Putting Pain in The Past

A year and less than a week ago I came home from the hospital after having had a hysterectomy.  The last, besides medicine, of my treatments for breast cancer.  Derek wanted to take pictures of us with some of our breast cancer things to celebrate.  To try, I think, to finally put the trauma, and pain in the past where it belongs. 

I have found, through experiencing other hard things, that the best way to put the pain in the past is to focus on gratitude.  On all of the things that went right, and on all of the good things that people did, and the prayers that were answered.  

I do not claim that focusing on gratitude and not on the things that were really hard, or scary, or that might still be a bother is easy.  I have gone to write letters expressing my gratitude, and sat and cried because I still felt more traumatized than grateful.  I have walked into doctor's offices for things not related to cancer and had to push back the feelings of anxiety over being in one more doctor's office after I've been in so many!  But the gratitude is there too, and over time, it becomes easier to focus on those things -- especially if I take the time to remember how very, very many things went right, and how generous and helpful family, friends, doctors, nurses, and even strangers were.

So here's to putting pain in the past, or at least covering past pain with gratitude until it really doesn't hurt anymore.

Kayli and Derek and Me