A Birthday Party For Dan

Dan blowing out his candles

Dan's favorite.  Trick candles!  His friends liked them too.

Generous gifts from friends, though the greatest gift was that they came and had fun.

Dan is becoming a teenager this week.  That is a little hard for me to wrap my brain around!  He really wanted a party this year, and we decided not to have it on Labor Day weekend and so we had it this past Saturday.  We only invited three people, and the plan was to go to Lowe's X-Treme sports and then to have pizza at home.  Friday night found Dan worrying that nobody would come, and Saturday, when all three people showed up, it made him very happy.  I am so thankful that those three friends came!

My plan was to take care of the party myself.  Derek works hard all week and somehow I have it in my head that I am "supposed" to do the birthday parties.  Unfortunately, though I won't try to explain here and I don't really understand it myself, Saturday wasn't a stellar day for me.  Derek took the kids to Lowe's and I went shopping to get things for last night's birthday dinner, and I ordered and picked up the pizza.

The party was a success.  Dan was so happy that his friends came, and they seemed to enjoy their time together.  As a Mom, I am always very grateful when people are kind to my children!  Dan wasn't as pleased with the afternoon since it didn't include friends, and did include cleaning his room, but at least the party was a success!

The Importance of Invitations

***

I have been studying a lot about unity lately.  I have had a lot of good discussions, and had people write to me their thoughts on the topic, which were helpful and enlightening.  One thing, which I knew was important, but maybe didn't recognized how important, was invitations.  Inviting people to do things with us, and having people invite us to do things with them. 

Even if we invite people to do something, and they can't do it, it lets them know that we were thinking about them and want them to be with us.  When I was a young mom, a friend inviting me to go places with her made a huge impact on my life for good.  During the stress of last year a friend invited me to ride with her to the lake and walk around.  She shared things that were helpful to me and it was a calm, peaceful retreat in a stormy time.  Lately, I have a couple of friends who invite me to go to the temple with them.  Even when I can't go I am always thankful to be thought of.

One of my sisters-in-law who wrote to me suggested that we never do a good thing alone (if possible).  We can at least invite someone to come, even if it doesn't work out.  Of course, we can turn anything into something to feel guilty about, and for some it can be scary to invite people to do things.  Somehow we need to learn to ditch the guilt, and be brave about making invitations.  I have seen and felt the good impact invitations have had on myself and others.  We do not have to plan a big event, or do anything grand.  We don't have to invite someone to come over for hours, or even at all.  We can invite people (or a person) to do things that we want to do and feel comfortable doing, and the impact for good that we will have will be more than we imagine.

***Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

Inasmuch As Ye Have Done It....

During my youth I was able to attend the pageant in Nauvoo a few times.  During one scene about the organization of the Relief Society they would sing a song that used the words from Matthew 25:40

"...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

As they sang they would show women feeding the sick and playing with children, among other things.  The motto of the Relief Society is "Charity Never Faileth" and I think it is because of those depictions during the pageant, and the example of my own mother, that I always looked forward to being a part of something so great.  A great army of women who try to remember that every act we do, and every word we say, should be done and said as if the person we are helping, or talking to, is the Savior himself.  

Naturally, the reality is that the Relief Society is made up of human women, and so we sometimes fail.  But the more we practice, the more we can succeed, and an army of charitable women is surely needed everywhere to relieve all kinds of suffering and to provide love, kindness, and help.

**Relief Society Seal used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

Being Priceless

This is Dan in the place where I
pulled my hamstring in April.  It was
beautiful and I don't regret going.
I hope I can still say that when the
Physical Therapists are doing
painful things to make me better!
(The Dr. described what would
be done.  I am feeling kind of
chicken to go!)

Today I was whining to Derek and later to Connor about being expensive.  I went to the doctor today (Thursday) for a hamstring that I apparently tore back in April and that hasn't really healed properly -- maybe because I didn't go to the doctor in the first place to find out what to do.  Anyhow, the result is that I have to go to physical therapy twice a week for 6 weeks.  Ching! Ching!  Then we'll assume it will be fine because if not there is a list of even more expensive things I can do (which thankfully do NOT include surgery).

When I had cancer and bills would come I would cry.  Who wants to spend money on doctor bills?  Especially when my, of course large, contribution to the family brings in zippo dollars?  Derek was (and is) great and just says, "We just pay our bills" (and he could add that we don't need to overthink it!).  So today when I was waiting to see the doctor and the thought of how expensive I was came up I  pushed it back down, but it kept popping up.  Later Connor called for something unrelated and I told him I felt expensive.  He answered, "That's because you are Priceless!"  I much prefer being priceless to expensive so we'll go with that one :-).

Bumping Into Each Other With Our Light

Light of The World by
Brent Borup
Used by permission from
churchofjesuschrist.org

A friend of mine shared a quote by Virginia Pierce that she found in Silent Souls Weeping.  There are, for a variety of reasons, including depression, people who can't feel God's love in their life.  Sister Pierce said that we need to "just keep bumping into them with our light.  Don't take your light away from them; don't distance yourself from them.  It doesn't mean you have to preach to them or get them to come to church or find a way to fix them. Trust that just your presence in their lives makes a difference because you are full of light and love -- and that's what we all long for."

Sometimes we don't know what to do to help people, but we can love them.  I like the idea that we can "bump into people with our light" and we can leave a little spark behind.  And maybe, if enough people do the same thing, the light of those who are struggling with so much darkness will be kindled, at least enough to get them through another day.

The Importance of Knowing We're Broken

You might be thinking, "Wait! I'm not broken!"  Or you could be thinking, "How did she know?  I thought I was hiding it so well!"  I know because we are all broken.  By broken I simply mean that we get sick sometimes, and our bodies get old and achy and can't do what we want them to anymore.  We can't seem to stop ourselves from occasionally being sad, and angry and making bad choices.  To be human is to be broken, and we need to know this in order to realize that we need Jesus.

Not only is it important to know we are broken, I think it is important to share our brokenness, and not try to hide it so much.  It is in sharing that we can comfort people who thought they were the only ones who can't get it right, or who don't know what to do.  In sharing, we can comfort people with the stories of our struggles, and how eventually our prayers were answered, or our burden lifted.  And for whatever we are still struggling with, perhaps it is in sharing that we will find help, and compassion.

People are not perfect.  Unfortunately some people share and have found judgment, and self righteousness.  But Jesus loves the judgmental and self righteous people too because to be judgmental and self righteous is to be broken and in need of love and compassion as well.  At any time we can be both the judged and the judgmental and in either case we need Jesus to help us forgive or to help us see with love.

In Elder Holland's talk Broken Things To Mend, that I read through a few times before I got the courage to go get help when I needed it, he quotes a poem by George Blair called "The Carpenter of Nazareth".  I am going to share a part of it.

“O Carpenter of Nazareth,

This heart, that’s broken past repair,

This life, that’s shattered nigh to death,

Oh, can You mend them, Carpenter?”

And by His kind and ready hand,

His own sweet life is woven through

Our broken lives, until they stand

A New Creation—“all things new.”

In sharing our brokenness we can help others find Jesus, who can mend all that is broken,

and make all things new.

***Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The Possibilities of a New School Year

Jake on the first day of his senior year of high school!

Dan on his first day of 8th grade

Today school started for Jake and Dan.  I asked Jake a week or two ago if he was looking forward to school and he said something like "kind of".  For Jake that's like saying, "Yeah.  I really am".  "Kind of" is pretty enthusiastic.  He has friends who he has classes with and he will enjoy that.

Dan likes the first day of school.  And the last one.  Otherwise it has a lot of ups and downs.  He really likes coding classes and was pleased with his creative writing class today.

It's been a long time since I actually attended school but I almost always loved a new school year.  There is just something nice about a new outfit or two, some new sharp pencils, pens that still have lids, and notebooks that haven't been shoved in and pulled out of a backpack over and over.  I like the possibilities of new school years.  There are possibilities for new friends, or time with old ones.  There is the possibility that this will be the year that you find a subject you love, or an inspiring teacher.

Eventually the school year can start to feel a little hard and repetitive.  Erasers get worn down, or the entire pencil goes missing.  Pens stop working, or look a little chewed on.  Notebooks are frayed and drawn on.  But there are still possibilities for good things, and if we can hold on to those, and find gratitude for the little good things in our days, then there is a possibility that this will be a really great school year!

Mike's Happy Birthday

Mike joined our family by marrying Tia over a year ago.  His birthday is August 17th, the day after my Mom's, and last year he was off doing army things on his birthday and so we didn't get to help celebrate a birthday with him until this year.  We had tacos.  There was game playing (Battleship, Skipbo, and Suspend). And then there was the brownie trifle -- with trick candles.  We do enjoy trick candles!

Connor, Tia, Mike and Jake playing Skipbo.  If I overheard correctly, Jake won both times.

Mike's brownie trifle in the Hug mug,
which is a mug I bought for Derek in one of our first years of marriage.
It's a vintage mug :-)

Mike (and maybe Tia) blowing out Mike's candles.
For the first time.

This is probably the 3rd or 4th time.

He thought he finally had them out -- but they were pretty persistent candles!

 It's always good to have Mike around.  We are really glad that he married Tia.  They are good at helping, smiling, laughing, and generally making everything more fun.  Happy Birthday to Mike!

My Mom

Mom and a little Kayli making banana bread.  

Mom and Trisa.  Both of these pictures are obviously old but I love them!

Mom and her famous (in the family) peanut butter pie.
This was Thanksgiving a couple years ago maybe?

Today (the 16th) is my Mom's birthday.  She is beautiful, as you can see.  She is smart.  I can still remember her wanting to learn to be better at speaking, and working at it, and I think she is very good at speaking (giving talks).  She studies a lot, and applies what she learns.  She is kind.  She treats everyone with love.  She is feisty sometimes -- though I can't think of an example really.  My kids love this about her though, and mention it occasionally.  Mom is a very good worker.  I have never been able to outwork my Mom.  After Connor was born she stayed here for two weeks helping and I sometimes just wanted her to stop working already and sit down!!  My house looked awesome for that two weeks!  I should have handed her Connor more -- except babies generally don't want you people to sit and hold them and so she still would have been standing!

I think my Mom is fun and has a good sense of humor.  She is good at being friends with people, and at helping a variety of people with a variety of things.  She is not perfect because none of us are, but she is a really good person, who doesn't really ever realize how wonderful she is.  I am thankful that she is my Mom.

One of my favorite memories was when she and Dad were getting ready to go on a mission -- to Russia I think.  They were staying here and going over to the Mission Training Center in Provo in the mornings.  Jake was pretty little.  He LOVED having grandma live here and so he would want her to have breakfast with him, and maybe play playdough or something before she left.  I think sometimes she had to have second breakfast, and my parents were occasionally late because my Mom couldn't say no to a cute little boy who loved her.  (And still loves her).

I love my Mom!

Beautiful Squash Plants and Super Villain Squash Bugs!!

My beautiful zucchini plants

I like my squash plants.  I think they are really beautiful, and they sure know how to make whatever squash it is that they were meant to make!  Every year I have had squash bugs.  My friend told me I needed to toughen up because I would apologize to them as I grabbed them and squished them.  This year there were a LOT.  I hired Dan to pick them off and get rid of them.  Even with the piles he pulled off, and the ones I pulled off there were lots and lots left munching on the plants.  Mostly they weren't as bad on the zucchini plant.  It looks good.

This is the surviving Pumpkin plant which is pretty too.

This is a bad picture of the sadly killed pumpkin plants.  The squash bugs won that round!

Unfortunately, with all of our grabbing of squash bugs, we didn't make enough difference to save this one.  I tried spraying evil bug killer (which I have never done) but they kept walking around without being phased.  I figured they had already somehow become radioactive and turned into super villain squash bugs.  Eventually I did a little research and got rid of a lot of them, but I'm sure there are still more in there snacking.  I'm hoping they mostly snack on the dead one and leave the rest alone -- but is that really what a super villain squash bug would do?

God Can Be Found In The Gray Areas

***

I am reading the book Silent Souls Weeping by Jane Clayson Johnson, and I recommend it.  Today I was reading about someone named Kara who struggles with perfectionism and depression.  She said:

"Perfectionists, we deal in the black and white.  There's no gray area.  It's all or nothing.  And that's Satan's plan.  Heavenly Father wants us to live in the gray areas where there's mercy and love, compassion, charity."

Those of us who struggle with perfectionism can feel like we should be able to be perfect right now, but Heavenly Father always knew that we would need a lot of practice.  Growth takes time.  Learning takes time.  I've often had the feeling that surely, if I just think hard enough, I will be able to figure out how to never mess up.  I want to be like the child prodigy who can play the piano perfectly without the hours and hours of practice usually required, except I want to be like that for all of life, and I sometimes have felt like a failure when I couldn't do it.  In these moments, I am forgetting that Heavenly Father did not mean for life to be that way.  It is through our imperfections that we learn and find that God provides help, strength, knowledge, capacity, forgiveness, mercy, and all good things.

The quote above reminded me of a discussion I had years ago with someone who was struggling with his faith.  He said he had always thought things were black and white but that he felt things were more like Billy Joel's song that says, "Shades of gray wherever I go, the more I find out the less that I know."

There are many, many people who struggle with questions, who feel stuck in this gray area where they can't quite see what is right, and what to do or think.  They feel alone, and might even feel ashamed for struggling and having questions.  But it is in that very struggle and working through all of those hard questions with faith that we gain strength, and can eventually find, and come to know God.  In all of life it is in those gray areas, in those daily struggles of life, and in the real challenges we have, that we can best find the God of mercy, love, compassion, and charity.

***Used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

Golden Moments: The Gift of A Little Friend

***

Days can be full of all kinds of moments.  Peaceful, hectic, sad, overwhelmed, funny, happy ...  All kinds of moments.  Sunday was no exception, but I was having a few too many moments where I felt sad.  When it was time for church we were running late.  I hate running late.  We had company, which was great, but as soon as the prayer was said and Connor was leaving I announced that I was going with him and left everyone else behind.

Connor had a friend waiting for him and the three of us went in and got a bench to save.  Then, as we were waiting, a little boy who is in Primary (the children's organization at church) saw me and his face lit up.  I love those moments!  And then, to my surprise, he asked his Mom if he could come sit by me.  And he did.  Right next to me.  He snuggled close just as the rest of my family arrived. 

I kept waiting for him to get intimidated by a bunch of people he doesn't know sitting by him, but he didn't.  Honestly, I kept thinking he would look at me and decide he didn't know me either.  I haven't ever taught his class -- but I have been in front of the room, and led the music quite a bit.  He told me about his new sister, and his rocket bike that is red.  He goes to kindergarten this year and I found out that he is really good at finding hymns by their numbers.  He told me his brothers names and could point out another member of his Primary class.  He stayed snuggled up close to me until after the Sacrament and then went to join his family.

These were golden moments for me.  I kept looking around thinking -- does anyone see this?  He came to sit by me!  He chose me!  Could there be a nicer tender mercy than the gift of a little friend?  I have told the Primary children before that they make a difference for good.  I have explained how them smiling at me has often made me feel happy and loved.  Some of them look surprised, but I think that we can all, no matter what our age, create golden moments through kindness!  I am thankful for a little boy who helped me feel noticed and loved and created a much needed golden moment for me.

**Watercolor by Phyllis Luch used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

The Cool Kids

During all of my growing up years I never thought of myself as one of the "cool kids", but when you ride in Connor's car he hands you sunglasses and ......

Cool Kids!!!
Me, Trisa, Kayli and Connor looking awesome on our way home from church.
All of this time I only needed a good set of sunglasses! :-)

Cool Kids!
Kayli, Terri (our friend), and Connor looking cool on their way home from work.