The Hard Life of A Control Freak

The winds and the waves shall obey (God's) will.  Peace, be still.
(Master The Tempest is Raging)

Have you ever tried to control everything?  I know I have.  I will make a schedule, and try to rigidly stick to it while having a list of rules that I desperately try to keep all of the time.  I've tried to control how my children handle their challenges, how clean they keep their room, and when they turn in their homework.  In Max Lucado's book Anxious for Nothing he says "...the most stressed-out people are control freaks."  Why? because "Life becomes a cycle of anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure."

But aren't we supposed to have control?  Well yes.  And no.  I can make a schedule.  It can be a smart, awesome schedule, but I can't completely control how things turn out, no matter how hard I try.  I might get sick, the car might break down, and someone might need my help right at the time I have something else scheduled!  I can decide to follow every good rule, but what about the times that I get angry, when my rule was to never do that?  People I know may have challenges.  I can do all in my power to solve those problems for them, but they have agency, and in the end they have the power to accept, reject, or ignore whatever help I give.

We can control what we do, or at least we can try, but we can't control the outcome because we can't control the weather, other people, animals, our health, etc.  We can affect those things -- but not control them.  So what do we do?  We trust God.  He is aware of me and my inability to do everything perfectly.  He is aware of everyone who needs help.  We might look around and think He is not doing His job well, but when we think that we are being a bit like a 2 year old who tells their parent "No, I do it myself" when doing it themselves would be disastrous!

Anxiety passes as trust in God increases.  With His help, we can give up the hard life of a control freak.

***Photo by Leo Roomets on Unsplash

Speak and Act Out of Love

It is best to take our frustrations to the Lord and our love to the people. 

John Lund

Dan, Tia, Jake, Connor, Trisa, and Kayli in 2012
I'm thankful for every time I remembered to keep my mouth shut when I was frustrated
with any of these wonderful people!

When I get frustrated I can feel my whole body start to tense up and I can almost feel my frustrated thoughts trying to get out into the open.  If I don't stop myself from speaking when I'm frustrated, I regret it.  I am not very loving in those moments!

When Connor was in junior high and was having problems with anxiety, I would get anxious too, and frustrated that I didn't know how to help.  Then, when I spoke during that frustration Connor would say, "It doesn't help for you to get angry at me!"  I would then have to explain that I wasn't angry at him, just frustrated that I didn't know how to help him.  I'm sure that this explanation was never as good as the times that I waited through the frustration, and spoke consciously with love.

Connor got better as time went by, and I am convinced that one of the largest factors was that I got better at taking my frustrations to Heavenly Father, and speaking more calmly, from a place of love, to Connor.