Dad. Home Again.

We went to visit my parents this weekend and got there Friday afternoon.  Just in time for me to be there when he was checked out of the hospital and got to go home.

This is Dad and the nurse that wheeled him out.  It was sunny out and he doesn't look as happy here as he actually was.

After we got home my family came over to visit (except Tia and Mike who weren't in St. George).  I very much enjoyed seeing my Dad looking so happy.  Going through that surgery was rough, and is probably still rough, but he did it and he seemed to enjoy our visit.

My Dad at home in his fancy chair.  He smiled a lot while we were there and it was good to see.

Dan's Backpack

Dan is very smart, and has so many ideas running through his head all of the time that I think it is easy for him to get "lost in his imagination."  That being the case, keeping track of homework papers and assignments is just a bother and probably feels to him like an interruption of all of the fascinating learning he could be doing.  So when he was sick, I cleaned out his backpack.  I have a new goal to make sure I help him with that activity at least once a week.  Here are the pictures of a semester's worth of stuff.

This is drinks that didn't get drunk, a plum that is incredibly dry and flat, meat that it would be a bad idea to eat, an old spoon and some old lunch bags.

This is a lot of papers, many of which were not in very good shape, but there were hidden missing assignments that likely helped his grades!

Vision Board

Derek took this picture, with Jake's help and said, "It's dorky but I don't care".  The youth activity this week was making vision boards with goals in the areas of spiritual, social, intellectual and physical.  Dan was sick, and Jake didn't want to make one and so he helped Derek make one.  I think there was always a little trouble finding pictures to match up with the goal idea, but they did the best they could.  This is more Dan's and my kind of activity than Derek or Jake's so I'm impressed that they did something!

What Will Make This Year Better Than Last Year?

That is one of the thinking questions that is in my planner and I think it is an interesting question to consider.  If we don't do anything differently, will our year be any better?  Maybe.  There are so many things we can't control!  But it seems like we would have a better chance of having this year be better if we work on the things we can control!

No matter what happens to us or to those we love, how we think about it matters.  I'm constantly working on thinking better!  My planner has places to fill in the answers to the thinking questions given -- and this question wanted me to come up with 5 ways I could work to make this year better.  Naturally I kind of combined things, but here is what I came up with for me.

1.  More little trips with Derek or the whole family.  (If big trips won't fit then I guess you go for the little ones!)
2.  Learning, Discovering, Creating
3.  Healing
4.  Tai Chi, Qui Gong, and ShenZhen meditation
5.  Focusing on Christ, love, joy, gratitude, and the good I can do.

*Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Compassion For Self

I have recently run across a few books and articles about compassion for self.  I could have done better at having compassion for myself yesterday.  I felt sorry for myself because I was tired, had a headache, am on crutches, and everything seemed hard.  I felt less than I "should" be because I had cleaned out Dan's backpack and realized how much sooner it should have been done, and how much work he was now trying to catch up on while not feeling well, and I thought a good parent would have done better at helping him figure out how to manage his work.  Neither of these ways of thinking was compassion.

If I were to have compassion for myself I believe that I would see clearly those feelings of being less than I should be, and the feeling of overwhelm, or wishing for things to be different, and I would have been able to love this person who was struggling through a hard day the best she could.  I would have talked to myself kindly, letting myself remember hope, and the love of a patient and loving Heavenly Father.  I would not look backwards and waste time wishing I had been and done better back then.  I would focus on what I could do that would help now, and the fact that I can do better going forward.

There were moments of joy yesterday in a hard day.  Times when I could feel love shining on me and soothing the hurt.  There was compassion and care from others, and moments when I remembered that it is okay to have compassion for me.  I am grateful for moments like that to bring me back to hope, peace, and love.

**Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Joyful Scripture Reminders

For quite a while I have had my calendar pop up reminders during the day about Jesus love for me, and the grace He gives.  I decided to switch those out and have a scripture for each day of the week that pops up.  I figure if they pop up every week I am bound to memorize them, and they will also remind me of things I can do to contribute to the joy in my life.  So here they are -- plus an extra one:

With joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.  Isaiah 12:3

...men are that they might have joy.  2 Nephi 2:25

...call on the Lord thy God with supplication that you souls may be joyful.
D&C 136:29

...I will impart unto you my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy.  D&C 11:13

My soul delights in the scriptures.  2 Nephi 4:15

For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea the song of the heart is a prayer unto me, and shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads. 
D&C 25:12

All thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the joy of thy children.  Isaiah 54:13

For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.  Isaiah 54:10

The Best Kind of News

This is my Dad right after he got out of the hospital after nearly dying from

congestive heart failure in October.

This is my Dad after he had quintuple bypass surgery and an aortic valve replacement on Friday.  It wasn't good news that he needed that done, but it was good news that he was able to prepare himself for it, and he has made it through the surgery and out of the ICU (which means he probably looks better than this now).  He even ate real food today!  I feel really sad that he is in pain and having to struggle his way to well again, but I am happy that he made it through such a hard thing!  Yay Dad!

Echo Results

I got the results to my echocardiogram!  It seems that, even though I have a couple of kinds of tachycardia, my heart does not have any defects.  The valves are doing well.  Celebration!  It was good news!

Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash

Amazing Grace

Life has, in some ways, seemed uncommonly hard lately -- but if I look at it differently, my life is uncommonly blessed.  I have had some health challenges, but none have been life threatening, and there are doctor's and physical therapists, and family members in abundance who help me. 

Family members and friends have faced health challenges, employment challenges, relationship challenges, and a whole pile of other things too.  I care what happens to them, and it is hard to watch people struggle, but all of us have plenty to eat, warm places to stay, family who loves us, cars to drive, and the hope of better things to come. 

Most importantly, all of us have a Savior, and even though some days or weeks or months it may seem that He is hiding, He really wants to be found, and maybe all we need to do is find a different perspective, have compassion for ourselves and others, and seek the amazing grace that is there for us.  If we can't see the light right now, maybe we can at least envision it, hope for it, and trust that eventually the light will push out the darkness. 

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

JOY

...men are that they might have joy.  2 Nephi 2:25

This year I choose JOY as my one word goal, but I figure it won't help unless I have a pretty clear idea of what I want to do to help create and notice and feel joy more often.  I thought maybe I would assign a new word for every month that would help, but my family so many good words that I haven't decided upon a set plan yet!  Here are the words they helped me come up with:

Invite, Accepting Invitation, Celebrate, Cleansing, Gratitude, Health, Tai Chi, Wellness, Service, Learning, Money, Laughter, Family, Don't Overthink, Feel all emotions, Temple, mindfulness, music, adventure, simplicity, nature, connection, creativity, art, fun, reading, children, food, Get out of comfort zone.

I do have a tendency to try to "fix" everything at once, so I also need to be careful not to make my plan complicated.  A lot of these are things I already try to do, and so maybe I can just come up with new ideas on how to do some better, or a plan to do things at a certain time.  No matter what I can remember that my goal is JOY, and that even in hard times there can be an underlying feeling of gratitude and joy for a Savior, and for the life I have been given, and the opportunities I have to learn!

My Latest Artistic Endeavor

We had another painting party at our house the other evening.  We just pick pictures from Pinterest and try to copy them.  I decided to try a llama even though I thought it was too hard, and my pencil drawing was not really looking very much like a llama.  I figure if you never try anything hard you never even have a chance of accomplishing something hard!

Anyway, mine isn't as professional, but I think it's cute!

Happy Llama

My bird from our last painting party

What I Learned in 2019

For years Derek's parent's have asked us to write something about our year and give it to them for Christmas.  This year I chose to write some of the things I feel I have learned and share them with both sets of parents.  Perhaps someone else would enjoy reading them too.  Not everyone is the same, and not all that works for me will work for you, but other things will be true for everyone.

I can write more things and take less time if I allow myself to put out B+ work or maybe even B-. Every now and then an A or an A+ piece of writing might appear, but there is value in being okay with imperfection.

It is easier for me to be all in, or all out. It is easier for me to write every day, than 3 days a week. It easier for me to do without all desserts than to just eat some.

Creating is a happy thing for me. I like creating poems and songs and decorations and bulletin boards and even just ideas of things to do.

Though I am by no means perfect at it, I have learned to be a bit better about being sympathetic about other people’s problems -- even my own children’s -- without taking responsibility for them.

I realized this year how often I ask Derek to decide things that there is no reason I can’t decide. Because of this I have been trying hard to have an opinion and to own what I want.

Volunteering can be a very good thing. I have volunteered for things off and on for years with varying levels of enjoyment, but this year I have very much enjoyed the two different volunteer opportunities I have. The temple is always so happy for me, and organizing shelves of food and helping people who come in is also happy for me.

In the last couple of years of difficult health challenges, and various family challenges I have sometimes really not wanted to be President of the Primary -- except on Sundays. I love the children in Primary, and am thankful for the smiles and the love that they share with me. I think I am often good for the children, but I absolutely know that they are good for me!

I have learned that I am really glad Kayli takes care of the hard things about taking care of Teddy, but that I really find him funny, and I laugh more because he is here and because I think it is fun to play with him.

I am learning to give myself more grace. The last couple of years has been teaching me that I do not have to accomplish a specific list of things to be valuable and that if I don’t make dinner I might as well just enjoy not making it instead of being wracked with guilt!

It is best for me to not constantly look inward and try to root out every mistake I have made and wrong thing I might have said or done. Instead, if I am down I don’t assume that it is because I have done something wrong. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m hungry. Maybe I need to get out of the house. Maybe I need someone to talk to. I think instead of something good I can do that will make me, or someone else happy. It is a relief to not constantly be gazing at myself critically.

I realized a similar thing as I tried to improve my prayers. I became very critical of every prayer I said for a while, and then realized it was much more helpful to notice what I did right.

Currently it is helping me to have an easy exercise plan. That way I can teach myself that I keep to my plans. Often, once I have started, I can do more, and when I don’t do more I remind myself that I have done what I planned.

At the end of the Primary Program this year I had five minutes to share my testimony of Jesus and His Atonement. I felt like I was inspired as the program was happening about what to say. I talked about how “God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world”. If He isn’t condemning me when I make mistakes or sin what is He doing? I feel like He is having compassion, He is reaching out with love and encouragement and giving hope that I can do better. He is saving me.

Endless compassion helps us see others more clearly.

I heard this year that “What other people think of me is none of my business”. I do not want to make decisions based on what I feel others want, but based on what I know and feel is right and good.

I have thought a bit this year about putting Christ at the center of my life. How is it done? I think it is done by making my life about love. Love for others. Love for myself. Love for the God who made us all, and the beautiful world we live in. If I do and say things out of love, then Christ is in the things I am doing.

New Years Eve

Weston (pic from
Facebook)

I did so well at writing every day!  And then I forgot to write on New Years Eve!  My favorite things about New Years Eve are that our nephew Weston came to hang out with us in the evening, and Derek was with me when I had PRP done on my upper hamstring. 

Weston told us stories about their family's trip to Mexico, played Psych with us, and he watched an old Pink Panther movie with his cousins (I went to bed).  At the Doctor's office I was the Dr.'s last appointment and we got moved to 3 different rooms.  One we just sat in and answered questions, the next one I had my blood drawn in and changed into hilarious shorts, and the next one I actually laid on the table and had all of the poking done.  I was told it would be really painful, and during the procedure I did squish Derek's arm a lot, but I slept really well last night and it actually hurts less this morning than it has for a while. 

Derek and me in one of those
rooms we were in.

Using the crutches is a royal pain though.  My upper body strength is almost non existent and so my shoulders hurt more than my original injury and my hands feel bruised and it's been less than a day!  Maybe I'll become really strong by the end of two weeks!

And now it's 2020.  Happy New Year!!!