Resilience

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This morning during physical therapy the therapist asked me what ideas I have about teaching kids to be resilient.  Mostly I could think of what I have learned (mostly) not to do.  Don't speak for the children.  Don't take over things they should be responsible for.  Don't do all the work myself.  I think these are important, but I also think there are things that are important that hopefully I've been better at.  Do create a home where your children feel safe and loved.  Do help them be grateful.  And, do help them learn that they can do things that will lift and help those having struggles.

Life is tricky, and I always want to help my children, but if I always bail them out of difficult situations I will rob them of learning experiences that give them stories to laugh about later, and that help them know they can do hard things.

***Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Monday Morning Gratitude List

Some of my fake flowers :-)

1.  Blankets and pillows
2.  The song "Morning Has Broken" that I like to listen to in the mornings.
3.  Hugs
4.  Cereal and milk
5.  Washing machines to do the hard work of getting the clothes clean.
6.  The sun peeking up from behind the mountains.
7.  Jackets to help me stay warm.
8.  Flowers -- even the fake ones
9.  The couch recliner and my chromebook so I can type in comfort :-)
10.  Kayli's dog Teddy who comes to sit by me every morning.
11.  Morning family prayer to start the day remembering our blessings and who is watching over us.

What I Might Be

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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

Lao Tzu

Have you ever held on to some characteristic of yours as if it defines you? I was thinking of Mrs. Lynde in "Anne of Green Gables"  who was "known around these parts as someone who speaks her mind."  She loved speaking her mind, even if her opinion was unkind or inaccurate.  She felt she was right in her opinions and it was "ok" to tell everyone bluntly what she thought because that was just how she was.  But what if she had let go of being that person, and chose to be someone who only speaks kindness?  She would have done more good and it would have made her less lonely!  Since Mrs. Lyne was a fictional character though, I am glad she was written as she was because it made the story more interesting!

***Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Characteristics of An Elephant -- And A Friend

The other day I came home to find this elephant waiting for me and taking care of some jelly.  A friend brought me both.  This is the same friend who brought me my big elephant.  In the note she sent with my first elephant she said that elephants have been associated with loyalty, patience, and wisdom and that surely the big ears are good for listening.

On africageographic.com they say that elephants have at least five traits in common with people: family bonds, empathy, mischief, communication, and mourning.

My elephants aren't really alive, but my big one is really good to hug, which gives me comfort, and my little one make me smile, which adds happiness to my days.  Both of them communicate the kindness of a friend and her care for me.  She is good at being loyal, patient and wise, and is good at listening.  Family bonds are important to her, she is empathetic, can be mischievous (can't we all?), is good at communication, and no doubt, as a human, has people to mourn over and with.  I am thankful for my elephants.  I am even more thankful for my friend.

Too Little or Too Much?

I got on the treadmill today (Tuesday).  Yay me!  I planned on walking 20 minutes.  I haven't done even that much in a while.  And then I thought, "Maybe I can do 30.  I should do 30".  And then my hurt leg started to ache and I thought, "Is this good or bad?  Is it really aching or am I just paying too much attention to it?"  And then, after 10 minutes, I got off.  So, was that too little?  Or too much?

I think perhaps that I spend way too much time trying to decide if I have done too little of something, or too much.  I got off.  So, at least in the moment, I thought maybe that was enough for today.  Worrying over whether it is too little or two much isn't really making my day any better.  I have plenty to do.  I went outside and watered plants and played with the dog and picked the vegetables.  I am showered and clean, and ready for the activities of the day.

So too little?  Or too much?
Let's go with enough!

Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

Never A Burden

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Correction:  The Broken Rake story was told by Ganel-Lyn Condie, not Julie de Azevedo Hanks (like I wrote originally).  Julie does do a lot of work to help people who are dealing with depression, but it is Ganel-Lyn's experience I shared.

If you would like to hear Ganel-Lyn Condie speak about the suicide of her sister and her desire to let everyone know that they can be very broken and still not be a burden, you can click here.  I cried my way through it.  You've been warned.

While I was listening to her I was remembering Derek's voice telling me that I am not a burden.  On hard days when I feel really depressed, and am way too focused on my imperfections (both physical and otherwise), I have had those words come back to me, and it has lifted a weight that I didn't know I carried.  Nobody wants to feel like they are so much trouble that it outweighs their value.  So I add my voice to Ganel-Lyn Condie's voice.  No matter how broken you are, and how much of a burden you feel you are to others -- you are NOT a burden.  That is your depression speaking.  You are a blessing, and God can mend broken things!

Hope is never lost.  Healing is possible.  Please stay and let us love you.

***Photo by Colter Olmstead on Unsplash

The Days Our Country Was United

On September 11, 2001 I got a phone call from my Mom.  She was upset and wanted me to turn on the news.  That was the beginning of a very bad day.  I watched the twin towers fall over, and over, and over again.  I cried and cried and cried.  How could anyone think that something so awful was the right thing to do?  Over the next few weeks, as I would drive around, I would see our country's flag and get teary eyed all over again. 

During the day the towers fell and for a little while after our country was as united as I remember seeing it.  We were united in gratitude for the sacrifices and bravery of first responders, and the generosity and helpfulness of strangers wanting to lift burdens.  We were united against an enemy that would create chaos, death, and destruction and get pleasure from it.  Even, for a while, many people seemed to remember that there is a God, and that we could pray to him for comfort, help, and mercy. 

9-11 was a terrible day, but in looking back, I hope we can remember that everyone in this wonderful country of ours has a reason to be united, and that our country is much more powerful when we unite our strengths instead of focusing on our differences.

The Broken Rake

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I was listening to Ganel-Lyn Condie this morning.  She was talking about how she and her family had just moved in to a new house when her sister committed suicide.  I'm sure it was a very difficult time, but with a new house, Ganel-Lyn and her family still had a yard to put in, and so they spent a lot of time raking.  During all of the work, one of the rakes broke.  It was still useful, but obviously broken.  As she thought about that rake she decided to hang it in her house.

It took a couple of days for her family to notice (I'm not sure where it was hanging).  When they did, they wanted to know why she had hung up a broken rake.  She said that it was to remind them that it needed to be okay in their family to have a broken part.  To be broken.  That everyone needed to know that, even broken, they were useful.

I've mentioned before that we are all broken in some way.  Some of us may be more obviously broken than others, but everyone is broken.  I liked this story and the reminder that, even broken we are useful.  Even if we aren't as useful as we want to be -- we still can make a difference for good!

***Photo by Tom Byrom on Unsplash

Fun Photos

Jake's screen saver.  Teddy the Bat-dog.
Do you wonder if he can see?  Somehow he sees past that fur!

Dan's birthday -- Dan is holding his birthday rootbeer

Dan's noise cancelling headphones.  He was glad to have them before the parade!

This is Teddy "helping" me do my physical therapy stretches.

Silly doggy!!
(These 2 pictures were by Dan)

Dan and the "best movie ever".  Detective Pikachu
(This and all but the last 2 pictures were by Jake)

The Hard Life of A Control Freak

The winds and the waves shall obey (God's) will.  Peace, be still.
(Master The Tempest is Raging)

Have you ever tried to control everything?  I know I have.  I will make a schedule, and try to rigidly stick to it while having a list of rules that I desperately try to keep all of the time.  I've tried to control how my children handle their challenges, how clean they keep their room, and when they turn in their homework.  In Max Lucado's book Anxious for Nothing he says "...the most stressed-out people are control freaks."  Why? because "Life becomes a cycle of anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure."

But aren't we supposed to have control?  Well yes.  And no.  I can make a schedule.  It can be a smart, awesome schedule, but I can't completely control how things turn out, no matter how hard I try.  I might get sick, the car might break down, and someone might need my help right at the time I have something else scheduled!  I can decide to follow every good rule, but what about the times that I get angry, when my rule was to never do that?  People I know may have challenges.  I can do all in my power to solve those problems for them, but they have agency, and in the end they have the power to accept, reject, or ignore whatever help I give.

We can control what we do, or at least we can try, but we can't control the outcome because we can't control the weather, other people, animals, our health, etc.  We can affect those things -- but not control them.  So what do we do?  We trust God.  He is aware of me and my inability to do everything perfectly.  He is aware of everyone who needs help.  We might look around and think He is not doing His job well, but when we think that we are being a bit like a 2 year old who tells their parent "No, I do it myself" when doing it themselves would be disastrous!

Anxiety passes as trust in God increases.  With His help, we can give up the hard life of a control freak.

***Photo by Leo Roomets on Unsplash

Keep Your Power

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Sometimes things happen to us, and we feel powerless.  There seems to be nothing we can do.  We feel sorry for ourselves.  We feel angry at whoever is, or could be responsible.  We feel stuck.  What do we do?

I was talking to one of my sisters-in-law yesterday about how, in difficult circumstances, it is helpful to remember that we are not powerless.  She has been in a lot of pain, and had the thought that she should make it go away.  Well, she has a very real physical problem that causes pain.  She needs medical help that has been slow in coming.  But, she also realized that she could research and find things to relieve the pain.  Even the most difficult challenges are made better when we realize that we have the power to change our circumstances for the better. 

A long time ago in a circumstance that was challenging for me I learned to "Make a plan.  Work the plan."  I read, or ask people questions to get ideas that can help me plan what to do, and I make a plan even if I don't know exactly what the "right" thing is.  No matter what the circumstance, there is always something I can try!

Naturally, sometimes I fail to notice that I am stuck and wallowing instead of stuck and trying to climb out of it.  Sometimes I make a plan, work the plan, and not much changes. But I can make a new plan!  Blaming other people, or illness, or anything else for our problems and pain gives those things power over our happiness.  Blame is not helpful.  I have been amazed on more than one occasion when I realized that owning a problem as mine made it seem lighter, because if it is my problem, then I have the power to change it!

***Photo by Patrick Brinksma on Unsplash
I didn't want to spend a long time looking for the right picture.  The eagle looks determined and powerful so I just ran with that!

Small Acts of Kindness to Surroundings and Self

Yesterday I found something I had ripped out of a magazine and I read it to see why I had kept it.  It was a little essay written by Elizabeth Graves, the editor of Martha Stewart Living, about a hard time in her life.  She was 16 and her Dad had passed away.  Things that had seemed important before suddenly felt frivolous.  She talked about the things that comforted her, and brought joy and laughter into her life again.  Her conclusion was this:  "...small acts of kindness to yourself and your surroundings can have a big impact on your happiness, and it doesn't matter where you're starting from:  The direction is always up."

I guess I hadn't thought of the idea that some of the things we do are "kindness to our surroundings".  I suppose weeding the garden is kindness to the garden plants, and picking up clutter could be considered a kindness to the things we have deliberately used to decorate, because they can be noticed again.  Planting cheerful flowers can be a kindness to those who live around us who now have something cheerful to look at as they go by, and restoring something that is worn can kindly make it useful again.

And what about "acts of kindness to yourself"?  Is it really okay to be kind to ourselves?  Yes!  It is an act of kindness to ourselves when we take the time to eat well.  It is kindness when we rest when we are worn out.  It is kind when we allow ourselves to develop our talents, and when we take time to create things of beauty that we enjoy.  It is kindness to ourselves when we realize that the mistake we just made doesn't make us worthless, and when we allow ourselves to move on, and try again.  It is kindness when we speak to ourselves as sweetly as we would to those we love.  Acts of kindness to ourselves give us a greater ability to give acts of kindness to others.

Acts of kindness to our surroundings and ourselves truly can have a big impact on our happiness, and on the happiness of those around us.
***Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

What Do You Believe?

I believe the sun comes up every day, even when it is covered by clouds and we can't see it.
I believe that Jesus loves us, even on days when the problems of life seem so hard that we can't feel it.
I believe that being loved and loving can change the world -- my world, and yours.

I read a book once that suggested that when you are feeling down you ask yourself, "What am I believing right now?"  I have done this before and realized I was currently believing things that weren't true.  I just finished another book called Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucado.  He says "To change the way a person responds to life, change what a person believes about life."

What do you believe about life?  What do I?  Is it true?  In a world that is full of hard things, do we start to believe that life is impossibly miserable and pointless?  Or do we trust that God has a good plan, and notice that there are still people who are kind and loving?  Do we see how beautiful nature is?  There are weeds, and thistles, but there are also flowers, and butterflies!  There is disease, and misery and death, but there is also hope, and resilience, and life!

While I don't believe it is always easy to do (or I wouldn't spend so much time believing negative things about myself), we do get to choose what we believe.  In moments of exhaustion, or when people aren't treating us well, or when we see piles of problems, it would be good to stop and remember that God hasn't forgotten us, that life can get better, that other people do not decide our worth, and that problems, if handled with as much faith as we are able to muster, can make us stronger, kinder, and more compassionate people.

**Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash