Fun Photos

Jake's screen saver.  Teddy the Bat-dog.
Do you wonder if he can see?  Somehow he sees past that fur!

Dan's birthday -- Dan is holding his birthday rootbeer

Dan's noise cancelling headphones.  He was glad to have them before the parade!

This is Teddy "helping" me do my physical therapy stretches.

Silly doggy!!
(These 2 pictures were by Dan)

Dan and the "best movie ever".  Detective Pikachu
(This and all but the last 2 pictures were by Jake)

The Hard Life of A Control Freak

The winds and the waves shall obey (God's) will.  Peace, be still.
(Master The Tempest is Raging)

Have you ever tried to control everything?  I know I have.  I will make a schedule, and try to rigidly stick to it while having a list of rules that I desperately try to keep all of the time.  I've tried to control how my children handle their challenges, how clean they keep their room, and when they turn in their homework.  In Max Lucado's book Anxious for Nothing he says "...the most stressed-out people are control freaks."  Why? because "Life becomes a cycle of anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure; anxiety, failure."

But aren't we supposed to have control?  Well yes.  And no.  I can make a schedule.  It can be a smart, awesome schedule, but I can't completely control how things turn out, no matter how hard I try.  I might get sick, the car might break down, and someone might need my help right at the time I have something else scheduled!  I can decide to follow every good rule, but what about the times that I get angry, when my rule was to never do that?  People I know may have challenges.  I can do all in my power to solve those problems for them, but they have agency, and in the end they have the power to accept, reject, or ignore whatever help I give.

We can control what we do, or at least we can try, but we can't control the outcome because we can't control the weather, other people, animals, our health, etc.  We can affect those things -- but not control them.  So what do we do?  We trust God.  He is aware of me and my inability to do everything perfectly.  He is aware of everyone who needs help.  We might look around and think He is not doing His job well, but when we think that we are being a bit like a 2 year old who tells their parent "No, I do it myself" when doing it themselves would be disastrous!

Anxiety passes as trust in God increases.  With His help, we can give up the hard life of a control freak.

***Photo by Leo Roomets on Unsplash

Keep Your Power

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Sometimes things happen to us, and we feel powerless.  There seems to be nothing we can do.  We feel sorry for ourselves.  We feel angry at whoever is, or could be responsible.  We feel stuck.  What do we do?

I was talking to one of my sisters-in-law yesterday about how, in difficult circumstances, it is helpful to remember that we are not powerless.  She has been in a lot of pain, and had the thought that she should make it go away.  Well, she has a very real physical problem that causes pain.  She needs medical help that has been slow in coming.  But, she also realized that she could research and find things to relieve the pain.  Even the most difficult challenges are made better when we realize that we have the power to change our circumstances for the better. 

A long time ago in a circumstance that was challenging for me I learned to "Make a plan.  Work the plan."  I read, or ask people questions to get ideas that can help me plan what to do, and I make a plan even if I don't know exactly what the "right" thing is.  No matter what the circumstance, there is always something I can try!

Naturally, sometimes I fail to notice that I am stuck and wallowing instead of stuck and trying to climb out of it.  Sometimes I make a plan, work the plan, and not much changes. But I can make a new plan!  Blaming other people, or illness, or anything else for our problems and pain gives those things power over our happiness.  Blame is not helpful.  I have been amazed on more than one occasion when I realized that owning a problem as mine made it seem lighter, because if it is my problem, then I have the power to change it!

***Photo by Patrick Brinksma on Unsplash
I didn't want to spend a long time looking for the right picture.  The eagle looks determined and powerful so I just ran with that!

Small Acts of Kindness to Surroundings and Self

Yesterday I found something I had ripped out of a magazine and I read it to see why I had kept it.  It was a little essay written by Elizabeth Graves, the editor of Martha Stewart Living, about a hard time in her life.  She was 16 and her Dad had passed away.  Things that had seemed important before suddenly felt frivolous.  She talked about the things that comforted her, and brought joy and laughter into her life again.  Her conclusion was this:  "...small acts of kindness to yourself and your surroundings can have a big impact on your happiness, and it doesn't matter where you're starting from:  The direction is always up."

I guess I hadn't thought of the idea that some of the things we do are "kindness to our surroundings".  I suppose weeding the garden is kindness to the garden plants, and picking up clutter could be considered a kindness to the things we have deliberately used to decorate, because they can be noticed again.  Planting cheerful flowers can be a kindness to those who live around us who now have something cheerful to look at as they go by, and restoring something that is worn can kindly make it useful again.

And what about "acts of kindness to yourself"?  Is it really okay to be kind to ourselves?  Yes!  It is an act of kindness to ourselves when we take the time to eat well.  It is kindness when we rest when we are worn out.  It is kind when we allow ourselves to develop our talents, and when we take time to create things of beauty that we enjoy.  It is kindness to ourselves when we realize that the mistake we just made doesn't make us worthless, and when we allow ourselves to move on, and try again.  It is kindness when we speak to ourselves as sweetly as we would to those we love.  Acts of kindness to ourselves give us a greater ability to give acts of kindness to others.

Acts of kindness to our surroundings and ourselves truly can have a big impact on our happiness, and on the happiness of those around us.
***Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

What Do You Believe?

I believe the sun comes up every day, even when it is covered by clouds and we can't see it.
I believe that Jesus loves us, even on days when the problems of life seem so hard that we can't feel it.
I believe that being loved and loving can change the world -- my world, and yours.

I read a book once that suggested that when you are feeling down you ask yourself, "What am I believing right now?"  I have done this before and realized I was currently believing things that weren't true.  I just finished another book called Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucado.  He says "To change the way a person responds to life, change what a person believes about life."

What do you believe about life?  What do I?  Is it true?  In a world that is full of hard things, do we start to believe that life is impossibly miserable and pointless?  Or do we trust that God has a good plan, and notice that there are still people who are kind and loving?  Do we see how beautiful nature is?  There are weeds, and thistles, but there are also flowers, and butterflies!  There is disease, and misery and death, but there is also hope, and resilience, and life!

While I don't believe it is always easy to do (or I wouldn't spend so much time believing negative things about myself), we do get to choose what we believe.  In moments of exhaustion, or when people aren't treating us well, or when we see piles of problems, it would be good to stop and remember that God hasn't forgotten us, that life can get better, that other people do not decide our worth, and that problems, if handled with as much faith as we are able to muster, can make us stronger, kinder, and more compassionate people.

**Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

Alphabet Gratitude

Teddy and his Toy

I was just reading in my journal about a night I couldn't sleep and was getting frustrated and decided to come up with something to be thankful for that went along with each letter of the alphabet.  That sounded like a good thing for now.

Aunts, apricots
Brothers and Bread
Connor, cousins and crackers.
Dads, Derek, Dan and dryers
Elephant
Friends
Grandparents and grins
Hats
Ice
Jake, Jelly
Kayli and kindness
Love and laughter
Moms, Mike and music
Naps
Orange juice
Pumpkins, people, puppets
Quilts
Rain and rainbows
Sisters
Trisa, Travis, Tia, Teddy, and toilet paper (hey -- we need this!)
Uncles, umbrellas, and uplifting words
Vans, values
Work, writing
X-rays (It's all I can think of and they are really cool)
Yellow
Zoo

Labor Day Weekend

First, we celebrated by watching the Onion Days fireworks.

Then Kayli, Avery (one of Kayli's cousins), and I headed to St. George -- stopping in Cedar City on the way.
This is Travis having stake for lunch.

 

Chewy with Avery and Kayli with Trisa

Kayli and Connor.  We stopped off to see Connor and his apartment too.

Avery and Kayli with the unicorns in their Grandparent's garage. 
They liked going swimming!

I didn't get pictures of the whole weekend.  We were going to stay at the house associated with the above garage but the air conditioner wasn't working -- and it was an 108 degree day.  Trisa, Travis and Connor came to swim and stayed there playing games until evening.  When they left -- I left for my sister's house.  I was done being hot.  A couple of hours later I went and picked up Kayli and Avery who had decided that it was going to be impossible to sleep in a house that warm!  It is good that we have quite a few possible places to stay in St. George and that Jenny and Jeff didn't have any company!

The next day was Sunday, and my parent's 58th anniversary.  We went to church with them and then we had a family dinner in the clubhouse in my parent's neighborhood.  I forgot to take pictures and so I took these when I went to say goodbye on my way out of town.   Trisa and Connor came down after dinner to my parents house to see all of the projects they have finished.  They played games there and then came to Jenny's for a while too.  It was nice to see them!

Mom and Lizzie.  I happened to remember to take pictures while they were showing me the painting my Dad was getting ready to start!

My hard working Dad getting ready to paint.

Meanwhile.....

Derek and the boys were doing our more traditional Labor Day / Onion Day weekend activities with family.  Here are a couple of pictures taken by Dan's Aunt Tonya.  Dan hates parades, but he enjoyed facing away from the parade while wearing noise cancelling headphones that were playing 80s music, and reading Snoopy.  That was a happy time!

Dan and random parade attenders trying to cool down in the shade.

It was a busy weekend but a good one!

Being Right

When Jesus told his disciples to cast their nets on the other side of the ship, they could have stubbornly believed that they were right.  They knew how to fish, and they had already tried everything.  But in trusting that Christ knew something they didn't, they cast their net where he told them too and caught more than they thought possible!
(Picture used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org)

→→→→→→→→→→→→→

Jody Moore said on a podcast that "our brain would rather be right and miserable than wrong".  I think this is something good to think about, because admitting we are wrong, or that there is the possibility that we might be wrong, allows us to be open to learning more.

Sometimes the problem isn't that we are entirely wrong, but that we think we have the full knowledge of something and therefore are not open to learning more.  She gave the example of thinking she knew Heavenly Father, and therefore not looking to learn more about Him, but in realizing that she might not know everything, she discovered that He is so much more, and so much better than she thought, and was able to draw closer to Him.

I remember when one of my kids was having trouble with something at school and I told them repeatedly that they needed to go talk to their teacher.  They did not want to do that even though I thought it was the only way, or at least the "right" way to fix the trouble.  I was wrong.  They came up with their own way that was just as effective.

So when we are absolutely sure that we are right, it might be good to take a minute to think about the possibility that we might be missing something important, and we might, in fact, be wrong.  Admitting that there is at least a possibility of us being wrong can open us up to the possibility of learning new and important things.

Responsibility and Opportunity

For many years I too often let myself be overwhelmed by responsibility.  I felt like I had the responsibility to always choose the right -- both for me, and for everyone in my family, and maybe a few other people on the side.  I was sure that I was supposed to always say the "right" thing, and teach my children the "right" thing at the "right" time and in the "right" way.  Of course, deep down I knew that was impossible, and so a lot of time I went into avoidance mode.  I stuck my nose in a book and tried not to think about how I was failing.  I was so overwhelmed that it never even dawned on me that I could take the opportunity to study, and learn how to think in a new way, and how to be more at peace with what I can do, and what I can't.

I still sometimes find myself shouldering responsibilities that aren't mine, and making mine sound much harder than they need to be.  I sometimes find myself stuck in trying to do everything and do it right.  Thankfully, I learned to take the opportunity to study more.  I have learned that I am responsible for me, and I am responsible to teach my children.  I have learned that they are responsible for them, and they are responsible to learn.  I can't make them.  I have learned that I am never going to do and say everything right all of the time, and I will occasionally get tired, and discouraged.  That is a part of being a normal human.  My job is to do the best I can, and to turn to Jesus for help when (not if) I make mistakes.  My job is to love everyone to the best of my ability, even the flawed person that is myself.

My responsibilities are opportunities to love, to learn, to practice, and to never give up trying.  They are opportunities to trust Jesus who is the Savior.  When my responsibilities feel heavy, they are opportunities to find rest, and peace knowing that I am not in charge, and the One who is has power and wisdom far beyond my own. 

Cling To The Vine

In John Chapter 15 Jesus talks of Himself as the vine, and us as the branches.  He tells us over and over to abide in Him.  He says if we abide in Him we will bear much fruit, but that we can do nothing without Him. 

I was reading in Anxious For Nothing today and the author, Max Lucado, talked about this.  He talked about how hard we might be trying to create the fruit that will show we are attached to the vine.  But this can become an impossible to do list.  As I think of it now, this can easily become perfectionism.  We are trying so hard to do what someone who loves Christ would do -- because we do love Him.  But I liked this thought:

"You long to be "anxious for nothing."  You long for the fruit of the Spirit.  But how do you bear this fruit?  Try harder?  No, hang tighter.  Our assignment is not fruitfulness but faithfulness.  The secret to fruit bearing and anxiety-free living is less about doing and more about abiding."

What exactly is abiding?  I think this means that we need to feel at home with Christ.  We do this by getting to know Him.  By thinking of Him.  By learning His ways and coming to the point where He is our first thought in times of trouble and times of joy.  He is our peace in every storm.  We trust Him with everything about us and know that He loves us just how we are and at the same time wants to help us be better.  I believe the more we come to know Him, the easier it will be for us to recognize what He would do, so we can do it too.  He does want us to produce good fruit, but He is the one that will give us the ability to not only do good works, but to do them with joy, and with a wisdom greater than ours.

Dan's Extended Birthday

I already wrote about Dan's birthday party.  He also already had a birthday dinner with our family (He picked scones for dinner and homemade peach sorbet for dessert).  That's when he got a present from Tia and Mike.

Take 2 on the trick candles.

I really think sympathetic candle blowing is a thing.  Look at Kayli and Tia. 
They both obviously want to help!

Dan has also had a date with "the best Grandma Christensen in the whole world".  He loves going to get a slurpy, a present, and then (this time) a 10 pack of chicken nuggets at Wendy's!

Tomorrow is his actual birthday.  He is picking dinner yet again.  Enchiladas this time (Dan style -- which just means they don't have any cheese or other dairy).  At least his birthday is on an A day at school.  He much prefers A day to B day!

Dan is a loving, kind, smart, twirly boy (he doesn't really stand still much).  We love him a lot.  He is very creative and loves using the program Scratch to create computer animations.  I think he remembers his dreams every night, and finds them fascinating.  If you want to talk to someone about video games and their history he is your guy!

Happy Birthday to our Dan!

From If Only to Already

I'm thankful for all of the people who dwell with me in the "fertile valley of Already".
This is Dan with his present from Mike and Tia (Tia is quick to point out that it was Mike who knew what Dan would like!)

In Max Lucado's book "Anxious For Nothing" he talks about moving from the banks of the "if only" river to the "fertile valley of Already."  He is simply pointing out that we can get stuck in the trap of thinking, if only (fill in the blank) then I will be happy, but it would be better to spend our time thinking of what we already have to be grateful for.  We all have different things, and so it is important to not get distracted by thinking of what someone else already has.  Just the great things we already have. 

So today I am thankful for the sunshine, my hat to cover my fun hair, a good book to read, Christmas music (which I am listening to because I wanted a lift and I love Christmas music), my recliner, the Rocket (my van), a call from Derek, Kayli's fuzzy dog who is cute, and a less hectic day to enjoy.

I hope you are finding joy today in the "fertile valley of Already"!

Jake, Dan and Connor rocking the sunglasses in Connor's car.

Mike getting ready to drive the Rocket so I can ride with Derek on the motorcycle.

That One Time .....

Picture by Connor
Unrelated to my post except it's me.
My "new" shirt from Amanda
and my new shoes because
my other ones hurt my feet.
And I like new shoes :-)

I remember this one time.  My visiting teachers, who were two nice ladies assigned to come visit me and give me a lesson once a month, made an appointment, and they showed up!  Good so far.  But then they proceeded to visit with each other.  I was totally unnecessary.  In fact, I kept thinking that maybe they wouldn't notice if I hurried and went to get a few things done while they chatted. 

This was a long time ago, and I do not remember who the ladies were.  I believe they had good intentions, but they knew each other better than they knew me, and perhaps it was just more comfortable to talk to each other.  Maybe I'm scary?  Anyhow, the point isn't that they were bad.  They weren't.  They just weren't paying attention to everyone in our little group.  I mention this because I have to wonder how often that has been me.  How often have I been the person chatting with the friend next to me, and not noticing the person on my other side who is lonely, and doesn't have someone to talk to?

I have been the new kid in many classes, and even the new member of several wards.  I am always thankful for the person who looks up, sees a stranger, and smiles.  I appreciate it when they invite me to sit by them, and then are friendly -- making conversation that I can participate in, or asking if I have questions.  It takes courage to walk into a room of strangers who all know each other!  It is hard when people sit around you talking about people and places you don't know.  I really want to be a person who pays attention, and doesn't given anyone stories they can tell of "That one time" when they were made to feel like an unnecessary outsider who isn't particularly needed or welcome.