Try Hard To Be Happy

I've mentioned this idea before, and someone told me that it just sounded exhausting.  I think all that is meant by "try hard to be happy" is, don't just wait for happiness to happen to you.  Actively seek to do the kind of things that bring happiness.  Actively choose to think positively.  It is good to know that we have control of our happiness to a very great degree.  There are things we can't decide in life, but we can decide how to think, and how to react, though it can take practice to react in a good way.

I have been focusing on choosing happiness the last few months -- mostly on not giving in to negative thoughts.  I sometimes fail, but often now I can see that it is a choice I am making when I feel too tired to replace the negative thought with something more positive.  Even seeing that I could replace the negative thought renders it a little less powerful!  Heavenly Father gave us the gift of agency.  It is a gift that is super important.  It is a gift that gives us power.  It gives us power to choose what we believe, how we react, what we say, and whether we stay where we are, or move forward.  We have the opportunity to choose forgiveness, hope, and love.

I really like knowing that, if I practice, I can use my agency in a way that will help me be to be more happy, content, and loving.

The Connection Between Spirituality and Happiness

What is being Spiritual?  I looked it up :-).  The definition I found described spirituality as seeking a meaningful connection with something bigger than yourself -- a higher power.  I seek a meaningful connection with my Heavenly Father and Jesus, but people who do not believe in them yet still seek for that higher connection.

I know people who are kind, loving, and helpful.  They believe in a higher power and take the time to connect with that power.  Doing this has increased their ability to see their value, and has given them perspective that is helpful.

We can profess to be Christians (or any other kind of religious) without being very spiritual.  We really have to be seeking for that connection with God to be spiritual, and then, when we have made that connection, it will improve our happiness.  We will not be happy all of the time.  That isn't what life is like.  But I believe having a connection with God will help our perspective, and will help us be more content, and at peace, even when things are difficult.

*Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Get Happier by Spending More Time in Nature

There are studies that show that time in nature helps us be happier.  But why?  I imagine there are several different reasons, but for me, nature seems to put life in perspective somehow.  The world is big!  Nature is intricate, beautiful, resilient and powerful.  I think that Heavenly Father created this world in a way that made it possible for us to learn from everything.  We are one of His creations too.  We are also intricate, beautiful, resilient and powerful. 

Nature can recover from fires, floods, cold, and heat.  We can recover from broken bones, sicknesses, abuse,  and all manner of difficult things -- both physical and mental.  Nature can take us away from man made problems and man made solutions and let us connect with our Creator.  Connecting with nature can help us find the peace and hope that we need to move forward, and to believe that God is easily powerful enough to help if we ask. 

*Photo by Filip Zrnzević on Unsplash

Happy People Have In Person Conversations

This picture just got my funny bone.  They aren't people, but they are probably happier because they are obviously having a conversation!

So, what counts as an in person conversation?  Do I have to be standing by someone?  Can I be on the phone?  Texting?  Maybe not that one, though it has helped me be happier before when I was feeling like I would cry at someone if I called, but I could have a perfectly fine "conversation" if I texted!  And I know that talking on the phone with a friend is almost always a good thing for me!  Does talking to yourself count?  I think this works a little if I talk out loud, but not if I am talking to myself in my head.  I seem to be nicer to me when I talk out loud. 

I think some of the happiness gained has to depend on what the conversation is about.  Some conversations can be depressing!  And some just aren't interesting to us, and we have them to help the person we are listening to be a happier person.  Dan loves to talk about coding on the computer with a program called Scratch.  He would be happy to talk about it with me, or you for hours.  I do not love talking about coding, even though Dan can do some pretty cool things, and has an amazing imagination!  I do love Dan though.

I really do think that, for the most part, I am happier if I have more in person conversations -- or more conversations in general.  I just need to remember to find someone to talk to when I am starting to feel less than happy!

*Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

Happy People Use The Power of Music

A well used, well loved tape from my growing up years.

I have a playlist that I can ask Alexa to play that is called my "happy" playlist.  The funny thing is, that my happy playlist doesn't always make me happy.  It seems to work better when I am already happy.  Sometimes I try out a few different playlists until I find the one that works with my mood.  Often it can't be too loud.  But, I do know that music can affect my mood, and even help me work through hard things.  The power of music for me is that, if I choose the right music, it can bring the Spirit and the Spirit brings peace, and hope.

When I was growing up I liked to listen to music to go to sleep.  It would keep my mind from wandering into worries.  My sister Tina patiently listened to Air Supply night after night because I didn't want to listen to Chopin.  Later, when I had my own room, I listened to a tape of the Nauvoo Pageant at night so many times that I can probably still quote along with a lot of it and sing with the songs.  I would go to sleep, and then jerk awake when the tape ended with a snap signalling that it was time to flip the tape.

Music can transport me back to a certain place, time, or event.  It can help me remember things that I would otherwise forget.  There is a lot of power in music, and that power is used by happy people, but that power can also help us to be happy people!

Happy People Exercise

Weight lifting!
Picture by Jake

Can I just whine a little bit here?  Why is the answer to feeling better, which helps us be happier, always to "eat right and exercise?"  I guess it would be too easy if the answer was "eat ice cream and watch other people exercise."  I would be SO good at that one!

I'm afraid I get a little creative in what I count as exercise sometimes.  Let's see -- I've walked around the garden to water it, and walked around Walmart (and it's pretty big) and I even lifted a laundry basket full of clothes or two (weight lifting).  Check!

I am supposed to be walking 30 minutes a day and lifting weights a couple of times a week.  I can probably lift 3 pounds without making my shoulders hurt too bad -- maybe -- but should I really risk pain?  Oh -- I've just remembered.  No pain.  No gain.  I don't like that "rule" either.

So, if you are good at exercising, and you maybe even love it, I am so proud of you!  Feel very good about yourself!  If you are like me, and you try really hard to love exercise, but mostly you just don't because it causes you pain, or makes you need a nap, then well, we should exercise together because there's the saying that "misery loves company!"  And maybe give yourself a hug of compassion knowing that a LOT of people struggle to follow the exercising "rules" perfectly -- and then maybe get creative in what you count so you will feel happy!

Happy People Sleep More

Hmmm.  If you didn't get good sleep last night are you suddenly feeling more grumpy?  I wonder how much it would affect us if we just always assumed that we got enough sleep.  I don't think it would help every time, but other times I think I feel more tired just because I think I should!  This is something we can experiment with.  Every morning, no matter how much sleep we get, we can wake up and tell ourselves, Wow!  I got the perfect amount of sleep for today!!!"  I have it on good authority that our brains are powerful things and so I bet it would make at least a little difference in our favor! 

*Photo by Chris Thompson on Unsplash

Spend Money On Other People

When you have to save every penny to get by, it's nice when someone spends money on you.
Once you have money, it is a good idea to spend money on someone else.

I think about this at the store sometimes.  It was on the list of things happy people do that Hank Smith quoted in the talk we listened to last week. I think about it because there was a time early in our married life when I could go through my closet and list off who gave me almost every article of clothing.  I had actually only bought a couple of things myself. We just didn't have spare money.  My mother-in-law was great at making up occasions to give me things.  I remember getting a shirt with a "Happy Spring!" note, and I'm sure there were other "occasions" that aren't usually celebrated with presents!

Some of the clothes could have been from Grandma Heelis giving me money -- "Happy St. Patrick's Day!"  Derek's Grandma didn't just send money.  She loved to buy people things.  I don't think anyone ever went away from her house empty handed!

I think about buying things for people at the store, and sometimes I do, but often it goes like this:  "I should buy one of my girls a shirt!" I think.  And then, after looking around for a while I am buried in doubts over whether I really know what size to buy or if they'll really like it.  Never fear!  I have, while looking for presents for them, managed to find myself a little something!  Ha ha ha!  I really need to work on this one.  Perhaps I'd better just go with the sending money thing when it comes to clothes!    Then I can think of something else to buy that would brighten a day -- like flowers.  Or chocolate.  Or a book.  Or maybe a bag of balloons!  Anything that would make the day brighter for someone else would for sure make my day brighter as well.

*Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash

Surround Yourself With Happy People

This was one of the 10 things Hank Smith mentioned that happy people do.  What comes to mind?  Me walking in the center of a group of smiling, laughing people everywhere I go.  That would be interesting!  I can even think of a few people I would for sure want in that circle!  My jaw would be sore from smiling and laughing so much, but I'd get great smiling muscles after a while!

Oooo.  We were just at the Scottish Festival here in our town watching people lift heavy things -- and throw heavy things.  There was a poster for some group of weight lifters.  I mentioned that I didn't think they'd let me join.  Derek laughed.  So would the weight lifters.  My gym teacher in high school used to roll her eyes when I had trouble lifting ten pounds above my head.  She asked if I wanted a broomstick.  She was being sarcastic but the answer was Yes!  I would totally be great at lifting a broomstick above my head!  Perhaps, if I were always surrounded by happy people, I could win a smiling muscle contest.  I wonder how such a thing would be judged?

Well, perhaps you can practice using your smiling muscles while you think up ways to judge how strong someone's smiling muscles are. 

Laugh More

On our way home from Idaho we listened to a talk by Hank Smith on being happy.  He talked about a study that came up with 10 things that happy people do.  One of those ten things was to laugh more.

How does one go about laughing more?  Hmmm.  More puppet shows?  Naturally I think Princess is hilarious so that's not a bad idea.  We did do a puppet show on Monday and I'm pretty sure I at least chuckled.  It takes a lot to get a good belly laugh out of me.  I can still remember my cousins asking why I didn't laugh at the comics.  I just didn't think they were that funny!  Only occasionally did one catch my funny bone enough to get more than a chuckle. 

Perhaps to laugh more, I just need to practice laughing out loud instead of chuckling?  Does fake laughing count?  I asked one of my kids what she thought I could do to laugh more and she said I just need to go with our family philosophy -- if you are going to make someone laugh, it might as well be yourself.  I think that would require me figuring out how to be funny more often.  Perhaps I just need to wear the princess puppet on my hand all the time and THEN I would be funny :-). 

Feel free to help out by trying to make me laugh.  Just make sure you are following our family's philosophy so that, even if I only chuckle, you will laugh, which will create more happiness for you, and even chuckling more often is bound to help make me a happier person than I already am!

Fear is Easy

Fear is easy.  Not easy to deal with, or get rid of, but easy to choose.  It is easy for me to be afraid that I will be too tired tomorrow, and that I won't know how to deal with whatever comes up.  It is easy for me to be afraid that nobody wants to talk to me, and to be afraid that I am not good enough.  It is so easy to be paralyzed by the fear that if I choose something it will be "wrong".  It is easy to choose fear because then I don't have to move.  I can stay where I am because, while I might be miserable, this place of fear can give the illusion of safety.

If I expect to fail at the challenges I have tomorrow, then I won't be letting myself down when that happens.  Right?  And if I don't call anybody, then I won't have to risk that they might not want to talk to me.  And if I don't make choices to move forward, I can't be any more hurt than I am now, right?  No.  Not right.

Fear may stop us, but it doesn't protect us from life.  Being afraid of tomorrow doesn't keep it from coming, and not choosing to make choices to move forward is a choice to stay stuck, in fear.  Losing out on the good I could have is, in my opinion, being more hurt than whatever hurt I have now.

Faith is required to keep moving.  Faith that, even if I am tired tomorrow, and I don't know how to deal with whatever comes up, I will do my best and that will be better than not trying.  Faith that even if my efforts aren't perfect, they are enough to make a difference for good.  Faith that, if I call someone, then even if whoever it is doesn't want to talk to me, they will know they are thought of, and that is not a bad thing.  Faith that, if I make a choice, and it is wrong, I can then make a different choice!  It is so interesting that stepping out of fear can seem more scary than living in fear constantly!

Fear is darkness, and the Lord will help us out of darkness.  Psalms 119:105 says "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."  We can use God's word to light our way.  We can choose to believe in Him, and in the light that He will provide if we just take that first step out of fear.

Dinner and a Walk

This is me at the restaurant holding a cow cup and doing a poor job of pretending I'm
going to drink out of it.  We took this picture for Tia but I never sent it.
Hopefully she'll see it here.  Why Tia?  She likes cow pictures and I guess that
translates into us sending her pictures of anything having to do with a cow!

Uncle Chris (Tia's Uncle) demonstrating how this cup should really be used.

Brian and Stephanie on our walk at the BYU-I gardens after dinner.

Chris and Tina during that same walk.

And Derek and me too!  The girl at the pizza place really liked Derek's shirt
which was his Cereal tee-shirt from our cereal themed Christmas tee shirts.

For our last evening in Rexburg we went to dinner with adult family members who live in Rexburg since the rest had gone home.  The restaurant was a little loud and we were having trouble finding the "right" dinner conversation, but we enjoyed our dinner and the peaceful walk after dinner!

Hikes and Tears

I like hiking.  Really.  I do.  But it is also true that for the last few years I haven't made it through many hikes without crying about being too slow and holding everyone else up.  Or crying because I'm too tired, and need a snack.

This is Ray, Jeff, Jenny, Stephanie (hiding way behind Jenny), Tina, Brian, Derek and Me
at the top of R mountain in Rexburg, ID

Here is a view from one side of the hill

Here are family members being only slightly dangerous, but I turned around and
didn't look after I took this picture because I tend to panic when other people are up high with the
possibility, however unlikely, of falling.

I was grateful on this hike for Stephanie, Brian, and Derek who stuck at the back with me.  Stephanie and I took turns saying we needed to stop for a break.  When we got back from this hike I texted my kids that I was proud that I hadn't cried.  I almost did.  But I didn't!

This is on our hike at Coffee Pot Rapids on July 5th after our lunch break.
This is my siblings and me.
Tina, Me, Ray, Jenny, and Brian

Sherie and Derek

Us trying to get more of the river in the picture.

Derek sitting up high at the rock pile where we eventually turned around and went back,

On July 5th, as we trekked along Coffee Pot Rapids, my nice niece Naomi carried my lunch in her backpack.  I meant to bring a snack for my pocket too.  Oops.  So at around at a little after 12 my head started to pound and I thought perhaps I should eat.  It is so hard for me to stop a whole group of people and tell them I am hungry, especially when everyone else appears to be fine!  At 12:20 or so I asked Chris to get those ahead to have Naomi pass my lunch back.  We ended up all stopping and eating, and there even ended up being a rocky place by the river where most of the group was able to sit while they ate.  I sat on a log on the trail with Chris and Brian and Derek and managed to only let a couple of tears slip out.  That was pretty good! 

And then we kept going, and got to the rocky area, and I thought we were going to scramble over those rocks and keep going -- and I was done.  We still had to hike a couple of miles back out!  Derek said he would stay with me -- and then I cried.  I sometimes feel like I'm holding him back.  Not that I'm sure what is so awesome about hurrying ahead, but still.  Tina and Chris and a few others hiked a little more, but only because Tina and Chris thought the kids had gone ahead, when really they had climbed up and out of sight.  The rest of the hike went just fine.  I hiked behind Jenny and Tina and was able to chat with them a bit.

One of these days maybe I'll get over crying when I get tired, or hungry, or feel like people are having to sacrifice their fun because I'm slow, but I guess it wasn't that day!  So, I thought about reporting to my kids that I didn't quite make it tear free this time, but I didn't.  I just told some of them about it later.  For most of the time it was a lovely and fun hike, and so we'll just go ahead and remember that part!

Tina, Me, Ray, Jenny and Brian