My Daughter Tia

Tia and Lucy

I am writing this on Tia's birthday.  April 6th.  Twenty Six years ago Tia was born.  Like all of my other children, she was scheduled to be born via c-section.  Unlike all of my other children, I was required to have a amniocentesis before her birth.  She is also the only child whose gender I didn't know in advance.

Tia on her first birthday.

Tia was my littlest baby at first, and then she got bigger.  She started out as my worst sleeper ever, and then turned into the best at naps!  She has always, always loved music.  If life was not going like she wanted, a song could often help her feel better.  She is like her Mom in that way!

Tia, over time, became very good at a lot of things.  She became good at laughing, at reading, and at playing the piano.  She became a good friend, and a good example.  She became good at listening, and at caring about people.  She became good telling stories, and at writing them.  She became good at keeping many people's hair looking beautiful or handsome.  She became good at moving forward when things were hard, and life seemed unfair and lonely.

Tia has dealt with hard things.  She had good friends who ended up not being so good to her.  She deals with the anxiety that everybody in my family has in some form.  She has sometimes struggled with what she should do next, and how to deal with the hard things in life, including having her husband go off to basic training for 5 months shortly after their marriage, but I believe she has done it all with an incredible amount of grace!

I love so, so many things about Tia.  I love that her siblings are her friends.  I love that she can pull laughter from people, and can help others feel important, and comfortable in her presence.  I am very thankful that Tia is a part of our family.  She is creative, fun, loving, kind, and intelligent.  Home is better with a Tia!!!  I love her.

Two year old Tia.

Tia the dancer turns 3!

Trisa and Tia in an
awkward family photo :-)

Tia and Derek.  Not turning 3
even though there are only 3
candles!

Tia with her long time faithful stuffed animal companions.

On The Way Home

Ray and Lori's new landscaping.  Lori, and my Mom.

My Mom had the great idea of us stopping at my brother Ray's house on the way home.  I was so tired, and had such a headache, and was so grumpy that I wasn't sure it was the best idea for that day, but I love my brother and his wife, and I know that they always like to see us and so we went.  It was good to see that Lori is getting around without her wheelchair, and it was fun to get a tour of their yard from my brother Ray.  I wonder how often, if I just made myself do something even when I don't feel like it, I would end up just being glad that I did.  Probably most of the time!

Ray with his row of baby trees after giving me a tour.

My Dad and Ray after Dad had a tour.  I love my Dad's smile always
and was happy to see it in this picture.

Spring Break a Helpful Adventure

Sherie (Me!), Dan, and Jake during Spring Break

The week of Spring Break Derek and Kayli had to work, and so I took Jake and Dan and went to hang out with some family.  I love my family and I'm so grateful for what good people they are.  Dan's favorite part of the trip was showing his Uncle Jeff the programming he'd been doing.  Jeff is good at being interested and encouraging.  I also like that Jenny and Jeff are good at sharing adventures with family members.  They offered an adventure the first night -- but I was tired and we went to get sleep instead.

My Dad, and Lizzie the dog.
I meant to get pictures of my parents
and the projects we worked on.
I forgot.  Oops!

The second day my boys helped their grandpa outside and I helped Mom inside.  It was good to accomplish things and to feel helpful.  In the afternoon my niece Haven was able to tell us the real name of the "swirly whirly death wish park" so Mom and I took the boys there for an hour.  Then we made dinner and Jenny took the boys and I hiking.  It was so fun!  And so beautiful!  I love that she was willing to go hiking with us with very little warning, and that she knew an awesome place to go! 

Jenny and Me

Dan and Me

The falls by Gunlock Reservoir

A beautiful place, where I happened
to pull a hamstring.  Sigh.
I'm still really glad we went.

The Beam and the Mote

Photo by Ian Simpson on Unsplash

Matthew 7:3-5 says, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"  We were studying this scripture at home and I asked which was bigger, a beam, or a mote.  Well, it turns out that they were thinking of the kind of moat that goes around a castle!  That would change the meaning of the scripture!  The mote in the scriptures is just a sliver.  Something not big at all.  A beam is large, and heavy.  

Photo by George Lucian Rusu on Unsplash

I am wondering if, perhaps, we might start out with our own little sliver in our eye, just like everyone else, but as soon as we turn and try to find the faults in someone else, even if it is to "help them pull it out" then we have created a beam in our own eye, making us completely blind.  Then we bludgeon someone with our beam, hurting them when we were trying to "help" pull out a sliver.

If a sliver is a sin -- something that needs to be pulled out -- then I hesitate to think that I am ever going to be ready to turn to someone else in judgment.  Christ forgives sin.  He can help them with their mote, and me with mine, and then we can both see clearly to lead people to Him instead of trying to do a little "helping" with our destructive, heavy beam!

Feed My Sheep -- Feed My Lambs

In church today I heard a talk about grace, and the speaker told of how Peter, who knew that Christ was the Son of God, was told by Jesus to feed His lambs, and to feed His sheep.  While listening to the story, I got to wondering about those words and why Christ chose them.  He didn't say, "Go find my sheep, find out everything that is wrong with them, and make sure they know."  He didn't say, "Go tell my sheep they are going the wrong way", or "Go scare my sheep" or "Go lecture my sheep".  He said to feed them.

This is what He asks us to do, and I am sure He doesn't mean to feed them poison, or things that aren't nourishing.  He wants us to feed them love.  He wants the good news of the Gospel shared -- as good news, and not as a list of things the sheep are doing wrong.  I am sure that Jesus meant that we should feed everyone encouragement for all they do right, and love for every difficulty including wrong choices.  He wants us to share joy for every success we see. 

Jesus wants us to know what He did so it can be beneficial to us.  He wants us to know where to look for help, and salvation.  Jesus is the "bread of life".  He wants all of us to know Him.  When we know and accept Christ, and the gift of His atonement, we will truly have been fed, and will want to feed others the joy of Christ and His gospel.

*Picture by Kamille Corry used by permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

Old Knots and Bad Habits

The blinds.  Looking new again.

Today Kayli and I were fixing some broken blinds.  In order to do that, we needed to untie some knots that have been in the bottom of the blinds for over 20 years.  Those knots are what carries the weight of the blinds when they are lifted up and down.  Those knots were really, really hard to untie.  We were able to do it, but it was difficult.  Once they were untied, we could replace broken slats with new ones.

I got to thinking that those knots are like bad habits that we have allowed to stay for a really long time.  Bad choices that we have consistently made through the ups and downs of life.  The longer we have those bad habits, the harder they are to get rid of.  Not impossible, but really, really hard. 

Kayli and I tried to be patient.  We sometimes got frustrated.  But we persisted and the broken pieces of blind were removed, and replaced with unbroken slats.  Now the blinds look new, and work better.  We really can undo our bad habits.  It will take patience.  We may get frustrated.  But if we persist, that bad habit will be replaced with a good one.  The choices we make will be better.  Getting rid of a bad habit and replacing it with something good is like getting to be new again.  Unbroken.

Seeing The Real You

I went to an activity with women in our church congregation where we were all supposed to answer questions, all of which required us to write something good about ourselves.  It was so interesting to watch us all struggle.  Sometimes I think there was a real struggle to believe there was something good to write down.  Sometimes it was a struggle with being able to say something good about ourselves, especially around others. 

I really think that we are afraid to see the real us.  There are probably quite a variety of reasons behind this, but we need to somehow find a way past that fear.  Interestingly, it seems to be the good parts of us that a lot of us try not to look at, or acknowledge, as if acknowledging the good in us is somehow a flaw in our character.  Who are we?  We are really children of God.

There should be a certain level of confidence that comes from knowing this.  If not confidence in ourselves, at least confidence in our Father, and what He and our Savior can help us become.  I have many flaws, but I know God doesn't want me to focus on all that I am not, because I am a Mom, and I sure don't want my kids focusing on all that they are not!  I want them to know that they are capable of more than they can imagine, and I want them to see that God gave them good qualities, and talents.  

The "real" us is not in the talents we don't have, or the mistakes we make, it is in all that is good about us.  As children of God that is who we really are!  If we focus on what is good, and improve on that, all that is not good will more naturally fall away.  If we also focus on the good in others, it will help them improve so that all that is not good in them will more naturally fall away.  There is power in knowing, and acknowledging, who we are.  I think more than anything the good in us is what Satan does not want us to see.  He is afraid of the good in us.

I don't know about you, but I rather like the idea of Satan being afraid, and so I am determined to do better at seeing the real me, and the real you.  If we all do that, I believe that our power for good will increase more than we can imagine.

As A Human .... Dealing With Problems and Challenges

Used with permission from churchofjesuschrist.org

As a human, I often want everybody's problems to be solved quickly, especially those that I can see, and feel, including mine and my family's.  I'm sure I often just pray that they will go away -- and we will all feel good and happy.  It is normal to just want to feel better, to be better, and to not have to deal with hard things.

Once, when I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, and like life was really, really hard, I was given the counsel that some challenges and problems just take time.  That is true.  Unfortunately I often have in my mind exactly how long something "should" take to heal from, or to solve, and I get frustrated when that time comes and goes with very little progress seeming to have happened!

As a human, I need to remember that problems and challenges are the rule, and that I can allow them to break me, or I can learn and gain strength from dealing with them.  Instead of praying for problems and challenges to go away, it would serve me better to pray for courage, strength, and direction, and the ability to accept help from others if it is needed.  It is important that at all times I allow Christ to walk with me so that my burden can be light.

The What If Walrus

Photo by Jay Ruzesky on Unsplash

Back in the days before cell phones, Derek would occasionally come home late from work without calling me first, and I would panic.  What if he had crashed?  And died?  He would get home to a distraught and somewhat angry wife.  He didn't have to be very late for me to panic either -- just 5 or 10 minutes.

I was reminded of this when I was reading the Book of Mormon this morning.  Lehi had sent off all four of his and Sariah's sons to get the brass plates.  The boys weren't back as soon as Sariah thought they should be, and she panicked.  What if they were hurt?  Or had died?  She said things that were not particularly kind.  She was angry.  Lehi tried to comfort her, but it wasn't until the boys arrived back on the scene that she really felt better.
(There wasn't even a helpful landline type phone back then!)

All of this had me remembering a story that I used to read to my girls about Walrus.  Walrus wanted to learn to ride a bike, but he was plagued by all of the "what ifs"  that he came up with.  So many horrible things were possible, and he probably would hurt himself, and be life flighted, and fall out of the helicopter and die!

Granted, this story is different -- he was worried about himself getting hurt and maybe dying -- but he was paralyzed by his fear, just like Sariah and I were stuck in ours, not moving out of the fear until we knew our loved ones were safe.

Walrus did try riding a bike, and he did fall.  He also learned to ride that bike.  When we are feeling afraid, wouldn't it be nice to be able to just pull out the confidence that God is with us, and no matter what happens He will still be with us? Walrus had friends who helped him when he fell off of his bike, and we will have help when we face hard things too.  Worrying in advance over the what ifs just paralyzes us, and doesn't help us now, or later. 

Accepting What Is

Accepting what is
(That I sometimes wake
up with an exciting hairdo)

Does not mean that there is no way to make it better!

I am reading a book called The Five Thieves of Happiness by John Izzo where he talks about control as a thief of happiness -- specifically us trying to control people, or situations.  Trying to control what is not ours to control sets us up to be unhappy.  It's like saying we will only be happy if it is sunny -- and then it rains.  Or I will only be happy if my friend is happy.  What if they are chronically unhappy?  Do you have to be chronically unhappy too? 

When Derek and I were first married I cried a lot -- over just about everything.  At first, Derek would be sad too, but then he told me that he would always be sympathetic when I felt sad, but that he didn't think it was a good idea for him join in my sadness.  He was right!  I knew he cared that I was sad, and quite frankly, a happier Derek had a lot bigger chance of helping me snap out of my sadness!

When I opened my journal today I read about the lesson I had learned with Dan's food allergies.  I didn't feel peaceful about them until I realized that they just are.  Me using my mind to wish them away wasn't working.  It did nothing but make me grumpy, and keep me from finding solutions.  I then listed some of the challenges my children were facing. I had "struggled against it all -- feeling sorry for me and them."  The solution I came to?  "I need to accept that these challenges are and be grateful that the Lord will help me.  I need to not only trust that He will try (to help) but that He will help ...

Accepting what is helps us to be happier than trying to control what we can't change.  Accepting what is can move us forward, helping us find happy solutions to the very problems we are fighting so hard against.

Spring

Some of our beautiful spring crocuses

Just lately I have been noticing the signs of Spring.  There has been rain instead of snow, and the sun shines longer and warmer.  Birds are singing a lot, lawns are starting to turn green, the trees and rose bushes are getting ready to put leaves on, and we have beautiful crocuses growing near our mailbox.

Of course, there are also allergies, and wasps, and weeds.  There is a lot of outside work to do, and not all of it is enjoyable.  However, Spring is so beautiful, and is a good reminder that there are new beginnings, that cold and dark will eventually turn to warmth and light.  There is opposition in everything.  Good and bad to be found.  But in Spring, even while sneezing, pulling weeds, and hunting wasps, it is easier for me to feel that good wins, and that light always overcomes darkness.

It Is Well With My Soul

The hymn It is Well With My Soul was written by Horatio Spafford as he passed a spot in the ocean where, just a few days before, his four daughters had died when the ship they and their mother were travelling on sank.  His wife was the only member of his family left alive, and you can imagine how devastated they both were.  I saw a dramatization of the story done during a Tabernacle Choir concert.  It was so sad!  It was also a story of faith. The mourning that, for both Horatio and his wife, eventually turned to peace and assurance.  The words written by Horatio show his trust and faith in God, even in this incredibly sad circumstance.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul

It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

Shortly after hearing the story of this hymn, I found, and bought the sign from the picture above.  It is on my room on a shelf.  Sometimes, in the evenings especially, I will glance at it and wonder, "Is it well with my soul?" This sign has unexpectedly given me a reminder to ponder whether I am trusting God in whatever situation I am in, and if I am trusting Him to forgive me when I make mistakes, or to help me when things seem hard.  I am thankful when I come to the conclusion that, at least for the moment, it is well with my soul.

Giving God Control

I read somewhere that we should give control of our lives to God, and so I was contemplating what that means and what it looks like.  It's not a big shock to me or anyone else that He's smarter, wiser, and more knowledgeable than everyone on the planet, so it makes sense to give control to Him.  I also know that giving Him control does NOT look like me sitting around waiting for Him to decide what I should wear, tell me exactly how to help everyone, and take away my problems!

God gave me the ability to choose, and He wants me to use it.  I believe that giving control to Him means that I use my will to choose Him, and His way. I trust Him in all circumstances.  I believe Him and His word and that keeping the commandments is the happy way to live.  I use my agency to think, do, and say things that honor Him.  I take time to listen for His guidance, and to follow it.  When I make mistakes, and sin, giving control to God is repenting -- letting Him heal me.

In short, giving control to God simply means that I use the agency He gave me to choose to give up what I think is best, to do what He knows is best.  Elder Maxwell's quote is a good summation:

In striving for ultimate submission, our wills constitute all we really have to give God anyway.

Neal A. Maxwell