I can write more things and take less time if I allow myself to put out B+ work or maybe even B-. Every now and then an A or an A+ piece of writing might appear, but there is value in being okay with imperfection.
It is easier for me to be all in, or all out. It is easier for me to write every day, than 3 days a week. It easier for me to do without all desserts than to just eat some.
Creating is a happy thing for me. I like creating poems and songs and decorations and bulletin boards and even just ideas of things to do.
Though I am by no means perfect at it, I have learned to be a bit better about being sympathetic about other people’s problems -- even my own children’s -- without taking responsibility for them.
I realized this year how often I ask Derek to decide things that there is no reason I can’t decide. Because of this I have been trying hard to have an opinion and to own what I want.
Volunteering can be a very good thing. I have volunteered for things off and on for years with varying levels of enjoyment, but this year I have very much enjoyed the two different volunteer opportunities I have. The temple is always so happy for me, and organizing shelves of food and helping people who come in is also happy for me.
In the last couple of years of difficult health challenges, and various family challenges I have sometimes really not wanted to be President of the Primary -- except on Sundays. I love the children in Primary, and am thankful for the smiles and the love that they share with me. I think I am often good for the children, but I absolutely know that they are good for me!
I have learned that I am really glad Kayli takes care of the hard things about taking care of Teddy, but that I really find him funny, and I laugh more because he is here and because I think it is fun to play with him.
I am learning to give myself more grace. The last couple of years has been teaching me that I do not have to accomplish a specific list of things to be valuable and that if I don’t make dinner I might as well just enjoy not making it instead of being wracked with guilt!
It is best for me to not constantly look inward and try to root out every mistake I have made and wrong thing I might have said or done. Instead, if I am down I don’t assume that it is because I have done something wrong. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m hungry. Maybe I need to get out of the house. Maybe I need someone to talk to. I think instead of something good I can do that will make me, or someone else happy. It is a relief to not constantly be gazing at myself critically.
I realized a similar thing as I tried to improve my prayers. I became very critical of every prayer I said for a while, and then realized it was much more helpful to notice what I did right.
Currently it is helping me to have an easy exercise plan. That way I can teach myself that I keep to my plans. Often, once I have started, I can do more, and when I don’t do more I remind myself that I have done what I planned.
At the end of the Primary Program this year I had five minutes to share my testimony of Jesus and His Atonement. I felt like I was inspired as the program was happening about what to say. I talked about how “God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world”. If He isn’t condemning me when I make mistakes or sin what is He doing? I feel like He is having compassion, He is reaching out with love and encouragement and giving hope that I can do better. He is saving me.
Endless compassion helps us see others more clearly.
I heard this year that “What other people think of me is none of my business”. I do not want to make decisions based on what I feel others want, but based on what I know and feel is right and good.
I have thought a bit this year about putting Christ at the center of my life. How is it done? I think it is done by making my life about love. Love for others. Love for myself. Love for the God who made us all, and the beautiful world we live in. If I do and say things out of love, then Christ is in the things I am doing.
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