Choose Your Hard

This is my Trisa choosing the hard of climbing through her fear.
She made it to the top and I am very proud of her.
(Belaying her father was apparently equally scary and she did that too!)

The other day I woke up with the words "choose your hard" running through my mind.  This is not as random as it may seem as one of the tools from the "My Story Matters" class uses these words to describe what to do when you run into a problem, or start feeling stuck while trying to create the vision you have for how you want to live.  Naturally, in my vision for  my life I want to be healthy.  This is not something I can always choose, but I CAN choose to take care of this body I have.  This being said, I have been struggling to want to exercise.  To me, that just sounds like work that might end up being painful and exhausting for a while.

When I woke up with the words "choose your hard" in my head, I immediately was able to apply this to exercise.  I can either choose the hard that would come from not strengthening my body through exercise, or I can choose the hard of getting stronger through exercise.  The first choice would likely lead to me having even more restricted abilities to do things, and would cause me to be injured even easier than I am now.  The second will cause me discomfort.  Just doing normal activities like sitting is not always comfortable!  Thankfully, it will also see me getting stronger, having more energy (in the long run), and keeping or expanding my current capabilities.

No matter what has me feeling stuck, it is good to remember that I can choose the hard of staying stuck, or I can choose the hard of making the little steps that will eventually see me unstuck.  Today I chose to start exercising again.  I might find myself stuck in not want to again, but I am hoping to remember to choose the hard that will find me taking care of myself the best I can!

Visiting Michigan

Emily and Grandma
She loved staring at me and smiling.  I loved it!

Kayli and I got to go visit Tia, Mike, Brigham and Emily at the end of August.  SO FUN!!  Tia and Mike are awesome at hosting.  What's not to like about waking up to the smell of bacon!  And having yummy food cooked for you, and fun activities planned for you, plus getting to hang out with fabulous people no matter what (which was the best thing of all)!  Brigham and Emily are SO super cute and it was so fun to see them.  Mike's parents hosted us one day.  We swam in their pool until the storm came and then we went in and had great food and great company.  Mike's parent's are always super great to spend time with too.  They are great hosts.

Kayli with Brigham.  He was a huge fan of having Kayli in the car or truck with him!

It's good to have some awesome noise canceling type headphones when you are
driving your fancy car!

Brigham playing Jenga with Kayli

Blue ice cream for Brigham!

Emily can't wear all of the bows!

Brigham is trying to taste the rain!

Mike, Tia (holding Emily) and Kayli

Brigham and Kayli

Brigham and Mike

Kayli, Mike, Brigham, Tia (holding Emily)

Emily and Brigham

Tia and Emily.  So sweet!

Brigham

Brigham and Kayli (Brigham absolutely adores Kayli)

Emily!  So svelte:-)  
She is such a smiley little girl.

I really miss Tia and Mike and my sweet Brigham and Emily.  It was so fun to see them and now we are counting down until close to Christmas when we hope to see them at the Blue house again!

My Baby is an Adult

Dan turned 18 last week!  My "baby" is an adult and that is a little hard to wrap my head around.  Dan is great but things have changed since he was little!  He used to love to have his picture taken.  It was almost impossible to take one without him being in a dramatic pose!  Now I'm lucky if I get one that isn't of his back or with his hands covering his face.  This one is from this year, but not from his birthday.

Sadly, This is the most recent picture I have of Dan.

I had to put at least one picture of my little Dan!

There are things that are the same about Dan and yet still different.  Dan has always been incredibly creative!  Years ago he liked to occasionally be Police Officer Dan.  We got him a police outfit and he had a voice he used when in character saying "police officer Dan here!"  He was always creating stories where he was some character or another and we could hear him making explosion noises in the other room as he moved around acting them out.  He was "twirly", hardly ever sitting or standing still even while we talked to him.

He is still creative but he is creative on the computer, or ipad, or drawing tablet.  He still creates characters and stories but he does it online with his friends.  He has done some animating that is clever and entertaining.  He has learned a lot about drawing, animating, and games and is quite good at talking about things that go over my head because I don't know all of the vocabulary that goes along with his interests.  

One of the things that hasn't changed about Dan is that he is a good, kind person who is really good at loving his Mom.  We have done a lot together over the years and I am thankful for his encouraging words and hugs.  I enjoy our trips to the library, and our snack runs, and finding places to walk around for a change of scenery.  Happy birthday to my baby turned adult.  I love him!

It's A Trap!

This is not a trap.  This is a daisy from my yard.
And a bug.

There is a trap that I have often fallen into that I am going to avoid from now on!  I have fallen into this trap SO many times, and it not only hurts me, but others as well.  It is the trap of making everything about me.  I believe that Satan really enjoys it when I do that.  If I get too busy looking inward, I miss seeing what is going on around me.  I miss seeing the needs of others and get too busy wallowing in self pity to help anyone!

If I make someone not answering their phone about me, and they don't answer several times, I could decide they really just don't like me, and I am a bother, when it is totally possible that they desperately need help, but can't bring themselves to ask anyone.  It could just be that they are out of town and taking a phone vacation.  Someone not answering their phone is rarely about me, and so it would be foolish to assume it is.

I have had people snap at me before, and it hurt my feelings until a while later when I realized that their snapping at me was really about their stress level, and they needed my compassion, not my hurt.  I have had little children who absolutely refused to get ready for school, and they received my anger until we were both crying and I took the time to listen.  They were nervous and afraid, and needed to be understood and helped, not pushed to hurry so I could drag them to school.

I am determined to quit falling into this trap, and to see others with compassion first, and not wait to get to the compassion until after I've had a pity party myself!

This is not a trap either.  This is Emily.
She is your reward for getting to the bottom of my post :-)

The Power of Story

The Princess and Me (Sherie)

I took a class called "My Story Matters" and I just started a book called "The Stories We Tell".  I spent a year doing "The Inheritance Project" where I wrote some of my stories on my blog, and I have many journals where I have written my story as it happened, from the perspective I had at the time.  I have memories that play out like stories, and I have learned that my story matters, as does yours.

As I write, I discover things.  I have discovered past guilt that was easier to let go of because of new perspectives.  I have discovered empathy for a young me that did the best I could at any given time, but who sometimes got it wrong.  I was young and human, and looking back helped me have empathy not just for me, but for those who were with me as I went through various experiences.  As I have taken the time to write, I have even discovered things I was believing about myself that are not true.  Changing those false beliefs has helped me to be happier.

Stories do matter.  The stories we hear and believe, the ones we live, and the ones we tell ourselves. Looking at various parts of my story has helped me see the pain of perfectionism, and the shame that comes with it.  I've seen people more clearly as I looked at my stories through the eyes of a grown up, and took into account their struggles and the fact that they are human and imperfect just like me.  I even discovered that when I thought people were ignoring me, perhaps they just were not able to hear me.  I always hear my voice powerfully, but have learned that it doesn't travel far!

It is not always easy to work through past stories.  I have cried a lot over the past until I have been able to work through those stories and see them with a new found perspective of empathy, forgiveness, and maybe even humor.  As I have done this I have found freedom from past hurts, guilt, sorrow, and the dislike of self that comes from telling myself that I "should" have done better, I "should" have been smarter, etc.  I am sure I have more stories to work through, and more work to do as I learn to tell myself good stories that are motivating and full of grace!  I am also sure that as I work through these stories I will find more freedom and the ability to see myself more like God sees me.

The power of our stories is great.  The way we see our stories and the way we share them can change us, and those around us, for worse, or for better!

Feeling Blah

Tia Emily and Brigham in their reunion shirts.
These people do NOT make me feel blah.  I sure miss them though!

Pretty Emmy held by Nana

Today hasn't been a bad day, but I feel kind of blah.  Yesterday I was tired.  I had a hard time staying awake in church (sorry speakers!) and then I messed something up -- not irreparably, but who likes to mess up and disappoint people?  And then I went home and ate and just felt tired and so I took a nap, but still managed to be sleepy at bedtime.

Today I woke up to a cloudy but beautiful view of the mountains and found a couple of songs that I really like.  I have done laundry, played my flute and the piano, and taught flute and recorder lessons to a couple of cute and kind girls.  I have talked to a friend, and Derek, and Dan.  All of the things I have done have been good, and yet I still feel blah.

What do you do when you want out of a blah mood and into a happier one?  One option is always distraction.  T.V. or a book -- something interesting, and with a happy ending.  I could try to move really fast in the hopes that some energy will appear along with the movement.  Blah can disappear while I work on creative things.  I really enjoyed playing instruments this morning, and I am sure I can come up with a creative project to work on.   

Probably the most important thing to do to really get rid of the blahs is to look at what I am focusing on.  If my focus is on all of the ways I fail, then my blah mood might stick around for a very long time!  I really need to focus on the good, and all I have to be grateful for including the following: 

Uplifting music, sweet girls to teach, good friends, an awesome family, a soft, fluffy Teddy who follows me around, and laundry machines so I don't have to wash by hand and hang things on a clothes line.  I have good food to eat, ice to go with my water, plants, flowers, and trees to enjoy, and a nice rug in my office under my feet.  I have instruments, books, socks, blankets, plants, and a computer to type on.  Best of all, I am perfectly loved by our Father in heaven and Jesus.  I fail, but as long as I keep turning to them, I will be okay.  I will even get past the blahs!

Brigham and Tia on an ice cream adventure.
I bet you know whose ice cream was blue!

One of our beautiful sunsets.

I Love Getting Creative

 "I Love Getting Creative" is something that Ben Napier says all of the time on his and Erin Napier's show Home Town.  It was partly their show that inspired me to start looking for old things to make new, or other creative projects I can do around my house to make things better.  Doing creative projects brings me a lot of joy.  Some projects are as simple as painting a room (which is simple -- but not necessarily easy!).  Some projects are restoring old furniture, or trays, or whatever else I find that I think I can do something with.  Here are a couple of my recent projects.

I found this at D.I. for $2

I had fun painting a board to go behind it and making the shelf look newer.

Now it gets used as a part of my work bench to hold my work apron,
some gardening tools, a tape measure, and wood glue.

I got this from a neighbor who left it on the side of the road for free.
It used to be a desk, but I cut off the desk part.

This is what it looks like now.  It holds my flute music
and the sheets that go with the futon couch.  It looks pretty in the piano room!

I also painted the piano room.  Our other house had a lot of color inside by the time we moved out.
This one is mostly gray.  Kayli and I missed our green piano room and so now we
have one again.  Instead of one green wall, all four are green.  Only one is dark green.
I love it!

Special thanks goes to my Mom and Mother-in-law who are so encouraging and kind that they get pictures of all of my projects.  They are really great at telling me what a good job I've done, and who doesn't like a good complement?

Naming Plants

I watched a show where Joanna Gaines' sister was starting her plant shop.  One of the things she did was name each of the plants she was selling.  The other day, because I had used my wood burning tool to make a No Soliciting sign, I got the idea to name all of my plants and make signs for them.  I spent quite a bit of happy time doing this the next day.  It was a creative and fun activity.

Meet Kahuna.  I re-potted this big Aloe the same day I named it.
I also had to make it smaller since a couple of its long arms were bent and not looking good.
Since Aloe is used for healing, I looked up words on WordHippo that
are related to healer.  Kahuna has, apparently, historically been used to
refer to doctors.  Who knew?

This kind of plant, according to my plant app, is symbolic of love and so
I named her Ruth -- from the Bible.

This is Lucky.
This is the kind of plant I am best at not accidentally killing:-)

Sampson here is a "Monstera" plant.  I am hoping this plant
will live up to its name and become really strong.

Mickey is the first plant I named -- except maybe Spike.
Mickey has two branches that used to make it look like it had
Mickey mouse ears.  I like to sing "Hey Mickey, You're so fine..." to it.

These plants are tiger tooth aloe plants.  I had four in one pot and now I have four
in three pots.  Plucky was the first name I came up with -- hoping it would inspire
my little aloe to quit struggling so much and thrive.  Rajah is the name of the tiger in Aladdin.

From left to right these are Zipper, Dukun, Marnie, Zen, Shere & Khan, Adrian and Sai.

This is Spike -- the parent of Sai - above (Sai is the name of a pointed weapon)

I did decide, as I was naming my plants, that instead of going into the "depths of despair" over being a plant murderer if some of the plants die, like I used to since I have not historically had a green thumb when it comes to house plants, I will just need to have a "Thanks for the time you were my plant" ceremony, sending them off to plant heaven.  

Learning to Recognize God's Love

My beautiful daisies and blanket flowers, gifts from Tina in Rexburg!
Also my beautiful Salvia from one of my neighbor friends!

In my last post I mentioned the book Choosing Real by Bekah Pogue.  The book gave me more than one gift, and the one today was about recognizing, and seeing God through all of our senses.  This resonated with me because I see His love so easily in the beauty of nature, and in His amazing creativity shown through the amazing variety of people, plants, animals, bugs, etc.  I even see his love in the silly turkeys that show up in the Winter when I am dealing with the winter blues, and make me smile.

I have found His love in answers to prayer that come in the form of sounds.  In the familiar tune of a hymn, or a song, or the gobbling of turkeys (when I was worried about them and hadn't seen them in so long that I asked if they were okay and heard them that very day!).  I remembered today that, for me, even the sound of a clock can be a reminder of both sets of grandparents (who were gifted the same clock by my parents) and how I would go to sleep at their houses listening to the ticking of the clock.

Derek and I tend to be anti-perfume, and avoid some smells, but I love the smell of pine trees and cinnamon.  They remind me of Christmas, one of the best reminders of Heavenly Father's love for all of us since He sent us Jesus.  I love the smell of baking bread because it takes me back to my Mom's kitchen and because fresh baked bread and honey has been a favorite snack for a very long time.  What a blessing to know that smell, and to have a Mom who made bread!  I love the smell of rose soap made by Avon, and Dove soap because it takes me back to Grandma Fuller's house.

Taste is another great reminder of the creativity of God and His kindness in making so many flavors.  I sure don't like them all, but Grandma's applesauce cake was sure a favorite!  I love soft vanilla ice cream, fresh baked cookies of many kinds, but soft ginger ones with cream cheese frosting?  Mmmmm!

And then there is the gift of feeling.  I love hugs, and a soft touch on the shoulder to say hello or goodbye.  I love the wind on my face, and the feel of waves lapping at my feet.  I realized today that I can even be grateful for the feel of a numb, tingly shoulder that is annoying because this body God created is letting me know something is wrong that needs to be fixed.  

Reading Bekah's chapter about this had me paying more attention to the now.  It had me smiling as I walked through Walmart, and being grateful for all of the people, whether they smiled back or not.  Of course, I was extra thankful for the lady who told me I was beautiful!  Hopefully she thought that because I was smiling, and she could feel God's love for her in my smile!  That would be awesome!

Looking At Lonely

Here is a moment where I could look up with awe at the gift and beauty of creation!

The other day I was stuck in a problem that I wanted fixed and I was about to try to find the "perfect" book on the issue to help solve it.  Then I remembered that I was not going to do frantic searching and study to solve problems anymore.  I can still search, and study, but I am NOT going to panic and be frantic, and looking for a book to buy felt like panic.  I am going to trust that God is aware of my problems and that it is not my job to solve them all alone.  So, instead of looking for just the right book on the topic I was worrying about, I just looked through my Kindle and found a book that I had gotten for free that sounded interesting.  I picked "Choosing REAL" by Bekah Jane Pogue.  I honestly don't remember what the exact problem of the moment was, but her writing has given me a few gifts.  One was about being lonely.

Feeling lonely is a problem I struggle with every now and again.  I have wonderful family and friends but sometimes, when I am feeling down, it is very hard to reach out to anyone.  It is easy to get stuck focusing inward on what isn't; to feel sorry for myself, and like I am forgotten.  In Choosing Real Bekah tells the story of meeting a friend at a favorite restaurant in a corner booth.  They talked and talked and Bekah found herself crying and expressing how lonely she is and how she wished there were more people in her life.  She wanted more friends to come over, more people who called.  She felt like she was prepared for a whole party of people and nobody showed up.  

Her friend listened and then said, "I'm curious if perhaps Jesus wants to first sit with you at a cozy corner booth like this one, and over time will provide the right people in the right seats.  Maybe your dinner party isn't a long banquet table for many but an intimate corner booth for the two of you first."  Bekah suggests that a whole party full of people won't fill us the way being with Jesus can.

I keep thinking about this.  It is like the quiet time that I am trying to take in the morning.  It is time sitting in gratitude for what is around me.  It is time breathing, and being thankful that I can.  It is remembering that I am loved even if I can't feel it in the moment.  It is even sitting and seeing someone else that Jesus loves who maybe I can reach out to that day.  It may be an idea that comes to mind of something I can do to help me!  

Sometimes, if the night was rough, and the morning didn't go smoothly, and maybe I couldn't take the time to sit, I run across those lonely feelings later in the day.  This story reminds me that I don't have to choose one time to sit with Jesus.  I can be met where I am.  I can run to Him, trust Him, and let go of panic, and the need to solve everything myself.  He may even give me the strength to reach out when I really do need somebody.

I hope you will find your metaphorical corner booth, and will get a dose of love, peace, and hope.

Mesa Verde

 Mesa Verde is a lot of driving and a lot of getting in and out of the car to see awesome things.  We did some short hikes and then at the last minute decided to do the hike to the petroglyphs.  That was my favorite thing all day!  It was a bit over 2 miles, and it had some awesome rock stairs that I loved.

The selfie to prove we were there together :-)

I have wanted to go here since I first saw pictures of it and I finally got my wish!
It is so cool!

There are cliff dwellings hiding in quick a few places.

I took a picture of this and Derek said I was taking pictures of the wrong thing!

I believe that tall skinniest one is the tallest dwelling in the park.
They did work on it a while back to keep it from falling.

This is a vent hole for an underground dwelling.

A peek into the sun temple

Some of the cool stairs I mentioned.

Derek because he kept taking pictures of me -- which perhaps
I forgot to upload to the computer.  Oops.

The foundation for a cave dwelling that was by the path to the petroglyphs.

We have a LOT of rocks at our house, but none of them look as cool
as these rock stairs!

I went and found the pictures Derek took.  I think they are
brighter than mine!

Me on the stairs I was so thrilled about.

And finally me in this awesome location with the crooked tree and rock
stairs on the left.