The No Judgment Zone -- Focusing Forward

Last night at a Relief Society meeting about nurturing, a friend talked about a "no judgment zone", and how it was helpful to have someone listen to your problem, and then, instead of asking "Why did you let that happen?", or "How could you have been that careless!" or any other judgment, just helping you know what to do next, to move forward instead of focusing backwards.

She compared this to the atonement of Jesus Christ.  When we make mistakes he doesn't beat us over the head with them, and ask how we could have been so stupid again!  He listens to what we say, forgives us, and helps us know how to move forward.  He helps us learn from the past, but He wants us to focus forward.   

Keeping Our Promises

Dan, Jake and Teddy

Have you ever had a friend that often cancelled at the last minute, or was always at least half hour late?  Or maybe they promise to help, and then forget?  After a while it is hard to trust that a friend like that will do what they say.  We would never be like that, right?  I think most of us work really hard to keep the promises we make to others, but do we do the same with the promises we make to ourselves?

I was reading a book yesterday by Rachel Hollis and she talks about this.  How many times have we told ourselves that we are going to exercise, or eat right, and then we give up after not too many days -- if we start at all.  I am like that, and it was a bit of an aha moment when I read about not keeping promises to ourselves.  I am not always being a good friend to me!  But how to fix this?  It is much easier to break a promise to myself than to break a promise to someone else. 

Rachel talked about a couple of things that I think are helpful.  First, be very intentional about any promise we make -- to anyone, including ourselves.  Check the calendar.  Make sure there is really time to do what we are promising.  Write it down.  Don't double or triple book ourselves so we don't have time.  Second, break down whatever it is we are wanting to do so that it is easy to succeed.  If we normally do no exercise, we probably aren't going to succeed at running five miles a day right off the bat.  Make an easily attainable goal and do it for long enough that we feel the joy of having succeeded -- and then make it a little harder. 

No matter what kind of promise we make to ourselves, we should try to keep it just like we would any promise we make to others. 

A Proud Moment

Not our actual jumper cables.  Ours look a little more used than those!

So, I went out to go to the store, and put the key in the van, turned it, and got "click, click, click, click, click" and not "vroom vroom" like I wanted.  I could have called the roadside service.  They've jumped the van while it was in the garage before.  But I decided that I was resourceful and had a truck out front with a perfectly good battery.  So I found the jumper cables, and Teddy and I jumped in and out of the truck a few times until it was properly maneuvered really close to the van.  And I did it!  I got the van started, and didn't kill either vehicle!  That was my proud moment.

Then Teddy and I went driving to recharge the battery.  I'm not used to driving with Teddy.  He needs a seatbelt.  He likes to stick his head out the window, which I had to lock so he wouldn't accidentally close it on himself.  While driving around, I came upon an unexpected stop sign.  I started to put on my brakes, and Teddy started to fall, and I did the nice thing.  I ran the stop sign.  There were no vehicles in sight except the one quite a ways behind me that was not occupied by a law enforcement officer:-)

In The Quiet Heart ....

...Is hidden sorrows that the eye can't see.**

All I have are pictures of Kayli's "sillies".  Dogs can be good at sensing hidden sorrows!

Have you ever not felt well, and then looked in the mirror and been surprised that you look the same as always?  Or have you ever felt overwhelmed, or sad, or lonely, and been in a group of people thinking how odd it is that nobody can tell?  Have you put on a happy face, given a happy sounding hello, maybe even professing to be doing very well, when you really want to cry, and you wish someone would see, and care, and know how to help?

Today my physical therapist mentioned the line above about hidden sorrows.  He said he believes it is absolutely true that everyone has them.  I agree.  We are all, at least sometimes, the one with the sorrows, the sickness, the loneliness, and the feelings of being overwhelmed.  We are also the ones, at least sometimes, who are available to take the time to listen, and see, and care, and help.  Often, we are both at the same time -- the helper, and the one needing help. 

I am grateful for the people who check on me.  Those who smile, or wave, or say hello.  Who help me at the pharmacy, or the grocery store, or the doctor's office and are kind.  I love those who take the time to listen, and to care.  I appreciate all who, even without seeing my hidden sorrows, still make them feel lighter and easier to carry.

**(Lord, I Would Follow Thee, Susan Evans McCloud)

Trying For Gratitude

I sent this to Kayli at work yesterday.  It's possible that I take more pictures of the dog than anyone else in the whole family!  He's cute and can't tell me no.  He's super wiggly though!

I was trying to decide what to write and thought about whining, but then I decided I should at least try for gratitude.  So here goes.  Ten things from today.

1.  I enjoyed my bran flakes.
2.  The flowers on the table are pretty.
3.  I got to rest by the warm fire for a while before needing to get ready to go.
4.  I enjoyed talking to Janessa, the physical therapist's helper.
5.  Their helping didn't hurt today. 
6.  Teddy was really happy to see me after physical therapy, especially because he had wrapped his rope / chain thing around a tree and couldn't move far.  (He can't be left free when we're gone because he's an escape artist).
7.  It is a really beautiful fall day today, with sunshine, and colored leaves.
8.  Dan's doctor actually listened to me today -- and answered my questions -- and was helpful.
9.  I got to see my friends at the pharmacy.  (Nevermind that they are my friends because I go to the pharmacy so much!!)
10.  Derek's been driving around a bit today and so he called me from his car.  I'm thankful for hands free calling so he can do that.

How Do I Get Energized In The Morning?

When I was young and staying at my Grandma Fuller's house I loved waking up to the breeze blowing the curtains in the wind.  I'm guessing she didn't have blinds because if I try that now I get "bang, bang, bang" (and possibly sneeze, sneeze, sneeze) along with blowing curtains.  And actually I don't have curtains in my room right now!!

When I was in high school I somehow ended up with the 5:30 a.m. shower time.  I set my radio alarm for 5:00 a.m. and would just lie there and listen to music for half an hour, and then get up.  I don't do that anymore because I'm pretty sure that I'd either fall asleep again, or lie awake worrying that I would fall asleep again.  In high school I can only remember falling back asleep a time or two.

My favorite way to do mornings is quietly.  Get up.  Read.  Listen to soft music.  And just enjoy the peace of the morning.  Once I have done those things it is easier for me to get started on my "to do" list.  On the other hand, it also works if I have a time I need to be somewhere.  I still like to ease in to the day, but it forces me to get moving sooner, and the faster I move the more awake I become. If I am late, then the adrenaline I get because I hate being late will wake me up pretty quickly too!

So, how do I get energized in the morning?  It really depends on who is around and what my schedule is like, but I prefer at least a good solid hour of quiet activities before I have to really be awake, and then making myself move seems to create the energy I need -- most of the time.

**Photo by Eduard Militaru on Unsplash

Trip to Barnes and Noble

The other day after going to the medical oncologist office to get a ginormous shot in my arm to strengthen my bones, I took the gift card my Mom gave me for my birthday and went to Barnes and Noble -- the book store.  Fun!!!

A couple of years ago I decided that I was going to buy myself a planner to put in my purse, and I loved it.  I have loved the things in this year's planner, but didn't love the outside so much, and I accidentally broke it's spine.  So when I went to Barnes and Noble to find next year's planner, and I found one I liked that actually started in August, I retired my old one and started using my new one the next day.

The planner gives fun prompts every week and month and gives me things to think about and a place to write what I come up with.  It's the kind of thing I like. Derek would, just possibly, roll his eyes if I expected him to use something like it.  One prompt was, "What are 5 things you would like to learn?"

Have you ever noticed that the things we want to know aren't necessarily the things we want to learn?  For example, I would like to know how to paint beautiful pictures, but I'm really not interested in actually taking the time to learn how.  It was a bit of a struggle to find 5 things I wanted to take the effort to learn!  Quite honestly, some of the 5 I listed don't spark enthusiasm.  Luckily my planner only instructed me to try one this month.  I must follow the planner's rules, right?  Ha ha ha.  Naturally, I'm more likely to try to over-achieve by trying to start all of them this month.

Anyhow, if you want, you can enjoy coming up with 5 things you'd like to learn, and you can try one this month.  Or, you can roll your eyes.  That's fine too :-)

Heavy Lifting and A Bag of Bodies

Kayli holding Connor (the heavy lifting)
Trisa's on the phone
This was before the Lagoon trip.
Connor picked up Kayli first.  She just had to show that she was strong too.

This is a bag of "puppet bodies".  My family was teasing me about taking a bag of bodies / limbs to church.  I let the little kids help lead the music with them.
One girl had to wait until the end because she wanted a specific puppet.
Little duck is in there somewhere, and the girl who was "leading the music" with duck really just didn't sing and snuggled the duck while petting it.

I love the little children in Primary!  Today one little girl frowned the whole time.  She said she was sad because she wanted to sit somewhere else. I told her that life is kind of hard sometimes.  Maybe that wasn't the sympathy she was hoping for.

A little boy showed me how Superman "goes like this" as he started to pull his button up shirt apart.  I'm just glad he stopped before the buttons broke!

Fun, Cold, Wet, Birthday Lagoon Trip

Tia, Connor (love the hair!), Kayli, Trisa!

Trisa's Birthday

Trisa getting ready to open presents that weren't exactly wrapped.

Today (Oct. 18) started in St. George at my parent's house, and ended in Payson.  Trisa came home with me, and Chewy and Doug (the dogs) came too.  Those dogs were really good for being in the car so long!  The celebration of her birthday is going to be spread out over the weekend.  Tonight she is at the movies with her sisters, her brother Connor, and her brother-in-law Mike.  Before she left she opened her presents (by pulling them out of a bag).

Tomorrow is Lagoon day with Connor, Kayli and Tia.  And Sunday we'll have her birthday dinner.  Derek made birthday dessert today so that it is ready for when she wants it.

Trisa and her new children's book.  She's a kindergarten teacher and she just loves books anyway!

I do not know what Trisa and Kayli were doing with the statue of Jesus
but I like their smiles!

Trisa and Kayli.

We love our family, and Trisa is such a wonderful daughter.  She is smart, and beautiful, and kind.  She is fun, and loving, and forgiving.  We feel very, very blessed that she is ours!

A Heart Still Beating

This morning I got up to say goodbye to the boys before school.  I was planning on going to physical therapy and then leaving for St. George.  Unfortunately, I forgot to buy the necessary food for Dan's lunch at the store the day before, and so I said goodbye to the boys, took a shower, ate, drove to the store, bought stuff, ran home, changed into my therapy shorts, said goodbye to Derek and ran out the door.  That was a little busier than planned!  Then I went to the bank, went to the Jr. High to drop off a lunch, and went home to pack.  Naturally I had to play with the dog for a minute because he was so happy to see me.  Then I made him sad by leaving him home while I went off to St. George.

I got to the St. George hospital where my Dad has been since Sunday just in time to see him discharged.  Then I got gas, got lost, and then found my way to my parents house.  (I did not inherit my Dad's sense of direction!)  Tonight, as I sit in my parents guest room, I am thankful that all of the driving around I did today was safe.  I am thankful that my family at home could spare me to come be with my parents in St. George.  I am glad that Dad is home, and hopefully both of my parents can relax and sleep.  I am glad there is a night for me to get some rest in too, and that I have a comfortable bed to sleep in. 

You never know from day to day how things will go.  Sometimes there are surprise good things, and sometimes surprise bad things.  My Dad is home and looking good.  His heart isn't in good shape, but for tonight, I am just really thankful it is still beating.

Thursday: The Mall, The Windy Beach, And the Missing Dolphins

Thursday I really wanted to find Kayli and me some shirts that matched.  Shirts that maybe represented our trip in some way.  So, we looked up stores and headed to the mall.  This mall was ginormous!  When we gave up on finding shirts that said something besides "New York" or "Harvard" or that were Disney shirts size triple XL, we wanted a smoothie.  We looked up somewhere to go.  It was 3 minutes away by car.  Where did it end up being?  At the other end of the mall.  The smoothies were good, but I still wasn't feeling well and so we went back to our little room and I laid down and Kayli read.

Then, Kayli realized that she should be reading on the beach, and I got up and we went back to the first beach, a mile away.  It was really, really extra windy, and the wind wasn't warm.  I enjoyed the birds, and we waited and waited to see the dolphins that we were told come every day at sunset -- but if they were there -- they were hidden in the waves!

It may be silly to take lots of pictures of seagulls, but they were funny.
This one was eyeing my granola bar.  He looks innocent I know.

I put the remaining crumbs of my granola bar on the sang a foot away from my towel.
This seagull marched around Kayli and me twice before getting up the courage to come close enough to have some crumbs -- no doubt mixed with sand.

Not so impressive of a picture, but these birds were great.  They would fly over the ocean and then,
all of a sudden they'd take a nose dive into the ocean beak first with a big splash.
Once they must have found a school of fish because I watched several diving close to the same location.

The birds -- and the man who was teaching his son to surf without ever getting his feet wet.
I don't think it went so well.

There were a couple of sail boats.  They were beautiful, which is a bit hard to tell in my pictures.

At sunset I get camera happy, but I think this first one was taken by Kayli.

And that was it.  No dolphins, and the sun set on our last, quite chilly day at the beach.
We were off to pack, get a little sleep, and head home (Friday very early).
We successfully returned the car, got to the airport, and flew to Prove where
Derek's kind parents came and gave us a ride home.

Wednesday: El Matador Beach

Me (Sherie), Kayli

Wednesday we got up in a leisurely fashion and ate breakfast.  Then we headed out to El Matador beach, about an hour and a half from where we were staying.  It was supposed to be chillier this day than any of the others so we just wore shorts.  It turned out to be the warmest beach we went to.

Kayli

Kayli and I under one of the rocks.

There are a lot of pictures of birds.  I was stalking the birds with my camera, but I kept not quite getting the picture I was hoping for!  They were still fun to watch.

Kayli on the rock -- still dry.

And still dry.

Not wet yet!

The stairs we did not use to get to the beach.
The sign says Private Property.

Apparently if you wade through this hole in the rock, you will find a cave on the other side.
Some guy and his buddy said it was cool.  "You should come.  The water is low right now.  Easy to get to."
I thanked them for the info but didn't follow them.

This is the lone seagull.  I almost had an awesome picture of him flying away with the other
birds in the background.  You'll have to imagine.  I hit the wrong button and turned the camera off.
I always panic!

More Kayli on her rock.

A not very good selfie with a shallow cave in the background.  Later some girl and her boyfriend played the guitar and sang while snuggled together.  She had a good voice we think.  The waves were loud.

This is what happened when Kayli tried to get off of her rock.
Big wave.  Can you say, "new phone?"

More birds.  This was by far the cloudiest day.  But it was warm.

I got a headache and we went back up to the car for a bit and ate, and got a drink and tried to make it go away.
Then we walked back down and explored the other side of the beach.  Kayli climbed a big rock.  She likes climbing rocks.  She took this picture of me.

She also took this one of me balancing on rocks staring at the ocean.

And the last one.  We headed back not too long after.  On our walk back we saw a dolphin jumping in the waves.  I always feel super lucky when I see a dolphin.

We started our trip back when there was a bit more traffic, and it was supposed to take a full half hour longer to get back.  My phone kept changing routes to find us the fastest one.  Left, right, left, right.  We weaved through all sorts of homes.  I was trying to listen to her, and Derek (who had called and was chatting mostly with Kayli), and I really needed to find a pit stop, and my head was pounding.  I was really glad when we finally made it back to where we were staying.  Unfortunately that was one of the worst headaches I've had in a while.  I got some sleep propped up on the couch, but my head didn't really stop hurting that night ever.  That was a rather lousy end to a very fun and beautiful day.  El Matador beach was worth the trip!