves being at church and that she loves them being there with her.

I love being at church, but I do wonder sometimes if my children know how much I love them to be there.  In my frustration with their lack of love for church when they were little, or their lack of attention to it sometimes now, do I show my frustration with them instead of my love for them, and my joy that they are there at all?  It is something good to think about!

2.  Tools to arm our children against Pornography.  Remove shame (you are bad for looking at that).  Change that shame, which causes a desire to hide, into guilt (what you saw was bad, choosing to look again was bad, but you are not).  Guilt is a motivator to change.  Shame makes the problem worse.

We are to disperse dark with light AND love.

3:  Depression  There is so much I loved in this talk, and it is too long to write it all, but here are a few points.

There is tragedy in abuse, or anything hard, but the greatest tragedy is the unwillingness to work through it.

We may need to redefine what a good day is for us.  She decided that for her a good day is when she has compassion and charity for her fellow man.  It is not necessary to feel happy, and well, to have a good day, it is only necessary to think and act with compassion and charity.

Finally, she told the story of the Martin handcart company and how someone was criticizing the leaders of the church for allowing the company to leave so late in the season and so unprepared.  A man who had been in the company stood and asked that the criticism stop.  Here is a part of what the man said as cited by President James E. Faust in Refined by Our Trials.

“‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’”

He continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’” 1

The woman who taught this class now feels that the depression she has suffered with her whole life is the price that she paid, and continues to pay to come to know God better and she is grateful. It took her a long time, and a lot of work to come to that point, but she is there now, and hopefully all of us who suffer similarly will feel that way one day too.

My Orchestra Adventure

Me in my orchestra dress.
Picture by Dan.

At church I met a fellow flute player named Maudie.  She is very talented, and very sweet.  She offered me the chance to come and play in the Nebo Philharmonic Orchestra for a performance of Elias by Mendelssohn.  I was certainly the least skilled of the 3 flute players, but I loved every moment of being there listening and playing with talented musicians.  Everyone was so kind and welcoming and it was so fun!

After that performance (which happened on my oldest daughter Trisa's birthday in October) I was able to keep playing with the orchestra.  We had a Christmas Concert the day after Thanksgiving.  Derek's parents, Derek, and all of my kids except Tia were able to come.  I loved that too.  Then it was time for orchestra break, but Maudie asked if I wanted to go play with an orchestra for a Messiah Sing-along at the Nu-Skin building in Provo.  That's where the photo below came from (which I took, which is why it is blury).

Me and Maudie

I will not be able to play with the orchestra this coming year because youth night switched to Tuesdays, and I will be there instead of at orchestra -- but it was really great while it lasted and at least I can still keep my orchestra friends, and maybe one day I can join them again in making music.