Wondering

picture from lds.org

Wondering

I am wondering friend if your life feels too heavy,

If you feel like you’re staggering under the load.

Does your heart hurt so much you’re surprised it’s still beating?

When you look up ahead, are their pits in the road?

Just close your eyes, lift your face towards the heavens

And think of our Father in Heaven above.

Remember He sent His Son down to save you

Jesus’ hands hold the evidence of His great love.

Be really still, and imagine you’re with Him

Our Savior is holding you close to His heart

Imagine His love pouring down ‘til it fills you

He won’t leave you alone, He won’t ever depart.

I’m wondering friend if your life seems too dark now.

Can you not see exactly where to go from here?

Do you feel all alone in the struggle before you?

Stay calm and remember the Savior is near.

Just close your eyes, lift your face towards the heavens

He’s sending His light to push darkness away.

He will mend broken hearts, and lighten your load

In His presence the darkest night turns into day.

Jesus is here for you and all those you care for.

So bask in His presence, hold on to His love.

You are not forgotten, you have friends around you

And you’ll always have help from our Father above.

Written for a friend

by Sherie

A Field Trip to Spring

I am sure that most of us have heard that we are supposed to live in the moment.  To be present now, in whatever we are doing.  But just occasionally, on a gray day, I like to take a field trip to Spring.  How?  Well, there are a few ways.

Sometimes I am at Walmart, and I just look at the tulips and the clothing that is sporting Spring colors.  These things remind me of the sunny, green days that are ahead.

Other times I think of my garden.  What needs to be done to prepare the garden for planting?  What will I choose to plant this year?  Will the birds be singing while I'm at work outside?

And then there is my philosophy that I can have a "Spring attitude".  An attitude of renewal, of the chance to begin again, and of hope of good things to come.  I can smile, and bring that lift to others that Spring flowers bring to me.  I can remember that rain brings growth, and clouds don't block the sun forever.

So, on days when winter feels long and gloomy, try to take a field trip to Spring, and for a few minutes you may feel the sun shining just for you.

"God Delights In Spending Time With You"

This is my favorite quote from the introduction to my "devotional planner".  I have pondered this, and really enjoy thinking of prayer time as spending time with my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes, when I am tired and sitting in my room, I have thought, "I am just going to close my eyes, and spend some time with Heavenly Father."

This can mean that I am still, and try to feel God's love, peace, and reassurance.  Sometimes this means that I take the time to visualize the beautiful world He created for us to live on, and the things that I love about it. Other times I may think of all of the people I am blessed to know.  Surely Heavenly Father put them all in my life for me to love, and I am so thankful for the love I receive in return!

I like that one little sentence gave me a different perspective, and helped me to remember that Heavenly Father wants me to talk to Him, to think of Him, to learn from Him, and to be grateful for Him.  I am His child and He is interested in me, and in what I think and do.  He delights in spending time with me, and with you.

Find Your Gifts

I think lifting people's spirits by smiling at them is one of Kayli's gifts.

"Tonight I urge you, with all the hope of my heart to pray to understand your spiritual gifts--to cultivate, use, and expand them, even more than you ever have.  You will change the world as you do so.

President Russell M. Nelson

One day I was feeling really down and I came to my room and grabbed 3 or 4 books off of my bookshelf in the hopes of finding inspiration on how to get out of my gloomy thoughts.  I feel like I must have been inspired, because I picked up one of those books, and turned to just the thing I needed!  I hadn't realized it, but I had been comparing myself, and how I do things, to how other people do the same kinds of things.  Naturally, in doing so, I found myself wanting.   

In the book Deliberate Motherhood I happened to turn to a section that talked about how every person is unique and has different gifts.  We should all use the gifts we have to help others.  We really can't successfully use a gift someone else has unless we are blessed with the same one.  That day I wanted to help someone, and felt frustrated because taking people food intimidates me, and I don't like to do it, and I am really good at talking myself out of it.  I can do it, and should maybe cultivate that gift, but I realized I was just deciding to take food because I thought of that as what we are "supposed" to do to help someone.  When I was reminded that I am unique, and have my own gifts, I decided to do something else.  I wrote an encouraging note instead, letting whoever it was (and I have no recollection of who) know that I care about them.

Recently, when I read President Nelson's talk I tried to write down which gifts I have so I can work on growing them, and practice using them more often to help people.  This can be very difficult for us women, who for some reason are often sure we don't have any gifts, which is a lie that Satan likes us to believe.  I read a different talk once that suggested we ask other people what gifts they believe we have.  Perhaps, when they tell us, we can see ourselves more clearly.  Everyone has at least one gift.  This scriptures say so.  We can all improve the gifts we have, and ask for more.  I think that is the kind of prayer that Heavenly Father likes to answer, especially if we are willing to use our gifts to bless others.

Do Something

I learned a long time ago that if I am feeling down I probably need to do at least one of three things.  I either need a nap, a snack, or to do something.  Doing something takes my mind off of whatever is bothering me, and accomplishing something makes me feel good.  Playing, reading, visiting -- there are a number of things I could do.  Sometimes it's even a good idea, if I am feeling down, to start doing whatever it is that I am dreading the most.  Conquering a dreaded task is very helpful in raising my level of cheer.

I do not have a job outside of the home, other than a church calling.  I spend my time on a lot of different things.  Recently, I spent a lot of time re-doing my room.

This is before.  I remembered a little late to take the picture. 
The desks and bed are already pulled out so I can prepare to paint. 
This wall was painted years ago and I have loved it.
  My friend Shannon helped me.  All of the other walls were yellow.

This is my room now.  I even got
a new rug.  I love it!!

Even though it is sometimes hard to get myself moving.  It is almost always a good idea on emotional, or hard days, to do something!

What Are We Looking For?

President Henry B. Eyring

There is a quote from President Henry B. Eyring that says, "If we look for human frailty in humans, we will always find it."  I believe this is true, but I also believe the opposite is true.  If we look for the good in humans, we will find it.  I personally would prefer that people look for the good in me!  When someone sees the good in me, and tells me what they see, it helps me to see it to, and want to do better.

*Quote from Faith and Keys, Oct. 2004 General Conf. of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I Am In Charge?

This picture is from 2009 and Derek is wearing the "I'm in Charge" reunion shirt.
That's the best picture I have of it!  Sad!
Obviously Derek was in charge of putting on the Christmas tree topper.

We had a family reunion once with the theme "I am In Charge".  It is true.  We are each in charge -- of our own choices.  My problem is that I sometimes feel like I am personally in charge of saving everyone, including me.  This is particularly true in my role as a Mom.  If my children make bad choices, or have an illness, or are struggling -- isn't it my fault?  Shouldn't I know exactly what to do?  Don't get me wrong, as a part of my responsibility as a parent I am responsible to try to teach my children to the best of my ability, but what if I don't do it well?  Have I wrecked the plan of happiness?

NO!!!  I heard something once that helped me put things in a better perspective.  Whose plan is the plan of happiness?  It is God's plan.  Can measly little old me wreck the plan?  Well, I have the choice to wreck it for myself and choose another path, and I can sure go about trying to wreck the plan, but even if I were to choose to do that, and I won't, I CANNOT wreck the plan -- not even for my children.  They are individuals who get to choose.  Heavenly Father sent Jesus, and He wants to save everyone else just as much as He wants to save me!

The point of the talk I listened to was that we need to put Christ as the center of everything in our lives.  Our lives should be focused on Him.  When we start to feel like we have messed up too badly, either for us, or for the people we feel responsible for, we need to get ourselves out of the way, and remember that Christ is aware of everyone.  He wants to save us all, and will save all that are willing to be saved.  I am in charge of doing my best -- at turning to Christ and doing and saying what He would do.  I am in charge of accepting His grace, and giving grace to those around me.

I feel a lot more secure when I remember that God is in charge, and has a plan for each of us.  I am just in charge of using my agency as wisely as I can, and repenting when I fail.

The Wells of Salvation

  "Therefore with joy shall ye draw water 

out of the wells of salvation."

Isaiah 12:3

Christ accepting well water from the Samaritan Woman

I love this scripture.  It reminds me that the gospel is the good news.  It is all about Christ and the atonement He made, and the example He set.  The more I learn about Jesus, the more I love Him.  He is the God of second chances.  He is really the God of as many chances as we need to get it right.  He is not a God of condemnation, but of encouragement.  He believes in us.  He will give us every opportunity to turn to Him.  With Him our burdens are easier to carry.  

Christ is the living water.  The wells of salvation are full and overflowing. No matter how many times we repent, those wells will be full.  We cannot use up Christ's atonement.  Christ will encourage us if we turn to Him.  Satan is an accuser.  Christ is a healer.  I am so grateful that He is patient and loving and kind.  He is helpful and encouraging, and wise.  Christ is all things good, and if we turn to Him in all things, we can become more like Him, and have more peace, hope, and joy.

Singing as a Defense

Jesus Kneeling in Prayer and Meditation
by Michael Jarvis Nelson

At Christmas time I made a count down chain.  On each link I wrote something Christmasy to do.  One of those things was to drink hot chocolate and memorize a scripture.  I knew that I would overthink which scripture to memorize and so I asked Google for a scripture.  That led me to pick Isaiah 12:2.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense.  He has also become my salvation."

I do not know what version of the Bible this particular version of the scripture came from, but I also looked up the King James Version.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid:  for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.

I ended up memorizing both versions, and while thinking about the differences it struck me that in one version it says "defense" where the other says "song".  Because I have loved music all of my life, I can easily recognize how songs, hymns particularly, have been a defense for me.  They have been a means of teaching me what is right, of bringing the Spirit, and of lifting my spirits.  When sadness threatens to overtake me, I often turn to music to lift me up, and remind me that God loves me.

Happy People Remember -- and Forget

Everyone remembers and forgets things -- right?  I think the trick is focusing on the things that are good to remember, and letting go of the mistakes that we have already done our best to correct.  But what if I don't have a good memory?  Well, that is what journals are for -- or blogs, or videos, or pictures.  I admit to having an advantage because I love to write.  I have a gratitude journal, a prayer journal, a happiness / trust notebook, a notebook for taking notes at church meetings, a blog, and a journal for spiritual experiences.  This doesn't even include the emails I write, and the stacks of printed poems or songs that I have written, and other things that I have just typed into the computer because I want to remember!

Why write things down?  Well, I have a tendency to remember the wrong things!  I remember all of the mistakes I made, and all of the things I think I said wrong, and all of the things I "should" have done.  These things are especially likely to come to mind when I am tired.  When I am tired, and all of the negative memories start scrolling through my head, I can turn tragic really quickly.  I can feel like I haven't progressed ever and I am always going to be doomed to saying and doing the same wrong things over and over and over.

Thankfully, I can pull out my journal (usually the spiritual experiences one) and start reading.  Almost always, as I read, a surprising calm settles around me, and I can see that I am not hopeless.  I can remember that Heavenly Father is aware of me, that He sent His son for me, and that neither Heavenly Father or Jesus think I am doomed or worthless.  I can see that, even if it is ever so slowly, I have made progress over the years.

If you look for the word remember as you read the scriptures, you might be surprised how often if shows up.  Heavenly Father wants us to remember that He loves us.  That He sent Jesus to help us.  That even with all of the mistakes we make, we are valuable.  So, when the going gets rough -- try to remember those good things, which will help push out those feelings of gloom and distress so that you can forget them -- at least for a while!

Fear Not To Do Good

Being afraid of what other people think, can keep us from enjoying what we are doing, and may keep us from doing things that would help us progress, learn, serve, and be happier.  Joy D. Jones says, "Our love for and devotion to Him (Heavenly Father) preempts the need for recognition or appreciation and allows His love to flow through us."
(October General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, For Him) This made me think that if I focus on doing things to serve God -- making my love for Him my motivation -- it could take away the fear of what people will think.

I am really good at coming up with good ideas of nice things I could do, and then talking myself out of them because "what if they don't need this", or "what if they think this is silly", or "what if they hate my cooking".  I let fear of the what ifs stop me from doing good.  Well, what if instead of thinking my offering is silly, they feel loved, and not forgotten by me, or by Heavenly Father, who often helps people through other people?

I have a couple of friends that I had been thinking and thinking about.  I wanted to do something nice, but I couldn't figure out what.  I had talked myself out of texting, calling, dropping off a decoration, and dropping off a treat.  Finally, on that same rainy day I talked about in a previous post, I picked up some flowers and dropped them off hoping to bring a bit of sunshine to a rainy day.  I know that Heavenly Father loves these ladies, and is pleased when I don't let fear be an excuse to talk myself out of doing nice things for them.

Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.Doctrine and Covenants 6: 33-34

Hal (May 12, 1941 - January 29, 2019)

Today Derek and I went to the funeral of a friend in our ward.  He had an awful disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsey the whole time we knew him (about 5 years).  When we first met him he could still speak, but the disease quickly took that ability away.  He shared his testimony in Sacrament Meeting twice by typing his testimony into an ipad and having the ipad read it into the microphone while he stood at the pulpit.  Those were really special testimony meetings as His sincere testimony of Christ prompted others to share their testimonies of Christ as well.  His wife Maudie is my friend who has included me in some of her musical adventures.  She took really good care of Hal.  She loves him very much.

On the back of the program at his funeral today was Hal's testimony.  I want to record it here:

This is a picture of a drawing done by our very
talented friend Stephen Pemberton

My faith in Jesus Christ is strong.  My prayer is that each of us will nurture our faith in Christ.  We must reach out and take his hand.  He will lift us as he lifted Peter.  He will walk with us and strengthen us.  He will send the Holy Ghost to guide us and comfort us.  He will share our burdens and make them bearable.  He will share our pain and help us to endure.  He will give us understanding in the face of death or sickness.  This I promise in the name of Jesus Christ.

Taken from a talk given by Hal Smith January 2009

Go About Doing Good

Here's Jake doing some good by helping me pick up Teddy
after a traumatic day at the vet getting a pokey weed out of his ear that he managed
to pick up while hiking with Kayli.
Kayli wasn't able to go, and Teddy loves Jake.

One of the keys to happiness is to go about doing good.  In Elder Uchtdorf's talk Believe, Love, Do he says, "The scriptures reveal that the more we love God and His children, the happier we become."  I have found that when I really feel like I have helped someone, I feel joy, peace, and gratitude.  I feel those same things when people help me.

Recently I had a Thursday that I was dreading.  It had already been a busy week and that day I had to get a mammogram.  Because of having a little bit of breast cancer last year this was particularly stressful.  Then I had to get my allergy shots (2 painful pokes).  It was a wet, rainy, gray day, but it ended up being a good day because there were people who "went about doing good" to me, and I had a chance to do some good too.

At the mammogram, which showed that all was well, the lady helping me and I shared our stories of last year.  She had a kidney and pancreas transplant!  I felt like talking with her was maybe helpful to us both.  Then Patty, who often gives me my shots, and who knows how rough last year was, is always so happy to see me, and so sympathetic, and sorry for the pain of the pokes she gives me that getting those shots was not so terrible.  Next I was able to visit Tia and help her with her frustration with figuring out how to apply to be a substitute teacher.  And finally, I was able to pick up a smoothie for Kayli on my way home, which she made me feel good about because she was wanting one, and the place we like to get them is not super close to home.

A day that I was dreading turned out to be a good one because of people who went about doing good, and because I tried really hard to do the same.  (And honestly, it didn't hurt that there was nothing bad on the mammogram!!)