There Is Sunshine!

Most days in Kauai had some sun, but there was also a lot of rain, and wind, and clouds.  Friday was sunny.  I loved Friday's sunshine!

This is the dorkier of two pictures, but it shows the background best.  This day we headed towards Waimea and stopped in Hanapepe on the way.  This picture is us on the swinging bridge over the Hanapepe River.

 Hanapepe is a little town that we called the Hawaiin LaVerkin (the southern Utah town where my Dad grew up).  The scenery reminded us a lot of southern Utah with its red rocks.  Some of the houses actually reminded me of the houses in Harlan, KY where my Mom grew up.  I thought it was fun to find somewhere in Hawaii that reminded me of both of my parent's hometowns!

I don't remember where this picture was taken.  I think in Hanapepe.

This is Waimea Canyon.  I have quite a few pictures of it,
but they are all so similar that I won't put them all on here.

Derek and me at the canyon.

So beautiful!

 

Derek at the beginning of the muddiest hike ever.  It was a really long trail to a waterfall.  There was supposed to be a view partway in, and we tried for that, but it is really a miracle that neither of us fell.  Most people fell at least once -- or just turned around and went back sooner.

This is on our way back up, which included some down.  Going down was harder because of the slant of the muddy indents that we used as stairs on the way up. 

I kept trying to capture how cool the mountains looked in the fog, but it mostly didn't work :-)

Obviously I thought it was worth trying over and over again!

The Waimea side of the island is the dry side.  It was quite different looking at the tail end of the road south.

I really didn't mean to take a picture of the man and his truck, but this does give the larger view!

Naturally I had to send Tia a picture of more chickens!

Derek took a picture in front of these plants for my Mom.  They are "Mother-in-law Tongue" in the wild.  We call them house plants.  My Mom's looks great.  Mine -- not so much.

We found some cool things, like this walking trail at a golf course, because Derek wasn't shy about turning in to every side road to see if it was something cool.  This was a pretty trail right off of the main highway -- I think.  Some main road :-)

Derek was wearing water shoes, and I was wearing sandles, which weren't the best shoes for the trail, but they worked.  Much better than bare feet!

Another view of the same thing.

I really liked the vine covered trees, though I suspect that the vines aren't helping the trees at all!

Such big leaves on so many plants!  Very fun.  Like my hair in this picture!
It's good that Tia cut my hair before I left.  It likes to go poof in humidity and it was really
very well behaved considering!

Derek in the Japanese rock garden.  It was attached to the golf course too.

I loved the pretty tree.

Derek loved to take the picture with me and the pretty tree.  I think the flowers and my shirt maybe don't go so well together.  And I guess it might be a bush.

That was our sunny day.  I still wore a jacket in the morning, and in the canyon, but the weather was generally full of sunshine.

Thursday -- Our Grandest Adventure Day

This picture was probably taken from a boat, but on our helicopter ride we would fly into those little canyons and there were lots and lots of waterfalls back there.  Our pilot would take us right by the waterfall and hover halfway up it and turn in a full circle so everyone could see.  It was very beautiful.
Photo by Jelle de Gier on Unsplash

The Napali Coast is very beautiful.  We loved seeing it from the air, and would have liked
to go and see the inside of the sea caves that we could see.
Photo by Logan Lambert on Unsplash

I call Thursday our grandest adventure day because we actually paid to go on a helicopter ride.  A doors off helicopter ride.  I would have gladly done that every day!  There were four of us and the pilot in the helicopter, and naturally, since I was smallest, I was assigned the seat in the middle -- between the pilot and Derek.  There wasn't even a little bit of fear that I would fall out.  On the contrary, if we were really going to crash land in the ocean (they give flotation devices to wear and instructions to "prepare" us for this), I'm pretty sure it would take me so long to undo my seatbelt and scoot to the door that I'd be too late.  In the movies though, I would have had to take over the helicopter when the pilot met his untimely demise -- which would have been a tragic day for us all since we established before our flight that the girl who had actually done a simulator before would be the best choice for that.

I didn't actually take pictures from the helicopter, and we left our phones in the car so we don't even have pictures of us with the helicopter, the pictures above and the one at the end were taken by other people, but are a pretty good representation of what we saw while flying.  We did go other places that day and here are some pictures from those places.

This was the first day we went to the lighthouse.  We didn't actually go in to the lighthouse at Kilauea and Wildlife Refuge that day.  We just looked -- and took pictures.

I was trying to get a selfie with the lighthouse in the background.  I had to stand on my tiptoes and I kept falling over and laughing and so -- no lighthouse!

This is a zoomed in picture of the birds hanging out on the ridge to the right of where we were standing.

This is a zoomed in picture of the lighthouse -- so it's blurry.  Ok.  Maybe it's blurry because I moved.

Almost everything was beautiful in Hawaii.  The ocean was different colors depending on the light, the weather and the location.  

The beaches we went to were usually not even close to crowded and very pretty.  Of course, there were danger signs everywhere warning you to about currents, and telling us not to turn our back on the ocean -- which is unpredictable.

I was always trying to capture the awesomeness of it all.  The pictures are pretty, but they never capture the awesomeness of the ocean!

A wave :-)

Me and the ocean

Me and the beach and the ocean.  It was a pretty day.  I wore jeans because helicopter rides get cold, especially with the doors off, and because the sun was out here, but it almost always rained at least once during the day.

On our helicopter ride I wore two jackets -- one of which was a wind breaker, and I didn't regret it -- and I was squished between two warm people!  Derek wore a jacket, and his right arm got cold and his right leg was soaked from the rain we went through. 

The water was blue like this in one area and I pointed.  We were wearing head sets with microphones we could use to speak to each other if we pushed a button, but I didn't like doing that!  Mostly only our pilot spoke.  Derek and I just pointed and our pilot was really good at interpreting what our pointing was about and appropriately commenting.  When I pointed at the color of the ocean he said something like, "Yeah, the color is really beautiful isn't it?"
Photo by Natalie Chaney on Unsplash

The Beginning of Adventures In Kauai

Derek and I planned to go to Kauai last year for our 30th anniversary, but then cancer happened and so I had surgeries and radiation, and we went on a very lovely trip to Salt Lake City instead.  We went to Kauai for our 31st anniversary instead -- which is this coming Saturday. 

Last year Kauai had even more rain than the lots of rain they usually have and roads had to be closed.  Even this year the road to the north wasn't open as far as it used to be (and they shut down a part of it while we were there because of the rain) and so we couldn't get to some of the things we would have liked to.  That being said, Derek managed to drive over 400 miles back and forth on the main road and on about every side road we could find. 

This is in Seattle (I think) on our way to Hawaii.  We were sending pictures to our kids.
We weren't this awake on the flight home.

All of the rest of these pictures are from Wednesday May 1st.

Creepy crabs.  These were on the rocks on the beach by the hotel we stayed in. 
Derek liked to check on the creepy crabs every day!

This is the beach by our hotel on Wednesday morning.  Almost every beach we went to had
impressively huge driftwood -- which was more like whole drift-trees (minus branches and leaves).

Blurry rooster.  There are a LOT of chickens roaming around Kauai.  They cock-a doodle-dooed every
morning to wake us up, and then all day long.  Fortunately for me I found it really hilarious to have so many chickens roaming around and I thought the Roosters were particularly funny as they made sure
we all stayed awake all day.

 Tia texted us that she would pay us $20 to bring her one.  Travis (Trisa's husband) offered to bring Tia one from Cedar City for $15 dollars.  I loved Tia's response and am hoping she won't mind me putting it here so I can keep it.  It made me laugh -- and that was such a good thing!  Tia said, "Slightly less cool if you didn't catch it, smuggle it and then tranquilize it with a special brand of nature sunshine herbs and put it in a suitcase and then give it mouth to mouth and resuscitate it and put it in a little leash and bring it to my door... But thanks for the gesture! Haha" 

They have the coolest trees in Hawaii!  This was by our hotel room door.

This was just another picture of chickens before we realized exactly how many we'd see.
A different day we were at a park and a lady was feeding the chickens here pizza crust.  It was just like
a flock of hungry ducks.  I thought that was funny too -- maybe just because it was a park -- and they were not ducks.

More chickens

Derek at an overlook.  People were kayaking on the river below.

The Opaekaa Falls.  You just drive up a road and into a parking lot and take a picture.  No hiking required.

This is the explanation of where we were in the next couple of pictures.

Derek and me in the sacred forest.

I am not a great selfie taker.  I feel like I always end up looking a bit awkward!  For me, this is a good one!

The roots on these trees are awesome!  You do NOT want to try to walk around without looking down.

Vines taking over the trees.

It rained most of that day but the sun came out and so we tried out a beach.  It still rained on us a couple of times while we were there and I was a bit chilly and we walked up and down a few times but never got in the water.  This was the only time we bothered to put on our swimsuits.  I think I wore shorts on three days and was cold for one of those days.

That was our Wednesday.  We went to Walmart that morning and got breakfast food for the week and peanutbutter and jelly and bread that we had for a lot of our lunches and frozen food to microwave for dinners.  The hotel had free movies for rent -- which worked out well this night.  It was the only night we had a movie that wasn't scratched.  The next night the movie was scratched but we think we saw most of it, and the next day we gave up and took it back and didn't bother with trying movies after that.  I think we were in bed by 8:30 (12:30 a.m. our time).

I had a bad headache the day we traveled and this day -- but it was a good day anyway.

Leave Room For Faith. Watch For Miracles

I believe in miracles, but I also believe that I often keep them from happening by my lack of faith.  One of my biggest challenges has been that when I have felt broken, I would think, and think, and try to figure out what was wrong, and try to fix everything I might be doing that could be causing a problem.  I would try to grit my teeth, and work my way to a happier, unbroken state.  After focusing on any and all of my faults that I could find, I would pray for help -- but it was more of a plea from a drowning person who didn't have much expectation of being rescued.

I have learned that faith does not require me to dig up and think of every little flaw I have, or to focus on all of the ways I fail.  I am human and so I have lots of flaws and fail often. Concentrating on these things is exhausting and discouraging.  Faith requires me to do my best to follow the commandments and to be as good of a person as I can.  Heavenly Father will let me know if something needs to be fixed, and He will not be mean about it.  He will direct me to Jesus, and I can trust that Jesus' Atonement will provide the way for whatever is broken to be mended!

In everything I do, and in all of the ways I want to help, it is always best when, instead of gritting my teeth, looking for solutions with desperation, and carrying all of the weight myself, I leave room for faith.  When I do this, then I can watch for miracles, and they will happen.

Thoughts From My Mom

*I asked my Mom to write something about marriage for me to post in my marriage series.  Many thanks to her for taking the time to write her thoughts.

My beautiful Mom and her dog Lizzie

Marriage was ordained by our Father in Heaven. It is the natural thing to desire
someone to spend your life with; someone to love and someone to love you.
Marriage is a very serious commitment and is not to be taken lightly. After having
been married nearly 58 years now I can look back over my own experiences and
experiences of others and I can truly say marriage is a wonderful thing.
Considering how inexperienced we are as youth, I think it sometimes a miracle
that as many marriages survive as they do.

Every marriage has its challenges and will have its lessons to learn. Marriage is the
perfect place for couples to learn those lessons together. It is a great place to
learn patience, forgiveness, money management, sacrifice, compromise.  No one is perfect in this life…but happiness can be found despite difference if patience and tolerance is practiced.

I think one lesson most of us learn early in marriage is that the only person we can change is ourselves. Yes, we do make changes to make our mates happy, but demanding or insisting on change is probably going to cause resentment more than change.

When a person marries, they need to consider that the person they are becoming
partners with is a precious child of God. I think each person should consider it
one of their responsibilities to help their mate to become the person Heavenly
Father wants them to be. That does not include nagging….it simply means
encouraging them when they are trying and supporting them in ways that are
helpful.

Marriage is a great institution that takes lots of love, patience,and working
together to solve problems. It takes loyalty to ones’ spouse. Even though
marriage can be challenging, there is one way to make sure it is successful: make
Heavenly Father you third partner. After careful discussion together to solve a
problem or make a decision, that decision should be taken to Heavenly Father for
verification. That doesn’t mean everything will be easy…but it can be right!! That
makes a happy marriage very likely.

Manners and Marriage

Years and years ago Derek and I were standing outside when some neighbors started arguing in the yard.  It was loud and easy to overhear.  Derek cringed and said something like, "They would never talk like that to anyone else.  Sometimes people forget to use manners with those who are closest to them."

Derek is so thoughtful, and if he can, he will do most anything I ask him to -- if I ask nicely.  If I try telling him to do it?  Well, then I should prepare to be disappointed -- or to quickly remember my manners!

People at home tend to get the worst of us.  They "have" to love us anyway, and we are tired by the time we get home from a busy day.  Remembering simple manners can make a huge difference in how everyone feels.  Good manners, including a kind tone of voice, can go a long way to making a happy marriage, and a happy life.

*Photo by Courtney Hedger on Unsplash

There Is Only One Right Way -- And It's Mine!

Dan in the dishwasher 2008

When Derek and I got married I thought there was one "right" way to do things, and if Derek wasn't doing things my way, he was obviously doing it wrong and needed help.  Ha ha ha!  That's a rather prideful way to look at things really, though I probably still do this sometimes without thinking.

I remember trying to "fix" how Derek was cooking something.  He had the heat on too high!  I turned it down.  He raised his eyebrows and turned it back up and did it his way.  Guess what?  It turned out just fine.  The funny thing is, I think Derek was the more accomplished cook!  Even if he wasn't, he hadn't asked for my help, and I should have asked him if he wanted my help before I stepped in and tried to change what he was doing.

I also tend to think there is a "right" way to load the dishwasher.  Really, it is just my favorite way to load the dishwasher.  When I kept "fixing" how other people loaded it (especially while they were helping), I quit getting help at all!  It took me a long time to figure that out.  Now, when my hands start twitching to rearrange the dishwasher, I remind myself I'd rather have help than have it done my way.

Dan getting a drink

There are a lot of things that we might think we do the one "right" way.  I have learned that I need to be pretty careful before I step in and take over something -- trying to help.  If I wasn't asked to help, I need to stop and think about how it is going to make someone feel if I step in and redo something that they just did.  There really is more than one right way to do things a lot of the time, and I try to be careful not to believe that my way is the only way!

Hola My Friend!

**I wrote this for fun to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Click on the title (below) to hear me sing the song!

Mexico!!!

Hola My Friend!!

Hola my friend, let’s take a trip to Mexico together.

And we will sit upon the sand and enjoy the sunny weather.

I’ll buy a sombrero so I can fit in

And you can eat fish while I go for a swim

Then we’ll sit side by side at the sea.

What a happy day that will be.

Hola my friend, while in Mexico we will have a fun fiesta

We will do a hat dance around my sombrero and then take a siesta.

We’ll dance and we’ll sing and we’ll have lots of fun

Then you can eat fish while I go for a run

Then we’ll sit side by side at the sea.

What a happy day that will be.

Hola my friend, let’s meet new people and eat Mexican food.

And they will hug us and ask us to stay and enjoy the happy mood.

Our new friends will smile as we speak Espanol

And you can eat fish, while I go take a stroll

Then we’ll sit side by side at the sea.

You, all our new friends, and me.

Adios my friend, we’ve had such fun in Mexico together

With dancing and singing with our new amigos in the sunny weather.

We’ll take my sombrero, and some shells just for me.

And you can eat fish while I climb up a tree

We will one day come back to the sea.

What a happy day that will be.

Managing Money in Marriage

Having conflicting ways of managing money in your invisible marriage manual can be a really big challenge.  When Derek and I got married we really just didn't have much money that needed managing!  We set some amount of money $50? $100 (I don't remember) and if we were wanting to spend more than that, we would consult our spouse because we had combined our accounts, and "big" chunks of money missing could cause us to not be able to pay the rent for our colorful and "quaint" basement apartment.  (You gotta love red counter tops, orange carpet, and yellow linoleum!)

At the beginning of our marriage Derek did the bills, but watching money disappear really stressed him out, and I didn't like being reminded to make sure to turn the lights off because the electric bill seemed high.  Before too long we decided that I should do the bills.  I know how to pay them, and as long as I don't think we're being irresponsible, paying whatever the electric bill costs doesn't bother me.  I am really good at paying the bills and just being glad we can.

I do know that I could have done better at managing our money, especially in the beginning.  I remember Derek checking on the finances and finding that we were spending too much -- and if we kept spending that much we were going to be in trouble.  I also remember us being thrilled and relieved a few years later when we finally had a savings account with what felt like a good enough chunk of money to get us by if something bad came up.  Something needing money always comes up eventually!

I am thankful that Derek and I are close enough in our view of money that it has never been a big conflict.  I know that this is not always the case.  I also know that you can figure out your money together in some way that is happy for you.  It might look different than what we did, and might take some creativity -- but if you both agree on a system to try -- that is a start.  If it doesn't work it just means you learned something and it's time to try again!  Managing money in a way that gets the bills paid, builds savings for the day trouble shows up, and gives you enough to have a little fun too, is a good goal to have.

Men Make Money, Women Stay Home With The Kids

Derek with baby Trisa
Trisa's Uncle Devin is in the background on the right.

When I got married I believed that the man should make all of the money, and the woman should stay home with the children.  Derek, I think, actually was okay with that belief -- unless me not working was going to make it so we didn't have enough money to live on.  So when Trisa was born and Derek was attending school full time and we needed money, Derek asked me to help earn some.  I did not like that, and tried to argue that I needed to stay home with Trisa.  I was the Mom, and I was sure I was supposed to.  Was Derek wrong to insist that I help?

Back then I might have thought so, but I don't anymore.  We were married.  We were equal partners.  Derek is really, really amazing and impressive in what he can do, but he can't do more than time allows, or that he has the energy for.  He was able to watch Trisa while I worked a lot of the times, and she came with me sometimes to a daycare where I worked and I held her during my lunch times.

When Derek graduated and got a "real" job then he did earn the money, and I did get to stay home (which I wanted to do), and when he came home from work, I was perfectly happy to have him help take care of the kids!

I have liked that Derek makes the money, and I stay home, but that isn't the only way to do things, and isn't the right way for everyone.  We did what we felt was right for us.  It is important in every marriage to keep working together as equal partners to figure out what is best for your family, and to remember that what is best can change throughout the years.

My oldest child (Trisa) and my youngest (Dan)
2006

If You Love Me ....

"If you love me you will know what I want, especially because my hints are obvious."

Some of us go into marriage believing this, even if we do it unconsciously, but it isn't true, and here is why.

First, mind reading really isn't a reliable form of communication. I have sometimes believed that Derek should know what I want. I would get grumpy at him for not solving my grumpiness with his amazing insight -- gained through his great love for me. But here's the problem. When I asked myself what I wanted in those cases, I often didn't know! So how was he supposed to?

Second, no matter how obvious we think our hints are, they aren't. I still smile at the story some friends told us when they were first married. They were driving home, and the wife kept asking the husband if he was thirsty. He wasn't. She asked multiple times. He still wasn't thirsty! When they got home she started to cry. Why? Because she was thirsty and had wanted to stop for a drink! He assured her that if she had just said that she was thirsty he would have been happy to do what she wanted, but her "obvious" hint just looked like concern for his well being to him! (And if you are thinking to yourself, "but my hints are obvious -- just give it up already -- you'll be happier, and so will your spouse).