The Super N.O.V.A. Grad

Dan reading his constitution

Dan's Polaris Award

Dan graduated from the N.O.V.A. program last night.  NOVA stands for Nurturing Opportunities Values Accountability, and is taught by an officer of our local police department. 

Derek wasn't home from work yet and so it was just me who went with Dan and I ended up feeling sad that Derek had missed it.  It was a half hour program.  The adults who spoke didn't take much time, and then three students had been chosen to read their NOVA Constitutions -- which is something all of the students had been required to write.  Dan was one of those students, and he went first.  He did such a good job!

At the end of the program they announced one winner of the "Polaris Award" from each 6th grade class.  These were students who had good attendance at the NOVA classes, had written a constitution, and who had been well behaved and helpful to others.  The first winner?  Dan!  He was surprised.  I don't think anyone else really was, but he was.  The prize was perfect for him.  He loves stuffed animals and he gave this one lots of hugs as soon as he had it.

Dan is my super NOVA grad, and I am really proud of him.  I got a text from a friend last night who lives up the street.  She said that she recorded Dan because she knew her kids who weren't there would want to watch him.  She said they loved it.  I thought that was sweet.

Heaps of Guilt vs. Forgiveness and Compassion

From Google Images

I was reading The Willpower Instinct yesterday while I was walking on the treadmill.  I have found this book to be quite fascinating.  The author was explaining that most humans seem to think that the best way for us to motivate ourselves to improve is to really heap on the guilt when we goof.  If we mess up, we tell ourselves that we are stupid, or weak.  We are bad, or hopeless.

Not only is this super discouraging, but it has the opposite effect than the one we intended.  Those of us who heap guilt and shame on ourselves tend to turn to the very vices we are trying to overcome to sooth our guilt.  This makes us feel better for a minute.  Then it makes us feel guilty.  Then we turn back to the vice we were trying to overcome.  This creates a vicious cycle that leads us deeper into the very behavior we were hoping to guilt ourselves into avoiding.

So what really works? The studies in the book showed that forgiveness is what works.  We forgive ourselves for messing up and try again.  Instead of feeling like one goof made the whole goal hopeless, we cut ourselves some slack and realize that messing up is a part of learning.  We have compassion for ourselves because we are trying.  Just because we were trying to resist sweets, and we ate a piece of cake, doesn't mean that it's hopeless and so we might as well eat the whole thing!

I think the reason I find this book so fascinating is because I have seen myself in so many of the willpower traps the author explains.  Here's one example from last weeks orchestra practice.  I was the only flute player that day and was overthinking how easily I could be heard.  Sometimes I can let mistakes go, but this was not one of those times.  When I missed a note or three, I couldn't let it go.  I was sure everyone was focused on every wrong note.  I started comparing myself to the flute players who weren't there.  I told myself I was stupid for not having practiced more.  The more I berated myself, the worse my playing actually got, and the more sure I was that everyone probably wished I hadn't shown up at all!  I wished I hadn't shown up at all! 

Unfortunately these thoughts don't make me want to practice more.  They make me want to quit.  Had I let the mistakes go, and relaxed, there is about 100 percent chance that my playing would have been better.  Not perfect.  But better!  I know because I have been able to do that on other days.  So I made myself practice a little more this week, and tonight I hope to be more forgiving of my own mistakes.

So here's to leaving behind the heaps of guilt, and instead carrying around a good dose of compassion and forgiveness to apply to the mistakes that we all inevitably make.

Prayer Transcripts

From Google Images

Someone on the Christian Radio station asked,  "If you had a transcript of all of the prayers you said in the last year, what would it reveal about you?"  She asked if we thought our transcripts would show that our prayers had been more about making our lives easier, or developing our character to be more like our Saviors.  How much gratitude will we have given in contrast to requests made?

I have also read an article that suggested we pray for the things where our will and God's will overlap.  In a Christian story I read, the character explained that instead of asking for a piano, she would ask for the opportunity to develop her talent.  Instead of asking to be able to go on an exotic vacation, she might ask for the opportunity to learn about other cultures and peoples.  If she wanted someone to treat her better, she would ask instead that she would learn to love them no matter what.  She knew that it was possible that she would get answers to those prayers in ways she hadn't imagined, but she believed that God would answer them.

I do think it would be interesting to see the transcripts of a year of my prayers.  I have had thankful prayers, and prayers where my mind wandered all over and so the prayer kept getting off track.  I've gotten stuck in plenty a prayer rut where prayers were feeling a little repetitive, and I've had other prayers where I felt like Heavenly Father was helping me to know exactly what to say.  I am sure that I often pray for what I want, without even taking the time to consider what God wants. 

I am thankful for people who share what they have learned, and ask questions that give me good things to think about.  My hope is to continually learn to pray better, so that if I did see a transcript of my prayers, they would lean more to learning God's will than asking for mine, and that they would be more full of gratitude than a constant list of what I want. 

Always a Goal

Picture from Google Images

I find it really interesting to hear people talk about goals.  Just like a lot of things, what works for some, doesn't work for others.  Some people profess to hate goals, or believe they don't work.  Some people, I think, just have a goal to do the best they can, and that's what they do, without anything too specific.  Since I decided to use one word goals, or really sometimes two or four word goals, I have better success.  I pick something that I really want to do, not something I think I "should" do.  I mentioned before that I didn't choose "Health" as a goal until I felt like I was really ready to work on it without dread.

So, as always, I have a goal for the year.  I chose, "Love more, love better".  I was trying to decide how to work on this because I need to be able to see if I'm making some progress.  As I thought about it, I realized that this goal is just like choosing to review, and keep practicing, my last 6 goals.  So every month I have something specific to work on from one of those six original goals, each goal getting 2 months.  I was careful to make sure that these little goals are things that not only help me make progress, but are goals that I really want to do.  It's really not as complicated as it may sound, and I'm quite looking forward to some of them!

So, whether you like to make goals or not, it never hurts to think about whether you are making progress in becoming the kind of person you really want to be.  If you are heading the direction you want to go, great!  If not, maybe you can think of one small goal that will get you closer to being the best you possible.

Christmas (my latest song)

Google Image

Christmas

(to listen click here.)

Christmas makes me feel like all the good that I have known

All the love that I have felt

And the kindness I've been shown.

Christmas makes me think of all the sweet and joyous things

Like a baby's dimpled smile

Or a happy voice that sings.

Christmas touches something that is deep inside my heart

With the treasured Christmas story

And all those who played a part.

Christmas helps remind me of the things I want to know

There is hope for us each day

And Christ's love helps us to grow.

So I'll sing a song of Christmas with a smile upon my face

And will feel the joy of Christmas

As I go from place to place.

Sing out with love and joy and peace and laughter!

Sing out knowing there's happily ever after!

Sing out because the King of Kings came down to give us joy,

And for hope brought to the world by a tiny baby boy.

A Bunch of Gratitude

The Payson Temple.  Picture from Google Pictures

Hi all.  I have not been diligent in writing things I am thankful for this week so I am writing what I am thankful for in a bunch!  Tuesday I just remember that I had a good morning.  We'll go ahead and not talk about the evening -- it's possible I let myself get a little too tired :-). 

Wednesday I made new friends.  I went to visit a little boy in my Primary and played trains with him and his sister while I chatted with their Mom.  I enjoy visiting, and I enjoy friends!

Thursday I had a chance to visit with friends I already have.  That was good too! 

Today Tia came home and we got to go to the temple together.  While we were there I was thinking of just how much I enjoy my grown up daughters.  They are good people and are really fun to be with.

Trisa, Kayli, and Tia -- my super awesome girls!

Sunday Smiles and Laundry Machines

Looking back, I think I am most thankful for the smiles I got yesterday.  Smiles from family.  Smiles from friends.  And especially smiles from children.  I enjoy those smiles a lot!

Teddy, aka Poof or Poofty, the innocent looking dog :-)

Today is laundry day, and every laundry day I actually say a prayer of thanks for laundry machines.  Washing clothes by hand sounds hard, and exhausting.  Drying them on a line wouldn't be so bad in nice weather, if the dog didn't steal them off the line.  But we don't actually have a "line" for the dog to steal them off of.  So, in that way at least, he is innocent!

Books at home. Books at the Library.

Books at Home

Dan with his stack of books from the library.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time reading.  I love books.  I learn a lot from them, and sometimes I escape into them for a break.  Of course, if I care about the characters in the book too much, even if they are fictional, I might actually worry over books too -- even though I know it won't change the outcome of the story.   Yesterday I read books to learn from, and then books to enjoy.  That was awesome!

Today Dan wanted to go to the library.  We have lots of books at our house, but there are more at the library!  Dad was pretty proud of his big stack of books and movies.  Going to the library is kind of like checking out presents that you want.  You have to give them back later, but you can keep any knowledge you gained, and any enjoyment you found!

I am thankful for books!

Feeling Well

Picture by Jake

Today I actually feel well!  My headache is gone.  I don't feel like hiding under the covers and sleeping a few extra hours!  It is so much easier for me to enjoy everything, and to feel grateful, when my head doesn't hurt and I actually have a little energy.  Days when I don't feel well have a lot of good in them too, but oh how thankful I am for days when I am feeling well!

Good People

My girls are some good people!

My Family

I know "good people" isn't very specific, but just imagine how bad it would be if I left someone out!  I know a lot of good people.  People who care about me, and my family.  People who go out of their way to be kind, and to help, and to make sure we're okay.  People who send emails, and messages.  People who call, or come by.  People who may not do either, but who remember us in their prayers, or smile when they see us.  A lot of the good people I know are family -- including my children.  They love each other, and try to help each other. 

Life would be a lot less happy without all of the good people I know!  I am thankful for all of you -- if you're reading this, be sure to count yourself as a good person!

My Derek

Hiking Angels Landing in Zion National Park

Derek, Me, and Jake -- on top of the world (sort of)

Derek with Angels Landing behind him.

Today and every day I am thankful for Derek.  He goes to work every weekday even though the commute stinks and he has to sit through lots of meetings that aren't always that interesting.  He does a good job, and he works with good people, but it isn't always fun and he goes anyway.  Because of this we can have a nice house and food and clothes and puppets and instruments and other fun stuff.

When he can, he calls me at lunchtime.  I am glad he calls every time, but there are days like today where I cry at him because I'm tired, and I have a headache -- still, and it won't go away and whine, whine, whine.  That probably wasn't what he was hoping for, but he doesn't complain.  He's just always so good to me!  On days like this I don't feel very useful, and I'm not too impressed with myself since my to do list just sits and mocks me, but he just thinks I'm awesome anyway.  I love that!  What a blessing for me!

Derek is a great dad, and he's fun.  He's also really patient when we are hiking up a steep mountain and I have to eat every 10 minutes so I don't cry and I take about 100 breaks.  But hey.  We made it!  That wasn't today though.  Today I'm just really glad that he loves me no matter what.  That is a great gift for me, and I am thankful.

Primary and My Missionary

I didn't write yesterday.  It was a busy Sunday!  I have been called to work in the Primary again (the children's organization in our church).  I am super grateful for good people to work with, for teachers who teach, and especially for the children.  It is easy to be happy when you get to spend time teaching cute children about the gospel of Jesus Christ!  They were all really good, and really smart.  We were learning about how to be missionaries by serving people.  That leads me to what I am thankful for today.

This morning the first thing I did after turning off my alarm was to read a letter from my missionary son Connor.  I am thankful for him.  He is in Japan, and I check my email lots on Sunday nights hoping his email will come early.  I have read them in the middle of the night before too.  The time difference is rather large.  Now that we've had daylight savings time they are 16 hours ahead.  I think.  He's already up on Tuesday and I haven't had dinner on Monday.  I love to hear the good things he is doing, and laugh that he tries to stick in so many Harry Potter references in his letters when he writes.  I am really proud of him for bravely heading across the world to teach people that Jesus loves them!

Shared Knowledge

This morning I was able to go to a Women's Conference held by the Stake Relief Society (The Women's organization of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints).  It is so nice that there are people who are willing to share the knowledge they have gained through their own hard times.  I went to three classes.  Here is an idea from each class.

1.  If you ask someone what you can do for them, and they say nothing, try asking what you can pray for them.  We can all use extra prayers!

2.  We all have a lot to do.  Allow the Holy Ghost to speak to us each day to tell us what the most important thing is that we can do.

3.  We can't control our children (or anyone else).  We love, support, serve, teach, and pray for them.  Teens are always receptive to love.