Seeing Our Amazing Selves

Jake, the snow pig (before he got his eyes and mouth), the snowman, and me.

The other day I was visiting a very good friend.  I love her and think she is an incredibly kind and amazing person.  As we were talking she said something that made me think a couple of things.  First, "She really doesn't know how amazing she is!" and second, "Wow, she thinks I am amazing!"  And then I laughed because we were so good at seeing the talents and gifts that belonged to a friend, and the good things they do, and not so good at seeing our own.

So how can I and everyone else do better at seeing our amazing selves?  I have found that it helps me to remember who created me.  Do I really want to criticize one of God's creations?  Am I really going to look in the mirror and find every "flaw" instead of recognizing what amazing things my body can do and has done?  God knew what He was doing when He made me.  Out of all of the people who live on Earth and who have or will live on Earth I am unique!  That is really incredible!  Nobody has had the exact same experiences as me.  Nobody looks at things exactly the same.  Nobody else is me.  Nobody else can do what I was sent to do.  I was created on purpose for a purpose!

When I think of myself this way then I am sure that I have something good to contribute.  Heavenly Father can take whatever large or small talents I have and make them useful.  He knows my name and yours.  He said that what He created is good and so if we don't see that, we just need to look harder!  If we ask, He will let us know how much He loves us as an individual -- even though we make mistakes.  We really can trust that God made each of His children with great potential and He can help us find that potential and use it for good.  He sent Jesus to light our way and to carry us when things are hard.  I am really thankful for the days that I remember these things and choose to believe them instead of letting negative thoughts run rampant through my head!

"For thou hast created my inward parts:  thou hast formed me in my mother's womb.  I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:  marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

Psalms 139: 13, 14 

Extreme Rule Following

Photo by Dawid Małecki on Unsplash

I have been an extreme rule follower for a lot of my life.  On the surface this may not sound so bad because it's good to follow rules right?  But an extreme rule follower like I have been not only follows the rules, but makes up lots of extra rules to follow, and has a tendency to think someone else is doing it (whatever it is) wrong because they aren't following my, obviously correct rules!  It's all very exhausting and is, I think, a form of perfectionism.

I remember once, long, long ago when I was still in high school -- there was a girl I knew who belonged to another church who was fasting.  She did this regularly, and for whatever reason her fast days seemed to fall on school days.  I had been taught that fasting was going without food and drink for 24 hours.  This girl was drinking juice!  Naturally, I needed to point out that she was fasting wrong.  What she was doing really wasn't fasting at all.  I still cringe over that.  She was not exactly following the rules that I knew, but she was fasting according to the rules she knew!  That is impressive!  It was probably really hard to do that at school, especially with people like me giving her a hard time!

I have been learning over the years that there really is a Spirit of the Law.  A reason a rule was made that is more important than the rule itself.  Nowadays if I tried to do a "real" fast I would end up feeling sick, with a headache, and it would take a couple of days to recover.  It would also make it so taking my medicine would be a bad idea, and not taking it is also a bad idea!  Everyone and anyone could tell me I am fasting wrong -- and according to what I was taught (which is NOT the only way to fast) they would be right!

So now I have to be creative in how I fast.  I try to follow the spirit of the law, and give up a bad habit, or something that I crave, or at least eat differently -- anything to remind me to pray for something specific, or to try to come closer to Christ -- and just like the girl in high school, what I do really does count as fasting.  So here's to watching out for extreme rule following and NOT deciding someone else is doing it wrong.  We are not in charge of the rules everyone else follows, and it would be good to focus on the reason behind the rules we follow rather than the rule itself.

Don't Think About White Bears or School Buses!

Photo by Andy Brunner on Unsplash

This morning I was reading The Willpower Instinct  and the author talked about a study where people were told not to think about white bears -- and later, on a podcast I was listening to, Jody Moore gave the example of not thinking about school buses.  Both were sharing the same lesson.  When we want to stop doing something, it doesn't help to tell ourselves not to think of whatever it is we don't want to do.  That will actually make us less likely to reach our goal.  "Don't think about cookies" will not help us eat healthier.  It is better to think about what we will do!

Photo by Robert Vunabandi on Unsplash

I have been working on eating healthier.  I have decided not to have desserts for a year.  I am hoping I will ache less if I eat better.  It will not help me to accomplish my goal if I dwell on all of my favorite desserts!  It does help me to think about what I can eat -- and to imagine how much I will like feeling healthier.

Photo by Nadine Primeau on Unsplash

So, instead of telling myself not to think about desserts, I will be telling myself that eating vegetables is going to make me feel good.  Now, if I can also convince myself they are the most delicious thing on the planet that would help a LOT.  I wonder if it would help to tell myself to not think about vegetables?

Be Love

Photo by Rachel Walker on Unsplash

In some podcasts by Jody Moore she talks about trying to be love.  Can you imagine how surprised you would be if you asked your child what they wanted to be when they grew up and they said, "love!" 

The good thing about wanting to be love, is that you can be love (or try hard to be love) while doing your work -- no matter what your work is.  If someone yells at you, and you start to get angry, you can stop and think, "Wait!  I'm being love.  What would love do?"  If we look at someone and start to feel judgmental we can ask ourselves how love would show up in that situation.  When we get down on ourselves we could remember that being love includes loving ourselves -- one of the people that God created.

1 John 1:8 says that "God is Love."  Verse 11 says "...if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another."  So if we are trying to be love, we are trying to be like God.  We are trying to find God in us, and share it with those around us.  We are giving grace.  The world would be a kinder, gentler place if all people wanted more than anything to "be love" when they grow up, and then they spent their life practicing!

Happy Moments

On the right is my missionary son Elder Connor in Japan
I have had happy moments to hold on to with all of my children.
I like how happy Connor looks in this picture.

Almost every day, sometime around 12:30 p.m., Derek calls me from work.  I look forward to hearing his voice and talking to him for a few moments.  The other day he called and after talking to him I just felt very grateful.  It was the strong kind of gratitude that makes an impression, and sticks with me for hours, or even days.  Sometimes moments like this stay in my memory for years!  I am so thankful for these moments that are like happy rays of sunshine that warm me up, and keep me moving forward.

I have learned that most days have good things and hard things.  During the same day I can go through periods of energy and exhaustion.  Sometimes almost the whole day can feel hard.  It is good, especially on rough days, to look back and relive those little happy moments, and to remember that there are more to come. 

A Quick Thought

Me and Derek
at Christmas
2018

It is a little dangerous, at least for me, to reflect too much on my day when I am tired.  I can have a perfectly lovely day like today, and suddenly, when I am feeling worn out, anything I wish I could have done or said better comes to the forefront.  Unsolved problems come out of the woodwork.  I start to feel inadequate and defeated instead of grateful.  So, when I am tired, and I want to reflect on my day, I have to deliberately go at it from a perspective of gratitude.  That way I have a good chance of smiling as I climb into bed instead of crying.

The Joy of Dishes In The Wrong Place

Mike in Michigan
Mike is good at helping.

There have been times in the past when I have been frustrated when I couldn't find some dish or utensil that had gotten put away in the wrong place.  This was particularly true if I was in a hurry, and something I could usually find was missing.  Lately, however, I mostly smile when the dishes are in the wrong place because it means that someone has been helping.

The other day Dan got up in the cupboard to get a bowl.  We have two sizes of bowls and the big ones go up by the plates and the little ones go in the cabinet under the phone.  Dan found a little one up with the big ones and said, "Mike's been helping!"  I absolutely love that Mike (one of my sons-in-law) had been helping, and that Dan knew he had been helping.  It doesn't really hurt anything to have things in a different place than usual, and it sets such a good example for Dan to see Mike help all of the time without being asked.

Finding misplaced dishes almost always means that someone has been helping me (I rearrange things a lot) -- so there is joy and gratitude to be found in having dishes in the wrong place.

Gold Stars

In The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, she talks about her need for "gold stars".  For recognition for the good things she does.  She asked herself, "Why did I have such a need for gold stars?  Was it vanity that needed to be stoked?  Was it insecurity that needed to be soothed?"  In the end she realized that she was doing nice things because she wanted to receive "gold stars" and not because it was what she really wanted to do, and she determined that she needed to change, and do things for herself, and not for the praise she might receive.  She also admitted that even when she tried to do this, she really wanted those gold stars, and was thankful when the good things she did were noticed.

I personally love those gold stars -- when people notice I am trying to do something good for them, or just do something good in general -- but I have also experienced the disappointment of doing something not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted the praise that I expected at the end, and then it didn't come!

Motivations are such an interesting thing to me.  Doing things for the wrong motivation can turn out okay when we do a good thing and the gold stars come. It can also turn into anger, or feelings of rejection when we don't receive the expected result.  It can become dangerous to us spiritually if, for the want of acceptance or praise from one person, we are willing compromise our principles, and to exclude, or be unkind to another.

Gold stars are not a bad thing.  I like to give out a lot of them, and I like to receive them, but it is better to not have the hope for praise or acceptance be our motivation for anything!

Listen To The Right Voice!

Christ Walking on the Water
Robert T. Barrett

Satan = the accuser

"He is the one who tells us we are not adequate, the one who tells us we are not good enough, the one who tells us there is no recovery from a mistake.  He is the ultimate bully, the one who kicks us when we are down."

Christ = Helper and Consoler

"His ways bring joy and hope eventually and always."

Quotes by Elder Dale G. Renlund,
"Choose You This Day"  October 2018 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Nourish and Encourage

I was thinking this morning about how what I write might come across to others -- especially those who believe differently than I do.  While I do believe that there is doctrine and authority in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is not had by other Christians, I do not believe that we, as people, are any better.  We are all children of God on a path of discipleship.  We all have the opportunity to study, or not -- to pray, or not -- to apply what we learn, or not.  

I am thankful for the people in my church who set such good examples for me, and I am equally thankful for those who do not belong to my church who set such good examples for me.  When I have gone through hard things, people in and out of my church have prayed for me, and I believe that God heard all of those prayers, and honored them.  

My cousin Mike and my sister Jenny
in 2009 (I think)

My cousin Mike, who is a Christian that does not belong to the same church as me, has been very thoughtful and supportive over the years.  He loves me, prays for me, and has sent me encouraging scriptures from his study of the Bible.  I am thankful for the light of our Savior that shines brightly through him, and that nourishes and encourages the light in me.  My sister Jenny, who does belong to my church is also a good example of a disciple of Christ.  My hope is that I will always encourage and nourish the light in others, and when I fail, that they will have the light needed to forgive.

In the end, we are all pilgrims seeking God's light as we journey on a path of discipleship.  We do not condemn others for the amount of light they may or may not have; rather, we nourish and encourage all light until it grows clear, bright, and true.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Loving Each Other On The Road To Perfection

I believe that we are all on the road to perfection.  Sometimes we are going forward, and sometimes maybe backwards, and some people may not recognize which road they are on, but we are all on the road to perfection. 

If I feel like I am farther down the road than most people, I might actually ruin my progress by not listening to counsel and by not realizing there is more to learn.  Then I make it worse by looking down at those who haven't reached my more exalted state!

I have, on occasion,found myself feeling like I was farther down the road to perfection in some area, and looking down at others who weren't as awesome as me in that area.  How foolish!  There are so many areas to perfect, who is to say I'm actually farther down the road -- especially because we can't really see the end of it?

 I have found that often the very people I was feeling superior to were loving, caring people who do all they can to lift those around them.  We are all on this road, and none of us are ever going to get anywhere near perfection without Jesus, and He loves everyone, even those who may not be doing as good of a job as we are in any given area.

I am responsible to make the best choices I know how make for me, to teach my children to make the best choices they can for them, and I am responsible for loving everyone no matter what choices they choose to make for themselves as they travel the road to perfection.

What To Do When Goliath Shows Up ....

...and David is nowhere in sight.

by Ted Henninger
from lds.org

Well, if you're me, you might hide in your room crying, hoping that somehow Goliath will just decide to go away, or that the King will send someone else out there to get rid of Goliath.  I might hope that I'm not the David in this story because Goliath is scary!

And what does Goliath look like?  Well, to me this week he was just hurt, or hurting children.  He was my own lack of confidence, and fatigue.  Goliath was fear, and my lack of faith in myself.  God would answer my prayers, but would I hear Him?  And I sympathized with the army of Israel who listened to Goliath for 40 days, and were afraid, and didn't do anything.

Still, David did not fight Goliath alone.  He said himself, "I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts" and he knew that the Lord would deliver Goliath into his hand.  And he was right.  With the help of the Lord David conquered the much bigger and more experienced Goliath, and with the help of the Lord, we too can defeat our own big, seemingly un-defeatable Goliaths.

*I wrote this over a year ago and found it in my drafts.  Yay for past writing when I am not coming up with other things to say!

Too Comfortable?

This is Jake and Chewy.  They don't really have anything to do with this post
except Chewy looks comfortable, sort of :-)

A few years ago I realized that I had started limiting my activities to avoid discomfort.  Now, I realize that this sounds logical, but it can also be carried too far.  I had quit going outside in the mornings or evenings when mosquitoes were out because I'm delicious, and I hate being eaten.  I didn't go out when it was too hot, or too cold.  I didn't do some things because I would be sore later.  Eventually I realized I was missing out on things that I love, all so I could be comfortable.

I love tromping through the snow in the woods.  I love spring mornings, and summer ones too (though to be honest I often love staying in bed more!).  I like hiking, and trying to not get out when the family plays hot box.  More and more I have to remind myself that comfort isn't everything, and while I still can I want to be spending time enjoying people and our beautiful world.  This is worth a little soreness, and maybe a mosquito bite or two.