What Ladder Do I Want to Climb?

"If we live our life comparing ourselves with others, we can easily find ourselves climbing up a long ladder to the top of a building we aren't even sure we want to be on."  John Izzo PhD

I don't think that I'm very competitive by nature and so, while I like this quote, I was wondering if it applied to me.  Do I ever work really hard to try to be good at something I don't really care much about just because I don't want to be "less than" someone else? On the other hand, do I ever not work really hard at something that I do want to become good at because I am comparing myself in advance, and the ladder seems too high, or I'm just afraid of not being able to climb as high as someone else has on that particular ladder?

I expect that I am more likely to not try something for fear of not measuring up, or at least not trying my best because then, in my mind, I can feel like I could be as good at that talent as someone else if I really wanted to try.  Neither of these ways of handling life is the best!  I need to decide intentionally what I want to do, and what I want to learn, and then climb whatever "ladder" is required to succeed regardless of who else is or isn't on the ladder, or how high they might have already climbed, or how likely it is that I will catch up, and even if there is a chance of falling off!

The best plan is to get on the ladder that leads where I want to go, and then focus on doing my best to climb that ladder while helping anyone else on the ladder that I can!

*Photo by Marc Schiele on Unsplash

Praying and Working For The Success of Others

This morning I was reading in The Five Thieves of Happiness about a girl who was trying out for a sports team and asked the coach how another player was better than her.  The coach told her to not worry about anyone else, but to focus on being the best she could be.  On hearing this the girl realized that she did not want to make the team because someone else didn't do well.  She wanted to make the team because she did well herself.  Not only did she realize this, but she realized that it would be happier, and better to encourage others to succeed.

She started praying for individuals to succeed in the things they were trying to do, and even paid to allow a person to try out for the position she played because she felt they were better than her, but they couldn't afford to play otherwise.  In the end she found that she actually played better when she was not focused on how she compared to others, but on doing her best, and on encouraging those around her.

I like this story.  It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparison even though we would all be better off praying and working for the success of others, while at the same time trying to do our best at the things we do.

*Photo by Rachel Barkdoll on Unsplash

Spring Break a Helpful Adventure

Sherie (Me!), Dan, and Jake during Spring Break

The week of Spring Break Derek and Kayli had to work, and so I took Jake and Dan and went to hang out with some family.  I love my family and I'm so grateful for what good people they are.  Dan's favorite part of the trip was showing his Uncle Jeff the programming he'd been doing.  Jeff is good at being interested and encouraging.  I also like that Jenny and Jeff are good at sharing adventures with family members.  They offered an adventure the first night -- but I was tired and we went to get sleep instead.

My Dad, and Lizzie the dog.
I meant to get pictures of my parents
and the projects we worked on.
I forgot.  Oops!

The second day my boys helped their grandpa outside and I helped Mom inside.  It was good to accomplish things and to feel helpful.  In the afternoon my niece Haven was able to tell us the real name of the "swirly whirly death wish park" so Mom and I took the boys there for an hour.  Then we made dinner and Jenny took the boys and I hiking.  It was so fun!  And so beautiful!  I love that she was willing to go hiking with us with very little warning, and that she knew an awesome place to go! 

Jenny and Me

Dan and Me

The falls by Gunlock Reservoir

A beautiful place, where I happened
to pull a hamstring.  Sigh.
I'm still really glad we went.

The Joy of Dishes In The Wrong Place

Mike in Michigan
Mike is good at helping.

There have been times in the past when I have been frustrated when I couldn't find some dish or utensil that had gotten put away in the wrong place.  This was particularly true if I was in a hurry, and something I could usually find was missing.  Lately, however, I mostly smile when the dishes are in the wrong place because it means that someone has been helping.

The other day Dan got up in the cupboard to get a bowl.  We have two sizes of bowls and the big ones go up by the plates and the little ones go in the cabinet under the phone.  Dan found a little one up with the big ones and said, "Mike's been helping!"  I absolutely love that Mike (one of my sons-in-law) had been helping, and that Dan knew he had been helping.  It doesn't really hurt anything to have things in a different place than usual, and it sets such a good example for Dan to see Mike help all of the time without being asked.

Finding misplaced dishes almost always means that someone has been helping me (I rearrange things a lot) -- so there is joy and gratitude to be found in having dishes in the wrong place.

Find Your Gifts

I think lifting people's spirits by smiling at them is one of Kayli's gifts.

"Tonight I urge you, with all the hope of my heart to pray to understand your spiritual gifts--to cultivate, use, and expand them, even more than you ever have.  You will change the world as you do so.

President Russell M. Nelson

One day I was feeling really down and I came to my room and grabbed 3 or 4 books off of my bookshelf in the hopes of finding inspiration on how to get out of my gloomy thoughts.  I feel like I must have been inspired, because I picked up one of those books, and turned to just the thing I needed!  I hadn't realized it, but I had been comparing myself, and how I do things, to how other people do the same kinds of things.  Naturally, in doing so, I found myself wanting.   

In the book Deliberate Motherhood I happened to turn to a section that talked about how every person is unique and has different gifts.  We should all use the gifts we have to help others.  We really can't successfully use a gift someone else has unless we are blessed with the same one.  That day I wanted to help someone, and felt frustrated because taking people food intimidates me, and I don't like to do it, and I am really good at talking myself out of it.  I can do it, and should maybe cultivate that gift, but I realized I was just deciding to take food because I thought of that as what we are "supposed" to do to help someone.  When I was reminded that I am unique, and have my own gifts, I decided to do something else.  I wrote an encouraging note instead, letting whoever it was (and I have no recollection of who) know that I care about them.

Recently, when I read President Nelson's talk I tried to write down which gifts I have so I can work on growing them, and practice using them more often to help people.  This can be very difficult for us women, who for some reason are often sure we don't have any gifts, which is a lie that Satan likes us to believe.  I read a different talk once that suggested we ask other people what gifts they believe we have.  Perhaps, when they tell us, we can see ourselves more clearly.  Everyone has at least one gift.  This scriptures say so.  We can all improve the gifts we have, and ask for more.  I think that is the kind of prayer that Heavenly Father likes to answer, especially if we are willing to use our gifts to bless others.