The Beauty of Good Thoughts

 For the very beginning of my birthday week Kayli gave me the gift of her two tickets to the Lantern Festival.  Derek and I went early, taking our chairs and blankets and a few things to keep us busy if we needed them.  We agreed to spend the time talking about non-stressful things and just trying to enjoy the moment.  After setting up our spot among a bunch of other attendees, we picked up our prayer flags and lanterns and sat down to write the thoughts we wanted to "send to the Universe".  

We then hung our flags up where they could be seen, and where they will be carried on to all of the other Lantern Festivals until they, like many still hanging, are no longer legible.

We talked, played UNO, and bought dinner from one of the food trucks.  When it was dark enough, it was time for everyone (and there were a LOT of people) to light their lanterns and let them go up into the sky.  We were very inexperienced lantern lighters and when I was getting frustrated at mine Derek said, "Look up!"  I am glad that I did.  

I like this picture.  A lot of the lanterns look like hearts, or bright glowing butterflies.  It was very beautiful.  We finally did let my lantern go, where it proceeded to float too low and run into people.  I assume someone eventually got it to launch (as that happened with several lanterns).  Derek's finally took off like it was supposed to and flew up into the sky.

I think that is Derek's lantern in the middle of the picture.

Someone kindly took our picture.

It was a beautiful event and the lanterns, also decorated with good thoughts, were beautiful.  

Indivisible

Photo by chris robert on Unsplash

Maybe, like me, when you hear the word indivisible you automatically think of The Pledge of Allegiance.  In the Pledge, indivisible is used to describe the Republic, The United States of America.  It means that we, as a Nation, cannot be divided.  This is the land of "liberty and justice for all".  It is the "land of the free and the home of the brave."  It is the land that I love; the country that I am loyal to.  The problem is, our country does not feel indivisible.  It feels very divided.

You don't have to go far to hear, see, and feel division.  There are Republicans who hate Democrats, and Democrats who hate Republicans.  There are whites who hate blacks, and blacks who hate whites.  There are divisions among and between the religious, the spiritual, and the non-believers.  There are divisions centered around women's rights and what that means.  If someone believes something, there is bound to be someone who is against it.  But differences aren't really the problem.  The problem is in how we handle differences.  We can ALL be different and still not be divided.

It is not true that if everyone is special that means nobody is.  Everyone IS special -- but they are uniquely special.  We are all children of God with different gifts and talents.  We are all unique, and that means we will have differences.  The key to being indivisible is to love.  To find a way to listen and try to understand each other.  It doesn't count if we expect everyone to listen to us because we are "right" but we won't listen to anyone else.  Most people think they are right, and most people won't have their mind changed by a lecture, or by being yelled at, or by being shunned.  Two people can believe they are right on opposite ends of an issue and still get along.  

In the Bible it says "Charity never faileth".  It does not say that "being right never faileth".  Charity, or love, is the only way that our families, neighborhoods, cities, states, and country will truly be indivisible.

Poor Unfortunate Souls

Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash
BYU:  Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve.

**Written on Aug. 29 -- I just forgot to publish it!

Today I was watching Brigham while Tia went to the doctor.  I enjoyed watching him SO much and it brought back a memory from long ago.  I was around 17 and working at a real estate office in Colorado.  I had been accepted to BYU and was going there in February and a couple of the agents were making it clear that they felt it was foolish of me to go there.  I would just end up getting married and having children and they did not feel like that was a very worthwhile thing to do.  One woman even mentioned that she had had a hysterectomy so she wouldn't have to deal with having children.  I was not swayed by their opinions and felt sorry for them even as they felt sorry for me.

There are so many people who want children and struggle to have them and I hope they will get their chance. As time goes on it seems that there are more and more that choose not to have children.  I am so sad for all that they miss.  Having children is difficult.  That is absolutely true.  They are little humans who need a LOT of care when they are born and have a lot to learn, but it is so fun to watch them learn!  I love it when children take my finger and want me to go with them somewhere.  I love that when they are little they have such an enthusiasm for helping, even if their help doesn't really make anything faster.  Little things that we take for granted are fascinating to children and help us remember to find joy in little things.  They love to laugh and cheer and their joy is contagious.  I love little arms giving me a hug, and I love watching a child looking so peaceful in sleep when they have been so very busy getting into things all day long.

Everyone gets to make their own choices, and maybe it is better for people who don't want children to not have them, but I can't help thinking that one day they will regret it.  I still wish I could remember every little sweet, funny, wonderful thing my children did or said when they were little.  I am glad I wrote some down because no matter how much I want to remember, memories still fade.  I am also glad I have gotten to watch them grow and learn until they are grown up, smart, intelligent, sweet, fun, and sometimes still funny humans.  

I did get a degree at BYU, but I also did as the people at the real estate office predicted and got married and had children and I have absolutely no regrets about that!

Today's New Friend is Tomorrow's Family

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Today I was watching television while making Dan's birthday cake (I'm writing this on his birthday).  A character in the show was sad because she couldn't be "good enough".  She couldn't fix all that she wanted to fix.  No matter how hard she worked at helping others, there were still so many hard things people were dealing with that she couldn't fix.

Of course, there really is no way for any of us to be "good enough" to solve all of the problems that others have, no matter how much we love those people.  That really is what God is for.  But I did like what another character said.  He said that she wasn't taking into account "the end game".  When she asked what that meant, she was told that she could not see how much difference she made over time by the things she did.  He then proceeded to take out of his wallet a fortune she had given him the day they met that said, "Today's new friend is tomorrow's family".  She had given it to him because she wanted him to be counted as her family, and it had meant something to him.

Of course this was a fiction story and yet it is true that we cannot see the long term effects of our actions.  Perhaps the smile we gave someone got passed along to hundreds of people by the end of the day.  Perhaps the text we sent let someone feel cared about when they were lonely.  Maybe that phone call we made lifted someone's spirits so that they were able to lift those around them.  We just don't know what good we may do, and so it is good to keep trying, even if, on any given day, we think we are not enough.  And perhaps, as we work to make a difference, we will make new friends who will be like family.

The Third "Noble Truth"

 

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash
Isn't this a cool picture?

"Suffering can end!"  And that doesn't mean after we die.  "The misery can stop if life can be approached with wisdom instead of desire."  Of course, I happen to think we won't be 100 percent wise until we die, and maybe even a while after that, but we surely can suffer a lot less if we practice!  According to Buddah, the thing we need to do is to meditate.  This gives us an opportunity to untie "knots that have accumulated in your mind over a lifetime of experiences."  We also can change patterns of thinking that have been developed in our lifetime that may not be serving us.

So -- if we want to end suffering -- we need to learn to meditate (patiently), and we need to condition ourselves to use wisdom instead of desire in the choices we make.  This is very like pondering God's word, and taking time to pray and listen. I suspect we could all use a LOT of practice being still, and dealing with all of the thoughts and worries that show up in the stillness!

I'm sure that my explanation is very simplified, but it's the best I have today!

Dan Thomas' Birthday

 

This is Dan when he was one (and 4 months)
So cute!

This is Dan six days before he turned 17.  Time sure goes by fast!
In this picture he is hugging Kayli's dog Teddy.

When Dan was little he loved being in pictures and always liked to pose dramatically.  Now he avoids most pictures.  He was, and is "twirly".  He likes to spin around and used to do it while holding conversations.  He is much better at being still while talking now.  His teachers loved him and he has been a fountain of knowledge about all sorts of things for a long time.  He is very creative and we so enjoyed his "Police Officer Dan" phase.  It was so fun!  He has lots and lots of story ideas, and I enjoy the animations he has created, and continues to create. 

He is home schooled now, mostly online, but he still goes to seminary and has good friends that attend the local high school and who keep in contact with him and occasionally ask him to do things with them.  One of them even went to the trouble of figuring out what foods Dan is allergic to and making brownies for him!  They had to be made without eggs, milk, and nuts and he really liked them.

Dan is a really good, creative, fun person and we are very thankful that he came to our family.  Happy Birthday Dan!   

Sweet Sunday

Sunday is sweet, in part, because Tia and Brigham come to visit.  These pictures make me smile because Brigham looks so serious.  He is concentrating I guess.  My favorite thing is when the train went downhill once and he raised his arms up and cheered.

Brigham actually came on Saturday too.  Unfortunately I didn't baby proof my house enough and so he had put glue in his hair and his Mom was washing it in my bathroom sink when Derek and I got home. Brigham was NOT happy.  I got there when his hair was about clean and got a towel and he thought I rescued him so he gave me a big kiss:-)  and a hug too.  What good timing on my part!

The train set was a combination of Jake's and Dan's train sets.  Jake set it up and I put the batteries in the train and remote that still work.  I like to play trains and am glad to have Brigham join me!

Change Can Bring Perspective

 

Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash

I didn't know what to write about this evening and so here is a quote from my Magnolia Magazine.

"Small everyday breaks in patterns disrupt what's familiar and influence the way the brain fires and responds--as well as the way we relate to what's around us.  Our brain actually rewires.  We become more flexible thinkers, more willing to step  out of our own shadows to see things in a different light."

I think that means that changing the patterns of our days even a little bit can be helpful to us by helping us see things from a different perspective.   

 

The Second "Noble Truth"

This is the Payson temple.  I took this picture on Tuesday.
It may seem odd to put this picture on a post about Buddhism, but I believe
that there is truth to be had in many places, and Buddah spent a good deal of his life
trying to figure out the how of being happy and content.

"The Cause of Suffering is Desire".  As I understand what is being explained in this section of the book "Buddhism, A Complete Introduction to the History, Traditions, and Beliefs", our "self" is made up of our senses, perceptions, feelings, our will, and our responses and these things are constantly changing.  It is our job to ask if these things are "pushing [us] around, leading [us] into trouble, [or]becoming an excessive preoccupation".  We are to aim to not indulge or avoid our sensory experiences but to aim for "the Middle Way".

I think really the part I wanted to think about most were these two quotes.

"...the most direct cause of suffering is wanting something -- desire".

This reminds me of having expectations that I don't communicate to someone and the frustration that comes when that expectation isn't met.  Not because whoever I was expecting something from didn't want to give it, but because I did not communicate what I wanted.

"The desire that you have for so many things keeps you from seeing things as they are." 

This just reminds me of a time I was at D.I. and was actually praying not to want so many things.  I have been SO blessed that, though it is not bad to have things, it is good for me to focus more on what I already have and am grateful for. 

When People and Deer Meet

 This morning while I was working outside a neighbor came by and we got to discussing deer.  He does not like having them around, but he sounded most frustrated that people feed them and so they stay here, in their winter feeding ground, all year round.  They eat what people feed them, and any plants that seem delicious.  Just a little while later I looked out my window and saw a 4 point buck walking around outside of the house.  He stopped for quite a while on the back porch.

This is not a terrific picture since it was taken through a screen, but you can see him there close to the house.  He looked through the glass door so long that I wondered what he was thinking.  As he started to walk back the way he had come, he paused to look in one of the basement windows.

By this time, I had discovered that he has wire wrapped all around his antlers and at least one ear.  I really wanted to fix it, but knew he wouldn't let me get close enough to do that. 

He walked around and laid down by the air conditioner, which is where I managed to stand on Derek's night stand and get a picture without the screen.  You can see the wires.

A little before 4 Trisa texted to ask if he was damaged.  I decided to look out the window again and he was still there!  He rested in the shade there for six hours!

 After a bit I decided to go see what would happen if I walked down the path to the back yard to see if I could get any better pictures.  He hopped right up and we stared at each other for a while and then he left.

I love to watch the deer and am sorry to see he got tangled in something not found in "the wild".  I do also know how frustrating it is when deer decide to eat, pull out, or stomp on plants we just bought.  I still am happy to live up here where we get to try to figure out the best way to get along with the too tame deer.

Here are pictures of the deer when I went to check on him.

Here he is.  If the flower was turned around it would look like he was wearing it to beautify himself!

This is just before he walked off.  I do still feel sad that I  could help untangle him and I hope that somehow the wire won't bother him too much!

Setting Aside the Schedule

One of our new flowers bloomed today!

 Last night I planned to write my blog, and had come up with something to write about.  I have been trying to fit a certain list of things that are important to me into my schedule as many times as I can and writing is one of them.  But, there are people in my life who are always going to be more important than time to write.  I like keeping a schedule, but I am aware that there are times when it is best to set the schedule aside and take a little time to listen.  It was a happy choice for me.

Photo by Antonia Kofod on Unsplash

What I had planned on writing about were some quotes from a book I have on the traditions, history, and beliefs or Buddhism.  I was impressed with what Jake remembered from having studied different religions in high school!  Apparently Buddah, at the beginning, was very rich but not very happy.  He decided to try giving up all of his riches.  Again he was not happy.  So, he came up with the "Middle Way" which is a more balanced approach to life. 

He came up with "Four Noble Truths".  The first is "The Truth of Suffering".  Most suffering is self-inflicted (whether we realize it or not) and that is good news because what we cause, we can also change.  Our sufferings are caused by "The three poisons", which are greed, hatred, and delusion (ignorance).  He suggests that in order to reduce these poisons in our life we practice generosity, friendliness, compassion, and "waking up to a more accurate experience of reality". 

There are more interesting thoughts, and useful suggestions for how to live life in a happier, more balanced way.  I will continue another day! 

Planting in the Rain

I love living here in our blue house.  It smells like pine trees with the canyon breezes.

Today for our date Derek and I bought lots of plants to finish up the front yard.  When they were unloaded I discovered we were three short and so I went and got three more.  As we planted, the weather went from sunny to stormy.  There was a lot of thunder and lightning and some rain.  We kept planting until we ran out of good dirt and so four of the plants will have to wait until Monday to go into the ground.  

The yard is looking awesome even though it isn't done quite yet.  Here are some pictures.

This caged bush is now in the spot where the "Brigham bush" used to be.
We got the Brigham bush from Mike's parents when Brigham was born.  It is really a Weigela and for some reason it has not thrived in this spot.  We moved it and hope it will like its new spot better.

This line of bushes will one day grow into a hedge and will help our fun path have the "wild" feel we are going for.

This is the path.  It will look quite different when the plants are bigger.
The dark stripes are just where I got water when I was watering the plants.

These plants are on the mailbox side of the driveway.  There will be bark where there is just black paper now.  I did mention we aren't finished!

Pretty!

That's it.  We will hopefully be all of the way done with the front yard by the end of August.

Mike!

 

This is Tia and Mike on their trip to Alaska.
I got the picture off of Tia's Facebook page.

Today is Mike's birthday.  He married Tia a little over five years ago.  Since then he went to basic training and AIT for the Army and has been in the reserves.  He also became a Provo policeman.  For a while he helped coach high school lacrosse and worked a side job catching shoplifters at Dillards.  Then he became a Dad!  YAY!  

Mike is busy and works hours that make it hard for him to visit as much as we'd like, but he has always been a willing helper when we have needed him.  He drove from Provo last year just to help take big trees out of the truck, and then he drove right home again.  That's almost an hour of travel for not much time working -- but we are super grateful!  He even hosted and cooked for his own birthday dinner last year!  This year I decided he could have a break from cooking and hosting so I made some food instead and he and Tia and Brigham came over for dinner.

My favorite things about Mike are the things he does for Tia and Brigham.  He works really to make their yard both beautiful and beneficial.  They have berries and vegetables and chickens who lay eggs and like to escape.  They have at least one fruit tree and a nice patio that he put in and where we have had some very tasty family dinners.  He has also done a LOT of work in their house since they bought it.

Mike hadn't ever really been around babies until Brigham was born, but he jumped right in and learned how to take care of babies and then toddlers.  Mike likes spending time with Brigham and Tia, and I am glad.  I like the stories from Tia about Brigham trying to "tell on her" by yelling for Daddy.  Brigham is one cute boy! (I know -- this is supposed to be about Mike).

Today Mike took the day off for his birthday and I hope that he enjoys whatever he has decided to spend his time on.  We love Mike and are glad to have him as a part of our family.

My Mom

Ray, Tina, Sherie, Mom, Brian, Jenny
This was my Dad's birthday weekend and we wish he had been able to come too.
This is my most recent picture of my Mom.

Today is my Mom's birthday and so she was already on my mind, but as I read Romans chapter 12 where Paul is describing how to live as a saint, I realized that it is a very good description of my Mom.  Here are a few examples.

My Mom is very good at loving people.  It does not matter how much or little they have or what they believe.  She loves them the same and serves them with everything she has.  She serves the Lord in the best ways possible.

My Mom's life, like most people's, has been full of good things, and bad things.  Hard things and easier things.  She has been patient with tribulation, and has been constant in prayer to gain the strength required, or the knowledge necessary to deal with hard things.

If there is anyone "given to hospitality" it is my Mother.  She has welcomed family, friends, and strangers to her home and table.  She has given food, kindness, and a listening ear.  She has rejoiced with those that rejoice and wept with those that weep.

When she was younger and was treated unkindly by the very people who "should" know better, she gave them grace, praying that somewhere along their path they would learn to be more compassionate and kind.  She didn't condemn others when it would have been the natural thing to do.

If anyone has avoided being "conformed to this world" and "transformed by the renewing of [her] mind" it is my Mom.  She has studied, learned and lived the gospel of Christ.  Jesus' love has made all of the difference in her life, and because of how she lives, in the life of her family and many, many others.

I hope today is a wonderful day for a wonderful Mom.

Walk, Work, Watch, Help, Visit, Water, Sing, Write

 

Mars Hill.  One of the places Paul taught.

The title is the list of some of the things I did today.  I walked Teddy, saying hello to some other walkers along the way.  I worked outside sweeping the truck and pulling piles of weeds.  I watched a show while making granola.  I helped at the temple, visited with people at the ward social, and watered some of our outdoor plants.  I was then thinking about how I keep forgetting to put music into my days and realized there was plenty of time to sing with my guitar before bed.  While singing, I realized I forgot to write yesterday after Mike's early birthday party and I hadn't written today either. 

I did read scriptures too.  I've been reading Romans and so I will quite writing, leaving you with one of my favorite scriptures:

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall  be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

Brigham

 Tia sent me these pictures this morning of Brigham all ready for church.  He looks so grown up!  He came over with his Mom this evening.  I enjoy watching him SO much!  He really loves being with "Pop Pop".  Derek is good at making Brigham laugh a lot by doing all manner of silly things.  And Brigham knows that "Pop Pop" likes to give him chocolate chips!  

Brigham knows that Kayli will pretty much do anything he wants her to and if she's not there, and he wants to go down or up the stairs, Grandma might give in before other people.  It is really hard to resist holding his hand and going places with him.  

He's on his way home now and I wonder how many fake sneezes he will do during the ride.  That was Derek's way of getting him to laugh right before they left.  There's nothing quite so hilarious as someone sneezing in a VERY dramatic fashion!  I love Brigham and his good parents!

A Whirlwind Friday

Brigham wearing my Teddy Bear's glasses.
This was Thursday.

Today I got up early to walk with a friend, then I ate breakfast and went outside to work with my nephew.  Then I went on a walk with Trisa and the doggies.  Then I worked some more with my nephew.  Then I talked to him for half an hour while waiting to wish his Dad a happy birthday.  This nephew is fun to talk to.  Then I got cleaned up and tried on a couple of outfits for my first job interview in around 32 years.  Yikes!  Then I had lunch and tried to help Dan find his missing phone.

Next came driving to my job interview too early and then driving around until closer to the correct time.  The interview was fine.  It was at an elementary school and everyone was nice.  The principal seemed most interested in my hobby of puppets.  He seemed most worried that I wouldn't want to take instructions from teachers who were younger than me and in my lack of recent job experience.  I wasn't worried about either thing, which he could probably tell.

After the interview I went to Lowe's to pick up a couple of things and then came home and actually helped Dan find his phone using his Google account.  It is a black phone and was sneakily hiding in his room on the black office chair I had sat in to think about where else to look for it.  Next I went and bought more rocks and plants for the yard.  Then it was time for dinner, a show, a motorcycle ride, another show and bedtime.  I got over 16,000 steps, which is a lot for me.  I think a bit of sleep is in order!  It was a whirlwind Friday, but it was a good Friday!

An Unsolvable Mystery

 At the beginning of July I managed to break the crown on my tooth in the very back of my mouth.  Right side, bottom back tooth.  I stalled in doing anything about it since it didn't bother me, but finally went to get a temporary crown three weeks ago.  The very next morning it came out with my "Optisleep" device.

This is the device
my crown got stuck in.

I had to pry the crown out of the device and then I just kept it in the same container.  I didn't go back to have the temporary crown put back in because I didn't want to be numbed again and I could mostly avoid being too zinged by the sensitive tooth.

I do have a witness that I kept the crown in with the pictured device.  It was there for at least a week -- maybe two.  But then I noticed it was missing.  I looked all over my room and bathroom for it, but couldn't find it.  I wasn't worried about it, and just assumed it must have accidentally washed it down the sink.  I had been flossing back there every day since my temporary crown fell out since I was no longer worried about the it falling out.

Fast forward to this morning.  I went to get my real crown and the assistant asked how the temporary crown had worked out.  I told her it had fallen out the day after I got it and then I had lost it.  A few minutes later she had me open my mouth and proceeded to pull it out!  I'm pretty sure she thought I was crazy.  I have absolutely no idea how it got back in my mouth.  What are the chances of it happening to land just in the right spot in my Optisleep device so that when I put it in the crown went onto my tooth and then didn't fall out again even though it was no longer glued and I was constantly flossing?  I may forget some things, but I am pretty sure I would have remembered trying to put that thing back on!

This really is just an unsolvable mystery.  

The End of The Day

 

Photo by Andres Siimon on Unsplash

It is the end of the day and I don't really have anything really wise or useful coming to mind.  I worked outside this morning and was impressed with the deep roots some weeds have down in the hard ground!  I got them wet and so my shoes were muddy but the little deep rooted weeds still didn't want to come out!  Thankfully my nephew Brigham was helping and so more got done than if I was working alone. I don't feel like the yard looks a lot different, but the garbage can is full and there is a pile of weeds waiting for another week.  I did like what my nephew said as he worked.  "After all of this work you had better get yard of the month!"  I don't think our town does yard of the month but it is looking better all of the time!  Maybe I'll even post pictures soon and we can pretend we got yard off the month! 

My Happy Place

 

Today is Tuesday and so it was my day to go and work in the office at the Payson Temple.  Even if I am tired or grumpy when I arrive, I am almost always smiling and happy while I am there.

Today I walked in and my friend Marge started singing "Happy Birthday" (quietly).  It took me a minute to realize she was singing to me since it isn't my birthday!  It had come up on her calendar today and so I got early birthday wishes.

I have been looking for a part time job and the head clerk Julie is one of my references.  I told her I had applied for more jobs -- at schools and as an administrative assistant at a place in town.  She said, "I think you would be good at whatever you decide to do."  How nice is that?

Then Kayli came by to pick up family cards she had me print and so I got a hug, and some banana bread that my daughter Tia had made.  (I saved that for the way home).  I was uncharacteristically in the back using a fancy cutting machine when Kayli came, and after I had not taken my place at the main phone for a while Julie asked, "Are you going to be you today?"  I laughed and went to take my spot from another worker who was happy to give it up.

It is so good to be where the people who call, and come to the desk, and ask for help, or give help, are almost always kind and grateful.  We are happy to be there and happy to be together.  The temple is beautiful, but the beauty of the love given within the building is my favorite.  It really is my happy place.

A Window to Wonder

 

Photo by Laura College on Unsplash

I've seen a lot of deer this year.  Mostly Mama deer, a few baby deer, and some young bucks.  I have been wondering what happened to the big four point deer we saw quite a bit last year.  And then, I opened my curtain this morning to see big antlers poking up from behind the weeds by the white fence.  He poked his head up and I went to find Kayli and Derek so they could admire him too.  Eventually he stood up and I was able to show Dan.  

We have lived here almost two years and Dan mentioned this evening that he still likes looking out the window and seeing deer.  It has not gotten old.  Now, they are a bit on the annoying side when it comes to plants.  They like to eat my flowers, or pull them out of the ground.  Sometimes they have even stomped on some -- like they were upset that I planted something they didn't want to eat.  But to us, it is still a wonder to look out of the window and see deer.  Mamas, papas, babies and maybe even big grandpas!

Lack or Abundance?

Lack
Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

Today, so far, has been the kind of day where it is easy to see my lack.  I lack energy, which makes everything seem harder.  I lacked the gumption to make myself stand up in testimony meeting to share my testimony of our Heavenly Father and Jesus.  It seemed like, in Sunday School, I lacked the ability to keep the attention of the class.  It is days like this where it is easy to get discouraged and to feel like my trying to do things isn't quite good enough.  

Then I thought of the loaves and the fishes.  Obviously, in the scripture story, the boy's lunch was not enough.  How could the little bit he gave possibly help?  But it did.  It helped because He gave it to Jesus who could make it more.

I do not know if the little I gave today made a difference to anyone.  Still, I do know that, in Jesus' hands, even my lack can be enough.  Here is a quote from Emily Freeman's book The Promise of Enough.

"Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives . . . .It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend."

I do not have a lot of energy today, but I had enough to get up and prepare to go.  I did not stand up and share my testimony today but I did share it with my class, and I smiled at people and hope they know I was glad to see them.  My class did not pay strict attention, but they did pay some attention and I do not know what they did or did not take away with them, but I was there to teach about God's love and He could multiply my little effort into enough.

Sometimes it is so easy to see my lack, but there is also abundance, given by the grace of a loving Father and His beloved son Jesus. 

Abundance
Photo by Raphael Rychetsky on Unsplash

Visits to the Fair

 I went to the Utah County Fair by myself on Friday afternoon.  It was really hot outside.  I went to the "Maker's Market" because I figured Derek wouldn't be so excited to visit that part of the fair.  I enjoyed chatting with a lady who makes beautiful wooden cutting boards, wooden toys, and other cool things.  I am tempted to buy lots of wooden things, but only bought a food grade wood conditioner that I used on my charcuterie boards.  It made them look brand new!

Today I went to the fair with Derek.  We saw some things I knew were there but hadn't seen, some I had looked at before, and one thing that I didn't know was there.  The pictures are out of order but here are some of the things we saw.

This is a lego model of the Washington D.C. Temple.  It was pretty awesome.
There were a whole lot of very elaborate and impressive lego creations.

We watched the 5-8 year olds show their sheep.  It was pretty impressive!
Some of the kids got pulled over by their nervous sheep a few times but they just popped up
and kept trying to get their sheep under control!  Some of the sheep were more skittish than others.

Derek took this picture of me in front of the quilts because I told him that they reminded me
of my sister Tina who has made some beautiful quilts.

We also saw a lot of wood carvings.  There was a long table with people sitting in front of things they had carved while working on new carvings.  They said that it is a dying art and we should give it a try.  Some of those carvings were very intricate.  

We saw but did not get a picture of the snakes, alligator, Gila monster, or other reptilian creatures.  There was a sign telling us to use hand sanitizer after touching them -- but we had no real desire to touch any of them, nor was there really an opportunity to do so!

The best surprise was running into a friend of mine and her family.  Her husband has a kind of blood cancer and his blood count was miraculously normal last time it was checked.  She naturally was happy to get to share good news and to introduce their newest baby to Derek.

I enjoyed my visits to the fair, and later I enjoyed my time with Brigham who came over to play.  It is always fun to hear him reverently whisper "Pop Pop", which is what he calls Derek.  

Heavy Sighs and a Chuckle

Roses in California from our trip in July

This morning after walking Teddy I was getting ready to have breakfast and the kitchen was a mess.  I sighed heavily, loaded the dishwasher and washed the blender part I needed.  I opened the garbage drawer to throw something away and the garbage was full.  I sighed heavily and took the garbage out.  I came in and Teddy brought me his toy (the headless moose) and I sighed, and threw it for him.  At some point I realized that I kept sighing and chuckled.  I've noticed before that if I am tired, or if I find things to do that I don't want to do right then but feel like I have to, I have a tendency to start sighing loudly.  

I think the solution is either to rest, take a break, or, if I just got up, to decide how and when I want to do things so that I am doing them deliberately on my terms and not doing them because I feel like I have to.  The dishwasher has been started, but the kitchen is still messy.  I will fit cleaning it in when I have finished a few things I feel are more important to do right now, or when I find a way to do it where it doesn't feel like such a chore.

Sometimes I do really just have to get a few things done that I don't want to, and don't feel like I have the energy for.  I'm sure this will not be the last time I find myself sighing heavily, but I do hope that I will stop sighing with a chuckle and find a way to move ahead with more joy.

Remembering to Look Up

 

I went for a walk with Teddy this morning like I do most weekday mornings.  This morning everything was wet and there was a slight sprinkle of rain.  I chose to walk up the hill first because I like walking down the other side of the block and looking at the lake.  As I walked I was trying to make sure that Teddy didn't step in any mud, and that I was not stepping on or in anything that would cause me problems.  It wasn't until I was almost home that I realized I hadn't ever looked up!  I forgot to look at the lake!  I looked up at the beautiful mountains and clouds and was grateful for them, but was sorry I hadn't looked up sooner. (And I didn't want to go back!:-)

This experience reminded me of how often in my days, while I am busy and concerned about various things, I can forget to look up to God and be grateful, or even to ask for help!  I acknowledge that there are a lot of problems and really hard things in this world, but there is also a lot of beauty and kindness.  Today is a good day for me to reinstate Thankful Thursday where I spend the day looking for, and thanking Heavenly Father for the many blessings that I have been given.  I hope you can look around and find many things to be thankful for too.

All of the pictures in this post were taken this morning after my walk with Teddy.
It is a beautiful cloudy morning!

I Am A Child of God

Cute Brigham trying to keep his beard under control :-)

While reading from Come Follow Me yesterday I read these words by President Oaks (1st Counselor in the Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints).  He said this:

“Be careful how you characterize yourself. Don’t characterize or define yourself by some temporary quality. The only single quality that should characterize us is that we are a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics, including race, occupation, physical characteristics, honors, or even religious affiliation. …" (emphasis added)

He continued on about the dangers of defining ourselves by qualities that are temporary.  He said that when we define ourselves by temporary qualities we "we de-emphasize what is most important about us.."

It can be so hard to talk to and about ourselves kindly.  I know that it hurts me to hear one of my children say, "I'm so stupid." or other disparaging comments, so I am sure that Heavenly Father does not like us to say such things about ourselves.  I know that it hurts me when I say negative things to myself, about myself -- even if it is not out loud.  It is so important for us all to be careful what we say after the words "I am".  I am NOT stupid.  I don't know everything but I am learning.  I may not FEEL valuable all of the time, but as a child of God I AM valuable!

Negative thinking is not easy to fix.  It takes a LOT of practice and, even when we think we have our thoughts conquered, old patterns will creep back in if we don't continue to practice!  So, let us all practice remembering that as children of God we have great potential and great value.

Happy Wednesday!

(I need to practice remembering to write every day.  I keep remembering when it is too late -- but today I remembered!  Yay for one success!)

He did help Grandpa with his beard too.  And the fireplace -- which
we did tell him did not need shaving.

What We Leave Behind

A picture I took at a stop along the Nebo Loop yesterday (with Derek)

I've been thinking about the Inheritance Project I did in the past.  I wrote down all of the stories I could think of that might be helpful.  But, as time goes on, I continue to learn.  I still do not have lots of $s to leave behind.  I do have a LOT of puppets, and quite a few books.  I have plants, and blankets, and clothes.  But I think the most important thing to pass on is love.  Love for Heavenly Father, and Jesus, and all of the people that I know -- especially my own family.  

I have not written a blog in three months, and I haven't written a song in three years!  Life can be a struggle for me, and really for everyone.  Sometimes I have a hard time wanting to sing.  I struggle to laugh.  I know God loves me, and my family loves me, and yet sometimes I feel lost and lonely.  Am I fulfilling my purpose here on earth?  What is it I need?

I think that maybe I just need to stop trying so very hard to do the right thing that I am paralyzed by the thought of doing the wrong thing and so I don't do anything!  I need to reach out to others with confidence that they will want to hear from me.  I need to focus more outwardly and less inwardly.  

It is so hard to want to do anything when you are tired.  I need to remember that to get energy, I have to use it. I need to find some of the carefree joy I had as a child, singing my way home from school without worrying who was listening.   But maybe most of all, I need to remember that there is always good in every day and God's love is constant and those are good things to share. 

I may not feel inspired to write, but it would probably help me anyway, even if it helps nobody else.  So let us see if I can let go of the perfect, and work on sharing something every day.  Love can be found in stories, and poems, and thoughts, and I hope to do better at sharing mine.