Who Am I Trying To Be?

 

A picture I took on a fairly recent walk.

This morning was one of those unfortunate ones where I woke up feeling sad, lonely, and frustrated.  That is NOT my favorite way to be!  I listened to some beautiful music, looked at the beautiful world outside, and started asking myself what I was believing about me?  Have I been showing up the way I want to?  Of course, it is all a bit complicated because I seem to be able to believe opposite things about myself at the same time sometimes, and I do show up how I want to -- except when I don't!

It hit me this morning that I have fallen into the old pattern of trying to figure out what everyone wants from me or expects from me so that I can please them.  I take the responsibility for their happiness, when I obviously struggle with trying to feel happy myself!  I remembered reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and how she talked about  her rule to "Be Gretchen" and I stopped to write down what it means to "Be Sherie".  

People sometimes talk about not worrying what others think of you, only what God does.  This is great, and I realized that God created me.  He likes my personality.  He likes my smile.  He likes that I enjoy being silly.  He likes that I want people to be happy, even though He knows that I can't "make" them that way.  He created me to like words, and to enjoy putting them together.  He created me to love music, and dancing, to love cleaning (sometimes) and organizing.  He enjoys the fact that I am in awe of the variety of birds and animals and creepy looking, but essential bugs!  

I had such a good time writing about all of the things I enjoy, and all of the good qualities that I work really hard to develop (with the usual up and down success of a human).  It is such a happy thing to think that I am really just trying to be, and enjoy, the way that God created me to be.  I am reminded that it is most helpful to focus on the good.  The good in others.  The good in myself.  The good I can create, and do, and be.  Who am I trying to be?  Sherie.