Focusing on What I CAN Do

Picture by Kayli

I was just trying to come up with questions that I should be looking for the answer to at General Conference, and during prayers, and just generally as I study.  The problem?  I am gifted at coming up with what I don't know, or what I don't do well and might need help with, and after a while I start to feel depressed.  Perfection is such a long way off, and I forget it's not required.  Thankfully, I was gifted with remembering what I learned last conference from President Nelson!  

"...the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."

So, I decided to focus on what I can do -- at least for tonight -- and I am feeling a LOT more motivated to do good things now than I was when I was trying to think of all the things I needed to work on and what question I might need to ask about them!  

Here's my list:

I can use my writing to lift others

I can create letters and poems to inspire others

I can create songs that share faith and joy

I can listen

I can use my time to help others

I can speak kind words

I can create beauty

I can share what I learn

I can call people

I can plan get togethers

I can play games with my family

I can walk with others 

I can communicate through Marco Polos and texts

I can look, and find things that I can make better

I can make gifts, and buy gifts

I can create stories

I can do puppet shows

I can dance

I can laugh

I can share my gratitude

I can watch shows with my family

I can notice those around me

I can create order

I can clean

I can read

I can memorize inspirational things

I can pray for others and for myself

I can spend time with Heavenly Father

I can repent

I can forgive

I can smile

I can hope

I can love

My Happy Birthday!

 I had a good few days of celebrating my birthday.  I always try to plan what I want to do, and I sometimes buy myself a gift or three, and I also am spoiled by my wonderful family and friends!

Birthday Celebration Day 1 -- Jenny's birthday

I started out sending Jenny a happy birthday Marco Polo which included my lovely bed head hair and me not being so sure I wanted to go on the hike I planned.  However, I had decided that if we bought some good snacks that I wanted, and I took some water, it would probably be fine.

Derek bought me flowers while we were at the store getting snacks.  I somehow forgot to take a picture of them before they wilted a bit, but they are still very beautiful!

This is a part of the trail that we took up to the pine forest.

It is very pretty up there, and once we got to the pine forest, we started collecting pine cones for an activity I wanted to do later.

Trisa took a lot of the pictures for this post, and Tia took the rest. (Other than the flowers that I took a minute before posting it).

It was a beautiful, beautiful day as you can see.  I was afraid it would be too cold, but it was actually a bit hot by the time we were headed down (which is lots better than being hot when we headed up!)

I'm not sure why Derek has Teddy by the tail, but that is his arm, and Kayli is standing by her dog.

I am on the left wearing the shirt my sister Tina sent me for my birthday.  Then Derek, holding Teddy's tail, and then Kayli.

This is Tia and Mike.  Chewy is behind Tia.  Mike was pitching pine cones for Tia to hit.

Here is Tia again.  I suspect she had just been hitting a pine cone.

This is my happy hiking buddies and me.  Mike, Tia, Trisa, Kayli, Derek, Me, and Dan!

This is me with "Sher Bear" that Tia and Mike made for me at Build a Bear for my birthday.  So fun!  I think I get the best birthday presents!

After our hike Mike had to go to work, but some of us made Pine Cone owls.

The left one is Derek's (what a good husband he is!), and the right one is Trisa's.

The left "snowy owl" here is Dan's and the right one is Tia's.  I LOVE how she did the owls "hair"!

This is my owl family.  Daddy owl, Mommy owl, and baby owl.  

Next we played Boggle -- 3 rounds, and my niece Avery came in time to get in on the last one.  Later we had breakfast for dinner.  Waffles, with peanut butter, strawberries, and whipped cream.  Mmmmm.  There was a BYU game that night so we postponed the movie watching and I finished a book and watched the game until I got so sleepy that I went to bed.  We were winning anyway.  Go Cougs!

Sunday:  Birthday #2

On this day I opened more presents and we watched Singing in The Rain, which I chose.  I slept through some of it, but enjoyed all the funny parts!

My shirt from Trisa.  I opened my presents from me too which was another shirt and a magazine.  The picture above is freaky because I have a weird sun halo!

Monday:  My Actual Birthday

This was more of a communication day.  I talked to My Mom and Shannon on the phone.  I talked to My mother-in-law and my friend Carrie in person.  I had lots and lots of texts, Marco Polos, and Facebook messages, and am thankful to all those who thought of me on and around my birthday!

 I did laundry on my birthday, and since Canvas was down I decorated for Halloween with Dan, which was really fun.  I had a note from Derek tucked in my Bran Flakes cereal box in the morning, which was a good way to start the day!  I made the roast and potatoes on this day that I mean to make on Sunday.  We were going to have Apple Crisp for dessert but I got too tired to make it, and we didn't have enough apples, and I just bought brownies and we called it good.  

Last of all we solved a mystery!  I had got it from Finders Seekers to give it a try.  Some of us enjoyed it a lot more than others, but I thought it was fun.  I'll stop here and post more pictures another time!  Happy Birthday to Me!

Grace AND Truth AND time

 The ideas for this post come directly from a book I am reading called Changes That Heal:  Four Practical Steps to a Healthier, Happier You by Dr. Henry Cloud.  

The first section of this book explained very clearly that God is grace AND truth, and how desperately we all need both.

Dr. Cloud called truth without grace "judgment".  If we just have truth, we feel like we and everyone else must live the truth perfectly. We find ourselves judging ourselves and others harshly for not being able to do everything we know as truth.

On the other hand, grace without truth is described as "license".  If we have only grace, we can do whatever we want.  This might sound good, but the consequences of this are just as bad as living in judgment.  Living this way, without truth as a guide is like trying to navigate the Amazon Jungle without help, and without knowledge of what is dangerous and what isn't.

To illustrate this principle Dr. Cloud tells the story of the woman taken in adultery and how Christ used both grace and truth.  With grace he loved the woman even as an adulterer.  With truth, he recognized her sin, and lovingly instructed her to sin no more.  

And Time?  This is what God gives us to become more like Him.  We do this when we access His grace and His truth.  But whether time does us any good or not is determined by how willing we are to share our true selves with God and with others.  Bringing our true, real, selves into God's light allows us to feel His grace.  His love for us no matter what happens.  It also allows us to be open to His truth so that we can make progress, and become better.

It is easy to overbalance on the side of truth or grace.  But growth comes from recognizing both.  I need to have grace towards myself when I make mistakes, and continue to reach for truth.  I need to have grace towards others always, because only when given grace will any of us feel the desire or ability to change.

Extreme Creepy Closet Makeover

 

This was after I had cleaned out half of the closet!

This past weekend I had a chance to go on a little trip to help clean out a creepy closet so that it didn't have to be avoided.  This is my kind of project!  Hard to make worse, and no matter how much improvement it seems like a lot!  I had looked inside the closet before, so I had some idea what to expect, but once I emptied it out I did find a couple of surprises.

The first surprise (besides the good surprise that the floor of the closet was in decent shape) was that you could see light coming into the house.

The second surprise was that when I moved the cabinet door that was propped up against the left side of the closet floor, I found this.  Not a great surprise!  When I knelt down I could see all along the foundation of the house and light came in a good way down into that gap too.

So, a trip to the Ace hardware was in order where I got some nifty expanding foam, some paint and a couple of shelves.  The end result certainly isn't perfect, but light no longer comes in from outside, and the spiders and webs have been disposed of.

Not bad considering I had about five hours or so to get the job done.  It's not perfect by any means, but at least there won't be as many worries that creatures will climb in and haunt the closet!

Dancing With Connor

Before Dan turned 14, Connor got married to Amanda!  They got married Friday August 28th at 2:00 p.m.  I haven't posted about it because I took exactly 0 pictures.  The photographer took so many I felt like I could just enjoy all of the moments.  The wedding itself was at the Payson Temple and, thanks to Covid, only 8 people were able to come support the groom with another 8 coming to support the bride.  This meant that Connor's Grandpa Christensen wasn't able to come and that made us sad -- but other than that it was a happy event and lots of pictures were taken with more people afterwards.  Grandpa Christensen was even in some, but not as many as he should have been because I forgot to tell him he was supposed to come!  Double sad!  We haven't gotten pictures back yet, but Kayli took a few pictures towards the end of the reception that was held later that evening.  

The first dance was Connor and me.  I had a good five minute warning, but who needs a warning to dance with their handsome boy while lots of people stare?  I just focused on Connor.  I enjoyed dancing with him.  He chose the song written by Michael Buble' for his son called Forever Now.  I'm glad Connor gave me the opportunity to spend time dancing with him at his reception!

This is a picture of one of the tables.  Amanda danced with her Dad after I danced with Connor -- but I don't have any pictures.

Finally, Amanda and Connor danced.  They cut the cake next and were very civilized and respectful while feeding it to one another.  Then we lit sparklers and they ran to their car while people driving by honked.  It was a beautiful day and we hope it will remembered by Connor and Amanda with happiness forever.

Dan's Happy Birthday

 My "baby" turned 14 on the 29th of August.  It turned out to be a pretty good birthday for him.

Kayli made Dan some ginger cookies and Dan and I made peach sorbet.  He got to blow out some trick candles.

Then he got to blow out his trick candles again and again!

I took this picture of him wearing his new shirt.  His hands are covering some of the letters.  It says ANIMATION.  Dan loves animating things on the computer.

This is a bench for his art desk.  Honestly.  His art desk is mostly used as a catch all for stuff, but I refinished this bench for him and I think it turned out pretty cool!

This is a picture Dan took of most of his other presents.  It was a good present year for Dan.

Dan's favorite gift was probably the gift of an adventure.  He wanted to ride a horse!  Thankfully we know nice people who own horses and who gave Dan the chance to ride one.  This is our friend Dave (also our builder) who is leading Dan.

This is Kayli, Derek and Jake headed to the zip line that they went on even on this windy evening.  We also visited some pigs and horses and cows and saw the chickens.

Dave was trying to teach Dan how to saddle a horse.  Dave rode the dark brown horse and Dan rode the other one and we can't remember their names!  Kayli rode the light colored horse too.  Dave told Dan and Kayli both that "next time"...

Dan wondered if Dave was going to call and have them come again.  I think probably we will call and see if we can go again.

Dan is a smart boy with a good heart.  He loves to tell people about the things he is interested in, which unfortunately, often go right over our heads.  He loves animals and enjoys communicating with cousins and friends when he can.  We love him and hope he has a happy year to go with his happy birthday!

Mike Had a Birthday Shout Hooray!!!!

 Mike (my son-in-law) had a birthday the day after my Mom!  We didn't really get to celebrate until almost a week later -- but it's never too late to celebrate!  

I pulled out my cake decorating skills and made Mike a cake.  I tried an experiment of mixing vanilla and chocolate frosting for a swirl effect.  Mike wanted a piece with a rose.

Mike opening his presents while sitting next to Tia.

I like how he makes getting Mountain Dew look like the best gift ever.  I just wanted something to wrap his gift card with!

This exciting present was a remote control flying thing with motion sensors so it can be controlled with your hand.  It worked pretty well and Teddy wasn't allowed to catch it.

Mike with his cake and Connor looking on from the exercise bike.

Mike blowing out his candles.  He did not want trick ones.  And I really think sympathetic candle blowing is a thing.  I think I always capture other people who look like they are blowing too!

We are happy that Mike is in our family.  We love him.

Can You Win An Argument With Yourself?

Maybe I should be asking if you ever argue with yourself?  I do.  A LOT!  It is exhausting!  The funny thing is, I am often arguing with myself against my own harsh thoughts -- but I always seem to lose!  How can that be?  Well, I am learning that arguing just isn't the way to go.  I should know that because I hate arguing out loud.  How could it possibly be helpful just because nobody else is hearing the argument?

Here's an example argument.  Something that could easily happen while I'm hiking.  "Wow.  I am slow and exhausted.  I am pathetic.  I really should have exercised more."  Then my own answer to myself, "Stop thinking like that!  You should think of something else.  Be grateful!  Look.  A tree!  You like trees!  And you can walk!  Some people can't!"

Have I successfully argued anything?  Only maybe that I "should" be better at pretty much everything.  That "should" word should stay out of arguments!  

So what am I learning to try instead?  Listening to my thoughts like I am my own friend, and treating myself accordingly.  If a friend said to me, "Wow.  I am slow and exhausted.  I am pathetic.  I really should have exercised more." and I knew their situation as well as I know my own, I might say, "I'm so sorry you are feeling pathetic, I don't think that is true!  Everything seems so hard when you're tired!  Lets take a break until we feel more ready to go on."  I could even go so far as to point out the legitimate reasons energy may be low, or the exercise I do manage to do to help with energy.

It turns out that, if I am as compassionate with myself as with a friend, there is nothing to argue about.  There is just kindness and understanding, which helps get rid of the harsh feelings that crop up and try to take over my life.  

On an unrelated note.  Guess who is getting married Friday!!! Yay for Connor and Amanda!

Foreboding Joy

Tia, Dan (in the back), Kayli, and Trisa with Chewy in the back too.

This has nothing to do with this post, I just liked this picture taken on the way to a hike in Payson Canyon.

 Have you ever felt joy, and almost immediately squashed it with, "What ifs?"  I think most of us have tried this as a technique for not getting hurt.  We somehow believe if we don't have the joy of hope, we won't hurt as badly when we don't get what we really can't help hoping for.  Instead we think of all of the things that might, and, in our minds, probably will go wrong, which I know from experience does NOT make the hurting any less if bad things happen. 

I have had some experience with this before, once rather recently.  We are working on building a house.  I had the feeling that if we worked for it, and did what we could to move forward, that things would work out.  I found a lot of joy in the moving forward until the "what ifs" started to rear their ugly heads.  What if we can't afford the house we want to build?  What then?  What if I end up feeling stupid, frustrated and afraid?" And then I read about foreboding joy in Daring Greatly by Brene' Brown and realized I was squashing my joy to protect myself -- to try to avoid being too disappointed if something does happen that we didn't want to happen. So what is the solution?

Gratitude.  I need to remember that I am not superstitious.  I do not believe that feeling joy is going to cause something bad to happen.  I believe in God.  Joy is a gift, and therefore the proper response is not "what ifs" -- it is "Thank You".  Thanks to God who is giving me whatever opportunity that brings joy.  Trust that if my joy turns into -- "uh oh, what now?" He has my back.  He will help guide me to the next joyful thing and it will be okay.  

Being Real and Beautiful

Derek and I in the Uintas at Provo Falls

There is a quote in The Velveteen Rabbit that I really like.  The end of it says that "...once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."  I think this is true.  There are always going to be people to judge us on what we look like, or what we have or haven't accomplished, but there are also going to be those who love us and think that who we are is beautiful.  

I know that I have often been a harsh judge of myself, but if people know how harsh I am with myself, are they going to believe me when I am not harsh with them?  If I can't see my own beauty, what is to make someone believe I can see theirs?  It was a bit of an "Aha!" moment yesterday when I was thinking of this.  I have justified being harsh with myself, because I am NOT harsh with others.  I seem to see other people's beauty (of character and looks) a lot easier than I see my own.  

The thing is this.  God created me, and He created you, and He loves us.  We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made"(Psalms 139:14).  We have every reason to praise Him because when we are Real (loved), we are beautiful.

The House We Moved Out Of

 

Derek and I and our then much younger family built and moved into this house at the end of February 1998 and moved out at the end of July 2020.  I took lovely pictures of all of the rooms so that we could use them to sell the house, and I thought I'd put them on my blog so we would have a record of what our house looked like (minus the usual clutter) right before we moved out.

This is the "Piano Room" -- mostly used for playing the piano or reading / doing computer things in the chairs.

The Master Bedroom

Jake's room.  The place he liked to be better than almost anywhere.

Kayli's room -- sometimes referred to as her "Cave".

The Library which used to be a kitchenette, and will be again before too long.

The downstairs family room.  Many hours of fun have been had doing tricks on the giant balls, playing the Wii, and making forts have been spent in this room!

Upstairs "Main" Bathroom -- the one everyone was hopeful we had cleaned when they needed to use it :-)

Dan's room, which had at one time been Trisa's and Connor's.

The upstairs family room.  Many pictures were taken in front of the fireplace, including the annual Christmas Eve Pajama picture.

Family / Dining / Kitchen.  It was almost never this tidy, but it witnessed a lot of life.

Ah, I like how this kitchen looks when it's clean!  It is much different than the one we originally chose with it's white floors, tan countertops, white appliances, and oak cabinets!

The "Guest" room which in this picture was Connor's room.

The Laundry Room.  Just imagine how many loads of laundry have been done in this room in over 22 years!  For the last few years we've averaged probably 8 loads or more a week.

The office.  This is where Derek worked during Covid 19 until we moved.  Now he works in the unfinished basement of the rental.  This room was a bedroom for years.

The storage room where food, decorations, paint, and miscellaneous other things have been kept over the years.

This is the green backyard.  There was a firepit near my feet when I took the picture.

And last -- the pantry.  We couldn't keep the door shut to save our lives, and it became a joke that when Derek came home from work and came in through the garage, he was greeted by an open pantry door.  The kids used to run and open it if they heard him coming if the door was miraculously closed in the first place!

We have loved this house, and the people we have met while living there!  All of our boys were born while we lived in this house!  Now it is time to take the happy memories, hopefully keep all of the friends we have made, and move on with the next adventure!