Be Careful With Confession

 Hi everyone.  What I am about to write stems from an experience I had this morning.  As I have pondered it a bit I came up with a few titles.  One was "A Lesson From Confession", another was "It's a Trap!"(which I hear in my head being said by a Star Wars character).    I suppose I could also have gone with "The Cons of Confession".  But -- to the point.

As I was writing in my prayer journal this morning and got to the confession part I started contemplating yesterday.  What did I need to confess?  Well, some days are just good days.  I realize I am gloriously imperfect, and there is no day where I do and say everything just right, but the problem came when I fell into the trap I've fallen into for years, and thankfully I recognized it before I got stuck.  I started nit-picking myself.  Trying to find everything "wrong" with me.  I wrote down "I am selfish" and looked at it.  I got out the white out.  I got rid of that!  I am a child of God who sometimes thinks of myself above others, but selfish is NOT who I am.  So, instead I confessed that I was having trouble having compassion for myself and my imperfections, and then I moved on to repentance.

I was always taught that a part of repentance was recognizing what you did wrong, and I know that confession is sometimes necessary as a part of healing.  However, I think, for me, it is easier to come at this all from the "return to Christ" perspective.  How can I do better today at doing the Lord's will than I did yesterday?  Focusing forward on what I can do better now helps me a lot more than focusing on every little thing I might have done or said wrong yesterday.

I also read something this morning that reminded me that Heavenly Father and Jesus are more inclined to remind us of our strengths and how, if we focus on using those for good, our weaknesses will often fall by the wayside.  God corrects with compassion, and I'm inclined to confess with condemnation towards myself.  So, my prayer journal may just be skipping the step of confession from now on and any confessing I need to do will fall under the heading of repentance.  Be careful with confession! 

Christ as The Center of Home

 Today I finished reading the book Creating A Christ-Centered Home by Emily Belle Freeman and I thought I would share with you her summary of the chapters -- which is kind of like a poem.

If you seek a house where He abides,
prepare to invite Him in.

If you seek a house of faith,
expect miracles.

If you seek a house of prayer,
converse with Him.

If you seek a house of scripture,
embrace the stories of Jesus.

If you seek a house of worship,
honor the day that is His.

If you seek a house of unity,
do nice and be sweet.

If you seek a house of grace,
remember His mercies.

If you seek a house of change,
let Him perform His great work.

If you seek a house of love,
provide a refuge for weary travelers.

If you seek a house of holiness,
walk with Him.

If you seek a house of gratitude,
let actions convey what words cannot express.

If you seek a house built upon a rock,
Make Christ the center of your home.

One last if.  If you don't get what one of the above means, then you can read her book.  She is good at explaining.  It does us all good to contemplate Christ, and how we can bring Him and His love and grace into our homes to stay!

**Photo by Ella de Kross on Unsplash  (I don't know anyone who lives in a home like the one pictured, but I loved it and I know that Christ can be the center of any home, no matter how small or great, if He is welcomed in!)

Reset

 Here is a quote that I think goes well with Sundays especially -- but really with any day and any time.

"No one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend; but anyone can start from here and make a brand new end."

                                                            Quote by Dan Zadra 

None of us are perfect and so it is good to remember that even when we make terrible, frustrating mistakes, we can start again to change and make a brand new, and happier end.

**Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

A Touch of Spring

 

We are currently living in a rental house.  The upstairs of the house has one thing going for it that I love.  It has nice windows that let in a lot of sunshine when sunshine is available!

This morning (and I'm writing this on Friday) I didn't feel as exhausted upon waking up as I had yesterday.  It fact, it was one of those nice mornings where I had some energy.  Perhaps energy, and sunshine, create a bit of the Spring feeling in my mind.  Every where I went this morning, I felt a bit more like Spring than Winter!

In some of my research on Winter, I found a few quotes I like.  I'll leave you with one:

"The color of springtime is flowers; the color of winter is in our imagination."              Terri Guillemets

It's always a good time to use our imagination to bring a little bit of joyful color to a drab day -- or even a sunny one! 

**Photo by Hasmik Ghazaryan Olson on Unsplash

Noticing Good. Sharing Good.

Did I just pick a random picture to go with this post?  Yes.  Yes I did.  This is Dan and Me up in the mountains -- maybe on a Sunday.

Have you ever had someone tell you that you are good at something?  Or that you have a gift for something?  Maybe they mention a characteristic you have when they are trying to find you and can't remember your name.  It is really nice to have someone say what they see that we are good at!  I was reading about this in a book this morning, and it reminded me of a couple of things.

Once, I went to visit my Aunt and Uncle from Missouri when they were staying in Orem.  I was telling my Uncle H.D. about how much it had meant to me when a couple of his kids, David and Danny, would come and visit me in college. David would take me for rides on his motorcycle.  He taught me to lean with the curves and I got to go shoe shopping with him so I could hold the shoes on the way back to Provo.  Even before college they would both would ask me to dance at stake dances and they were tall and handsome and I was short, and somewhat insecure.  What a difference they made to me!  My Uncle then said, basically, "You are good at noticing and remembering the good in people."  I have remembered that for years. I loved, admired and respected my Uncle (and still do even though he has passed on) and it meant a lot to me that he thought I was good at that.  It made me want to be even better at it!  

Another time I was at a large Christensen gathering for a family event.  Maybe a baptism or a blessing of a niece or nephew and so there were people there that I didn't know as well.  When one of them was leaving they asked "Where is the person with the big smile?"  It turns out they were looking for me, to say goodbye!  That was such a thoughtful thing to do, and such a nice way to look for me, and it was a blessing!  My smile has not always been something I have been confident in.  Even though I had braces I still have large front teeth with a little gap between them, and really, when I smile you see gums more than teeth.  How nice for me that when I get insecure I often think back to this nice person who was looking for the "person with the big smile!"  It makes me feel less self conscious, and more willing to share that big smile and hope it makes a difference to someone.

I love people who not only notice good things, but share them!  I want to be like that all of the time!

Forget Your Perfect Offering

 "Forget your perfect offering -- there's a crack in everything -- that's how the light gets in."

From Anthem by Leonard Cohen

Have you ever tried to do something for someone and had it not work out like you wanted?  I made dinner for neighbors once and it would not get done.  The rice would not stop being crunchy.  It took forever, was late, and then probably wasn't very good.  It was far from a perfect offering.  It was probably a good thing that I think someone else ended up taking dinner the same day.  So, was my effort wasted?  It was frustrating for sure, but I hope, even though the food was far from what I had intended, the light of love showed up with the food because of the effort.

Sometimes we just really, really want things to be perfect.   We want to help someone, but we want to help them with food that is tasty (And hello!  Nothing wrong with that one!).  We want to say exactly the right thing, or give exactly the right gift!  It's okay to want to do those things, and sometimes we will pull it off, but I know from experience that it's easy to not give things, or say words, or show up at all because we know it won't be perfect, and in hesitating, we are blocking the light that would otherwise have shown up with our imperfect offering!  

This is just a thought I hope to keep in mind to help me avoid hesitation when I want to do good, but am afraid.

***Photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash

I Love You Because...

I love you is good to hear, but I love you because (insert nice thing here) is more specific and personal.  I love all of you for reading my blog.  I might love you for a lot of other reasons too, but today, I thank you for reading what I have to say, because it makes me feel useful, and maybe even a little important!

This has nothing to do with the post -- but a lot of the wood has arrived for our house!  Yay for progress!

Naturally Derek is wearing shorts -- January is close to spring right?  This is taken from the North side of the house.  Once the floors are poured the framing can start (I think).

My Adventures With A Prayer Journal

I have liked the idea of a prayer journal for a long time, but haven't ever felt like I used mine successfully.  I occasionally write prayers in it, which can be useful, but writing down what I need to pray about hasn't helped as I don't remember to refer to it.  Finally, as I contemplated how I could better communicate with Heavenly Father in the morning when I feel like I'm semi-incoherent, sometimes fall asleep, and rarely wake up grateful, I took to researching routines and prayer journals and I came up with a plan to try.  I'm on day two so you can just realize that I don't exactly have a long history of success!  Two days is better than zero though, and some good conversations with my sisters have helped me come up with things I want to find a way to add.

So first, I had to give in and set my alarm for earlier.  No!  Don't stop reading now!  Maybe you wouldn't have to do that!  I just could not figure out another reliable way to get some undistracted, uninterrupted minutes.  Second, I started trying to find a good wake up song.  My sisters helped me find some good songs, and I know some, but my mood isn't always the same and so the last two days I've just asked our Alexa to play hymns that came to mind.  I've found good versions of a couple of hymns I love that way!

Finally, out come the scriptures and the journal.  The idea I got from Pinterest (yes, I'm still a fan), was to:

1.  Start by writing 5 things to praise God for along with the scripture references.  This is a good exercise as it reminds me that God is smarter, stronger, more powerful, and more loving than me and that He cares about His creations.  

2.  I am to list five things I am thankful for from the day before.  This morning was one of those nice days when more things kept coming to mind -- so I didn't stick to 5 and could have written more.  

3.  I am to confess.  The person on Pinterest said to be specific.  Not just confessing gluttony for example, but "I ate 5 pieces of cake" or whatever the real thing was.  She said to confess 5 things too I think, but I just try to contemplate anything I might need to confess from the day before.

4.  Repent.  The idea here is to look at the things I confessed (or you because, no offense, I'm probably not going to write mine on here!) and decide what can be done to turn back to God in those areas.  For example, If I confessed to eating 5 pieces of cake, I would repent by deciding to take care of the body God blessed me with better and not going crazy with the cake eating -- and maybe even eat a vegetable or two!

5.  List 5 people, things, or situations that you can use help with that day.  I like this because it gives me a purpose of the day.  Which 5 things should I ask for guidance for and focus on?

6.  Turn my day over to God.  Let Him have my time and add to or take away from my 5 things as He sees fit.  This requires listening for thoughts and ideas that may be inspiration and then following through.

7.  My sister Jenny has a favorite quote.  It goes, "When the mind is still, the soul speaks."  She takes time every day to meditate on the fact that she is God's child.  He knows her and loves her.  She takes the time to feel that love.  This is the part I need to make sure to add.  Doing the above things, especially one and two, help me to feel God's love for me, and (with my whole 2 days of trying), this way of starting my morning has given me a focus and a purpose and the chance to contemplate better what I can do to better give my life to my Savior who gave His life for me!

*The Pinterest Post was by "Farm Girl Journals"

Word of the Year: Seasons

Me, Kayli and Teddy on a hike up Santaquin Canyon

Towards the end of last year I talked about Seasons and how I was studying each season and trying to come up with a health plan that revolved around the Seasons.  I decided at some point that my word of the year would be Seasons.  I even got a wall calendar called "SEASONS" that has beautiful pictures of each month.

One of the things that I am trying to implement as a part of my winter Season is getting outside more -- and specifically into parks and canyons if possible.  This gets me into nature to see the beauty that exists in winter, and it gets me a bit of sunshine.  Kayli and Derek are very helpful with this.  It helps to have a Teddy that needs some exercise.  I need it too -- but I enjoy it less than he does!

I hiked Santaquin canyon with Kayli one day and with Kayli, Derek, Jake and Dan the next day.  I was more tired the second day and cried on the hike, which I was hoping I was past doing.  Sigh.  Kayli was very kind (she was the one walking with me).  I have issues with being the slowest that I am working on dealing with in a better way (like being okay with being slow).  

All of the pictures above are from Santaquin Canyon.  Today we went up Payson canyon and I didn't get any pictures -- but Dan did.  He tried to send them to me, but they haven't arrived.  The Canyons are beautiful.  Today I didn't cry, but I turned around and went down before everyone else.  Instead of getting in the car though, I went up into the woods above the car where there wasn't a trail and tromped around.  I like woods in the snow, and I like walking among the trees and making my own trail so I thought that was fun.  

Christmas Day

 Celebrating Christ's birth has always found us giving and receiving presents.  There are moments in each Christmas Season that I find feel more like the celebration of Christ's birth, but mainly this time, it was a feeling of gratitude for time with family.  Here are the pictures from that day.

This is towards the end of the day.  I think the pictures are in backwards order.  We were watching a movie -- or getting ready to maybe.

Trisa brought in a mattress for the movie and was quickly joined by Chewy and by Teddy!

Mike in the kitchen opening something? :-)

Trisa, Jake, and Kayli with their piles of stuff.  Derek's legs:-)

Cute Tia and the mess before it could get cleaned up.

Derek trying on Kayli's gift from Brit and Kota.

Kayli in her own gift.  That robe is really, really soft!

Tia and Mike opening their presents.

Jake and Kayli opening their presents.

Trisa and Jake opening their presents with Teddy watching Kayli.

Derek trying to dig the last gifts out from under the tree.  This picture makes me smile.  You can also see Dan's back and Chewy.

Tia and Mike.  Tia is sitting with "Baby Yoda" who is really Grogu.  

Mike and Tia again.

My Derek!

Chewy, Trisa, Dan, Teddy and Jake

Dan, Kayli and the Dogs.

Dan by stockings.

That is all of the pictures I have.  It was my camera which explains why there weren't any of me.  I got nice gifts too.  We waited for Tia and Mike before opening our gifts.  We just enjoyed our stocking gifts, and breakfast, etc. until then.  It's a good thing they showed up when they did.  Patience was starting to disappear!  We had to wake Jake up this year!  There was only Jake in the basement and no sleepover except Trisa in Kayli's room and so there was no race up the stairs or anything.  It was different, but it was a nice day.  We usually have Derek's sister Erin and her husband Russell and their family over on Christmas Day, but it was Covid year and so we played a couple of games with them over the computer and called it good -- but we missed seeing them in person!

Christmas Eve

 

I have no pictures from Christmas Eve, but above, if you look in the sky between the trees you will see the "Christmas Star" that I took a picture of on December 21st.  It is really two planets close together, but it was pretty fun to see since it only happens every few hundred years!  You can find it in the picture below too.

Christmas Eve day seemed long.  I don't even remember what we did!  On Christmas Eve we were able to go over to Derek's parents house in the evening and take some pizza with us.  We wore our masks until we had food and we were sitting at a different table than his parents, but it was nice to get to do a little something that was "normal" for us to do.  

After dinner Derek read out of a journal Derek's Mom had him write in years ago and so we could enjoy his perspective as a 16 year old at Christmas time, and then we went downstairs and sang songs to my girls playing the piano or me playing guitar until it was time to hurry to the cemetery where more family showed up and we sang Silent Night by family grave stones in the candle light.  The cemetery is always beautiful on Christmas Eve with candles everywhere!

Christmas Eve Eve

 As our children get older there seem to need to be more adjustments made to holiday celebrations, and Christmas is not an exception. We all knew that there for sure would be differences in 2020!  For one thing, we don't live at the same house and so our traditional Christmas Eve pictures could not be taken in front of the fireplace.  This year, they couldn't even be taken on Christmas Eve if we wanted everyone to be in the pictures!   We took them on December 23rd instead because Connor and Amanda were here for the day.

Left to Right:  Jake, Dan, Tia, Mike, Sherie, Derek, Connor, Amanda, Kayli, Trisa with Teddy and Chewy in front (not looking at the camera)

While Connor and Amanda were here we went up to our property so they could see the progress on our house, we chatted, we got out their presents and took down their Christmas stockings so they could take them home, and we played games.  Honestly, I don't remember all that we did, I just remember that the time came for them to go home before I wanted it to, and I am thankful that they came!

Kayli's Birthday

Kayli's birthday was December 19th.  We celebrated (of course).  She was also remembered by some friends.  I am glad because Kayli is good at remembering other people's special occasions!  

I forgot to have Kayli send me pictures of her adventures with her friend Brittany.  Brit took Kayli to a farm.  Smart move!  Brittany is a good friend and knows Kayli well.  Kayli loves animals and she especially loves goats.  The farm had goats!  And a cow or two and maybe some chickens.  Kayli had a very good time.

Kayli with her Dad.  She loves her Papa -- who she often calls Gary -- which is really confusing to everyone who knows his name is Derek.

This is Derek, Kayli and Teddy.  The gift Kayli is looking at is actually from Trisa.  I believe it is a Supernatural coloring book.  Kayli enjoys Supernatural.

This is Maddie and Kayli.  Maddie has been Kayli's friend since high school (at least).  They were college roommates for a while and I love Maddie because she is a good friend to Kayli, and a sweet person in general.  She brought a present that was for Teddy because she knew Kayli would like that.  That has been one popular gift!  It was funny to watch Trisa's dog Chewy try to get a squirrel.  Teddy would take it away as soon as he noticed, and Chewy would pick up another one.  That was an ongoing thing the whole time Chewy was here!

 I love Kayli!  I am thankful for her every day.  She is really smart, she plays the piano beautifully, and is a good example in lots of ways.  She is really fun, and is good at loving people.