|image from www.hopeinitiatives.org|
A couple of days ago I was watching a Mormon Message about Stephanie Nielson, the airplane crash survivor and author of the blog "The Nie Nie Dialogues". As I watched, and listened, I thought about what I write on my blog. I share some of the happy things we do, and the good things I am trying to work on, or that I am thinking about. I share songs I have written, and things I have read, but I rarely share the rest of the story.
I am a real person, and real people always have challenges and struggles and things they want to change. I have flaws a plenty and days that seem long and hard. I have mornings when the alarm goes off, and it is all I can do to get up so that I can see my children off to school. Mornings when my prayers come out more whining than grateful.
I have days when Derek leaves for work, and I cry because I do not want to be left alone with just my own thoughts for company. My own thoughts are not always so kind to me. I have days when I feel like I say the wrong thing constantly, and when I can convince myself that even my own family would rather not talk to me. I am sometimes selfish, and grumpy, and everything seems too hard.
On days like that I usually do not write on my blog, or call anyone for fear that my hard times might be contagious -- and honestly because I don't want to cry at anyone. Though I don't enjoy these days, over time I have managed to learn a lot from them, and how to avoid having so many. I can even be thankful for them -- when they are over.
One thing my experiences have taught me is that, for me, there is a danger in being too tired. It is then that I can "know" I am not good enough, and cry over the flaws that I never can seem to quite get rid of. It is when I am tired that I forget God's grace, and the atonement that is there for me to use because I am human, and imperfect, and Heavenly Father knew that I would need it. Just knowing that fatigue is the real problem can sometimes keep me from descending into discouragement, and forgetting hope!
When you have hard days, it is my wish that you will be able to hang on to hope, and know that eventually, things will be better. There is help. I know that God loves you and me, and that even the worst day can contribute to our learning if we turn to Him.