Happy Moments

On the right is my missionary son Elder Connor in Japan
I have had happy moments to hold on to with all of my children.
I like how happy Connor looks in this picture.

Almost every day, sometime around 12:30 p.m., Derek calls me from work.  I look forward to hearing his voice and talking to him for a few moments.  The other day he called and after talking to him I just felt very grateful.  It was the strong kind of gratitude that makes an impression, and sticks with me for hours, or even days.  Sometimes moments like this stay in my memory for years!  I am so thankful for these moments that are like happy rays of sunshine that warm me up, and keep me moving forward.

I have learned that most days have good things and hard things.  During the same day I can go through periods of energy and exhaustion.  Sometimes almost the whole day can feel hard.  It is good, especially on rough days, to look back and relive those little happy moments, and to remember that there are more to come. 

A Quick Thought

Me and Derek
at Christmas
2018

It is a little dangerous, at least for me, to reflect too much on my day when I am tired.  I can have a perfectly lovely day like today, and suddenly, when I am feeling worn out, anything I wish I could have done or said better comes to the forefront.  Unsolved problems come out of the woodwork.  I start to feel inadequate and defeated instead of grateful.  So, when I am tired, and I want to reflect on my day, I have to deliberately go at it from a perspective of gratitude.  That way I have a good chance of smiling as I climb into bed instead of crying.

The Joy of Dishes In The Wrong Place

Mike in Michigan
Mike is good at helping.

There have been times in the past when I have been frustrated when I couldn't find some dish or utensil that had gotten put away in the wrong place.  This was particularly true if I was in a hurry, and something I could usually find was missing.  Lately, however, I mostly smile when the dishes are in the wrong place because it means that someone has been helping.

The other day Dan got up in the cupboard to get a bowl.  We have two sizes of bowls and the big ones go up by the plates and the little ones go in the cabinet under the phone.  Dan found a little one up with the big ones and said, "Mike's been helping!"  I absolutely love that Mike (one of my sons-in-law) had been helping, and that Dan knew he had been helping.  It doesn't really hurt anything to have things in a different place than usual, and it sets such a good example for Dan to see Mike help all of the time without being asked.

Finding misplaced dishes almost always means that someone has been helping me (I rearrange things a lot) -- so there is joy and gratitude to be found in having dishes in the wrong place.

Gold Stars

In The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, she talks about her need for "gold stars".  For recognition for the good things she does.  She asked herself, "Why did I have such a need for gold stars?  Was it vanity that needed to be stoked?  Was it insecurity that needed to be soothed?"  In the end she realized that she was doing nice things because she wanted to receive "gold stars" and not because it was what she really wanted to do, and she determined that she needed to change, and do things for herself, and not for the praise she might receive.  She also admitted that even when she tried to do this, she really wanted those gold stars, and was thankful when the good things she did were noticed.

I personally love those gold stars -- when people notice I am trying to do something good for them, or just do something good in general -- but I have also experienced the disappointment of doing something not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted the praise that I expected at the end, and then it didn't come!

Motivations are such an interesting thing to me.  Doing things for the wrong motivation can turn out okay when we do a good thing and the gold stars come. It can also turn into anger, or feelings of rejection when we don't receive the expected result.  It can become dangerous to us spiritually if, for the want of acceptance or praise from one person, we are willing compromise our principles, and to exclude, or be unkind to another.

Gold stars are not a bad thing.  I like to give out a lot of them, and I like to receive them, but it is better to not have the hope for praise or acceptance be our motivation for anything!

Listen To The Right Voice!

Christ Walking on the Water
Robert T. Barrett

Satan = the accuser

"He is the one who tells us we are not adequate, the one who tells us we are not good enough, the one who tells us there is no recovery from a mistake.  He is the ultimate bully, the one who kicks us when we are down."

Christ = Helper and Consoler

"His ways bring joy and hope eventually and always."

Quotes by Elder Dale G. Renlund,
"Choose You This Day"  October 2018 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

Nourish and Encourage

I was thinking this morning about how what I write might come across to others -- especially those who believe differently than I do.  While I do believe that there is doctrine and authority in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that is not had by other Christians, I do not believe that we, as people, are any better.  We are all children of God on a path of discipleship.  We all have the opportunity to study, or not -- to pray, or not -- to apply what we learn, or not.  

I am thankful for the people in my church who set such good examples for me, and I am equally thankful for those who do not belong to my church who set such good examples for me.  When I have gone through hard things, people in and out of my church have prayed for me, and I believe that God heard all of those prayers, and honored them.  

My cousin Mike and my sister Jenny
in 2009 (I think)

My cousin Mike, who is a Christian that does not belong to the same church as me, has been very thoughtful and supportive over the years.  He loves me, prays for me, and has sent me encouraging scriptures from his study of the Bible.  I am thankful for the light of our Savior that shines brightly through him, and that nourishes and encourages the light in me.  My sister Jenny, who does belong to my church is also a good example of a disciple of Christ.  My hope is that I will always encourage and nourish the light in others, and when I fail, that they will have the light needed to forgive.

In the end, we are all pilgrims seeking God's light as we journey on a path of discipleship.  We do not condemn others for the amount of light they may or may not have; rather, we nourish and encourage all light until it grows clear, bright, and true.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Loving Each Other On The Road To Perfection

I believe that we are all on the road to perfection.  Sometimes we are going forward, and sometimes maybe backwards, and some people may not recognize which road they are on, but we are all on the road to perfection. 

If I feel like I am farther down the road than most people, I might actually ruin my progress by not listening to counsel and by not realizing there is more to learn.  Then I make it worse by looking down at those who haven't reached my more exalted state!

I have, on occasion,found myself feeling like I was farther down the road to perfection in some area, and looking down at others who weren't as awesome as me in that area.  How foolish!  There are so many areas to perfect, who is to say I'm actually farther down the road -- especially because we can't really see the end of it?

 I have found that often the very people I was feeling superior to were loving, caring people who do all they can to lift those around them.  We are all on this road, and none of us are ever going to get anywhere near perfection without Jesus, and He loves everyone, even those who may not be doing as good of a job as we are in any given area.

I am responsible to make the best choices I know how make for me, to teach my children to make the best choices they can for them, and I am responsible for loving everyone no matter what choices they choose to make for themselves as they travel the road to perfection.

What To Do When Goliath Shows Up ....

...and David is nowhere in sight.

by Ted Henninger
from lds.org

Well, if you're me, you might hide in your room crying, hoping that somehow Goliath will just decide to go away, or that the King will send someone else out there to get rid of Goliath.  I might hope that I'm not the David in this story because Goliath is scary!

And what does Goliath look like?  Well, to me this week he was just hurt, or hurting children.  He was my own lack of confidence, and fatigue.  Goliath was fear, and my lack of faith in myself.  God would answer my prayers, but would I hear Him?  And I sympathized with the army of Israel who listened to Goliath for 40 days, and were afraid, and didn't do anything.

Still, David did not fight Goliath alone.  He said himself, "I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts" and he knew that the Lord would deliver Goliath into his hand.  And he was right.  With the help of the Lord David conquered the much bigger and more experienced Goliath, and with the help of the Lord, we too can defeat our own big, seemingly un-defeatable Goliaths.

*I wrote this over a year ago and found it in my drafts.  Yay for past writing when I am not coming up with other things to say!

Too Comfortable?

This is Jake and Chewy.  They don't really have anything to do with this post
except Chewy looks comfortable, sort of :-)

A few years ago I realized that I had started limiting my activities to avoid discomfort.  Now, I realize that this sounds logical, but it can also be carried too far.  I had quit going outside in the mornings or evenings when mosquitoes were out because I'm delicious, and I hate being eaten.  I didn't go out when it was too hot, or too cold.  I didn't do some things because I would be sore later.  Eventually I realized I was missing out on things that I love, all so I could be comfortable.

I love tromping through the snow in the woods.  I love spring mornings, and summer ones too (though to be honest I often love staying in bed more!).  I like hiking, and trying to not get out when the family plays hot box.  More and more I have to remind myself that comfort isn't everything, and while I still can I want to be spending time enjoying people and our beautiful world.  This is worth a little soreness, and maybe a mosquito bite or two.

Hope for the Broken Hearted

picture from lds.org

One Monday when I was coming home from the allergist, there was a discussion on the radio about loss, and grief.  A man called in to tell his story, and my heart broke for him, because I do not believe the good people he talked to had the answers he needed, even though they were kind, and wanted to help.  There is doctrine in the restored church of Jesus Christ that is not had by other wonderful Christian people.

The man told of how he had come to believe in Christ late in life, his boys were mostly grown, and one of them had died in an accident without ever having shown evidence of having come to know Jesus.  He cried, telling the people on the program that heaven would not be heaven for him if his son could not be there, and he feared, from what he had been taught, that his son was forever lost.  Doomed to be sent to hell, and separated from his Dad, for not having accepted Jesus -- though it sounded like this son really hadn't had the opportunity to know Jesus during this life.

I wanted to send him some missionaries.  But barring that, I wanted to tell him that the gospel of Jesus Christ is, above all things, a gospel of hope, and love, and families.  It is also a gospel that allows for agency, and his son will have to choose, but I believe his son will still be taught, and still have the chance to accept and know His Savior.  The situation is not hopeless, and there is a chance for their family still.  With Jesus there is hope for the broken hearted.

**This is another unfinished post I found in my drafts and finished up.

Who Believes In You?

I don't know how long ago I started writing this, but I decided to finish it up and share it with you!

This is Derek.  I love that he always
believes in me.

I listened to a man talking on a Christian radio station.  He asked who it was that believed in us before we believed in ourselves.  I expect that for me it was my Mother.  Even when I did things like pretend to be sick, I knew she expected better of me, and believed I would meet her expectations.  I also remember a teacher that believed in my honesty when it was questioned by someone else and how much that meant to me.

This unidentified man on the radio continued by telling a story of a 1st grade boy who thought he was not smart.  He loved his teacher but he tried to avoid looking at her because he was so afraid she would ask him a question and discover that he wasn't smart.  Once she came up behind him when he was working and he was upset, but she just put her hand on his shoulder, put a gold star on his paper, and told him that she thought he was a really smart boy.  She had made him feel so good in that moment that he decided to become a teacher so he could help other people feel that way -- and he did grow up to be a teacher.

In my life I have been blessed with a lot of very encouraging people who believe in me even when I have let myself, or others down.  This has made such a big difference to me!  I always want to be the kind of person who notices the good in others, and helps them to see it in themselves.  I think it is okay to have great expectations for those around us because they have great potential, and even when they aren't perfect (none of us are), our belief in them and our encouragement could help them to do great things!

I Should Do .....

This has nothing to do with what I "should" do.  This is just a really cute picture
of Jake and his two favorite dogs -- Teddy (Kayli's dog) and Chewy (Trisa and Trav's Golden Retriever)

Sometimes I say, "I should do ...." (insert any number of things afterwards).  I have learned that, if I hear myself say I should do something, it is a good idea to stop and ask myself some questions.   Saying I should do something is often a clue that I may not actually want to do that thing, and I am doing it for the wrong reasons.

I really do need to occasionally do things I don't want to, but it is best if I can choose to do or not do something for good reasons -- reasons that don't leave me frustrated, or feeling picked on.  Sometimes when I have thought that I should do the dishes I have chosen to do them because I know I will have less stress in the morning if I wake up to a clean kitchen.  Other times I have chosen not to do the dishes I should do because I really want someone else to do them and I don't want to resent them when they don't jump in and volunteer -- especially if I'm not willing to ask for help.

I love the scriptures, but saying I should study them might be a clue that I haven't had experiences with the scriptures lately that I have found useful.  I may only be doing it right now because I think I am supposed to.  These are important things to realize! Doing something because we should is less useful and enjoyable than doing something because we want to.

The scriptures are the word of God, and so I believe that not studying them would be foolish.  It is important for me to keep doing it.  But when I notice that I am doing it just because I should, it signals a need to make some changes.  In this case it can be a good idea to try a different way of studying the scriptures.  I can be creative, pray for ideas, and keep trying different ways of studying until I find one that is enjoyable, and useful.

Every "should" can be a learning opportunity.  Asking ourselves questions about the things we think we "should" do, can lead us to better motivations.  It can lead us to choosing to do things because they are right, and to make changes that will lessen our frustration and resentment, and increase our peace and joy.

10 Things I've Learned By Having A Jake

Dan kept dramatically handing Jake his presents to
open.  Unfortunately, I missed his more humorous
poses.

I gave Jake one candle that was
normal and one that kept relighting.
Actually, it didn't work the first time
so I lit them twice
so he wouldn't miss the "fun".

Jake turned 17 this week.  He is, like Harry Potter, "The Boy Who Lived".  He wasn't attacked by an evil wizard though.  He had heart defects that needed to be corrected.  Our other boys lived too, and all of us have difficulties that we need to overcome, or learn to live with.  Here are ten things I have learned, or was reminded of, because I have a Jake.

1.  Don't let the hard things take away the joy of the good things.
2.  We are blessed with extra strength when we need it.
3.  Even when our children are babies we can know things about them.  I felt when Jake was in the hospital as a baby that he was a determined, compassionate soul -- and he is.
4.  If you have a child like Jake who doesn't sleep through the night until they are 5, it is nice to have a husband like Derek who gets up with him!
5.  It is really fun to have a small 9 month old who can walk.  When I would put Jake down on his feet people's jaws would drop.
6.  After all of the hard things I had watched Jake go through I stopped being able to watch him deal with hard things without feeling like it was too much -- for me!  I'd take him to get shots and he would be fine, but I would cry because he was hurt again.  I learned that, even if we cry, we can handle more pain, and hard things than we think we can.
7.  Even if your child is quiet, and takes a long time to think before they speak, it is bad to speak for them.  It is best to bite your tongue and smile at the teacher / doctor / relative who looks at you when the answer is slow at coming.  When I finally realized I needed to stop speaking for Jake, and started biting my tongue, his confidence went up.  I still have to apologize for answering for him occasionally.  Sigh.
8.  Siblings can make a big difference for good to each other.  Jake has always been such a good brother to Dan (even though he is getting to be more of a tease) and to his other siblings too.  Jake's sisters and brothers have helped him by being interested in him, talking to him, and including him in their activities.  In other words, they help each other by loving each other.  Families can be such a great thing!
9.  Letting a child deal with his / her own school work without interfering (much) will teach them a lot more than they will learn with a micromanaging parent.
10.  It is really good to have a Jake.  He is a good helper, has a good sense of humor, and loves me even though I am very far from being a perfect parent.

Take Time To Be Silly

Ok.  So most people don't ever want to be thought of as silly, maybe because one definition from the Oxford Living Dictionary is "Having or showing a lack of common sense or judgement; absurd and foolish."  I doubt any of us want to be defined like that!  But another definition, this one from the Cambridge Dictionary, says silly is "not important, serious, or practical".  I think that occasionally it is good for us to do things that are not considered "important, serious, or practical."  It is important to enjoy something.  To have fun.  To laugh.  To let go of worries and just be.

I write about this because I am not always good at letting go of trying so that I can just enjoy being.  I think a LOT.  I am always trying to find ways to be better, to do better, and to accomplish good things -- but being silly can be a good thing.

A few years ago I asked for a puppet for my birthday, and I got one.  Her name is Princess.  I did not imagine what asking for a puppet would start.  I now have a whole puppet tree full of puppets, and a bag full that don't fit on the tree, and puppets on all of our bed posts.  My family, the occasional friend and I have done puppet shows in Primary on Sundays (Can Princess choose the right?).  We have done puppet shows at Cub Scout pack meetings, at home, at reunions and at family parties.

No matter how many puppets I have, or how many shows that I do, I always seem to enjoy being Princess the most.  She is the silly, vain, funny part of me that I allow to show a lot easier with Princess doing the talking (in her best high pitched squeaky voice).  I have some really good memories associated with these chances that I have had to be just a little bit silly!

Life is important, and can be very challenging, and hard.  Life is also good, and happy. Taking time to be silly, to let go of trying for a while and just enjoy being, can bring joy to our days.

Control Those Thoughts!

I have learned that when I wallow in thoughts of everything I am not, I do not progress and I find it much more difficult to feel and follow the Spirit.

Divine Discontent by Michelle D. Craig

One thing I've been working on for years and years, and will no doubt need to keep working on forever, is controlling my thoughts.  I'm good at thinking positive thoughts about others (for the most part) but not always as good at thinking good things about me -- though I'm making progress! 

 It is so easy to think, "I'm not a good mother", or "I am not good at making dinner", or "I am not smart", etc. etc. etc.  I'm not sure why it seems easier to think those things than the positive ones.  Perhaps those of us who do this think we are not supposed to believe ourselves to be good at anything?  Maybe we think listing what we are not will keep us from having pride?  Whatever the reason, this type of thinking needs to stop.  We need to stop bullying ourselves about what we are not, and start noticing the good things that we are.

There is always another way to look at whatever negative thing we are telling ourselves.  I am a mother who loves her children.  I am good at making dinner when I want to make it!  I don't know everything, but I know a lot of things.  Once when I was trying to break this negative thinking habit I would make myself say something positive out loud if I heard myself say something negative to myself in my head.  I still smile when I remember looking at a messy stack of stuff by my night stand and saying, "I'm a mess!"  Then I stopped, and said, "I mean, look at all of the good things I am working on!"  And, I was working on a lot of good things, and the mess wasn't the most important thing.

So, here's to never giving up on controlling our thoughts, or on noticing what we are -- good people who are trying really hard to do good things.

Wondering

picture from lds.org

Wondering

I am wondering friend if your life feels too heavy,

If you feel like you’re staggering under the load.

Does your heart hurt so much you’re surprised it’s still beating?

When you look up ahead, are their pits in the road?

Just close your eyes, lift your face towards the heavens

And think of our Father in Heaven above.

Remember He sent His Son down to save you

Jesus’ hands hold the evidence of His great love.

Be really still, and imagine you’re with Him

Our Savior is holding you close to His heart

Imagine His love pouring down ‘til it fills you

He won’t leave you alone, He won’t ever depart.

I’m wondering friend if your life seems too dark now.

Can you not see exactly where to go from here?

Do you feel all alone in the struggle before you?

Stay calm and remember the Savior is near.

Just close your eyes, lift your face towards the heavens

He’s sending His light to push darkness away.

He will mend broken hearts, and lighten your load

In His presence the darkest night turns into day.

Jesus is here for you and all those you care for.

So bask in His presence, hold on to His love.

You are not forgotten, you have friends around you

And you’ll always have help from our Father above.

Written for a friend

by Sherie

A Field Trip to Spring

I am sure that most of us have heard that we are supposed to live in the moment.  To be present now, in whatever we are doing.  But just occasionally, on a gray day, I like to take a field trip to Spring.  How?  Well, there are a few ways.

Sometimes I am at Walmart, and I just look at the tulips and the clothing that is sporting Spring colors.  These things remind me of the sunny, green days that are ahead.

Other times I think of my garden.  What needs to be done to prepare the garden for planting?  What will I choose to plant this year?  Will the birds be singing while I'm at work outside?

And then there is my philosophy that I can have a "Spring attitude".  An attitude of renewal, of the chance to begin again, and of hope of good things to come.  I can smile, and bring that lift to others that Spring flowers bring to me.  I can remember that rain brings growth, and clouds don't block the sun forever.

So, on days when winter feels long and gloomy, try to take a field trip to Spring, and for a few minutes you may feel the sun shining just for you.

"God Delights In Spending Time With You"

This is my favorite quote from the introduction to my "devotional planner".  I have pondered this, and really enjoy thinking of prayer time as spending time with my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes, when I am tired and sitting in my room, I have thought, "I am just going to close my eyes, and spend some time with Heavenly Father."

This can mean that I am still, and try to feel God's love, peace, and reassurance.  Sometimes this means that I take the time to visualize the beautiful world He created for us to live on, and the things that I love about it. Other times I may think of all of the people I am blessed to know.  Surely Heavenly Father put them all in my life for me to love, and I am so thankful for the love I receive in return!

I like that one little sentence gave me a different perspective, and helped me to remember that Heavenly Father wants me to talk to Him, to think of Him, to learn from Him, and to be grateful for Him.  I am His child and He is interested in me, and in what I think and do.  He delights in spending time with me, and with you.

Find Your Gifts

I think lifting people's spirits by smiling at them is one of Kayli's gifts.

"Tonight I urge you, with all the hope of my heart to pray to understand your spiritual gifts--to cultivate, use, and expand them, even more than you ever have.  You will change the world as you do so.

President Russell M. Nelson

One day I was feeling really down and I came to my room and grabbed 3 or 4 books off of my bookshelf in the hopes of finding inspiration on how to get out of my gloomy thoughts.  I feel like I must have been inspired, because I picked up one of those books, and turned to just the thing I needed!  I hadn't realized it, but I had been comparing myself, and how I do things, to how other people do the same kinds of things.  Naturally, in doing so, I found myself wanting.   

In the book Deliberate Motherhood I happened to turn to a section that talked about how every person is unique and has different gifts.  We should all use the gifts we have to help others.  We really can't successfully use a gift someone else has unless we are blessed with the same one.  That day I wanted to help someone, and felt frustrated because taking people food intimidates me, and I don't like to do it, and I am really good at talking myself out of it.  I can do it, and should maybe cultivate that gift, but I realized I was just deciding to take food because I thought of that as what we are "supposed" to do to help someone.  When I was reminded that I am unique, and have my own gifts, I decided to do something else.  I wrote an encouraging note instead, letting whoever it was (and I have no recollection of who) know that I care about them.

Recently, when I read President Nelson's talk I tried to write down which gifts I have so I can work on growing them, and practice using them more often to help people.  This can be very difficult for us women, who for some reason are often sure we don't have any gifts, which is a lie that Satan likes us to believe.  I read a different talk once that suggested we ask other people what gifts they believe we have.  Perhaps, when they tell us, we can see ourselves more clearly.  Everyone has at least one gift.  This scriptures say so.  We can all improve the gifts we have, and ask for more.  I think that is the kind of prayer that Heavenly Father likes to answer, especially if we are willing to use our gifts to bless others.

Do Something

I learned a long time ago that if I am feeling down I probably need to do at least one of three things.  I either need a nap, a snack, or to do something.  Doing something takes my mind off of whatever is bothering me, and accomplishing something makes me feel good.  Playing, reading, visiting -- there are a number of things I could do.  Sometimes it's even a good idea, if I am feeling down, to start doing whatever it is that I am dreading the most.  Conquering a dreaded task is very helpful in raising my level of cheer.

I do not have a job outside of the home, other than a church calling.  I spend my time on a lot of different things.  Recently, I spent a lot of time re-doing my room.

This is before.  I remembered a little late to take the picture. 
The desks and bed are already pulled out so I can prepare to paint. 
This wall was painted years ago and I have loved it.
  My friend Shannon helped me.  All of the other walls were yellow.

This is my room now.  I even got
a new rug.  I love it!!

Even though it is sometimes hard to get myself moving.  It is almost always a good idea on emotional, or hard days, to do something!

What Are We Looking For?

President Henry B. Eyring

There is a quote from President Henry B. Eyring that says, "If we look for human frailty in humans, we will always find it."  I believe this is true, but I also believe the opposite is true.  If we look for the good in humans, we will find it.  I personally would prefer that people look for the good in me!  When someone sees the good in me, and tells me what they see, it helps me to see it to, and want to do better.

*Quote from Faith and Keys, Oct. 2004 General Conf. of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I Am In Charge?

This picture is from 2009 and Derek is wearing the "I'm in Charge" reunion shirt.
That's the best picture I have of it!  Sad!
Obviously Derek was in charge of putting on the Christmas tree topper.

We had a family reunion once with the theme "I am In Charge".  It is true.  We are each in charge -- of our own choices.  My problem is that I sometimes feel like I am personally in charge of saving everyone, including me.  This is particularly true in my role as a Mom.  If my children make bad choices, or have an illness, or are struggling -- isn't it my fault?  Shouldn't I know exactly what to do?  Don't get me wrong, as a part of my responsibility as a parent I am responsible to try to teach my children to the best of my ability, but what if I don't do it well?  Have I wrecked the plan of happiness?

NO!!!  I heard something once that helped me put things in a better perspective.  Whose plan is the plan of happiness?  It is God's plan.  Can measly little old me wreck the plan?  Well, I have the choice to wreck it for myself and choose another path, and I can sure go about trying to wreck the plan, but even if I were to choose to do that, and I won't, I CANNOT wreck the plan -- not even for my children.  They are individuals who get to choose.  Heavenly Father sent Jesus, and He wants to save everyone else just as much as He wants to save me!

The point of the talk I listened to was that we need to put Christ as the center of everything in our lives.  Our lives should be focused on Him.  When we start to feel like we have messed up too badly, either for us, or for the people we feel responsible for, we need to get ourselves out of the way, and remember that Christ is aware of everyone.  He wants to save us all, and will save all that are willing to be saved.  I am in charge of doing my best -- at turning to Christ and doing and saying what He would do.  I am in charge of accepting His grace, and giving grace to those around me.

I feel a lot more secure when I remember that God is in charge, and has a plan for each of us.  I am just in charge of using my agency as wisely as I can, and repenting when I fail.

The Wells of Salvation

  "Therefore with joy shall ye draw water 

out of the wells of salvation."

Isaiah 12:3

Christ accepting well water from the Samaritan Woman

I love this scripture.  It reminds me that the gospel is the good news.  It is all about Christ and the atonement He made, and the example He set.  The more I learn about Jesus, the more I love Him.  He is the God of second chances.  He is really the God of as many chances as we need to get it right.  He is not a God of condemnation, but of encouragement.  He believes in us.  He will give us every opportunity to turn to Him.  With Him our burdens are easier to carry.  

Christ is the living water.  The wells of salvation are full and overflowing. No matter how many times we repent, those wells will be full.  We cannot use up Christ's atonement.  Christ will encourage us if we turn to Him.  Satan is an accuser.  Christ is a healer.  I am so grateful that He is patient and loving and kind.  He is helpful and encouraging, and wise.  Christ is all things good, and if we turn to Him in all things, we can become more like Him, and have more peace, hope, and joy.

Singing as a Defense

Jesus Kneeling in Prayer and Meditation
by Michael Jarvis Nelson

At Christmas time I made a count down chain.  On each link I wrote something Christmasy to do.  One of those things was to drink hot chocolate and memorize a scripture.  I knew that I would overthink which scripture to memorize and so I asked Google for a scripture.  That led me to pick Isaiah 12:2.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense.  He has also become my salvation."

I do not know what version of the Bible this particular version of the scripture came from, but I also looked up the King James Version.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid:  for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.

I ended up memorizing both versions, and while thinking about the differences it struck me that in one version it says "defense" where the other says "song".  Because I have loved music all of my life, I can easily recognize how songs, hymns particularly, have been a defense for me.  They have been a means of teaching me what is right, of bringing the Spirit, and of lifting my spirits.  When sadness threatens to overtake me, I often turn to music to lift me up, and remind me that God loves me.

Happy People Remember -- and Forget

Everyone remembers and forgets things -- right?  I think the trick is focusing on the things that are good to remember, and letting go of the mistakes that we have already done our best to correct.  But what if I don't have a good memory?  Well, that is what journals are for -- or blogs, or videos, or pictures.  I admit to having an advantage because I love to write.  I have a gratitude journal, a prayer journal, a happiness / trust notebook, a notebook for taking notes at church meetings, a blog, and a journal for spiritual experiences.  This doesn't even include the emails I write, and the stacks of printed poems or songs that I have written, and other things that I have just typed into the computer because I want to remember!

Why write things down?  Well, I have a tendency to remember the wrong things!  I remember all of the mistakes I made, and all of the things I think I said wrong, and all of the things I "should" have done.  These things are especially likely to come to mind when I am tired.  When I am tired, and all of the negative memories start scrolling through my head, I can turn tragic really quickly.  I can feel like I haven't progressed ever and I am always going to be doomed to saying and doing the same wrong things over and over and over.

Thankfully, I can pull out my journal (usually the spiritual experiences one) and start reading.  Almost always, as I read, a surprising calm settles around me, and I can see that I am not hopeless.  I can remember that Heavenly Father is aware of me, that He sent His son for me, and that neither Heavenly Father or Jesus think I am doomed or worthless.  I can see that, even if it is ever so slowly, I have made progress over the years.

If you look for the word remember as you read the scriptures, you might be surprised how often if shows up.  Heavenly Father wants us to remember that He loves us.  That He sent Jesus to help us.  That even with all of the mistakes we make, we are valuable.  So, when the going gets rough -- try to remember those good things, which will help push out those feelings of gloom and distress so that you can forget them -- at least for a while!

Fear Not To Do Good

Being afraid of what other people think, can keep us from enjoying what we are doing, and may keep us from doing things that would help us progress, learn, serve, and be happier.  Joy D. Jones says, "Our love for and devotion to Him (Heavenly Father) preempts the need for recognition or appreciation and allows His love to flow through us."
(October General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, For Him) This made me think that if I focus on doing things to serve God -- making my love for Him my motivation -- it could take away the fear of what people will think.

I am really good at coming up with good ideas of nice things I could do, and then talking myself out of them because "what if they don't need this", or "what if they think this is silly", or "what if they hate my cooking".  I let fear of the what ifs stop me from doing good.  Well, what if instead of thinking my offering is silly, they feel loved, and not forgotten by me, or by Heavenly Father, who often helps people through other people?

I have a couple of friends that I had been thinking and thinking about.  I wanted to do something nice, but I couldn't figure out what.  I had talked myself out of texting, calling, dropping off a decoration, and dropping off a treat.  Finally, on that same rainy day I talked about in a previous post, I picked up some flowers and dropped them off hoping to bring a bit of sunshine to a rainy day.  I know that Heavenly Father loves these ladies, and is pleased when I don't let fear be an excuse to talk myself out of doing nice things for them.

Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.Doctrine and Covenants 6: 33-34

Hal (May 12, 1941 - January 29, 2019)

Today Derek and I went to the funeral of a friend in our ward.  He had an awful disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsey the whole time we knew him (about 5 years).  When we first met him he could still speak, but the disease quickly took that ability away.  He shared his testimony in Sacrament Meeting twice by typing his testimony into an ipad and having the ipad read it into the microphone while he stood at the pulpit.  Those were really special testimony meetings as His sincere testimony of Christ prompted others to share their testimonies of Christ as well.  His wife Maudie is my friend who has included me in some of her musical adventures.  She took really good care of Hal.  She loves him very much.

On the back of the program at his funeral today was Hal's testimony.  I want to record it here:

This is a picture of a drawing done by our very
talented friend Stephen Pemberton

My faith in Jesus Christ is strong.  My prayer is that each of us will nurture our faith in Christ.  We must reach out and take his hand.  He will lift us as he lifted Peter.  He will walk with us and strengthen us.  He will send the Holy Ghost to guide us and comfort us.  He will share our burdens and make them bearable.  He will share our pain and help us to endure.  He will give us understanding in the face of death or sickness.  This I promise in the name of Jesus Christ.

Taken from a talk given by Hal Smith January 2009

Go About Doing Good

Here's Jake doing some good by helping me pick up Teddy
after a traumatic day at the vet getting a pokey weed out of his ear that he managed
to pick up while hiking with Kayli.
Kayli wasn't able to go, and Teddy loves Jake.

One of the keys to happiness is to go about doing good.  In Elder Uchtdorf's talk Believe, Love, Do he says, "The scriptures reveal that the more we love God and His children, the happier we become."  I have found that when I really feel like I have helped someone, I feel joy, peace, and gratitude.  I feel those same things when people help me.

Recently I had a Thursday that I was dreading.  It had already been a busy week and that day I had to get a mammogram.  Because of having a little bit of breast cancer last year this was particularly stressful.  Then I had to get my allergy shots (2 painful pokes).  It was a wet, rainy, gray day, but it ended up being a good day because there were people who "went about doing good" to me, and I had a chance to do some good too.

At the mammogram, which showed that all was well, the lady helping me and I shared our stories of last year.  She had a kidney and pancreas transplant!  I felt like talking with her was maybe helpful to us both.  Then Patty, who often gives me my shots, and who knows how rough last year was, is always so happy to see me, and so sympathetic, and sorry for the pain of the pokes she gives me that getting those shots was not so terrible.  Next I was able to visit Tia and help her with her frustration with figuring out how to apply to be a substitute teacher.  And finally, I was able to pick up a smoothie for Kayli on my way home, which she made me feel good about because she was wanting one, and the place we like to get them is not super close to home.

A day that I was dreading turned out to be a good one because of people who went about doing good, and because I tried really hard to do the same.  (And honestly, it didn't hurt that there was nothing bad on the mammogram!!)