A Way To NOT Improve Prayers

Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash

The other day after praying I said, in what must have been a discouraged voice, "and everything I forgot".  Dan said, "Mom, it was a good prayer". 
I have tried to get rid of the non-helpful method of criticizing myself to spark improvement.  This method not only doesn't work, it sends me into fits of depression. 

I have been studying, and working on improving my prayers, but Dan's comment helped me realize that I had fallen into the old pattern. I was looking for what I did "wrong" somehow thinking that would help me to improve.  It didn't.  In fact, it was starting to make me dread praying!

I realized that day that it would be better if I noticed every good thing about my prayers. Everything that worked.  Everything I did remember.  I could hold on to those things, and maybe, slowly, the things that I forget would be remembered, and the inspiration I want would come.  In fact, a day after this realization, I went to say my morning prayer, and was prompted to changed something I usually say to something similar that felt more grateful, and worshipful, and to ask for something more useful.  This gave me hope for the improvement that I had been hoping for.

Looking for what I was doing wrong, instead of improving what I was doing right, was NOT a way to improve my prayers!

The Happiest Part of Your Day

Trisa and a slightly panicked Tia on the swing set my Dad and Derek built.
It gave us many, many years of good service!

Yesterday at dinnertime Dan asked Jake and me (Derek was stuck in traffic) what the best part of our days had been.  This has been done a lot at our house over the years, and I am always thankful to be reminded that no matter how hard a day has been, or how long it has seemed, there is something to be grateful for.

Dan was grateful to learn some new skill in his computer coding class.  Jake was thankful that a friend came over and helped him disassemble our old swing set (may it rest in peace).  I was thankful to have recordings of Fixer Upper to watch while I folded piles of laundry.  It was like being in the presence of happy, creative friends -- which was appreciated on a day when I was tired, had a headache, and just didn't want to -- well just about anything!

Hooray for the happy moments that are hiding somewhere in our days if we look for them!

Connor swinging on the swing set once it was moved to our new house (1998)
All of the kids used the swing set.  I just don't know where those pictures are hiding!

Control Those Thoughts!

I have learned that when I wallow in thoughts of everything I am not, I do not progress and I find it much more difficult to feel and follow the Spirit.

Divine Discontent by Michelle D. Craig

One thing I've been working on for years and years, and will no doubt need to keep working on forever, is controlling my thoughts.  I'm good at thinking positive thoughts about others (for the most part) but not always as good at thinking good things about me -- though I'm making progress! 

 It is so easy to think, "I'm not a good mother", or "I am not good at making dinner", or "I am not smart", etc. etc. etc.  I'm not sure why it seems easier to think those things than the positive ones.  Perhaps those of us who do this think we are not supposed to believe ourselves to be good at anything?  Maybe we think listing what we are not will keep us from having pride?  Whatever the reason, this type of thinking needs to stop.  We need to stop bullying ourselves about what we are not, and start noticing the good things that we are.

There is always another way to look at whatever negative thing we are telling ourselves.  I am a mother who loves her children.  I am good at making dinner when I want to make it!  I don't know everything, but I know a lot of things.  Once when I was trying to break this negative thinking habit I would make myself say something positive out loud if I heard myself say something negative to myself in my head.  I still smile when I remember looking at a messy stack of stuff by my night stand and saying, "I'm a mess!"  Then I stopped, and said, "I mean, look at all of the good things I am working on!"  And, I was working on a lot of good things, and the mess wasn't the most important thing.

So, here's to never giving up on controlling our thoughts, or on noticing what we are -- good people who are trying really hard to do good things.