Holding On and Letting Go

*Picture of Me (Sherie) and Derek by Connor

As a part of my class I am to write down what I want my closest relationships to look like.  What did I discover?  I discovered that I have held on to an old hurt that had me thinking one way when there has been plenty of evidence that my tightly held conclusion was wrong!  It is time to let that one go!

I was endeavoring to write what I wanted my closest relationships to look like by only talking about things I am in control of.  It is easy to see where I wish someone else would change, but it is not helpful.  The helpful thing is deciding what I want and need and figuring out how I can get that want or need met without the need for the other person to change.  Maybe they will change if I change, but maybe not.  My job is to love them the way they are -- not to make them different.

Of course, if I had an abusive relationship, it would be my job to get to safety, but otherwise it is just my job to love them, not to change them.  It is very freeing to realize that I have more control of my life than I sometimes think.  I can choose what to think (though that takes practice) and how to react.  I have agency so I can choose to act and, as much as possible, not let myself be acted upon.

I will just point out that this sounds a lot easier than it may be -- but it is helpful to keep trying to take charge of who we are and who we want to be!