Mom Saves The Day

Many years after this journal entry this is my Mom baking with the help of my happy Kayli.

 September 2nd, 1980

"Today I felt so Dumb and picked on in English.  I missed 7 out of twenty.  The teacher called on me when I wasn't ready so I felt so ignorant.  Literature was fair but I felt so DUMB.  Luckily Mom saved the day and made me feel much better.  She said everyone has a day like that sometimes.  I hope tomorrow is much MUCH better (But of course as the Lord wills).

*Due to the recession at the time, my Dad lost his construction business and was working a few hours away.  He came home only maybe every other weekend -- and I am not sure he got to come home that much.

"Dad is so lonely.  I wrote him and mom wrote him a letter but no one else will.  I don't want him to feel lonely any more.  I guess I shouldn't act best, judge or tell people what to do.  I wish I wouldn't do that!"

*And for the record, they perhaps all wrote him at a different time -- just not when I told them too!

Bug Bites and Drama August 1980

 

August 25

"A bug bit me three times today and my foot is swollen up real big because of it.  I might not be able to take PE tomorrow depending on if it's better or worse."

August 27

"Today was a confusing, surprising, mad, queer, fun filled day.  Well you might say interesting.  Well lets take that one step at a time.

1.  Confusing -- I didn't know whether or not I'd be taking gym going to the doctor or what.  Mrs. Hamilton wants me to work in the library and I can't decide whether or not to -- (It's like playing tug-a-war.  One side of me wants to work in the library.  The other side wants to stay in study hall.  Oh well in that part I'm a big BIG ? (Question Mark)

2.  Surprising -- When M. kept calling herself stupid in Algebra (I very highly disagreed with her).  When they called me to the office and told me not to ride the bus my Mom will pick me up to go to the doctor."

3.  Mad.  I was mad when M. called herself stupid and when she quite left me out talking to other people and acting like everything I said was unimportant.

4.  queer -- Mr. G. let me take P.E. in my flip flops -- (that made everyone stare).

5.  fun filled -- Chip said hi -- WOW! While I got on the bus someone stepped on the bottom of my flip flops and made me trip.  The bus driver asked what I'd been drinking.  I said nothing.  Later on Melanie asked me what I'd been drinking I told her milk.  Then I was in a goofy mood and said What Have I been drinking?  Then it hit me!! I HAD Been Drinking Apple JUICE!

6.  Interesting All of these things smushed together!

August 31

I went to a slumber party it was kind of a bummer.  L. with her cussing drinking and smoking with her boys -- Frenching etc.

Today we had a fireside it was good.

My foot with the bites on it is well."

August 1980

My journal that I was looking forward to replacing after about 2 days.  Sometimes I wasted whole
pages trying to get done faster, but mostly I filled them all.

 School Starts, The Beautiful World, Odds and Ends

August 18

"Tomorrow is the first day of school.  I am going to wear my new blue jeans, my white shirt and my suspenders.  I am getting up at 6:00 a.m. and I'm bringing my new notebook with horses on the front."

August 19

"I watched the clouds stars moon and a storm today it was beautiful.  Especially to realize the Heavenly Father gave us all so very much!  The sky, the moon, the stars, the sleet, the rain, the snow, He even gave me the ability to walk and run and write and much much more.  It really helps you recognize your blessings."

August 22

"I was in a good mood today.  I had lots of fun at school and jabbered all the way home."

"Oh today I played soldier while doing my chores just to make it more fun."

August 24

"Today Chip was wearing a green tie with orange flowery things and a white shirt with red and yellow striped pants and green socks! Wow did he look funny!!!!!"

About seeing Chip another time, "I saw him the other day and he actually had something on that fit and matched!  WOW!"

About a friend's opinion and mine at the time, "Well I don't think R rated movies are good especially not to watch and hear.  I don't think cafeen is good even though I set a bad example by eating and drinking chocolate.  The temple trip was great in spite of the buses the temple was worth it.  It was real special.  Also L. doesn't like my house it's not air conditioned and doesn't have carpet!  Well hers isn't air conditioned either.  She said she doesn't like houses that aren't air conditioned and don't have carpet.  She also said that she just spent the night so I would spend the night at her house, but I don't think that is very nice and it makes me mad that she doesn't care what I think."

July 22, 1980 Waking Up Singing

 

My best friend Dawnae and Little Me with Dawnae on Pioneer Day one year.

"Today was a terrific day although it was raining I woke up singing and was in a good mood all day (so tonight I can say Goodnight). I was also trying to figure out which song to memorize for my goal.  School starts August 21 -- it will be a whole day (of school) A Bummer!  We're going to H.D.'s Thursday.  And we have tennis lessons then come home and pack the n a party at Freeman Lake.  Mom and Dad aren't going to let the cat in to eat any more.  They even threatened to get rid of it.  I cried over that.  Well it's getting well is late.  So I'd better say GOODnight.  And we Hope a GOOD TERRIFIC Morning."

(July also had letters that I received from my best friend from Las Vegas.  She was having a hard time without having someone to "pal around with and invite over".  She was a dedicated correspondent for quite a while and I hopefully was equally as good in return!

July 14, 1980 -- The Cat and Dog Fight

 

Photo by Anastacia Dvi on Unsplash

"Last night Tina and I went cooky [kooky?] we imitated apes and roosters.  We figured since everyone new there was no apes in the forest they would just think us all the weirder for imitating cats and dogs but we did for about 10:00 minutes the(n) started to talk well -- about then Jenny ran upstairs and go's Tina! Tina! did you hear that cat and dog fight!  Tina and I realizing it had been us laughed hysterically for a long time.

Well all the bugs are out ready to eat me up any second so I got to go to bed.

Like Grandma F. always said.

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bight! [bite]"

The End of Journal #1

 Sept. 23

"Brian and Jenny and I smelled perfume.  Brian said, 'It makes me sick' but it smelled good.  We also discussed journals.

My Grandma sent birthday cards every year for a long time!  She was a dedicated and loving Grandma.

The Invention of Food :-)

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

December

"The past few months have been trial times but fun and exciting."

January

 "Today we invented food.  The first one was good but the rest gave us (Tina and I) a garlic tasting mouth!"

"Snow falls today and gets in my way.  by for now!"

"Today was ok at school but on the bus coming home I believe it was the worst ride I've ever had.  The rest of the day has gone fine."

Aug. 11

"I had tonsolitus and had to have two big shots in the legs and I have to take two prescriptions of pills for 6 more days counting today.  I didn't eat anything hardly until today and lost about 5 pounds.  Today I plan on straightening this horribly frightening room."

Aug 12

"...the musical number (by the relief society choir) was marvelous and we were all surely filled with the spirit.  Afterwards I got asked if I liked Chip again but she got side tracked and when she was finished asked if I liked his hair!  I said yes normally.  He has nice hair I guess!  Then we left for home.

Aug 15

"Today I decorated my first cake.  It didn't look very good though nobody said anything unless it was complements"

Aug 23

"Today I got my locker open for one half of a day but the rest of the day I couldn't"

Aug 29

"Today I figured out how to get my locker open.  You have to set your books down!"

More Fabulous Journal Entries

 July 24, 1979

"today Is pioneer day but it rained so they cancelled it until tomorrow"

This is the house I lived in during those journal entries but it was unfinished and looked a lot different!
Back then it was surrounded by woods.  The tall trees were beautiful and it was a bit of a wonderland for us!  There was no deck, and inside we mostly had blankets for doors and were good at saying "knock, knock" before entering a bathroom!

August 1,
"Hope took a picture of me for her brother who likes me. (Chip isn't bad himself) Personally I hope it doesn't come out so she will take another one in that one I turned as red as a beet!"

Aug, 1

"Last Night Was fantastic! We had the pioneer celebration today.  When we first got there I just walked around then I saw Chip riding his bicycle. (Chip is who I like; strange enough he likes me to) Then I got conned into playing frisby football. It was boring, I just hiked and called shortstuff." [No I don't know what I was talking about with that short stuff sentence].

"then Glenn left and I just sat there until I left During this time Chip had waved and I waved back (so far not having even talked to him).  [I drew a map of where I sat with Tina and where Chip sat] Tina started with go sit by Chip there's an empty seat there.  Later on Tina left to wash off While I was sitting there listening to Tate say Chip there's your girl friend with an empty chair by her in so loud of a whisper I'd be suprised if everyone heard Then I left to find Tina she of course wanted to no why I left etc."

...."Afterwards was the conclusion of the movie I heard Tate say Chip your girl friend ran away from you. When I finally got home and in bed it was 12:00 A.M."

July 23, 1979

 

"Yesterday I found out that a guy named Chip liked me.  Imagine that me!  He got his sister to ask me if I liked him I, like a dumbo, said, sort of when he is my 2nd or 3rd choice.  What a nice day.  all the talks were good and interesting.

I cannot wait till Friday or Sunday.  Friday my cousins and aunt and uncle (the T.'s) come to visit. (also my grandma and Julie C.)  Sunday the bishop interviews me for primary graduation.  I am terrified (not quite but almost).

I just afraid I will get nervous and forget everything.  I cannot wait for next Sunday in a way that Laura is getting back at I have a lot to tell her to catch her up on what's going on.

The Journal Project

 

When we moved here my son-in-law Mike carried in a heavy box full of my journals and said something like "Nobody needs this many journals!"  I  also don't think anyone will read them all.  So I am starting with this journal and writing down anything I think will be helpful to someone, or that I find particularly amusing.

Here we go!  Entry #1

*Typed with the original spelling:-)

July 13, 1979

"Yesterday was a day of great many exitements but there was one paticular time when the girl Tina was babysitting got mad walked out and slammed the door scinse there was nothing Tina or I could do we went through some cards and wrote down some commitments to choose from and do today July 13 1979 I chose from the ones I got. I chose eight of them in which I hope to complete them all whithin about 12 months.

Today I woke up at 10:30 giving me a total of 11 and 1/2 hours of sleep last night (a little overdone) starting today Bed By 10:00 up by 6:30"

 

Who Am I Trying To Be?

 

A picture I took on a fairly recent walk.

This morning was one of those unfortunate ones where I woke up feeling sad, lonely, and frustrated.  That is NOT my favorite way to be!  I listened to some beautiful music, looked at the beautiful world outside, and started asking myself what I was believing about me?  Have I been showing up the way I want to?  Of course, it is all a bit complicated because I seem to be able to believe opposite things about myself at the same time sometimes, and I do show up how I want to -- except when I don't!

It hit me this morning that I have fallen into the old pattern of trying to figure out what everyone wants from me or expects from me so that I can please them.  I take the responsibility for their happiness, when I obviously struggle with trying to feel happy myself!  I remembered reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and how she talked about  her rule to "Be Gretchen" and I stopped to write down what it means to "Be Sherie".  

People sometimes talk about not worrying what others think of you, only what God does.  This is great, and I realized that God created me.  He likes my personality.  He likes my smile.  He likes that I enjoy being silly.  He likes that I want people to be happy, even though He knows that I can't "make" them that way.  He created me to like words, and to enjoy putting them together.  He created me to love music, and dancing, to love cleaning (sometimes) and organizing.  He enjoys the fact that I am in awe of the variety of birds and animals and creepy looking, but essential bugs!  

I had such a good time writing about all of the things I enjoy, and all of the good qualities that I work really hard to develop (with the usual up and down success of a human).  It is such a happy thing to think that I am really just trying to be, and enjoy, the way that God created me to be.  I am reminded that it is most helpful to focus on the good.  The good in others.  The good in myself.  The good I can create, and do, and be.  Who am I trying to be?  Sherie.

Creating Questions

 

Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash

I have found that there are people who are really good at coming up with questions about just about anything or anyone. And then there is me.  I have wondered if I lack curiosity?  Confidence?  Why is it that trying to come up with good questions so often leaves me feeling a bit confounded?  

Last week I had an epiphany that I think is a helpful one for me.  I am a note taker.  I have taken notes at church for almost as long as I can remember.  I took notes at school.  I take notes to remember things and to hopefully stick them somewhat permanently into my mind.  I have even tried to go back and read some of them.  I have been going to church for a long time and my notes usually aren't anything super new to me, though occasionally a bit of inspiration will come and I'll write that.  My epiphany was simply to try a different way of taking notes.

So, during the talks at church last week, I wrote questions.  The questions the speakers were trying to answer.  I ended up writing a lot of questions!  I went back and started answering them today.  Some had obvious answers, but many were actually good questions to think more about.  Hopefully, as I write questions for notes, I will gain greater skill at creating good questions!  This will help me learn more about many things and hopefully about people and situations too.

 

His Loving Voice

Photo by Illiya Vjestica on Unsplash
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them..."

I have been thinking a lot lately about the character of God.  As a human, I have a hard time comprehending what He is like.  As a child I was taught that I am a child of God.  He loves me.  I believed it, and did my best to live like He wanted me too.  Life was black and white to me, and staying in the white just seemed a matter of determination.  I am very determined!

Time marches on and I experienced a lot of different things.  Everyone does.  I experienced how other people treated me, both good and bad.  I experienced people's disappointment and sometimes their anger.  I sometimes have felt that if I weren't a certain amount of good, I would not be loved, and might become completely unwanted.  I let myself and others down, and just could not ever be exactly what I wanted to be or what I felt God wanted me to be.

It is hard, after a while, to not confuse human reactions with how God reacts.  He expects me to do my best so surely He is disappointed when I fail, or frustrated with me when I mess up, right?  He knows I know better.  Is He frowning at me every time I goof?  I don't like being frowned at!  I don't like disappointing people and I certainly don't want to disappoint God!

As life got more complicated I forgot to remember that His ways are not my ways.  His thoughts are not the same as mine.  He gave me free will because He wanted me to learn and to get to choose Him if I wanted to.  At the same time, He is omniscient.  He knows me so well that He knows what I will choose.  He knows the end from the beginning.  I do not surprise Him when I mess up.  He knew I would.  He does not all of a sudden become frustrated or disappointed in me.  He isn't angry at me.  He doesn't want me to go away until I can do better and be better.  Instead He continues to love me.  He reaches His arms out to me with encouragement.  He calls to me, hoping I will hear Him and listen to His loving voice.

Jesus did what He came to do.  He came to save me.  How I love Him for that!  I am so grateful for His love and His encouragement.  I am so grateful that He smiles at me with genuine love, and understanding.  He doesn't get angry when I make mistakes.  In all situations He reaches out His hand and, if I choose to take it, He leads me to a better way.