Pausing to Appreciate

 This morning my sisters and Mom were still here along with Jake, Dan, Kayli and a nephew.  I was sitting on the beanbag in the sun and took a moment to appreciate the fact that the room was filled with the sound of various groups sitting together and talking.  It was the sound of a room full of people enjoying each other's company.  It is a sound I really enjoy hearing in my house.  I went to join a conversation after that but am glad that I took a moment to pause and appreciate a peaceful happy moment.

Of course I also appreciated seeing my sweet banana holding her monkey:-)

Love and Compassion

Photo by Fadi Xd
on Unsplash

 This weekend was my Ladies retreat -- which includes Sisters / Sisters-in-law plus Mom.  Everyone got to come this time which we are all glad about.  The retreat has not gone as planned due to the health of one of my ladies, but it has been a lesson in love and compassion as I have watched everyone try to help each other in any way possible.  I love these ladies who love so well through the things they say and do, and hope that they will remember some happy moments from the time they were here.

A Chat With A Friend

Brigham is 1 today!
This picture was last night when I was watching him
and he really wanted to open his Dad's
present.  Silly boy.  He had LOTS of his own!

 Today I got to go visit a friend that I haven't seen for a few months.  What a joy to have a good friend to talk to!  We talked about a few different things but always seemed to come back to the gift of a Savior who knows us and loves us.  We do not belong to the same church but many of our beliefs are the same since they are centered on Christ. This visit made for a beautiful morning / early afternoon and later today I will have the joy of visiting my Mom and Sisters at our second annual ladies retreat!  I am so glad they are all coming!  Having people in my life who love me and care about how I am doing and who even WANT to spend time with me is truly a gift!

The Best Kind of Surprise

Teddy and Me a different day

When my alarm went off this morning I did not want to get up.  I was sleepy - unlike the more magical morning before.  But no matter how tired I felt, even after having breakfast, I needed to take the much less sleepy Teddy out for his morning constitutional.  I hurt my knee  a while back and have only been walking a couple of blocks, but it was cold and my tired self decided one block would be sufficient.  

As I walk, I generally talk to Teddy, who I find amusing.  When we got halfway down the block I announced as I always do when we walk down that street, "That is my friend Jan's house, Hi Jan." and then there she was!  She was smiling and waving from the window.  I thought that was an awesome surprise on the cloudy cold morning, but then she did more!  She grabbed a sweater, which I'm sure was NOT sufficient to keep her warm and came outside to see how I was doing.  

I was cold, and tired, and my face probably did not reflect how thankful I was to see her and to have her come and say hello, but it really was the best kind of surprise!  I need to remember to show the joy I have in seeing people.  What a difference it makes when someone goes out of their way to be friendly and kind!

Calm

Photo by Marc Newberry on Unsplash

I have a clear cover on my phone that I can put any kind of picture or words under to make it like a new cover all of the time.  I am absolutely sure that some people would find this to be extremely bothersome, but I get a surprising amount of pleasure trying to come up with something that I will enjoy.  For the last couple of months the cover of my phone has been pictures of pumpkins with the word FALL to celebrate the season. But then it snowed.  

I go through old magazines and look for pictures I like that will fit, and today I chose snowflakes, since they were falling from the sky.  Instead of the word winter though, I chose the word calm.  Couldn't we all use a bit of calm?  I figured during the holiday hustle and bustle that is the last quarter of the year, it would be good to remember to stop sometimes and enjoy a few moments of calm.  To gather peace around me and remember to be grateful.  There is so much good if I look for it!  Recognizing the good, instead of focusing on the bad can help me to feel calm instead of anxious.

May you have a happy season full of calm moments!

I Like You Because......

 

Trisa and her birthday presents.  Brigham loved her cup!
I like Trisa and Brigham because they are both very loveable!

Today I headed off to the chiropractor so he could put my ribs back where they go and tweak my neck so it wouldn't hurt anymore (for now).  He often pushes really hard on some muscle with a knot in it and he was doing that today and said, "Is this awesome?"  I laughed and said, "If pain is awesome then YES!. "  He chuckled and said, "That's why I like you." and then proceeded to explain that he likes that I will joke with him and tease him for his torturous ways.  (Though he didn't actually describe what he was doing as torturous and he is very helpful).  As I left, I thought that it is good to be liked, and that it is also good to remember the power words have to make a difference in somebody's day!

Keeping A Promise

 Quite a while back I promised to finish the pictures of our house by adding the upstairs.  It seemed a bit difficult since we live here and upstairs holds the children's (mostly grown up children) rooms.  I didn't think they'd appreciate me taking pictures without warning.  I finally got smart and had them take the pictures.  The upstairs bathroom and closets are still missing, but if you really want to see it then text me or come on over.

Kayli's Room

Jake's Room

Dan's Room

This one and the next two are the upstairs game room.

We have lived in our house almost a year now.  We love it.  There is always something beautiful to see!  We've been working really hard on the yard.  The front yard is almost done. It has been a lot of work!  We do miss seeing our friends and are still working on making new ones.  I hope all is well with you.

Am I Really Enough?

 

Teddy and me after one of our morning walks.

Have you ever had someone tell you that you are "enough" and immediately, inside your head, you hear, "They don't really know me", followed by all of the ways that they are wrong.  I have.  I know what they are trying to say, but I get this uncomfortable feeling as I list things in my head.  I am not patient enough or energetic enough.  I don't make dinner enough, or help others enough.  I don't spend enough time listening to my family and friends.  There are plenty of ways that I don't feel "enough" on any given day.  So it was with some relief that I heard Sadie Robertson Huff say in her audio book Live On Purpose, "I am enough because God is Enough".  

Trying to be "enough" on our own often looks like perfectionism.  We get it in our heads that we will be enough when .... and we work really hard at everything until we are too tired, or too discouraged and a little too convinced that there is no such thing as enough.  

I love my Savior and it is really only through Him that I am ever truly "enough".  He paid the price for every bout of impatience.  He paid the price for my sins.  He also experienced, through the Atonement, what it feels like to feel so very flawed.  He has compassion for me, and knows how to strengthen me, and help me to learn.

I am determined that next time I hear that I am enough, I will not list all of my flaws in my head.  Instead I will add that I am enough because of Jesus.

Marching Onward: The March Report

March had 2 words to contemplate.  Capable and Create.  My goal was to practice helping others -- and believing I am capable of helping.  I was to create time to serve others, and to spend time with God.  Create beauty, meals, fun.

Alas, April's goal would have worked better for March since it is to cultivate the skill of asking for help when it is needed.  Sigh.  In March I got Covid -- for 10 days!  Then I was depressed and had what I describe as a "zingy headache".  My wrist started hurting somewhere in there and eventually my thumb and the inside of my arm.  I went to Dr. Google and discovered that I have De Quervain's Tenosynovitis.  I acquired a brace to hold my thumb and wrist still on my right hand.  I am right handed!  Naturally my left thumb now hurts so I try to pretend it doesn't.  I'm not good at that kind of pretending.  I'm learning to hit the space bar exclusively with my left thumb though and doing that doesn't hurt.

With my headache, my heart was also often out of rhythm, but I did get a couple of day reprieve before it was time to prepare for my colonoscopy.  Ugh!  A gallon of disgusting drink to swallow while hanging out in or near the bathroom.  Luckily the nurse suggested I have a good tasting drink nearby to hurry and drink after a swallow of yuckiness.  I would not have been able to gag that down without some Ginger Ale.  I did get done a bit earlier than expected.  If I know I have to do something I don't like, I try to get it done as quickly as possible.  I went to bed and slept until my alarm went off and then went to the hospital with Derek.  All went well and I slept pretty much all of Friday.  It's a little freaky to not remember ever getting into a wheelchair or into the car -- or really into the house!

I don't think I practiced helping others much but my family helped me! I spent a lot of time talking to God in my head.  Probably some of it was whiny even though Jesus suffered way worse for me!  I doubt I created many meals, or much fun, but I did decorate the house for Easter -- with some help from Jake and Dan.  There were other good things strewn throughout March that helped me stay mostly ok.

The day after my colonoscopy I didn't feel great but Sunday was a good day.  Then .....  the flu.  At least the doctor who did my colonoscopy thought so when I called him.  Having a fever and achy joints and head is actually worse than drinking a gallon of yuckiness!  Today I finally feel fairly normal except for feeling a little weak and shaky.

So on to April.  I'm so done with March!

Imagine: February's Report

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

 You don't actually have to imagine what my February report is.  I'll give it to you.  Imagine was the word I was to contemplate in February.  My goal was to have activities at the ready (for when people come over) and to try at least 4 new ones.  I was to use my imagination to create solutions to problems, and to make plans (for the yard / garden / blog / family / etc.).   Hmmmm.  I was always an ambitious goal maker!  So the report will really be me looking back at my calendar to see what I actually did and to use my imagination to find ways I may have actually accomplished at least some of my goal!

First, I imagine I at least considered trying four new activities -- but I didn't actually try any of the games or other activities I thought I might.  I did try having a snack out for a friend who was coming to do a craft with me.  I felt like that was a hospitality success for me since I usually wouldn't have thought of that.  Or, I would have over thought it until I didn't do it!  This isn't a big thing.  But perhaps without studying up and thinking about hospitality I wouldn't have done it.

Next.  To imagine solutions to problems you must first have some.  I am not going to report that I didn't have any.  That would be false.  I just used my imagination to forget them I guess!!

February was the month of all of the medical check ups.  I only cried at one and I imagined I could say what I wanted to say without doing that.  Epic fail!  February was also a month where I finally got a man that worked at Agape to smile at me.  Of course Agape is closed down now but it made my day that he smiled at me after all of my efforts to smile and say hello every time I saw him.  I was helping him that day and working together can make a big difference in how someone sees you.

So that is the February report now that it is April!  February was a mostly lovely month!

The Ideal, The Real, and Grace

Picture by Robert T. Barrett
used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

 I've been reading a book called Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt and I had a moment of clarity as I read her stories of sharing God's love through hospitality.  She spoke of giving hospitality when they were broke, and life was hard.  She spoke of inviting young Mom's to "come as you are" and sharing with each other the struggles and successes of being mothers of young children.  She shared her stories of being real.  She says:

"...sharing our mess unwraps the hidden gem of our message.  When we tear down walls and acknowledge our need for grace in our hard moments, His [Jesus'] name is elevated....Sharing our stories can point to Him.

We are taught the ideal so that we know what to reach for, but everyone lives in the real.  We can't expect of ourselves or others that we will be the ideal person.  And we don't need to look like the ideal person either.  Jesus came not because we can reach ideal on our own, but because we can't.  He came to help us through our lives.  Our real lives.  To give us grace, and to lead us through the truth that His word gives.  If we share our real, we can also share how Jesus came to us with grace -- or we can ask others how they have endured until they could see His grace.  Being our real selves gives us the opportunity to bring our Savior into the conversation.  He is the Ideal that we are reaching for,  and He loves us as we are.  He loves the real us and gives us grace.

The Outside of my Friendly Blue House

 

I have been slow posting these.  We love our blue house.  We plan on adding a couple of window boxes sometime.  We have a long list of projects though so I'm not sure when it will happen!

President's Day. 4 Years and All is Well

Four years ago today I got the results of my biopsy and found out I had breast cancer.  Just a little bit -- but even a little bit of breast cancer is treated fairly aggressively -- especially if it is hormone receptor positive (in my case, for both estrogen and progesterone).  That just means that my cancer was "fueled" by hormones.

Since my cancer was stage 0 and there was pretty much 0 percent likelihood that I would die from it, I often struggled with guilt over the fact that having cancer was hard -- especially because I had a friend who was dealing with a much more aggressive form of breast cancer at the same time.

I found the biopsy traumatic and somehow violating.  I got a huge bruise and an infection from that and remember being angry at the doctor who was happily chatting at the desk while I was suffering inside a room waiting for him.  The medicine I got then made me so sick that I had to stop taking it and get another one.  That bruise later caused some some concern that maybe there was more cancer than they thought, but thankfully the Dr. decided close to surgery time not to require a mastectomy.  She was thankful -- as was I -- when it turned out that all of my cancer was actually removed during the biopsy!

Still, I wasn't done with treatment.  There were weeks of radiation to get through, and a full hysterectomy, and then medicine to remove any extra estrogen in my body that might fuel any other cancer cells that could show up.

With all of that, and the extra depression caused by the lack of estrogen, there was also so much to be grateful for.  There were so many tender mercies!  There were my immediate family members and our large extended families.  There were friends that were so concerned about me that I had a more clear idea of how much I matter to people.  There was a poem by a friend delivered at just the right moment.  There were my cute Primary children who smiled at me and sat by me at church when I was having a hard time.  There were health care workers who made me feel so good about my efforts to be a happy and thoughtful patient.  

I had one friend who took me for a drive and shared information that helped me feel more calm and at peace.  There were blessings reminding me that I am not a burden -- even if I sometimes felt like one.  There were lunches to share -- brought by friends and family, there were notes, and so many beautiful flowers.  There was even a cousin dealing with the same thing that made me feel like I was the brave one -- when I thought she was!  There were enough good things that I can't list them all.  

It is good for me to remember that in life there are hard things.  Even if my hard things don't measure up to how hard of a thing I think someone else is dealing with, it doesn't take away from the fact that I am struggling.  It is also good for me to remember that in every hard thing I have faced, there have been loving and kind friends, and tender mercies that make everything bearable, and help me move through things better than I expected.