The Joy of Dishes In The Wrong Place

Mike in Michigan
Mike is good at helping.

There have been times in the past when I have been frustrated when I couldn't find some dish or utensil that had gotten put away in the wrong place.  This was particularly true if I was in a hurry, and something I could usually find was missing.  Lately, however, I mostly smile when the dishes are in the wrong place because it means that someone has been helping.

The other day Dan got up in the cupboard to get a bowl.  We have two sizes of bowls and the big ones go up by the plates and the little ones go in the cabinet under the phone.  Dan found a little one up with the big ones and said, "Mike's been helping!"  I absolutely love that Mike (one of my sons-in-law) had been helping, and that Dan knew he had been helping.  It doesn't really hurt anything to have things in a different place than usual, and it sets such a good example for Dan to see Mike help all of the time without being asked.

Finding misplaced dishes almost always means that someone has been helping me (I rearrange things a lot) -- so there is joy and gratitude to be found in having dishes in the wrong place.

Gold Stars

In The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, she talks about her need for "gold stars".  For recognition for the good things she does.  She asked herself, "Why did I have such a need for gold stars?  Was it vanity that needed to be stoked?  Was it insecurity that needed to be soothed?"  In the end she realized that she was doing nice things because she wanted to receive "gold stars" and not because it was what she really wanted to do, and she determined that she needed to change, and do things for herself, and not for the praise she might receive.  She also admitted that even when she tried to do this, she really wanted those gold stars, and was thankful when the good things she did were noticed.

I personally love those gold stars -- when people notice I am trying to do something good for them, or just do something good in general -- but I have also experienced the disappointment of doing something not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted the praise that I expected at the end, and then it didn't come!

Motivations are such an interesting thing to me.  Doing things for the wrong motivation can turn out okay when we do a good thing and the gold stars come. It can also turn into anger, or feelings of rejection when we don't receive the expected result.  It can become dangerous to us spiritually if, for the want of acceptance or praise from one person, we are willing compromise our principles, and to exclude, or be unkind to another.

Gold stars are not a bad thing.  I like to give out a lot of them, and I like to receive them, but it is better to not have the hope for praise or acceptance be our motivation for anything!

Listen To The Right Voice!

Christ Walking on the Water
Robert T. Barrett

Satan = the accuser

"He is the one who tells us we are not adequate, the one who tells us we are not good enough, the one who tells us there is no recovery from a mistake.  He is the ultimate bully, the one who kicks us when we are down."

Christ = Helper and Consoler

"His ways bring joy and hope eventually and always."

Quotes by Elder Dale G. Renlund,
"Choose You This Day"  October 2018 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Nourish and Encourage

I was thinking this morning about how what I write might come across to others -- especially those who believe differently than I do.  While I do believe that there is doctrine and authority in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is not had by other Christians, I do not believe that we, as people, are any better.  We are all children of God on a path of discipleship.  We all have the opportunity to study, or not -- to pray, or not -- to apply what we learn, or not.  

I am thankful for the people in my church who set such good examples for me, and I am equally thankful for those who do not belong to my church who set such good examples for me.  When I have gone through hard things, people in and out of my church have prayed for me, and I believe that God heard all of those prayers, and honored them.  

My cousin Mike and my sister Jenny
in 2009 (I think)

My cousin Mike, who is a Christian that does not belong to the same church as me, has been very thoughtful and supportive over the years.  He loves me, prays for me, and has sent me encouraging scriptures from his study of the Bible.  I am thankful for the light of our Savior that shines brightly through him, and that nourishes and encourages the light in me.  My sister Jenny, who does belong to my church is also a good example of a disciple of Christ.  My hope is that I will always encourage and nourish the light in others, and when I fail, that they will have the light needed to forgive.

In the end, we are all pilgrims seeking God's light as we journey on a path of discipleship.  We do not condemn others for the amount of light they may or may not have; rather, we nourish and encourage all light until it grows clear, bright, and true.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Loving Each Other On The Road To Perfection

I believe that we are all on the road to perfection.  Sometimes we are going forward, and sometimes maybe backwards, and some people may not recognize which road they are on, but we are all on the road to perfection. 

If I feel like I am farther down the road than most people, I might actually ruin my progress by not listening to counsel and by not realizing there is more to learn.  Then I make it worse by looking down at those who haven't reached my more exalted state!

I have, on occasion,found myself feeling like I was farther down the road to perfection in some area, and looking down at others who weren't as awesome as me in that area.  How foolish!  There are so many areas to perfect, who is to say I'm actually farther down the road -- especially because we can't really see the end of it?

 I have found that often the very people I was feeling superior to were loving, caring people who do all they can to lift those around them.  We are all on this road, and none of us are ever going to get anywhere near perfection without Jesus, and He loves everyone, even those who may not be doing as good of a job as we are in any given area.

I am responsible to make the best choices I know how make for me, to teach my children to make the best choices they can for them, and I am responsible for loving everyone no matter what choices they choose to make for themselves as they travel the road to perfection.

What To Do When Goliath Shows Up ....

...and David is nowhere in sight.

by Ted Henninger
from lds.org

Well, if you're me, you might hide in your room crying, hoping that somehow Goliath will just decide to go away, or that the King will send someone else out there to get rid of Goliath.  I might hope that I'm not the David in this story because Goliath is scary!

And what does Goliath look like?  Well, to me this week he was just hurt, or hurting children.  He was my own lack of confidence, and fatigue.  Goliath was fear, and my lack of faith in myself.  God would answer my prayers, but would I hear Him?  And I sympathized with the army of Israel who listened to Goliath for 40 days, and were afraid, and didn't do anything.

Still, David did not fight Goliath alone.  He said himself, "I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts" and he knew that the Lord would deliver Goliath into his hand.  And he was right.  With the help of the Lord David conquered the much bigger and more experienced Goliath, and with the help of the Lord, we too can defeat our own big, seemingly un-defeatable Goliaths.

*I wrote this over a year ago and found it in my drafts.  Yay for past writing when I am not coming up with other things to say!

Too Comfortable?

This is Jake and Chewy.  They don't really have anything to do with this post
except Chewy looks comfortable, sort of :-)

A few years ago I realized that I had started limiting my activities to avoid discomfort.  Now, I realize that this sounds logical, but it can also be carried too far.  I had quit going outside in the mornings or evenings when mosquitoes were out because I'm delicious, and I hate being eaten.  I didn't go out when it was too hot, or too cold.  I didn't do some things because I would be sore later.  Eventually I realized I was missing out on things that I love, all so I could be comfortable.

I love tromping through the snow in the woods.  I love spring mornings, and summer ones too (though to be honest I often love staying in bed more!).  I like hiking, and trying to not get out when the family plays hot box.  More and more I have to remind myself that comfort isn't everything, and while I still can I want to be spending time enjoying people and our beautiful world.  This is worth a little soreness, and maybe a mosquito bite or two.

Hope for the Broken Hearted

picture from lds.org

One Monday when I was coming home from the allergist, there was a discussion on the radio about loss, and grief.  A man called in to tell his story, and my heart broke for him, because I do not believe the good people he talked to had the answers he needed, even though they were kind, and wanted to help.  There is doctrine in the restored church of Jesus Christ that is not had by other wonderful Christian people.

The man told of how he had come to believe in Christ late in life, his boys were mostly grown, and one of them had died in an accident without ever having shown evidence of having come to know Jesus.  He cried, telling the people on the program that heaven would not be heaven for him if his son could not be there, and he feared, from what he had been taught, that his son was forever lost.  Doomed to be sent to hell, and separated from his Dad, for not having accepted Jesus -- though it sounded like this son really hadn't had the opportunity to know Jesus during this life.

I wanted to send him some missionaries.  But barring that, I wanted to tell him that the gospel of Jesus Christ is, above all things, a gospel of hope, and love, and families.  It is also a gospel that allows for agency, and his son will have to choose, but I believe his son will still be taught, and still have the chance to accept and know His Savior.  The situation is not hopeless, and there is a chance for their family still.  With Jesus there is hope for the broken hearted.

**This is another unfinished post I found in my drafts and finished up.

Who Believes In You?

I don't know how long ago I started writing this, but I decided to finish it up and share it with you!

This is Derek.  I love that he always
believes in me.

I listened to a man talking on a Christian radio station.  He asked who it was that believed in us before we believed in ourselves.  I expect that for me it was my Mother.  Even when I did things like pretend to be sick, I knew she expected better of me, and believed I would meet her expectations.  I also remember a teacher that believed in my honesty when it was questioned by someone else and how much that meant to me.

This unidentified man on the radio continued by telling a story of a 1st grade boy who thought he was not smart.  He loved his teacher but he tried to avoid looking at her because he was so afraid she would ask him a question and discover that he wasn't smart.  Once she came up behind him when he was working and he was upset, but she just put her hand on his shoulder, put a gold star on his paper, and told him that she thought he was a really smart boy.  She had made him feel so good in that moment that he decided to become a teacher so he could help other people feel that way -- and he did grow up to be a teacher.

In my life I have been blessed with a lot of very encouraging people who believe in me even when I have let myself, or others down.  This has made such a big difference to me!  I always want to be the kind of person who notices the good in others, and helps them to see it in themselves.  I think it is okay to have great expectations for those around us because they have great potential, and even when they aren't perfect (none of us are), our belief in them and our encouragement could help them to do great things!

I Should Do .....

This has nothing to do with what I "should" do.  This is just a really cute picture
of Jake and his two favorite dogs -- Teddy (Kayli's dog) and Chewy (Trisa and Trav's Golden Retriever)

Sometimes I say, "I should do ...." (insert any number of things afterwards).  I have learned that, if I hear myself say I should do something, it is a good idea to stop and ask myself some questions.   Saying I should do something is often a clue that I may not actually want to do that thing, and I am doing it for the wrong reasons.

I really do need to occasionally do things I don't want to, but it is best if I can choose to do or not do something for good reasons -- reasons that don't leave me frustrated, or feeling picked on.  Sometimes when I have thought that I should do the dishes I have chosen to do them because I know I will have less stress in the morning if I wake up to a clean kitchen.  Other times I have chosen not to do the dishes I should do because I really want someone else to do them and I don't want to resent them when they don't jump in and volunteer -- especially if I'm not willing to ask for help.

I love the scriptures, but saying I should study them might be a clue that I haven't had experiences with the scriptures lately that I have found useful.  I may only be doing it right now because I think I am supposed to.  These are important things to realize! Doing something because we should is less useful and enjoyable than doing something because we want to.

The scriptures are the word of God, and so I believe that not studying them would be foolish.  It is important for me to keep doing it.  But when I notice that I am doing it just because I should, it signals a need to make some changes.  In this case it can be a good idea to try a different way of studying the scriptures.  I can be creative, pray for ideas, and keep trying different ways of studying until I find one that is enjoyable, and useful.

Every "should" can be a learning opportunity.  Asking ourselves questions about the things we think we "should" do, can lead us to better motivations.  It can lead us to choosing to do things because they are right, and to make changes that will lessen our frustration and resentment, and increase our peace and joy.

10 Things I've Learned By Having A Jake

Dan kept dramatically handing Jake his presents to
open.  Unfortunately, I missed his more humorous
poses.

I gave Jake one candle that was
normal and one that kept relighting.
Actually, it didn't work the first time
so I lit them twice
so he wouldn't miss the "fun".

Jake turned 17 this week.  He is, like Harry Potter, "The Boy Who Lived".  He wasn't attacked by an evil wizard though.  He had heart defects that needed to be corrected.  Our other boys lived too, and all of us have difficulties that we need to overcome, or learn to live with.  Here are ten things I have learned, or was reminded of, because I have a Jake.

1.  Don't let the hard things take away the joy of the good things.
2.  We are blessed with extra strength when we need it.
3.  Even when our children are babies we can know things about them.  I felt when Jake was in the hospital as a baby that he was a determined, compassionate soul -- and he is.
4.  If you have a child like Jake who doesn't sleep through the night until they are 5, it is nice to have a husband like Derek who gets up with him!
5.  It is really fun to have a small 9 month old who can walk.  When I would put Jake down on his feet people's jaws would drop.
6.  After all of the hard things I had watched Jake go through I stopped being able to watch him deal with hard things without feeling like it was too much -- for me!  I'd take him to get shots and he would be fine, but I would cry because he was hurt again.  I learned that, even if we cry, we can handle more pain, and hard things than we think we can.
7.  Even if your child is quiet, and takes a long time to think before they speak, it is bad to speak for them.  It is best to bite your tongue and smile at the teacher / doctor / relative who looks at you when the answer is slow at coming.  When I finally realized I needed to stop speaking for Jake, and started biting my tongue, his confidence went up.  I still have to apologize for answering for him occasionally.  Sigh.
8.  Siblings can make a big difference for good to each other.  Jake has always been such a good brother to Dan (even though he is getting to be more of a tease) and to his other siblings too.  Jake's sisters and brothers have helped him by being interested in him, talking to him, and including him in their activities.  In other words, they help each other by loving each other.  Families can be such a great thing!
9.  Letting a child deal with his / her own school work without interfering (much) will teach them a lot more than they will learn with a micromanaging parent.
10.  It is really good to have a Jake.  He is a good helper, has a good sense of humor, and loves me even though I am very far from being a perfect parent.

Take Time To Be Silly

Ok.  So most people don't ever want to be thought of as silly, maybe because one definition from the Oxford Living Dictionary is "Having or showing a lack of common sense or judgement; absurd and foolish."  I doubt any of us want to be defined like that!  But another definition, this one from the Cambridge Dictionary, says silly is "not important, serious, or practical".  I think that occasionally it is good for us to do things that are not considered "important, serious, or practical."  It is important to enjoy something.  To have fun.  To laugh.  To let go of worries and just be.

I write about this because I am not always good at letting go of trying so that I can just enjoy being.  I think a LOT.  I am always trying to find ways to be better, to do better, and to accomplish good things -- but being silly can be a good thing.

A few years ago I asked for a puppet for my birthday, and I got one.  Her name is Princess.  I did not imagine what asking for a puppet would start.  I now have a whole puppet tree full of puppets, and a bag full that don't fit on the tree, and puppets on all of our bed posts.  My family, the occasional friend and I have done puppet shows in Primary on Sundays (Can Princess choose the right?).  We have done puppet shows at Cub Scout pack meetings, at home, at reunions and at family parties.

No matter how many puppets I have, or how many shows that I do, I always seem to enjoy being Princess the most.  She is the silly, vain, funny part of me that I allow to show a lot easier with Princess doing the talking (in her best high pitched squeaky voice).  I have some really good memories associated with these chances that I have had to be just a little bit silly!

Life is important, and can be very challenging, and hard.  Life is also good, and happy. Taking time to be silly, to let go of trying for a while and just enjoy being, can bring joy to our days.

Control Those Thoughts!

I have learned that when I wallow in thoughts of everything I am not, I do not progress and I find it much more difficult to feel and follow the Spirit.

Divine Discontent by Michelle D. Craig

One thing I've been working on for years and years, and will no doubt need to keep working on forever, is controlling my thoughts.  I'm good at thinking positive thoughts about others (for the most part) but not always as good at thinking good things about me -- though I'm making progress! 

 It is so easy to think, "I'm not a good mother", or "I am not good at making dinner", or "I am not smart", etc. etc. etc.  I'm not sure why it seems easier to think those things than the positive ones.  Perhaps those of us who do this think we are not supposed to believe ourselves to be good at anything?  Maybe we think listing what we are not will keep us from having pride?  Whatever the reason, this type of thinking needs to stop.  We need to stop bullying ourselves about what we are not, and start noticing the good things that we are.

There is always another way to look at whatever negative thing we are telling ourselves.  I am a mother who loves her children.  I am good at making dinner when I want to make it!  I don't know everything, but I know a lot of things.  Once when I was trying to break this negative thinking habit I would make myself say something positive out loud if I heard myself say something negative to myself in my head.  I still smile when I remember looking at a messy stack of stuff by my night stand and saying, "I'm a mess!"  Then I stopped, and said, "I mean, look at all of the good things I am working on!"  And, I was working on a lot of good things, and the mess wasn't the most important thing.

So, here's to never giving up on controlling our thoughts, or on noticing what we are -- good people who are trying really hard to do good things.