Trip to Capitol Reef National Park

A week after Tia got married we took Jake, Dan, Kayli, and Kayli's friend Maddie to Capitol Reef National Park.  It wasn't a long trip.  We went on a Friday and stayed in a hotel, where we went swimming, and Saturday we went to the national park to hike.  I was still having radiation treatments and so we didn't do any really long hikes and there was one section the rest of the group climbed up while I waited at the bottom.  The weather was beautiful for hiking, and the company was great!

Derek

Derek and Kayli

Maddie, Jake and the deer.

My radiation Dr. told me about
a vine at this park that you could
climb on.  It was damaged and is
fenced in so it can recover.

Derek and a nice smelling
flowering bush.

Dan

Derek, Jake, Kayli, Maddie, Dan

Derek, Jake, Kayli, Dan, and me (Sherie)

Dan and Derek

The Canyon

Dan's Last Fun Run in Elementary School

Dan at the finish line of his last one mile fun run (posing).

Every year the Elementary school has a "fun" run.  Some times I have run with my boys (or walked).  Sometimes I have walked / jogged but never really saw my boys until the end since I couldn't keep up.  This year I was in the middle of radiation treatments and didn't run or walk.  I just waited for Dan to get back so that I could take his picture.  He did a good job and I think he jogged the whole way!

The Non-Wedding Part of Derek's Birthday

A book he asked for.

Chips from Tia and Mike (I think)

Cookies also from Tia and Mike

Travis brought his Segway which Derek and the boys enjoyed trying.

Tia Got Married! (In May!)

On Derek's birthday, and Mike's Mom's birthday, Tia and Mike got married in the Payson Temple.  There was a luncheon afterwards at the Emerald Eve in Salem.  Derek spoke, as did Mike's parents.  It was really great!  We love having Mike in the family!

Tia shooting in Michigan when she went out to meet Mike's parents (Pat, and Dan)

The cake cutting and "feeding" it to each other

Tia throwing her bouquet (and aiming at a specific person)

Tia's wedding shoes, bought by Mike's Mom Pat

The Luncheon.  I have this on my computer because I was amused by Mike's face.  He thinks perhaps there was a Donald Trump joke going on.

Tia trying on dresses and finding the one she wanted.  Her sisters and I were there.
She had always wanted a short dress, and she looked great in it!

I'm not sure where all of the more professional pictures got to, but just know that Tia was pretty, and Mike was handsome, and the families were happy.

At the reception there was an "Advice Taco".  People wrote advice and put it in the taco.

Bridal Shower / Wedding Gifts

Tia's aunts threw a bridal shower for her at her Grandma Christensen's house.  There were some games that I thought were fun, tasty snacks, and the chance for Tia to be dressed in the wrapping paper all of her gifts came in.  This is apparently a tradition because that is what was done to me at my bridal shower at Tia's Grandma's house!

Tia!  Trisa on the right.

I understand that Tia was NOT happy that I sent this picture to Mike.  Oops!

Lots of presents were mailed to our house.  This is two of them being held by Jake and Kayli.

I do not have a list of everyone that came to the shower, but Tia told the story of how she met Mike and how she ended up getting engaged to him.  A lot of Tia's younger girl cousins were there and they enjoyed the story very much (as did the rest of us).  Aunt Megan told Tia to take a couple of minutes to tell the story and then laughed at the long 2 minutes that was more like 20 minutes.  Still, I think it was most people's favorite part of the event.

Anna Kennington, a friend and my girl's former piano teacher came and so did my friend Shellie.  Shannon and her daughter "Little Megan" could only come for a few minutes, but I was glad they stopped by.  As always, all of Tia's aunts that could make it were there.

Tia Turned 25! (In April)

Kayli, Mike, and Tia.  Birthday dessert!

Tia, Dan, Teddy, and Mike

Happy Birthday to our sweet Tia!

I love Tia!  She is talented in so many ways, and it has been so fun to see her be happy with Mike and to have had Mike to help celebrate!  I really, really love how all of my kids help each other.  I love Tia's gift for helping people smile and laugh.  Her laugh is contagious and she uses it often!

Jake is 16! (Back in February!)

What makes a happy birthday for Jake?  Well, when I asked him if it was a good day he said it was because most people at school didn't know, and the one who did didn't tell anyone. So having most people unaware it is your birthday helps make a happy birthday for Jake.

Here are some pictures:

Jake Opens Presents

Happy birthday cake with candles to make a wish with!

Jake is awesome.  I love how helpful he is.  With all of the doctors appointments and surgeries that I have had this year, Jake ended up doing a lot of work around the house and yard!  He's his Dad's project buddy too.  He loves his family, and this makes me happy too.  Derek and I are glad that we have a Jake!

An Unexpected Year

Ok, so I really did expect 2018 to arrive, but the events in it?  Not so much.  What to do with a year like this one?  I have had to really work on how to have good days in the midst of hard things.  Biopsies, surgeries, treatments, multiple pokings and then a missing dog!  I will be the first to admit that I am not always successful at seeing good days.  Sometimes I lie in bed, or sit in a chair, and just wish everything was "normal".  But I really do believe that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing, and He knows when things are hard for me.  I believe He sends us what we need to get through things, but it is our job to look for those things, and to be grateful for them.  Here are a few things I am thankful for:

1.  People.  Family, friends, medical personnel, neighbors, strangers.  People who are nice.  People who care for other people -- in this case me.  I would not do well without all of the good, kind people I know, and the ones I met, and even the ones I don't know who have smiled and been encouraging in some way.

2.  Music.  Derek gave me Alexa for his birthday (He's nice like that).  I like asking her to play whichever artists I can come up with names for.  I tried David Osmond.  She said, "shuffling songs by David Osmond".  She then proceeded to play exactly one song.   I have listened to it over, and over, and over.   The song is by Shawna Edwards and I love the words. "If we seek the light when peace is hard to find, He'll send us silent nights and touch our ears so we can hear an angel voice.  And in the darkest times He will lift our eyes to see the star still shines."  In the hospital, after some hard days, I was blessed with peaceful nights, and was very thankful. You can listen here.  It will likely give you a commercial first.  Sorry!

3.  Prayers, and the faith of others.  I pray, and it has helped me through some tough things, but the prayers of others helped too, both with my challenges and when Teddy the dog went missing.  We looked for him for hours, and we were all so sad, and I was so discouraged and worried.  Before going to bed on the second night Teddy was missing Dan said, "Mom, I will pray for Teddy again that he will come home -- like I prayed last night.  When I prayed last night I got a warm feeling, so I think he will be okay and will come home.  I don't know when.  But he will come home."  I am so thankful for the faith of my 11 year old!  I needed it in that moment.  Today, when I was out looking for Teddy and praying aloud asking if Heavenly Father could please just have Teddy walk home -- Teddy walked home.

Even in a "normal" year I am thankful for the things listed above, but in an unexpected year, or more accurately a year with many unexpected challenges, my need for these things is magnified, and hopefully my gratitude for them is too.

Doing The Best I Can At Any Given Moment

Derek and Me at the State Capital when he took me away from my stresses for a weekend.

Derek, Jake, Kayli, Dan and Me on Derek's and My 30th anniversary weekend at Capital Reef.

I want to write today, which doesn't happen a lot lately.  I feel like I haven't given a general update in a very long time.  I think I reported the very good news that the cancer I had is gone.  There was also the, to me, extremely good news that they didn't do an unnecessary mastectomy.  Then came the time to recover from surgery and to start seeing oncologists for follow up preventative treatments.

I have dealt with the unfortunate side effect of surgery, which was pain.  It had finally started to ease up when radiation started.  Now there is the unfortunate side effect of radiation.  I am burnt.  It feels like a bad sunburn, but instead of knowing it will fade in a couple of days, I know instead that it will get worse before it gets better.  Clothing hurts, but don't worry!  I still choose to wear clothes every day!

I opted to keep getting my allergy shots this year in the hopes that I will continue to be able to eat watermelon and avocados and other raw fruits and vegetables once this year is over.  That means that along with getting my blood drawn every week for the radiologist, I get two shots at least every other week.  I also get my blood drawn an extra time if I go visit the medical oncologist.  I try to be a really good sport about all of the poking, but it is possible I am starting to whine when they are taking my blood again!!!

I am more than halfway done with radiation (I have done 20 out of 33 treatments).  I have made friends of the nice people who help me there, and of the lady at the front desk who had breast cancer in the past, and whose daughter found out today she'd need a biopsy.  It makes it easier to go to treatment when everyone smiles and waves and is happy to see me every single day.

My family and extended family have been great.  My friends have been awesome.  I have tried to turn as many of my radiation trips as I can into happy adventures.  I try to let myself rest when I am exhausted, and I do my best to take care of my responsibilities.  I still absolutely do not like to ask for help.  I feel like a two year old who wants to yell "I can do it myself!!!"  even when I really can't.  I have been thankful for sisters-in-law who have just volunteered, and for a husband who has taken off of work he doesn't really have time to take off from to come sit in a doctors office with me so I won't feel alone and overwhelmed.  My friend Shellie came with me once too when Derek couldn't.

When I realized that I was struggling to have good days I read a book by Emily Freeman called "Seeing Good Days" and it reminded me to try looking at things from a different perspective.  It really did help me when I realized that I had chosen radiation even though I still rebel against it in my mind, and that I have the choice how I deal with it.  I can deal with it by turning inward and feeling sad and sorry for myself (which still happens sometimes), or by trying to turn something that is hard for me into something good for those around me.  I have tried to do that and I have received a lot of kindness in return.  The book also reminded me to look for tender mercies from Heavenly Father every day, and they are there.  When I look, I find them.

Once radiation is done there will be a hysterectomy to effectively "turn off" the estrogen made by my ovaries, and then some drugs to turn off the rest.  Again, this was my choice.  I could have tried juggling different drugs, but this option sounded "easiest" for me.

I still cry because I think I "should handle this better", or "it shouldn't be so hard and I don't know why it is".  Derek points out that it doesn't matter why, it just is, and that I am dealing with it the best I can, which is good enough.  Yay for a good Derek!

I always wonder how to answer the question "How are you doing?"  I suppose that I am just doing the best I can at any given moment.  Sometimes that is really great.  Sometimes not so much.  (Which isn't so different than how I do normally!)  Amidst the buckets of tears I've cried, I do know that I am cared for and loved and watched over, and I am thankful for that!  I am thankful for all of you.

And Look!  Tia and Mike got married!!  I have no good pictures really, but it was a great day.
This was right after the cake smashing in the face incident.

When I'm Afraid

It was time for my yearly mammogram in December, but I waited until January.  December is busy.  So on the last Friday in January I went in, and on the second Friday in February I was back for my second mammogram.  I was told I had microcalcifications, which are normal, unless they aren't.  80% of the time they're normal.  Not to worry!  But I did.  I was going to have to have a biopsy.

The day after my second mammogram I woke up and started typing words into my phone as they came to me.  Words of faith, and courage.  Words, that I added to a bit, and rearranged, and eventually turned into a song.  Words that, when I sing them, help me to have the courage and faith that I want to have.

As I chronicle some of my experiences I hope you will know that I do have faith, and courage, but sometimes I also give in to sorrow, and fear.  Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around what is happening to me and I really want to be in denial -- and on vacation.  What I really thought wouldn't be too big of a deal keeps changing.  Just one more thing.  Then another.  And another.  But I am never alone.  My family and friends surround me.  My Savior does comfort me when I'm afraid, if I let Him.  I have to let go of my fear, and press on knowing that He really is there watching over me, and He can help me be okay no matter what.  When I make myself quit crying, and feeling sorry for myself, and I give my fear to Him, He gives me calm in return.

So here are the words I wrote, and a recording that I made so I wouldn't forget the tune.  I was going to try to do a better recording, but I might never get around to it, click  HOORAY! and enjoy the face I make at the camera, as well as the song.

When I'm Afraid

My Savior comforts me when I’m afraid.

And though it seems sometimes that He is very far away

I trust that He is close, holding me up day by day.

And when the storm beats down, He’s not asleep.

He holds His hand outstretched to me when the path is steep.

And keeps His watch as giant waves come crashing from the deep.

And when I feel so sad and all alone

I think of His great love and all He did so I could come home.

I know that He's with me no matter how far I may roam.

I feel His peace around me when I’m still

And ask for strength and courage to trust Him and do His will.

He helps me to hold on through any sorrow that I feel.

And when I fail again He won’t condemn

He’ll pick me up and help me so that I can start again.

My Savior knows my sorrow and the guilt or pain I’m in.

So when I do not know which way to go

I take a step toward Him and His light makes my path to glow

I know there’s hope because there is no path that He won’t know.

My Savior comforts me when I’m afraid

And I give thanks to Him while on this world that He has made

And trust in Him to guide me through the path that He has laid.

I thank Him for the beauty all around,

The wonder and the happiness in every joyful sound.

I thank Him for the good and lovely things that here abound.

But most of all I thank Him for His love,

For wanting me despite my faults to live with Him above.

In His kingdom filled with joy, and happiness and love.

Helping and Being Helped. Loving and Being Loved.

It seems like we always want to be the ones who are helping.  We do not want to depend on other people.  We want to be self sufficient.  I know that I want to do the work that I consider mine.  At least a part of me wants to handle my challenges without anyone else being bothered, or worrying.  But I have tried this before, and it is hard, and lonely.

I am currently in a situation where I have needed help, and where I know that I will need more.  I have what I like to call a mild case of breast cancer.  Very curable.  Just not fun or convenient.  I told somebody that I was going to have to let people help me more than I want to.  The helper is the strong one -- right?  Don't I want to be the strong one?  (Yes!  I do!)

It struck me today that perhaps I should think of helping and being helped more as loving and being loved.  Is it really a weakness to be loved?  Does it make me less of a person that people care enough for me to want to make my life easier, or more manageable?   Aren't I helping too, when I really appreciate what people do for me?  When I love them for loving me so well?  When I want to help them just like they help me?

I think, when we change how we look at it, helping, and being helped can be loving and being loved, and loving each other is what life is about.

This is my elephant that I haven't yet named -- much to Dan's disappointment.
A friend gave him to me so I'd have something to snuggle in hard moments.
Ha!  Maybe I should name him Snuggles!

 

Tia is Engaged!

Mike and Tia

Tia got engaged to Mike Stankey on January 18th, though naturally the temple was scheduled before that.  I would have written about this sooner, but Tia and Mike were just a bit stubborn and wouldn't send me a picture of them both together.  Tia always claimed that Mike had all of the pictures, and when I asked Mike for a picture he told me that his ear was in the picture of Tia that he had sent me the night before.  I love them both anyway.  It is so fun to have them around, and I didn't exactly remember to try to take their picture when they were here either.

Mike is from Ohio, though his family lives in Michigan now.  Tia and Mike are currently there visiting his family.  He is the middle of 3 children with an older brother and a younger sister -- all of them grown up.  Tia and Mike met during a Family Home Evening (they're in the same ward) and Mike said he got up the courage to talk to her when they were carving pumpkins.  Mike attends BYU and is in the U.S. Army Reserve (though he hasn't done basic training yet -- that comes after the wedding).

I love a lot of things about Mike including his smile, his thoughtfulness, and his good humor.  Once somebody was trying to ask Tia out at work and Tia said, "Oh, I have a Mike".  I like how much Tia smiles because she has a Mike, and he loves her so well. We will like having another son-in-law. They are getting married on May 5th.  This is also Tia's Dad's birthday, and Mike's Mom's birthday so there will be a lot of celebrating to do!

A picture from Kayli's birthday celebration in December

The Poor Pooch

Teddy in his cast and cone.

See Kayli's feet?  That's how close to Kayli Teddy likes to be right now.
Every minute of the day and night if possible.

I believe the story goes like this:

Once upon a time there was a fun, wiggly, poofy dog who liked to chase things.  He was visiting his friends in another house where there are dogs and cats to play with, and he decided that chasing one of the cats would be really fun -- and it was -- right until he slid on the wood floor too close to a wall vent and sliced open his foot.

Poor Kayli and her friend, who really dislike blood, were trying not to pass out while trying to figure out what to do.  They ended up driving Teddy to the Instacare for dogs up in Orem.  Teddy had to have stitches, which naturally he couldn't be awake for.  He has a cast-like thing that is supposed to stay dry, and the cone to keep him from biting his cast (which in the picture is covered with a sock).  The cast can come off tomorrow I think, but the cone has to stay on for two weeks.

So, Kayli's nice happy dog has become like a clingy two year old child who just wants to stay by his Kayli all of the time.  She went to the temple for an hour the other day and he cried and cried the whole time she was gone.  There was nothing I could do.  It was very sad.  He kept trying different doors hoping she would come through one of them.

He's gotten a little better since then, but he usually stays very close to whoever is home.  When I came home from orchestra last night he came right over so I could pet him and he sat on my feet in an effort to make sure I didn't go anywhere again (which is a trick Trisa and Travis' dog uses all of the time!).

It will be a nice thing when Teddy goes back to being the fun, wiggly, poofy dog that we all love -- with the non-cone, very cute, puffy face!