The State of My Heart

Even prickly things can be beautiful.

In this world of media, and never ending pictures to compare ourselves too, I often find it is easy to get fixated on the wrong things.  I do this in regards to myself and also to others.  It is unfortunate.  We were not all meant to be the same size, to like to wear the same things, to enjoy doing the exact same activities, or even to like the same food.  Some people came into the world loving music, while others don't seem to be affected by it.  Some people are super athletic, while others would rather do just about anything except some kind of sport.  You get the point.  We are all unique.

The interesting thing is that when I am fixated on some part of me not being exactly like I want, I forget all about those around me and how they may be feeling about themselves!  I also forget to be thankful about the gift of life that I have.  If I am fixated on what others are doing that I think they "shouldn't" then I am not focusing on myself and the things I could do better, or on the good that is in them.  

No matter who I am being judgmental towards, whether myself or someone else, it keeps me from seeing the good in either.  This is not what Jesus wants at all!  We are perfectly loved, and He would like us to practice loving ourselves and all of our family, friends, and even strangers more perfectly.  He even included enemies in those we should love!

We are told in 1 Samuel 16:7 that the Lord doesn't see us like we do because we look at the outward appearance and He looks at the heart.  It is totally possible that whoever I decide to judge for some perceived flaw is actually more pure of heart than me and I am too busy judging to get to know who they really are, and to find out what it is that God loves about them.

We are all perfectly loved and therefore perfectly loveable.  The state of my heart will be more pure if I leave off judging, and look to be better at loving.

Projects

I often really enjoy projects.  I like to find old things and make them look new again.  I have done a couple of projects recently and have a few that I am in the middle of.  I am trying not to collect more projects before I finish up the ones I already have!

This is a tray I got at the Treasures Antique store.  I like elephants and it was cheap.

This is the bottom after I had cleaned it up a bit.

Here it is finished and helpfully holding some elephants on top of my cupboards.

Here is a stool I bought at D.I. after I took the "lovely" olive green cushion off.

Here is the bottom in the basement being repainted.
I redid the top twice.  The first time it was covered with a jean cloth that had stars on it.
The sun faded it and so I got real indoor/outdoor upholstery cloth.

Here is the finished product -- though I am still considering
getting vinyl flowers to put on the ends.

Some projects take a long time for me to get to.  The elephant tray was pretty quick.  The stool probably took a couple of years.  I have other projects I started about four years ago that I am still working on!  That is why I think I'd better finish some before getting more!

Holding On and Letting Go

*Picture of Me (Sherie) and Derek by Connor

As a part of my class I am to write down what I want my closest relationships to look like.  What did I discover?  I discovered that I have held on to an old hurt that had me thinking one way when there has been plenty of evidence that my tightly held conclusion was wrong!  It is time to let that one go!

I was endeavoring to write what I wanted my closest relationships to look like by only talking about things I am in control of.  It is easy to see where I wish someone else would change, but it is not helpful.  The helpful thing is deciding what I want and need and figuring out how I can get that want or need met without the need for the other person to change.  Maybe they will change if I change, but maybe not.  My job is to love them the way they are -- not to make them different.

Of course, if I had an abusive relationship, it would be my job to get to safety, but otherwise it is just my job to love them, not to change them.  It is very freeing to realize that I have more control of my life than I sometimes think.  I can choose what to think (though that takes practice) and how to react.  I have agency so I can choose to act and, as much as possible, not let myself be acted upon.

I will just point out that this sounds a lot easier than it may be -- but it is helpful to keep trying to take charge of who we are and who we want to be!

Fear Loves Tomorrow

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I am reading a book called Declare War on Fear by Jeremy Johnson.  I have found it quite interesting and as I was reading yesterday I came across the words "Fear loves tomorrow" which I think is absolutely true.  I am really good at putting off until tomorrow (and the next tomorrow and the one after that) things that I am nervous about doing.

Yesterday as I read I thought of the item that has been continuously on my "to do" list lately -- make a video to go on my "Growing Great With Grandma" YouTube channel.  I have made videos before, but I have not really edited any videos for a long time, and I don't even know what program I used to use and so I needed to find one and figure out how to use it!  My channel has had zero videos for months!

So that one sentence got me moving.  I made a video of grandma on a bear hunt.  It took quite a while for me to figure out how to get it from my phone to my computer.  Then I ended up trying two different video editing programs.  Jake sat down with me while I figured out the one that ended up working and I giggled a bit at myself -- usually at the things I ended up editing out.  Perhaps my bloopers are more funny than the story!

It was good to be reminded that fear loves tomorrow and I am working to overcome the fear that keeps me from trying!  Hopefully, I will get better with time.

https://youtu.be/P-dy-OT9qYo?si=fYxvggq5qnYFseeZ

Meaningful and Compassionate

Someone left this little lamb in our mailbox on Easter.
Isn't it cute!  It makes me smile when I see it and am thankful
for the anonymous person who left it.

I read a quote today that says:

"In the pursuit of happiness, we should focus on those things that are meaningful, as opposed to things that are simply pleasurable. By finding meaning, we not only create happiness or happy moments, we sustain happiness over the course of a lifetime." 

When I was trying to decide what counted as meaningful I got a little stuck.  Thanks to my class, I know that sometimes there are other words that mean the same, or similar things that might work better for me and so I looked on wordhippo.com.

Here are some words I liked:  purposeful, essential, worthwhile, useful, good, impactful, needed, valuable, and generous.

There are so many good things I can choose from everyday, and the trick is deciding what I can do with how I am feeling that day.  Sometimes I have lots of energy to do good things that are worthwhile, purposeful, valuable, etc..  Other days there are circumstances that make doing anything "useful", or "impactful" or any of those good adjectives hard.

Sometimes, maybe the most meaningful thing I can choose to do is give myself grace and compassion instead of beating myself up over what I failed to do.  Maybe it is doing something really small, because that is all I have the energy for.  And after I do that thing, focusing on what I did do, and not what I did not manage to do.

Today is maybe a little in between.  I am tired and have the same annoying headache that I've had for a few days, but I also feel just fine otherwise and there are plenty of good things I can actually manage to accomplish.  No matter what today looks like for you, I hope you will know that you are valuable no matter what you can or cannot accomplish, and that you will also know that you are loved.

Fear Is A Liar

Photo by Jaqueline Fritz on Unsplash

The blog title I chose is actually the title of a song by Zach Williams, but I chose this topic because this week in my class we are talking about overcoming fear.  I have an assignment to write five things I have learned from fear.  This is an interesting thing to think about!  Here are some of the things I came up with:

1.  Fear can stop progress.  If we have made mistakes or sinned, we can fear we are too unworthy, or are worthless, and stay stuck.  If we are afraid of trying things that are out of our comfort zone, we avoid learning new things, or trying things we might enjoy.  Instead we stay stuck where we are -- missing out on things we might love, people we might meet, and help that we are all worthy of.

2.  Choosing our direction based on what we are least afraid of can actually create shame.  For example, when I was trying to choose what to major in in college I would look at a major, and what classes were required, and if I thought some might be scary, embarrassing, or too hard, I would look at a different major.  I ended up majoring in Family Living, which is a combination of Psychology, Sociology, and Family Science and graduating with a Bachelor of Arts, but even though it wasn't really easy, I always had a hard time feeling proud of my accomplishment because I had chosen based on fear.

3.  Fear of what people might think can keep us from being our authentic selves, and make it so we try to "fit in" instead of standing out for who we are.

4.  I have also found that when I fear what someone else thinks, I am often projecting how I feel about myself in that moment, or projecting the things about me I don't have confidence in.  When I think Derek is disappointed with me it is pretty much 100% of the time because I am disappointed in me!

5.  Working our way through our fears can, and I think usually does, make us stronger.

What have you learned from fear?

The Gift of Bird Song

This is our front door
with its wreath.

Yesterday we had the window in the family room open to let in some fresh air.  At some point we heard the beautiful song of a bird (not a Western Bluebird -- they like to yell).  It was a back window open, but the sound was coming from the front.  No matter which window we looked out, we didn't see a bird.

Later, after a walk, I was pulling a few weeds and decided to go in.  As I got closer to the front door I saw a couple of birds sitting in the wreath!  They were our singers!  I had Derek come and see, and we accidentally scared them away.

This morning Derek said, "It's like watching a shadow show."  He was looking out the front door from inside and could see at least one bird hopping around.  They were singing beautifully on and off throughout the day.  

The wreath looks like it was made from a forsythia bush, but it is fake flowers.  We have a real forsythia bush not far away, but I guess they like the fake forsythia on the door better.  Who knows what will happen next, but for now I am thankful for something a little different, and the beautiful gift of bird song.

This is the door from inside this morning.

This is the closer up blurry version
with our singing bird friend.

Be Not Faithless But Believing

Brigham and one of his chickens.

Emily
When I see a child, it is especially easy for me to believe in God.

Having Faith in Jesus Christ is a choice.  Some days it may be an easy choice, and some days it can be hard.  It is especially hard if I can't see the purpose in a trial I have, or the trial a friend has, or the challenge a child has.  The good thing is, if I deliberately choose Jesus Christ in even the hardest times He is there with me.  He sends the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide me.  Sometimes He sends earthly angels, or heavenly ones.  Sometimes He gives a miracle, even if it is a different miracle than I was looking for.

Today is a good day for me.  It is beautiful outside and peaceful inside.  I have had time to write and sing and study.  Today faith in Jesus does not seem hard, but on days when it does I try to remember to "be not faithless but believing".  When I have made that choice during hard times, there has been comfort, and help, and hope, and even peace.

May you feel blessed today, and know that God loves you!

The Motion of a Hidden Fire

I was looking at pictures of fire, but since I mentioned hidden fire
I went with this sky that looks a little like it's on fire.
Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

 (The Title is a quote from Prayer is the Soul's Sincere Desire)

After trying a few different things, I have settled on beginning my days by getting up and opening the curtains in my room.  I then sit cross legged on my bed and look out at the wonder that is Mount Loafer, and whatever wildlife I can see.  I take a few moments to be quiet, and to think about all of the variety there is in this world.  Even though my view is the "same" every day -- there is usually something unique.  Some mornings it is brown, some it is white, some green, sometimes a mixture.  The deer can be grazing below, or above, and there are a variety of birds that swoop around.

After enjoying my view I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.  Naturally, my mind usually wanders, but that is okay.  Eventually I talk to my Father in Heaven.  I give him gratitude, and tell Him my plans, and ask if He has anything to add (or subtract).  Mostly, I just try to soak up the peace of knowing Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so that I can, hopefully, carry that with me throughout the day.

Some days the time I spend is shorter, some longer, some more effective than others, but it has been a blessing to take a few moments to find peace.  I try to remember to focus on gratitude a lot.  Elder Holland said that "gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."  He also pointed out that we can pray about anything, anytime.  We can pray out loud, or in our mind.  Heavenly Father ALWAYS hears.

I gave the blog the title "the motion of a hidden fire" because I liked this poetic description of prayer.  Perhaps the hidden fire is love of God, which comes out in praise to Him.  Perhaps it is faith, which we show when we pray and listen and do.  Perhaps the fire is the Holy Ghost coming to us as we focus on our Savior.  

Some days I may not feel like praying.  At times like that it is extra important that I start praying and don't stop until I do feel like praying.  I am certainly not perfect at any of this, but I hope that I can continue to take the time to find a few moments of peace, gratitude and love in the mornings.  It is a great way to start out the day!

The Rules of Words

You can tell by looking at these two pictures, taken in my office,
that I like words.  And maybe also by the fact that I write a lot:-)

This letter board was a gift from Connor and Amanda

I am taking a 12 week class with my friend Shannon and today I listened to the video introducing the Rules of Words.  I like words -- at least a lot of words.  The rules of words are rules to help us talk to ourselves more positively -- in a way that keeps us moving forward instead of staying stuck.

Rule #1:  First Person:  I can only change me and so there is no use talking about how someone else "should" change.

Rule #2:  Present Tense:  I am -- not I want to be.  There was some lesson on how the brain works and if we put what we think into future tense, after a while our brain ignores it because it isn't relevant right this minute.  (I've given my own thoughts on I am statements before.  Since I AM is what God called himself, it is best if we only put good qualities after those words, and that will help us become more like Him.)

Rule #3:  Claim what you want:  "I treat everyone with kindness."  "I treat myself with compassion."  "I am great at learning new things!"

Rule #4:  Remove Trigger words:  This was an interesting exercise where the teacher listed words (rather speedily I might add) and if the word made us have a good feeling we put it in the "power word" column.  If we had a negative feeling show up with a word, we put it in the trigger word column.  If there was no feeling or we were waffling, we didn't put it in a column.  

The instructor had a negative reaction to "balanced".  She realized that people always ask her how she balances it all -- and she feels like she doesn't, and she doesn't know how to respond.  She looked up synonyms and came up with the word "harmony" to use in the place of balance.  There are ebbs and flows, crescendos and decrescendos, various speeds, holds and rests, and that fits the way she likes to think of the way she handles life.

Another of my instructors is triggered by the word "goals" and so he uses different words to describe what might usually be described as goals.  

Some of my trigger words were:  perfect, qualified, reasonable, and successful.  I don't think I'm overly triggered by any of the words listed

Rule #5:  Add Power Words:  This exercise was really up my alley since I have a list of words that I like to think about in my book of lists.  We were supposed to pick our top five power words, and then if they stop serving us, we choose different ones.   Our top five are to be written every morning in a sentence.  Mine is, "I am resourceful, encouraging, inclusive, optimistic, and vibrant -- though I'm still waffling a tad on that last one.  I guess the question I ask myself is, "Can someone who is often low in energy be vibrant?"  I am going with yes because, well because I want to!