Mourning Normal

Me and Derek making the hospital look like a happy place!

I sometimes think that I am happiest when things are "normal", and then I remember that there really isn't a normal in this life -- at least not a permanent normal.  Life is ever changing and I need to not let that change ruin my happiness, but when I was going through all of the drama of last year a wise friend told me that it was okay to mourn.  I sometimes tried to tell myself that other people's situations were worse and therefore I shouldn't mourn.  I felt like maybe it was unfair or weak of me to be sad over something that wasn't as hard as another person's trial -- but that's not really how it works.  Comparison doesn't make what's hard for me go away, and doesn't make it easier either.

After my surgeries last year my body just isn't "normal" anymore.  I have cried over that a few times.  Then I realized how many times my body has changed rather drastically since I was born, and I decided I needed to just get used to the changes and move on.  Still, I have discovered that mourning doesn't just all of a sudden end no matter how logical I try to be.  It can come and go in waves.  Thankfully the waves get smaller and smaller as time goes by.

There is such a thing as normal I think -- normal for us -- but it is always temporary.  I have found that when things get abnormal, focusing on the things that I have to be grateful for helps to ease the pain of loss, but it is okay to feel the pain.  Feeling the pain and sorrow of mourning, eventually helps me to have a greater appreciation for peace and joy.