Praying and Working For The Success of Others

This morning I was reading in The Five Thieves of Happiness about a girl who was trying out for a sports team and asked the coach how another player was better than her.  The coach told her to not worry about anyone else, but to focus on being the best she could be.  On hearing this the girl realized that she did not want to make the team because someone else didn't do well.  She wanted to make the team because she did well herself.  Not only did she realize this, but she realized that it would be happier, and better to encourage others to succeed.

She started praying for individuals to succeed in the things they were trying to do, and even paid to allow a person to try out for the position she played because she felt they were better than her, but they couldn't afford to play otherwise.  In the end she found that she actually played better when she was not focused on how she compared to others, but on doing her best, and on encouraging those around her.

I like this story.  It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparison even though we would all be better off praying and working for the success of others, while at the same time trying to do our best at the things we do.

*Photo by Rachel Barkdoll on Unsplash

Accepting What Is

Accepting what is
(That I sometimes wake
up with an exciting hairdo)

Does not mean that there is no way to make it better!

I am reading a book called The Five Thieves of Happiness by John Izzo where he talks about control as a thief of happiness -- specifically us trying to control people, or situations.  Trying to control what is not ours to control sets us up to be unhappy.  It's like saying we will only be happy if it is sunny -- and then it rains.  Or I will only be happy if my friend is happy.  What if they are chronically unhappy?  Do you have to be chronically unhappy too? 

When Derek and I were first married I cried a lot -- over just about everything.  At first, Derek would be sad too, but then he told me that he would always be sympathetic when I felt sad, but that he didn't think it was a good idea for him join in my sadness.  He was right!  I knew he cared that I was sad, and quite frankly, a happier Derek had a lot bigger chance of helping me snap out of my sadness!

When I opened my journal today I read about the lesson I had learned with Dan's food allergies.  I didn't feel peaceful about them until I realized that they just are.  Me using my mind to wish them away wasn't working.  It did nothing but make me grumpy, and keep me from finding solutions.  I then listed some of the challenges my children were facing. I had "struggled against it all -- feeling sorry for me and them."  The solution I came to?  "I need to accept that these challenges are and be grateful that the Lord will help me.  I need to not only trust that He will try (to help) but that He will help ...

Accepting what is helps us to be happier than trying to control what we can't change.  Accepting what is can move us forward, helping us find happy solutions to the very problems we are fighting so hard against.

The Happiness of Repentance

Repentance = Getting back on the path to God.

I heard a definition of sin and repentance that I find helpful.  Sin is anything that has us turning away from God, and Repentance is turning back towards God.  Sin gets us off the path, and repentance gets us back.

Sometimes we seem to believe that beating ourselves up about whatever we have thought, said, or done wrong is required for forgiveness, but if we are traveling any road, and we get beaten up, it makes getting where we want to go harder.  Obviously we need to recognize that we have turned away from God, and it is okay to feel bad, but beating ourselves up isn't feeling bad.  It's feeling bad and then tearing ourselves down too.  It is telling ourselves we are stupid, and that our mistake has made us unsalvageable, or not worth saving.  It is denying that Christ's atonement can reach us, which takes us even farther away from God.

I have been the queen of beating myself up on occasion, never stopping to think of this as a lack of faith in Christ.  It isn't until relatively recently that I realized what a joyful thing it is to recognize a sin so that I have the opportunity to turn back towards God!  This morning I read in Job 5:17 "Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth:...".  I do not like getting "in trouble" and have often wondered how being corrected by God could be happy -- but it is!  He can help us see where we have turned away from Him, and He will help us turn back to Him.  He is love -- and turning back towards love is happy!

**Photo by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash

Mourning Normal

Me and Derek making the hospital look like a happy place!

I sometimes think that I am happiest when things are "normal", and then I remember that there really isn't a normal in this life -- at least not a permanent normal.  Life is ever changing and I need to not let that change ruin my happiness, but when I was going through all of the drama of last year a wise friend told me that it was okay to mourn.  I sometimes tried to tell myself that other people's situations were worse and therefore I shouldn't mourn.  I felt like maybe it was unfair or weak of me to be sad over something that wasn't as hard as another person's trial -- but that's not really how it works.  Comparison doesn't make what's hard for me go away, and doesn't make it easier either.

After my surgeries last year my body just isn't "normal" anymore.  I have cried over that a few times.  Then I realized how many times my body has changed rather drastically since I was born, and I decided I needed to just get used to the changes and move on.  Still, I have discovered that mourning doesn't just all of a sudden end no matter how logical I try to be.  It can come and go in waves.  Thankfully the waves get smaller and smaller as time goes by.

There is such a thing as normal I think -- normal for us -- but it is always temporary.  I have found that when things get abnormal, focusing on the things that I have to be grateful for helps to ease the pain of loss, but it is okay to feel the pain.  Feeling the pain and sorrow of mourning, eventually helps me to have a greater appreciation for peace and joy.

Do You Want To Build A Snowman?

Jake and Derek with our snow creations.

Snow Pig, and Snowman

It seems to me that it takes energy to be happy.  I have also heard that it takes using energy to get energy.  On Sunday after church I was feeling sleepy.  I thought that maybe I should just lie down, but it had snowed, and the snow was good packing snow, and I wanted to build a snowman.  I almost let sleepiness win, but I thought I would regret it and so I went and started getting my boots and coat on.

I told Dan I wanted to build a snowman and he said, "I don't!"   Derek might not have wanted to either, but he came out with me and helped me.  Then Jake came and made huge snowballs, and I made a snow pig (that was supposed to be a dog) and I tried to turn Derek's next big snowball, with mine on top, into a duck.  All the while Teddy the dog was running around (he's fast!) looking super happy.

I had so much fun!  I so often do not choose the activity because I feel tired, and it seems too hard.  I am rather proud of myself for choosing to be fun (I told the kids to write about it in their journals) and so thankful that Derek and Jake came outside too.  That activity woke me up, and I felt so happy!  That energy lasted the whole rest of the day!  I hope I will remember to more often choose activity -- not just to get energy -- but to make memories.

Teddy happily running

Derek next to his big snowball

Me and the "snow duck" that you really will have to use your imagination to see.
Just go ahead and believe it's the wrong camera angle :-)

Teddy and Jake.  I love this picture.

Jake and Teddy.  I love this one too because Jake is happy.
In the background Derek is probably trying to shore up the snowman
who is leaning towards the front.  I fully expect the snowman
to fall on his face sometime today.
Poor snowman.

Do Something

I learned a long time ago that if I am feeling down I probably need to do at least one of three things.  I either need a nap, a snack, or to do something.  Doing something takes my mind off of whatever is bothering me, and accomplishing something makes me feel good.  Playing, reading, visiting -- there are a number of things I could do.  Sometimes it's even a good idea, if I am feeling down, to start doing whatever it is that I am dreading the most.  Conquering a dreaded task is very helpful in raising my level of cheer.

I do not have a job outside of the home, other than a church calling.  I spend my time on a lot of different things.  Recently, I spent a lot of time re-doing my room.

This is before.  I remembered a little late to take the picture. 
The desks and bed are already pulled out so I can prepare to paint. 
This wall was painted years ago and I have loved it.
  My friend Shannon helped me.  All of the other walls were yellow.

This is my room now.  I even got
a new rug.  I love it!!

Even though it is sometimes hard to get myself moving.  It is almost always a good idea on emotional, or hard days, to do something!

Living After The Manner of Happiness

From the front of the notebook where I am keeping track of what I am learning.

In the Book of Mormon the prophet Nephi says that his people "lived after the manner of happiness".  In the Bible it says to "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart" (Proverbs 3:5), and also, "...God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)

I try to be a happy person, and I would say that I try really, really hard to live after the manner of happiness, and yet, I feel like I can do better.  I can be happier.  I can trust God more, and fear less, and find more joy.  It is true that we are not going to feel happy all of the time, but I feel like I can be happy more often.

My niece Emma told me about a talk that Elder Holland gave about this very topic.  I think listening to it was the perfect beginning to my study of this subject.  This is my summary of what he said; We put our head into living after the manner of happiness.  We fight for it.  We strive for it.  We insist upon it.  We participate relentlessly in working for it.  (2015 Devotional given at BYU Idaho titled "Living After the Manner of Happiness)

As hard as I have worked at being happy, this talk made me realize that I have not tried hard enough.  I have not worked relentlessly at keeping my thoughts from being negative, especially when thinking about myself.  I have not worked relentlessly on figuring out how, in the very moment that negative thoughts arise, I can banish them and can feel God's love instead.  I get tired, and give in, and sometimes those thoughts are really persistent and, quite frankly I need to learn to ask for help more often.

I have just begun my study and have already seen a couple of successes.  There was a moment when I was able to stop myself from my usual negative reaction to something, and laugh instead.  There have also been moments when I have realized that I still wait for other people to "make" me happy instead of taking charge of myself.  My goal this year is to learn more about how to live after the manner of happiness, and to practice applying what I learn.