Born Tired, Mind Control, and the Treadmill

I sometimes wonder if I was born tired.  I should ask my Mom, but if she's like me, when she had little kids she was so tired herself that she probably doesn't remember!  Why mention being tired? Well it's hard not to think of how tired you are when you are on a treadmill trying for better mind control than usual.

Let me explain.  My bones are on the road to being smooshy.  It is not good to let your bones get like that if you can avoid it, and at the last Dr. appointment I had I was given a sticky note prescription of 6 days of exercise, 30 minutes a day.  I must work a little harder if I don't want a big shot to try to make my bones stronger -- though sometimes that sounds less painful than treadmill walking.

What does that all have to do with mind control?  Well, I might have been born tired, but I wasn't born with superior mind control!  Naturally, I can't control anyone elses mind or my kids would all have not just done their assignments, but turned them in on time!  But shouldn't I be able to control what goes on in my own head?

So, here I am on the treadmill, trying to listen to a podcast on self actualization and to not listen to my inner voice saying, "You know, to other people this is like moseying down the street.  You feel like you're almost running.  Isn't that pathetic? ------  Oh Stop!  We are not to compare!"  Then, as I start jogging, because intervals are good for you, "Ha! now you are going the speed that most people think of as a normal walk and you can't even keep up this pace for half a lap! -------- Stop!  I'm on the treadmill.  This is good.  Think how many muscles are getting stronger -- and my bones too!"

I spent a lot of my 30 minutes trying to direct my mind back to the podcast, trying not to compare myself to the cousin my age who just ran another ironman, imagining all of the advice people would give about how walking in the sunshine would have been better (I have learned for myself that if my mind control is out of control, walking outside has me trying to find a shortcut home while hoping to hold in the crying spell until I can get to my house and hide).  I spent time towards the end trying not to cry, telling myself that "crying is not helpful" And then kindly reminding myself that  I cry when I have worked really hard and am tired, and look at me go!  I worked hard!  I gave in at 27 minutes and cried -- just a little.  3 minutes to go.  I can do this.  And I did.

I'm pretty sure, that even with poor mind control, and being born tired, if I take a nap I can feel really happy about my amazing accomplishment of spending 30 minutes learning about self actualization while on the treadmill.  What is self actualization?  Well, I'm a little vague on that still, but I remember Jody saying that we need to accept ourselves -- the good and the bad.  So here I am embracing my slow, tired, crazy self and giving myself a little compassion, and a few gold stars, and maybe a few minutes to take a nap.